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Original poster

Is it helpful for anyone planning a wedding to have a "what guests don't appreciate" thread?

138 replies

A580Hojas · 12/10/2022 20:08

Looking back on my wedding nearly 30 years ago, I realise I made some mistakes (cheers MN!) in terms of what my guests would have liked.

And having been to a wedding very recently, I would say that this 2022 bride and groom made some mistakes too.

I'm not posting in any sort of judgemental way about this 2022 B&G by the way, but if they were my son or daughter now I think I'd gently advise otherwise in terms of what was good for their guests. When you are planning a wedding it can sometimes happen that you forget your guests.

So ... does anyone want to contribute to a helpful "what not to do if you're getting married" thread?

OP posts:
fuckingworms · 12/10/2022 20:15

Don't leave the guests waiting at their table for their meal while you disappear for hours to another area for photos in nicer surroundings

wibblewobbleball · 12/10/2022 20:17

The thing is, people like different things. My friends would be horrified to not be supplied with free flowing drink from the moment we were wed - whereas my mother and most of her family think two glasses of wine in an evening is "far too much". I hate staged group
photos - my in laws would really judge the absence of them. It's hard to get the balance right and at the end of the day I would say to the couple it's their day and they should do what makes them happy. People in general don't like waiting, being cold, being thirsty and being bored so try to avoid that if you can but otherwise crack on!!!

OrangePumpkinLobelia · 12/10/2022 20:17

fuckingworms · 12/10/2022 20:15

Don't leave the guests waiting at their table for their meal while you disappear for hours to another area for photos in nicer surroundings

This this and this.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
NeverCleanAgain · 12/10/2022 20:18

Leave the guests without food for hours

CMOTDibbler · 12/10/2022 20:19

I don't honestly give a stuff about favours, flowers on tables, photo booths or fireworks (which seem only there for a photo of the bride and groom in front of the fireworks).
I do care about standing around for ages trying to assault a waiter for a canape, standing in the sun with no alcohol free drinks, and feeling like a backdrop for the photos and no more really.
I very much like a happy bride and groom, actually meeting the 'other' family a little, and enough access to food and drink - I don't mind paying for drinks either but I do need to know, and not just warm coke at £3 a glass as the sole option to warm beer/wine.
And having been at two weddings last year with terminally ill MIL, please think about your guests comfort and providing chairs/blankets/cushions if necessary through the whole of the day. And reportage photos are lovely - but the photographers are drawn to the younger, active guests and you won't get a shot of the whole family together or you and your granny who had to be tucked into a chair if you don't do a decent amount of posed shots

PuttingDownRoots · 12/10/2022 20:19

No one ever said anything about our lack of chair covers.

hulahoopqueen · 12/10/2022 20:22

Orders of service! We (daftly) ordered one for each adult attending the church service. Roughly half of them never made it out of the box 😂
A niche one but hope it helps someone!

OrangePumpkinLobelia · 12/10/2022 20:22

Oh- and if getting married in a registry office that only holds a certain number of people do let people know this. We invited 60 to our meal but only 10 could fit into the registry office and we were told firmly by the registrar no more due to fire regs.

The number of people we apparently pissed off and offended inadvertently for inviting to the reception was quite something. A cousin of DH's has never spoken to us again. His mother (DH's aunt) who did come to the registry bit was furious and slagged us off to all and sundy and had a face like thunder the entire day. Refused to even acknowledge me. It was really quite brutal and I was a bit nonplussed. I was too naive to have made it clear to people as I had never been to a wedding in the UK (much less ahd a wedding myself) so did not know protocols and the like.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 12/10/2022 20:24

When everything has Prosecco in it and you don’t drink Prosecco. That’s gutting.

Celticdawn5 · 12/10/2022 20:32

travelling between venues
standing around with little or no refreshments whilst lengthy photo’s being taken
no seating provided whilst photos being taken
no where for those who hate loud music to sit and chat
not having enough waiting staff or not having a system in place for service if there is a buffet

StillNotWarm · 12/10/2022 20:35

Just a little one, but makes me unreasonably angry. Don't tell me you aren't inviting my kids for my benifit. Fine if you don't want them there, but it is a PITA, not a favour you are doing me.

Itsyourpartybutwearestarving · 12/10/2022 20:39

We were at a wedding last month and omg the hunger!
On arrival the canapés were miserly, tiny and short supply, but the worst part was after a 12 noon ceremony we were called for dinner at 6pm. All seated and then they cut the cake. Then speeches. Then a game and a magician.
It was 8pm before starters were served. The top table had finished their main before most of the other tables had been served.
The portions were small. 2 dishes of veg and one jug of water for a table of 12. We had to ask for more veg. It was 10.30 before the meal was over.

Then the night time food was served at 11.15. No one was hungry, then it disappeared and when people were hungry later the food was gone!!

