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Original poster

Is it helpful for anyone planning a wedding to have a "what guests don't appreciate" thread?

138 replies

A580Hojas · 12/10/2022 20:08

Looking back on my wedding nearly 30 years ago, I realise I made some mistakes (cheers MN!) in terms of what my guests would have liked.

And having been to a wedding very recently, I would say that this 2022 bride and groom made some mistakes too.

I'm not posting in any sort of judgemental way about this 2022 B&G by the way, but if they were my son or daughter now I think I'd gently advise otherwise in terms of what was good for their guests. When you are planning a wedding it can sometimes happen that you forget your guests.

So ... does anyone want to contribute to a helpful "what not to do if you're getting married" thread?

OP posts:
Alanisthebestdog · 12/10/2022 22:32

I’m following with interest as our daughter gets married next year. They are using a barn venue but are laying on taxis/minibuses to take folks home/to Airbnb/hotels at the end of he evening. They have requested only quick photos and it is a free bar. I’m making notes of plenty of seating and nice non alcoholic drinks. And short speeches which I’m totally in agreement with. Other tips welcome!

AnnaTheMouse · 12/10/2022 22:33

If I had my wedding again, I'd do so many things differently.

Main things as a guest would be, not in the back of beyond, don't invite me as an evening guest when your wedding is a massive journey away, don't have the ceremony too early in the day, don't leave me without food and drink for too long, not too many photos; maybe get one of those photographers who just takes photos without anyone noticing (candid?), don't let the speeches go on all day, free booze where possible is always a nice touch.

All this said, I just love a wedding! I'm approaching 40 and most people in my acquaintance are married and no sign of divorce / remarriage yet, so I'm feeling quite sad that I don't have any to look forward to.

Also, we made a few mistakes with ours too. I was really young though. I'd probably do a tiny wedding if we did it now.

FarmhouseLiving22 · 12/10/2022 22:35

I must be really odd in that I really enjoy the speeches 🤣
But then you've got to choose the right people if you want speeches. My friend's dad is quite a shy, introverted guy, so instead her more extroverted mum did a nice speech. Equally, make sure the best man is someone who isn't going to be wildly inappropriate or extremely nervous. Also if the groom doesn't want to do a full speech, at least the bride should say a few thank yous to people for coming etc.

I've never understood the cake thing. Why bother? Especially when it's not given out???

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
NC12345665 · 12/10/2022 22:35

Itsyourpartybutwearestarving · 12/10/2022 20:39

We were at a wedding last month and omg the hunger!
On arrival the canapés were miserly, tiny and short supply, but the worst part was after a 12 noon ceremony we were called for dinner at 6pm. All seated and then they cut the cake. Then speeches. Then a game and a magician.
It was 8pm before starters were served. The top table had finished their main before most of the other tables had been served.
The portions were small. 2 dishes of veg and one jug of water for a table of 12. We had to ask for more veg. It was 10.30 before the meal was over.

Then the night time food was served at 11.15. No one was hungry, then it disappeared and when people were hungry later the food was gone!!

TLDR Feed your guests!!

Bloody hell. I'd have popped off to the shops for a sandwich and a bag of wotsits.

Confusion101 · 12/10/2022 22:35

Don't turn up late to the ceremony and leave everyone waiting!

Backmebring · 12/10/2022 22:37

Please feed us well! For a 3pm ceremony many guests haven’t had a chance to eat lunch and waiting until 6pm for the wedding breakfast is hard.

also your favours are not unique and amazing, we don’t want to take them home no matter what they are. Your seeds, your coasters, your key rings. It’s more clutter

ncforyetanotherone · 12/10/2022 22:39

Make sure there is coffee available! Would have helped pick me up a bit at a recent wedding (ended up leaving at 9pm)

mypoorheart · 12/10/2022 22:40

@NC12345665 I wish we had!!! Next time we'll be stopping for a McDonald's on the way

Hoolihan · 12/10/2022 22:41

Make sure no-one is hungry. That's literally it.

underneaththeash · 12/10/2022 22:41

Datdamndamp · 12/10/2022 21:20

Let the singles have plus ones, especially if they don't know any of your other guests.

Having been sat on the singles table, the couple's table when the earmarked other single guest hasn't turned up and had to spend a meal awkwardly deflecting a married man getting a bit handsy in front of his wife, I'm not coming if I can't bring a friend.

I wouldn't - we had a couple of marriages from our singles table!

LetEmilyPlay · 12/10/2022 22:44

Don’t organise a wedding and uninvite your own family during a massive tantrum two days before the wedding, without getting the cheque from them.

