Terrified I’m going to lose my house

[Hangrysaurus]

ever since this shit show of a mini budget and the economy and mortgages spiralling into chaos, im so so worried about losing my home.

2 kids in childcare to work, will be switching providers to save but dh and I take home about 93k before tax and about 65 after (thanks student loan)

mortgage is due next late December. We have help to buy too, which comes to the end of the 5 year interest free end of next Dec too. We looked at switching when lloyds had their 3.7% rate but with the 4.5k erc it was an extra £700 per month, close to 1500, aka totally unaffordable, even the broker wasn’t sure it was a good bet.

if we pay off the htb (we have about 40k in savings for this) and depending on house value htb is about 75k, if we did this we’d need to add 30k to mortgage or borrow it from parents (although that’s the cash draw down from a pension that the government have also fucked). Then we’d have a 60% ltv provided the house price doesn’t tank too much as we lose our equity.

when we did our mortgage they stress tested to 4.5% as that was the highest rates mortgages had been in the previous 10 years. We were very comfortable in terms of affordability and we’ve done all the right things in terms of future proofing, aside from having kids. It shouldn’t be this way.

i know the banks last resort is to take the house but honestly I’m spiralling. We both recently got new jobs, a combined about 15k a year increase but it ‘only’ amounts to be 400 after tax. Will it all be ok?

(if this comes across as insensitive im really sorry don’t mean it to be)

If your H thinks things should be 50/50 why isn't he then contributing 50% joint expenses like kids clothes?

Your joint lifestyle seems to be budgeted on your joint incomes but actually funded mostly out of yours... it is no wonder you are having a panic.

You need to get through to him that this isn't sustainable.

(Or LTB, so far you haven't mentioned many redeeming features but I appreciate its easier said than done)

Well I wouldn’t say in truth they are suffering aside from an 11 month old sporting an ankle grazer legging look, but I do heed your point. Need to start my new job, that’s step 1

You are luckier than you know. We rent, no savings, no spare cash and some credit card debt. I’m changing jobs to work more hours. Just hoping our landlord doesn’t up the rent to add to our woes.

I have to agree with other posters about your husband. It’s just not fair. I think your husband is walking all over you.
Marriage is rarely 50/50. Sometimes it’s 30/70 and sometimes it’s 70/30. I’ve been married a very long time and we have always had a joint account where every penny was deposited. I earned more than my husband at first and now he earns a lot more than me. It just doesn’t matter who earns more because it’s a partnership. Your husband doesn’t understand that a partnership can be 60/40 or 10/90.
Please look after yourself. You deserve better. And I would bet the farm that your husband isn’t worrying like you are

But they clearly are in the sense that your DH doesnt prioritise them and buy them anything.

I would say the first point is properly sitting down and getting in all the incomings and all the outcomings and being very clear that marriage is a team and a partnership where the load is shared 50/50 so everything needs to be balanced

Sorry that you have to pay back a student loan to enable the pair of you to earn nearly 100k a year. You can easily afford that mortgage. Eggs are you doing with that money. I earn around the same snd I have plenty left after I’ve paid my mortgage.

Most people I know who used Help to buy ended up putting their homes on the market at the end of the 5 years as they couldn't pay the loan back and the new mortgage rate with interest became unaffordable.

Looking at your post, you're pretty well informed/earn well and seem like you can afford it, it's likely your lifestyle that might take a hit, but you'll be able to afford your mortgage and won't lose your home.

This. MN is a like parallel universe sometimes.

