Terrified I’m going to lose my house

[Hangrysaurus]

ever since this shit show of a mini budget and the economy and mortgages spiralling into chaos, im so so worried about losing my home.

2 kids in childcare to work, will be switching providers to save but dh and I take home about 93k before tax and about 65 after (thanks student loan)

mortgage is due next late December. We have help to buy too, which comes to the end of the 5 year interest free end of next Dec too. We looked at switching when lloyds had their 3.7% rate but with the 4.5k erc it was an extra £700 per month, close to 1500, aka totally unaffordable, even the broker wasn’t sure it was a good bet.

if we pay off the htb (we have about 40k in savings for this) and depending on house value htb is about 75k, if we did this we’d need to add 30k to mortgage or borrow it from parents (although that’s the cash draw down from a pension that the government have also fucked). Then we’d have a 60% ltv provided the house price doesn’t tank too much as we lose our equity.

when we did our mortgage they stress tested to 4.5% as that was the highest rates mortgages had been in the previous 10 years. We were very comfortable in terms of affordability and we’ve done all the right things in terms of future proofing, aside from having kids. It shouldn’t be this way.

i know the banks last resort is to take the house but honestly I’m spiralling. We both recently got new jobs, a combined about 15k a year increase but it ‘only’ amounts to be 400 after tax. Will it all be ok?

(if this comes across as insensitive im really sorry don’t mean it to be)

really feel sorry for you op, I think all your worries and anxiety come from your DH. who is very irresponsible and .......being XXXXX
he should pay for everything while you were on mat leave, omg, you are having "you two"'s children, is his child too not just yours!!!
and he spent too much unnecessary and not saving.
does he know you have 40K in savings? that's why he is not worried and keeps his lifestyle.
you need a pool saving, together, pay all the household bills and childcare things and saving.
better than you pay this bill, I pay this bill, that's not fair.

😭
and how come he can say that things, "50 50?"" I pay when you are on mat leave"
I also would like to say Divorce him.
keep your 40K, don't use it for share bill / house any more.

Is he paying off half the HTB then?

You married a financially abusive man. I'm sorry.

50:50. OK then. Document all your expenditure, all the money you've invested and bill him for time off to have his children and loss of career opportunities. They charge him interest on his loan. Which isn't your loan so you don't need to contribute to that, because its just in his name and came out of his 50%.

Go on do it.

Show him what 50:50 actually looks like.

He won't like it.

Your anxiety is justified here. You won't lose the house if you both manage money properly. You will lose the house if he doesn't manage properly properly because it will destroy your relationship to needlessly be under this much pressure financially. Whose idea was it for the private health care, amazon and Netflix, etc?

Is he making joint financial decisions for you which you are then expected to contribute to? Cos if its a yes that needs to stop. TELL him you are cancelling Amazon and Netflix and if he still wants still he pays for both. YOU can no longer afford to go 50:50. What's he going to do if you or the kids watch it? Watch his reaction. Start being assertive on this and tell him you don't want to pay for certain things because you can't afford them and you'd like some money to spend on eating out and clothes for yourself. Seriously. And issue bills for some of the stuff you are paying for, for the kids, that he isn't contributing to.

His answer about 50:50 isn't acceptable.

At least you have got to the bottom of your financial problems. They aren't economy based, they are manshaped.

What @RedToothBrush said.

I'm sorry you're being financially abused, OP. You might want to start a new thread in Relationships, there are some fantastic posters who've been in your position and can give great advice.

Do NOT use your £40k savings.

OP does he do 50:50 on household chores and childcare?

If not Bill him for that too.

I bet he will use the argument that he has big important job which means he cant.

At the expense of you of course.

He takes you completely for granted and doesn't see you as his equal and uses this 50:50 thing to suggest he does.

He really really doesn't.

You appear to be paying a third of your pre-tax household income in childcare costs. Seriously?