AnApparitionQuipped · 12/10/2022 22:49
  • If you're having loads of photos taken, make sure your guests have something to occupy them while the photographer does their thing.
  • If your venue charges £10 for a pint of beer at the bar, lay on plenty of booze at the table
  • If it's a buffet, don't put it all out at once so by the time the people at the back of the queue get to the table all that's left are a couple of cocktail sausages and a bowl of lettuce.
  • If your guests give you gifts, a thank you afterwards is appreciated, even if it's a generic card with your name scrawled on it.
Cheerfulcharlie · 12/10/2022 22:50

15 years ago I demanded a child -free wedding - I was adamant children would completely spoil the wedding. In the end I was reluctantly persuaded to allow children and I am so glad I did. I was not keen on children at all at that stage (really hadn't had much dealings with them) but they really made the day - their funny antics and a different type of energy. Unless you know the parents the are particularly bad at keeping an eye on their behaviour, I would not go for a child free wedding.

StClare101 · 12/10/2022 22:52

The worst wedding I went to was when the photos took 3 hours. There were drinks and a small amount of food but not a single seat. My feet were killing me and I was starving by the the time we all made it to our tables….

I also couldn’t care less about favours, photo booths, lolly stands etc. It’s naff and a complete waste of money.

blacksax · 12/10/2022 23:10

There are few things worse than having to stand for three hours on a surprisingly cold day for June, making idle chit-chat with your husband's sister-in-law's brother-in-law who you've never met before and never want to meet again, while juggling a glass of orange juice you don't want, attempting to nab the one remaining miniscule canape off a mirror as a waitress whizzes past in a vain attempt to stave off your own starvation, trying to find somewhere for a frail 95-year-old to sit down before they fall down, and hoping that you can spot the bride's mother somewhere to ask her just how much fucking longer the photos are going to take and will it be your turn soon as you're desperate for a pee and don't want to miss it like you did at the weddings of her other two offspring; and nursing the bleeding blister on your toe after someone's drunken uncle blundered into you and trod all his 19 stone on your foot.

I don't much like weddings.

Unescorted · 12/10/2022 23:11

If you are videoing the service make sure you choose hymns that most people will know. Tuneless humming to an oddly arranged obscure one ruins the sound track.

Traveling between ceremony and reception needs a map and timing instructions. It gives guests the choice to plan the bit between the end of the ceremony and the family bun fights.

ThomasinaGallico · 12/10/2022 23:16

Don’t have the wedding breakfast table elaborately set up with an array of 3 different glasses per table setting and then expect guests to go and buy their own wine from the bar at the other end of the venue before the meal. (This happened at an extended family wedding many years ago and it still annoys me 😀).

NigellaAwesome · 12/10/2022 23:29

Please don't make your guests stand (in high heels) in church whilst your fundamentalist mate doing the sermon gleefully tells us that we are all doomed to go to hell.

Most of us assumed we were already there.

Dreamingcats · 12/10/2022 23:30

A580Hojas · 12/10/2022 20:59

Don't invite people to a 1pm wedding and expect them to stay til 11.30pm, especially if it is 3 hours+ drive away for most people so they will be in a hotel or Air B&B.

Wedding at 1pm, means leaving home at 8ish am. Canapes and prosecco from 2pm to 5pm is very stretched out. Dinner and speeches and wedding cake from 5pm to 7pm is nice. But then everyone is expected to dance til 11.30? It's just unrealistic.

Pretty much what we did. Most people seemed to stay until the end! It seems normal in the weddings I've attended!

Things that are a waste of time/money imo -
Favours
Flowers
Matching dresses for the bridal party
Professional photographer for the evening dancing. Never flattering.
Disposable cameras on the tables
Paper invitations. Electronic are much more eco friendly, cheaper, harder to lose and quicker to rsvp.

mauveskies · 12/10/2022 23:41

This is what I think a nice wedding to attend as a guest would be like: wedding ceremony mid afternoon, then retire to a pleasant space with plentiful seating and room to move if not seated, and eat high tea, sandwiches and cakes, and cups of tea. Quick speech as we munch, cut the cake, eat bits of cake, go home.

peanutbuttertoasty · 12/10/2022 23:46

Don't exclude babes in arms

GoldenOlden · 12/10/2022 23:53

Quite a few things on this list I really like- speeches, children, parties that go on late etc etc. If anyone is getting married soon, I wouldn’t get too hung up on what some people like or don’t like- beyond not making your guests stand around hungry, do what you want, because whatever you do someone will moan anyway.

tobee · 12/10/2022 23:59

Most weddings I've been to have been lovely.

However, there was one I went to on a hot summer day where after the ceremony the b&g posed for hours ages in the small church grounds including just them drinking champagne while we all watched on with naff all to wet our whistles.

Also it was a 1pm ceremony and not a scrap to eat until 6pm, I'd only had a bit of toast for breakfast and stupidly thought that the meal would have been served at about 3pm.

lickenchugget · 13/10/2022 00:04

11pm - ‘The bride and groom have a really secret, exciting surprise for you, if you’ll just all step outside in the cold?’

Fucking Fireworks, we all know it’s fireworks.

Zzzzz

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 13/10/2022 00:09

When you're giving your guests a hearty slap-up fancy delicious meal, don't give your vegetarian guests a stuffed pepper (one wedding) or mushrooms in a creamy sauce on rice (another wedding).