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Original poster

Expected to give colleague a lift every day, not even asked first!

402 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 07/10/2022 08:50

Hopefully you may have some advice on a tricky situation my dp has.

He currently has about a 20 minute commute to work.

His boss rang him the other day to let him know there was a new person starting work, as he lives close to us, dp should pick him up and drop him off every day going forward.

It is fair enough at the moment as dp’s car is in the garage, so work have been really kind and let him use the works van.

Dp doesn’t want to look like a dick and say he refuses to do the pick up/drop off, but he is really pissed off about it.

He doesn’t mind doing while he has the van, that is absolutely fair enough, but when he gets his car back he doesn’t want to get it messed up with dirty work clothes and boots in it (he always brushes himself down and changed boots before getting in).

He also really enjoys listening to music loudly, only time he does this is the commute.

This new person is nice enough, doesn’t drive. We live rurally so no buses.

He feels really miffed this person has been given a job, only way of getting to work is my dp, yet he wasn’t even asked first!

Any ideas how to handle the situation? We really don’t know how to handle it without upsetting the boss.

OP posts:
Cyw2018 · 07/10/2022 12:31

I think he needs to firmly tell new colleague and boss that it can not be a regular thing, as it will impact on him after work and potentially on his Annual leave being granted without factoring in other man.

Maybe he can suggest the other man purchases an e bike or moped, but that your DH will be happy to help out in the event of really bad weather, in order to look like he is compromising/ not piss off his boss.

TonTonMacoute · 07/10/2022 12:33

Say yes, then find lots of errands to do on the way to and from work.

ginghamstarfish · 07/10/2022 12:33

The boss is a CF, particularly as it takes extra time to drop this new guy at his door. A horrible situation to put someone in. Agree it needs to be stopped, as awkward and unpleasant as it may be for OP's DH, perhaps leave it till he gets his car back? Even if the boss gave the van to the new guy that would be unfair too as presumably that would be at no cost to him. No-one needs to 'be kind' when placed in a situation like this, they need to speak out and get it sorted for the benefit of all parties.
.

Thatboymum · 07/10/2022 12:36

Sorry but I can’t understand people saying can’t he just be kind and do it. Why should he take extra time and go out his way in his car using his fuel to take somebody else to work just because other person can’t drive. I certainly wouldn’t it’s not my problem and I’d be saying no , I have things to do before and after work so I can’t commit to that. Shouldn’t even be a debate it should just be a no can’t do it sorry have other commitments

Sophieleigh26 · 07/10/2022 12:38

I find it odd for someone to apply for a job when they have no way of getting there

musingsinmidlife · 07/10/2022 12:39

I would 100% not commit to being someone else's transportation to and from work. I like the commute to decompress, I stop to do errands, I might go visit someone after work, I might stay late or leave early due to an appointment, I might not go in because I am sick, I might take vacation during the year, I might have a family crisis and need different hours or time off etc. For any one of a thousand reasons, I would never, ever commit to being someone's ride to and from work.

ThatsTheWayIHikeIt · 07/10/2022 12:39

JayPritchet · 07/10/2022 09:30

Lots of people use their drive to work as their 'me time' where you relax and unwind a lot, I get what people are saying about be kind but this is quite often how cheeky fuckery starts. I'm not a driver and I think it's cheeky.

Yes to this. My husband really enjoys his 35 minute drive home. He has a coffee and listens to Led Zeppelin or Marillion on full blast!

This is just not workable long term. Your DH can't be expected to go out of his way to return to the yard and wait around for the new guy. Why did the bloke apply if he has no transport?! Is he a relation of the boss?

ThirtyThreeTrees · 07/10/2022 12:40

Boss is a total CF.

Also, what happens if there is ever and accident? Is your husband personally liable or the company but st the moment,looks like it's fully your husband.

ThatsTheWayIHikeIt · 07/10/2022 12:43

He is a young lad, first job. I very much doubt he has considered he is putting dp out, just told he will be picked up dropped off non drivers rarely appreciate how inconvenient running around after them is for the driver.

I think your husband should at the very least ask the lad to wait at the top of the road for him so he's not wasting time driving around the estate.

SudocremOnEverything · 07/10/2022 12:45

If this is to be a part of his duties then his employer needs to facilitate it.

So it should form part of his paid working time. It’s no longer a commute to work - he is required to pick up his colleague so his parking day starts as he leaves home to pick up the colleague and ends after he’s dropped the colleague off.

What reduction in duties are they offering to reflect this additional ask? Or are they increasing his working hours? In which case, how are they planning to pay him for the additional work?

And they need to provide him with the vehicle to do it in, pay for the fuel and so on.

He might find his boss is less keen to force this if it impacts upon them in this way.

Goldengun · 07/10/2022 12:45

You're really working on a principal here - your DP's boss should NEVER have made this arrangement without your DP's consent.