@carolipankas thats not hugely unusual! We pay a third of our net income on childcare at the moment

Whilst I really sympathise with you because none of us should be in this position I think most people have pockets of hardship in their lives and it’s rarely forever. I had to live in London on £13k for example and when I bought my first flat the rates were nearly 7% and I had to pay £850 plus bills on my own on a salary of about £29/30,000. The only furniture I had for a year was a mattress and garden chair and it took more than 2 years to save for a settee. I was in my early 30’s so not young. Then my flat price dropped by 60k overnight and I also massively panicked but it rose again and then more. Point being none of this was forever and it’s made me bloody good with money long term and quite non materialistic as I wasn’t that much happier with stuff!

Seems high to me, but according to OP this is actually half of their net income.

@Hangrysaurus Am I reading this right you have a household income of £5500 a month abd you can’t afford £1500 mortgage?! Are you troll ?!

No you’re not reading it right, or I didn’t explain myself properly yesterday, £1500 was the pcm price at a rate of 3.7% that expired October 1st, at current rates, mortgage looks like it would be over £2k, which felt quite overwhelming yesterday

It’s not half, it’s about £2k, bit more if it’s a 5 week month, not half but also not to be sniffed at

To the poster who mentioned about the nursery having to allow outside food for cost purposes, ive spoken to them again and they’ve said unequivocally no outside food, I’m moving her but thought I’d update on that

Step back, take a deep breath, you will be okay. It's difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you feel like the tunnel is crumbling around you as you go through it but you will get through it. Sit down and write every single expenditure out. You say your partner is quite frivolous with top up shops so maybe meal plan, batch cook and freeze meals, buy in bulk where possible (it is cheaper I promise), make a list for shopping and stick to it. If he wants biscuits etc then get him to make a big batch of biscuits or something like that.

You're clearly confused with your arithmetic. £600 per week =£2580 per month, not £2000. Hence, you presumably have £700+580=1280 per month disposable income, which would seem reasonable to most people.

Sorry but I have to say something here. NoSquirells is clearly upset and has been quite clear about saying she’s spiralling and feels out of control. Her worries are real and they’re hers so why is there always women waiting to take you down?? Instead of offering supportive words some are offering hurtful comments with sarcasm. Don’t undermine other people. You don’t live their life and you aren’t walking their shoes!!

wishing you all the best NoSquirells. It sounds like you have your head screwed on and I’m sure you’ll get through this. Xx

Ive just checked and it’s just shy of £650 before Tf, my fault for poor explanation, but we pay between £2 and £2.6 depending on if it’s a rarer 5 week month but averaged out of the 50 weeks they are in per year, the ‘average’ is about £2.2k. I think I’m not sure where you’re getting the other £580, i this scenario. 30free hrs will lessen the bill by about £80 a week.

but the problem was (aside from the obvious economic and mortgage crash) actually that I’m paying a disproportionate amount from my salary in bills and child expenses and that’s where my blind panic came from, as I pay 50/50 and on a 2k mortgage, that’s £1k and 2.2k (roughly) childcare that’s £1.1k, I only get 2.3k after tax and that’s not even touched the other bills and that’s why I was panicking. Even on the ‘smaller’ £1500 that’s still £750+ £1.1k before other bills which are about £500 for my share. I’d be paycheque for paycheque and dipping into my Od every month

Honestly it's awful of him, you are married, have a child.

His attitude stinks.

Stop buying anything for the kids, tell him you can't afford it.

I am so angry on your behalf 🤬

Just for reference, from the ONS.

The top 10% of households have an average equivalised disposable income of £70,900 per year while the bottom 10% have an average of £10,600. More details about how these data have been equivalised are available.9 Mar 2022
Your student loan is definitely paying for itself. A very cheap investment indeed.
Up until this year we, with no kids were living on £8kpa, granted we own a modest house and are older. That's from savings as no one will employ us now, no benefits as we did have savings and will feel rich in a few years when we get state pensions.
Just saying this so you know where you sit in the real scheme of things.

Unfortunately they don’t get then, ive not been able to buy dc2 clothes, so I’ve been jimmying and squeezing him into his lower size, had to cave and do a Vinted bundle, but just goes to show if I don’t, they don’t get

What are your H redeeming features?

Please do not spend a penny of your inheritance towards the family at all and keep it ringfenced for when you end this farce of a 50:50 marriage.

Exactly what are you going to do about this - it is clear that this is unsustainable and your children are suffering