Is it helpful for anyone planning a wedding to have a "what guests don't appreciate" thread?

[A580Hojas]

Looking back on my wedding nearly 30 years ago, I realise I made some mistakes (cheers MN!) in terms of what my guests would have liked.

And having been to a wedding very recently, I would say that this 2022 bride and groom made some mistakes too.

I'm not posting in any sort of judgemental way about this 2022 B&G by the way, but if they were my son or daughter now I think I'd gently advise otherwise in terms of what was good for their guests. When you are planning a wedding it can sometimes happen that you forget your guests.

So ... does anyone want to contribute to a helpful "what not to do if you're getting married" thread?

Just don't put a cheese soup on the menu. Whilst it would normally be hilarious fun to hoover up the strings from your bowl, it's not so good when you're trying to avoid dripping grease down the expensive frock you bought especially, and when it sticks in the beard of the man sat opposite you, who you don't know 'cos the bride and groom had mixed tables, it's quite offputting for the flow of polite conversation. We also know that you thought this might happen 'cos we clocked that the top table's menu had a different soup.

Also, please don't leave your guests without food from 3pm to gone 9 as the queue for buffet, when it eventually arrives, is more of a scrum and the more polite and reserved guests end up not getting fed. If this does happen, please don't get huffy when the unfed guests leave early to pick up a Maccies as an alternative to eating the furniture.

I love the speeches, sorry.

don’t spend a fortune on your wedding but forget about heating and have everyone freezing their arse off in a field for hours and hours

do have a second lot of food later in the evening! Especially good for people who were too busy chatting/drinking/running after small kids to eat much at the meal. I didn’t think ours would get eaten but it did and I’ve done the same at other weddings

don’t have your wedding somewhere random and remote to be “fair” to both sides - that’s just annoying! I don’t mind travelling to Mull/the Isle of Wight if that’s where the bridge or groom is from or where they live - if they’ve just picked it at random it just feels like they want to put everyone to as much trouble and expense as possible (I think that’s a classic case of wedding planning madness when very silly things start to sound sensible)

Husband and I have been married for nearly 20 years. But even back then, we were very sure of wanting all of our guests to feel happy / comfortable / and most importantly, ensuring that they were having fun.

we chose a venue that we would hold the wedding and reception, for ease.

it had 3 x hotels nearby. 1 x 3, 1 x 4 and 1 x 5*.

canapés and nibbles were served for 2 hours solidly after a 1pm ceremony. Along with bubbles / soft drinks and beer etc. 3 course meal at 5 and then a buffet at 9. We put a good chunk of cash behind the bar too.

Everyone was well catered for throughout the entire day. A band for the afternoon - DJ and other entertainment for the evening.

we wanted everyone to have the most amazing time and we really did think about what our guests would be doing / what they would need.

The best day of our lives was a great day for everyone.

Oh @ReedOfFate sounds like we’re the same person. “We couldn’t trust anyone else with Keith” is not excuse enough when dinner has been ruined by a twat with extreme views. Go with the obvious and Don’t Invite Keith.

I'm not bothered about details. I just don't understand why if the bride and groom, their friends and their family all live in one town and the local area, we have to watch the ceremony in the local town church and THEN have to travel 180 miles to a hotel for the reception, passing about 50 lovely hotels on the way. It's just a day of driving about. Can't even have a drink because we have to drive home.

Also, I don't want to leave my children and spend £1,000+ of our family budget on weekend long destination hen dos.

Good communication especially hotel weddings where everyone is on site from the word go, if you’re going to disappear to take pictures after the ceremony please inform guests so they aren’t just hanging around, this can get tedious especially for those with young children. Especially if staying at the venue it makes sense to let guests go to their rooms, freshen up, let the kids have some downtime before the wedding breakfast and evening ceremonies.