Me too :’(

wish I did a more specific degree, ie job led rather than a meh this looks ok one, but you know what they say about hindsight

No not this, because it’s not how she portrayed initially. I’ve no idea why she portrayed it as she did, but her drip feed shows someone who doesn’t remotely have that kind of disposable income, whose partner spends it all, and if interest rates rise, as they have done, she’s fucked and they can’t afford their home and yes she’s right, they are out. Homeless. It was only the drip feed that showed an abused woman , a spend thrift partner and a real risk its game over for them,

in my defence I hadn’t really realised how bad the situation was, or actually how inequitable it was or even how bloody abnormal it was, I was just here thinking I was paying my way and working hard and assuming if I’m struggling then dh is too. It wasn’t one of those intentional drip feeds that make a thread like an Agatha Christie novel, it was an awful moment of realisation :(

50 50 means symmetrical not equal necessarily. So it could be 70 30 money but 50 50 housework. Or whatever. But in my mind 50 50 money isn't in pounds but % anyway. And really one pot then same disposable income. The rest e.g. pt or sahp, who does what housework is between each couple. Otherwise their is a power imbalance. Is he older than you op?

Yes but only 2 and a bit years

So you have the savings ,you husband has a loan and is frittering away money with needless top ups and you are paying half the expenses on maternity pay.
I think you need a joint chat about family finances.
I hope you have a pension too because you cannot your husband's is fully paid up.
You have plenty of money enough to be saving too,and your therapy ,you just need to organise it.

he Buys needless presents for the kids too, like random crap, it feels a bit like Jack and the magic beans.

i do have a pension yeah, through work, luckily my employer is quite generous, I doubt I’ll ever get to retire anyway but I’ll most likely come into some more money then. DH potentially too, some land abroad but his is less of a ‘sure thing’

We ended up in a very bad place financially when our children were very young and my husband's business almost went under while I was on may leave. We cancelled the life insurance, TV licence, any other conceivable pleasure, lived without heat (we couldn't afford heating oil) and it was miserable for a few years. It really taught me how to economise. We are in a much better position now as we are both working full time again now that children are older, but it means we are facing this winter in a much better place, in that I know we can survive hardship and I know that somehow we will survive, despite interest rates and fuel costs rising.

I don't want to sound like a twat, but living on less for a while is not the end of the world and for you, you know it will get better soon as funded child care kicks in and eventually they start school. You will be fine.

Sorry, I just read the rest of the thread and saw the bit about your husband and his appalling attitude. Sorry for what I said above. I hope you are alright and find the right course for you and your children going forward.

Make sure you bill him 50%, OP.

You need to have a sit down with your husband. A bundle on vinted if you're squeezing your LO in to clothes is a household expense, he owes you half. Paying a £700pm loan from pre-marriage debt IS NOT a household expense. And if your £40k is from savings and inheritance I sincerely hope he has his equivalent 50% to make it £80k when you pay off your HTB. If not then he doesn't mean a marriage should be 50/50, he means I don't value you.

Some people are literally struggling to afford to feed their kids, and you're worried that your worst case scenario of £700pcm and £40k in savings isn't enough??!
Enough for fucking what??

Some of your stuff just doesn't even make sense, with the figures you've given for your nursery fees, how is it costing you 2k a month?? And how does 30 hours only cover 2.5 days a week?! How many hours do you send your kids for a day!

I know everyone's problems are relative, but FFS, do shut up 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

Alternatively you could try reading the thread.

Good luck with sitting down with your husband and sorting this out into something more equitable .
You know that the situation he has created for you is fueling your current anxiety,if you do nothing the anxiety and resentment will build.
His attitude when you do will tell you all you need to know.

I really feel for you but you would probably benefit from moving out of London. Most of your deductions NI and tax so don't blame student loan though. Good luck ....I struggled like this as a young mother so I do understand the icy fear 😨 xx

OP this is really worrying. 50/50 when incomes aren’t equal isn’t fair or sustainable. Marriage is sharing the load, not one having way more than the other. The only time DH and I have done everything 50/50 is a brief period when we earned the same. Now everything is in one pot and we share it all regardless of who earned it. He’s really not treating you very well here, making you panic and struggle and your kids squeeze into too small clothes because he thinks he should get an easier ride. This isn’t partnership. You deserve better.