TLDR Feed your guests!!

rosyroses · 12/10/2022 20:39

Don't have a child free wedding but then have loads of other children there
I know someone who did this and when people came to her and said they couldn't come due to childcare she let their kids come. Ended up confusing and pissing off the other half of the guests who had found childcare for the day

ReedOfFate · 12/10/2022 20:44

Don’t put your nice friends on the table with your dour/antisocial/untalkative/rude/racist/misogynistic friends on the basis that they are always the ones to make an effort to chat and be nice and include people and “draw them out”.

When people have spent hundreds to attend an event they would love to sit down to dinner with people that they know and have been looking forward to seeing; that’s not to say we don’t want to meet new people but we are not there to temper the behaviour of your difficult acquaintances.

If you do this to us, we will get very drunk and then you will be sorry Angry

Sellorkeep · 12/10/2022 20:48

No seating plan 🙏

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/10/2022 20:50

The fucking photos.

Jesus.

One or two with the bride and groom and then a few of the bridal party.

Don’t use your guests as ridiculous props for a bazillion photos.

If you want people to stand around for hours posing like mannequins then hire extras.

parsniiips · 12/10/2022 20:51

I absolutely hate having to stand awkwardly for hours between the wedding ceremony and the meal then again waiting for the evening party.

It's lovely to have somewhere to sit and enjoy drinks and chat during that time.

Plenty of food too, it's so frustrating being starving and being at the mercy of the wedding time scales with no option to buy a bar snack or anything.

AuntieStella · 12/10/2022 20:53

Feed guests at normal meal times

No-one cares about wedding favours or chair/covers/sashes

EndlessMagpies · 12/10/2022 20:55

I second the 'standing around for hours with nowhere to sit all afternoon' as mentioned by other pp's. You might want to have 500 photos taken of every single permutation you can possibly imagine, but while you are doing that, people are getting more and more hungry, and more and more bored. It is also not much fun wearing high heels on grass.

Oh and if you do have a long afternoon gap, please have tea and coffee available. There is only so much orange juice and fizzy water that designated drivers can stand.

As for picturesque barns in the middle of ruddy nowhere - just don't.

FarmhouseLiving22 · 12/10/2022 20:55

Wedding favours, are they called? Just more tat that I'd feel bad to throw away yet really don't want! It must cost a fortune. Having said that, my cousin gave all the drinking adults a small bottle of jelly bean vodka and that was a nice kind of thing. Another person I know, her mother made everyone a small jar of damson jam. Consumables (not sugar almonds!) are ok 😂

An area where there isn't loud music so if people would rather chat and catch up with family (especially if they've travelled a long way) there's somewhere for them to sit and have a quiet conversation.

CHAIRS! For god's sakes chairs. The number of weddings I've been to in high heels and been left standing for hours on end in a huge room that has no chairs????

However, for me the bride and groom have to be happy and it has to reflect who they are as a person/couple. I can't stand weddings where it's very posh and stuffy, yet they're actually the more laid back type, or alternatively a very laid back wedding, whilst the bride and groom are very prim and proper just because they're trying to be something they're not

SudocremOnEverything · 12/10/2022 20:56

I think the starting point is the realisation that you will never please everyone. And the more guests, the more ways there are for people to be disgruntled.

Some things seem obvious but, I suspect, end up a bit outside the couple’s control. The venue does have seating that could be used for the bit between ceremony and the meal but the venue just doesn’t open it because everyone standing on the law for a couple of hours is clearly preferable.

Hotandbothereds · 12/10/2022 20:56

PuttingDownRoots · 12/10/2022 20:19

No one ever said anything about our lack of chair covers.

I point blank refused to pay for any and then the venue chucked them in for free anyway, so glad I didn’t fork out for them!

Hotandbothereds · 12/10/2022 20:58

If you’re having a cake just serve it as desert or loads will get wasted.

Or, don’t bother, we didn’t have a cake, I couldn’t care less about a ‘cutting the cake’ photo and nobody to this day has ever mentioned it or cared.

Original poster
A580Hojas · 12/10/2022 20:59

Don't invite people to a 1pm wedding and expect them to stay til 11.30pm, especially if it is 3 hours+ drive away for most people so they will be in a hotel or Air B&B.

Wedding at 1pm, means leaving home at 8ish am. Canapes and prosecco from 2pm to 5pm is very stretched out. Dinner and speeches and wedding cake from 5pm to 7pm is nice. But then everyone is expected to dance til 11.30? It's just unrealistic.

OP posts:
chaiteaforme · 12/10/2022 21:01

Venues in the middle of nowhere that cost a fortune to get to

Waiting for hours for photos to be done with little food offered; a very narrow selection of drinks available or they are very over-priced

Giving a separate children’s meal which was a load of crap compared to the adults, plus it was tiny in quantity. We all know kids waste food or are picky but the wedding we went to the kids’ meal was just abysmal and DH and I had to give DS food off our plate as he was still really hungry after only being served 3 chicken nuggets and 5 chips.