Having been bridesmaid 4 times, bride once and guest numerous times, here’s what I’ve learned:

1. the bride and groom and the guests make the wedding-if B&G are nice lovely people, their friends and family tend to be similar (obvs generalising)-lots of people to talk to etc etc and lovely to watch a happy couple getting married.
2. B&Gs who focus only on them having their dream/best day often forget about the comfort and enjoyment of their guests. If you decide on fish for starter and main, that’s great! But don’t bother inviting anyone else as that might not be to a lot of guests taste!
3. if you’re not sure about inviting kids, give people the option before sending out invites. Some people would prefer not to bring their kids (we chose not to when kids were tiny!) but some folk insisted they come (and it was a disaster) and now they’re older they are disappointed that they’ve not been invited to close family wedding.
4. give people food and a place to sit down between the ceremony and reception if it’s going to be more than 30-45mins.
5. favours are a waste of time and money! Best ones we’ve had are the lottery tickets/scratch cards.
6. B&G-don’t spend a fortune on the wedding or put too much weight on it being the perfect day- what’s to say you might not be feeling unwell on the day and might not even be able to enjoy it-it is the marriage that really counts, not the wedding.
7. my favourite weddings are ones where you can stay in room at the venue (provided not too expensive!)-gives a bit of time to freshen up between stuff happening and good for introverts like me to have a rest and recharge when peopling becomes a bit overwhelming!

Accept you won’t please everyone though and that weddings can really bring out the best and worst in people!

I know MN seems to hate grazing tables and tbh, the concept is a bit icky really. But I went to a wedding recently that had grazing tables for the main wedding breakfast and I genuinely enjoyed it. There was something for everyone, kids were happy, there was no sitting around waiting for multiple courses.

I also went to one awhile back that put on a section of fun fair like games - crazy golf, coconut shy, hook a duck, a few other similar things. The kids loved it and actually we all had a great time too. It was a nice change from just being stuck standing around inside a manor house.

I know this was a thread about what guests don't appreciate, but these are the things I really did.

Starting too early. It’s good not to have to rush and have to travel in your nice clothes at 0930 in the morning. Let people have a big lunch, then have the wedding around 1500 - will stop people getting hangry. Never have I brought home a wedding favour, unless it was consumed at the table. Not providing transport if it’s at two different venues. Magicians, any sort of entertainment that’s not a band or recorded music. If you’re going to have a big gap before the dinner, provide food and drinks. Don’t let the speeches go on for too long. Bonus points if the venue is easy to get to on public transport!!

Daft little ‘favours’ on the tables. So often left behind or binned once home.

Ditto to what everyone’s said about being left food- and drink-less for far too long.
Plus (for me, anyway) deafeningly loud music later on, when there’s nowhere else to go, so you can’t have a conversation without shouting. A SiL and I once had to go and stand outside in the drizzle, in order to be able to have a natter at all.

Its quite simple. Just do the basics well.

Enough food ( inc dietary requirements )
enough drink ( inc non alcoholic )
enough seating
enough suitable entertainment ( suitable for the occasion and the guests, so no dirty jokes in the speeches, super loud discos or drag queens , unless your guests are all under 30, you need things for children and older people if you have invited them)

This is quite straightforward if you actually think of your guests as, you know , your valued guests. And not unpaid walk on actors in your bridge and groom show / socialmedia content .

Somewhere comfortable to sit while Bride and Groom get photos taken. Dinner served at an appropriate time.Please do speeches before dinner and keep them short. Finger food at about 11pm. Don't care about table favours, photo booths,fireworks, seat covers or all the added extras. Just want good food in a nice environment.

Save the date cards. Just set up a WhatsApp/FB messenger group and let people know the date on there. Most favours are crap, especially anything with the B&G name/initials/wedding date on it. Save your money! ‘Surprise dances’ OMG, I cringe at these. They were probably hilarious the very first time where were done, not so much now. Those big LOVE/Mr and Mrs letters that light up on the dancefloor. Champagne…Prosecco or sparkling wine is just fine for the drinks reception. Also, no need for bowls of nuts/crisps as well as the canapés at the drinks reception. Most will be ignored. Chair covers are expensive and pointless (our place offered them as an extra but it was about £350 so we declined) A table plan, unless you can make it cheaply yourself. People can find their own seat.

Seriously, these things add up. Save the money for a gorgeous honeymoon.

Save the date cards

Omg yes!!!! Haaaaate them. Such a waste of money! We recently got a save the date card that we had to RSVP to and then it said invites to follow.... I'm like if we already have to RSVP to the save the date, what the fuck are u sending us an invite for??

A table plan, unless you can make it cheaply yourself. People can find their own seat.

Oh wow I highly disagree with this. I agree that you don't need an expensive display, but defo love a table plan. I absolutely hate the panic of trying to find a table, trying to get seated with friends / family, having to ask people to move up a few seats so you can sit, awkwardly asking people you don't know if you can join them... Just no!

I went to a wedding I really enjoyed. All others so far have been fine but not something I would much choose to repeat.

The one I really enjoyed had: 1. Start time clearly after an (early) lunch. I think it was 2pm.

Then there was tea and cake at 3:30 while the bride and groom went off for more photos. They went down their guest list and asked about 15 good bakers to bring a (simple, normal homemade) cake each.

Then there was dinner at 6:30 which was good as food at weird times irritates me as well.

There were plenty of seats. There was lots of wine at dinner and all the leftover wine was available to drink after dinner. There was a separate room away from the dancing with seats and tables and board games so you could have a natter without being deafened.

It was located near a mixture of cheap and expensive hotels - within walking distance or a short cab as preferred.

Other weddings required a £20 cab to the nearest acceptably priced hotel, had hours of standing round (gave up and sat on my jacket on the grass), nowhere to sit where you weren't deafened by music, awkwardly being foisted onto other "singles" while literally anyone who had had a partner for 10 minutes got a plus one, and hours of no food then mediocre food when it turned up.

I really cringe when the bride and groom and all bridesmaids etc dance into the reception hall to loud music and everyone has to clap in time to the music.

Also the sweetie carts/doughnut rings/phot booths etc are just done to death and a total waste of money. You want your wedding to be the best and to be quirky - just don't have any of that, it's just cheesy now.

It's also annoying when you turn up with a card and don't know what to do with it. Get one of those wee postboxes for all our sakes.

Don' leave your guests

• hungry
• thirsty
• bored
• with nowhere to sit
• hot/cold/wet
• bankrupt

Best wedding was really relaxed. Town hall, walked to the local pub, some money behind the bar, great buffet, people could mingle and there was dancing later. There was no pretension, the couple had been together for a while so didn’t want presents etc. everyone just had a really fun day, and most of us lived in London so cab home was easy!

Lengthy photoshoots is the worst thing in my opinion. Having to pay for drinks (even soft drinks) before dinner/with dinner another pet peeve. Main course that are dry chicken and luke warm and you wait ages because insufficient serving staff/kitchens.

Me, I prefer a hot buffet/bbq to these silver service but rubbish food.

Finally, very personal ones, no decent ale at the bar - I hate lager, and decent non alcoholic choices, my mother doesn't drink and long life orange juice is rank, at least provide sparking elderflower on tables.

Quite willing to pay for drinks in the evening if been there all day but evening only guests - give them a token for one complimentary drink, they made the effort to come as second tier guests

This wedding guest did not much appreciate the fact that one 17 year-old female cousin of the bride was invited to the hen weekend and to be a bridesmaid...

And the other 17 year-old female cousin of the bride wasn't.

Why?? Is bride closer with the one she chose? She because they are the same age both should be chosen?

Don't do a singles table. I went to a wedding and discovered I was on the singles table. I was not impressed. I had been looking forward to catching up with cousins I hadn't seen for ages (they live 5 hours away). But instead of being seated with them, which I'd expected, I was put on the singles table.

And if that wasn't bad enough, I then spent the rest of the wedding having to hide from an absolute creep from the singles table who decided I was his type and wouldn't take no for an answer!

If you ask guests for any dietary requirements/allergies, please let them know if you won't then be able to cater for them. So they can bring a sandwich or something and not have to go hungry.