I wonder what other ' executive decisions' this manager makes that effect his staffs lives without consulting them.

So, irrespective of whether your DP does these lifts or not :

  1. This lad should never have been taken on without being able to get to the workplace and back on his own.
  2. No manager can demand an employee gives lifts to another one if they are using their own transport.

Obviously it is very awkward, but a conversation needs to be had. Practical concerns like holidays and mismatches with leaving /going home, personal concerns like using the commute to prepare or wind down from work on his own.

As a non driver I would never accept this situation, it would always cause resentment.

Notsoglamanymore · 07/10/2022 12:46

Megifer · 07/10/2022 09:05

"Ah sorry, i often need to go xyz straight after work so hed have to sort his own transport out anyway"

Or what I said in this very situation "well this will make me sound odd but its pretty much the only time I get to myself and listen to my audio books, sorry but hope he sorts something out!"

exactly this!!! I’d have no problem helping someone out in the short term but if it was every day for the foreseeable I wouldn’t do it, as you say want flexibility to be able to nip in places before or after work if needs be but the biggest thing is that my commute is my very precious alone time, I listen to podcasts and think and ponder. It would absolutely make me a less happy person if that was taken away from me.

billy1966 · 07/10/2022 12:48

NoSquirrels · 07/10/2022 11:55

Only problem then is we need an excuse ready when boss says something… It is so awful because I honestly don’t think the boss would think dp would mind as he is going past. It’s a really awkward situation, no one is in the wrong really.

Your DH doesn’t need an excuse. He just needs an honest conversation with his boss!

Boss, I’m happy to give New Lad a lift whilst I’ve got the work van, but what’s the long term plan for him getting to work - I’m just checking what you’ve told him before I speak to him myself. When I get my car back I can’t commit to being his lift in and back every day, it just doesn’t work for me. Did you discuss transport with him when you offered the job?

Then wait and see what he says.
If what the boss says is ‘I just thought you’d be OK to do it’ then your DH has to say ‘It’s just not convenient as a long term thing, I’fe never wanted to car share and I honestly hate driving other people every day. It’s nothing against this lad in particular, I’d say the same about anyone.’

He has to be honest! Because there are no reasonable ‘excuses’ and people will try to find solutions to any excuse. Saying he really doesn’t like the arrangement and won’t do it long term is the only thing that will work.

This.

His boss is a CF to presume on your husband, on his time, in his car.

A real CF IMO.

TheSheerCheekOfSomePeople · 07/10/2022 12:57

Buy some seat covers, charge to expenses and be a bit kinder. Why would you not give a lift?

So many reasonable reasons why not! Plus your boss does not have the right to tell you who to give a lift to.

Regarding the original problem I would suggest that the husband of the OP cites "unfortunately my car insurance doesn't cover regular lift-giving" and then refuses to discuss it further. And joins a union if he isn't in one already.

Aggypanthus · 07/10/2022 13:01

Sorry OP.. I have not read all the responses so apologies if someone else has said tell your husband to get his big boy pants on and tell the boss this is not happening and the lifts are stopping.
Did they give the lad a job and promise him a lift in each day which is on them and not your husband

MumsHairnet · 07/10/2022 13:02

I’m guessing the young lad in his first job is an apprentice? They get paid very little money, unless the company enhances the usual apprentice rates, and will usually learn to drive during their apprenticeship as they are usually 16 or 17 ( I know that you get mature apprentices as well) so very unlikely to have a car. Boss is the problem not the young lad who has probably been told it’s usual to get a lift.

DaughterofDawn · 07/10/2022 13:09

The entire situation triggers me as I've had several entitled bosses like this.

SquashesPumpkinsAutumnBliss · 07/10/2022 13:09

What happens when your DH takes annual leave? Or is off ill?

Kissingfrogs25 · 07/10/2022 13:16

‘ I would love to help you but I can’t help in the long term due to other commitments before and after work. I don’t always go straight home. Hope you get something sorted’

uggmum · 07/10/2022 13:19

Can we stop with the 'be kind' stuff. People can be kind in many ways. But that does not mean that they should be pressured into giving a lift to someone every day.

They may not get on. Or the driver may appreciate the down time of being alone in their own car.

I wouldn't commit to this. I would want to work with this person first and build a relationship with them before I offered them a lift.

Katkinsgreyy · 07/10/2022 13:21

How ridiculous of the boss to ask this!
Why on earth would you hire someone knowing full well they can't get to work.
If your DP has annual leave or sickness this other person can't get in to work either.

HowcanIhelp123 · 07/10/2022 13:23

It's not sustainable. Your DP could be on annual leave, other sites, or ill.

Do you have children? Could he start off with playing it dumb and say 'of course but what are you going to do when I get my car back so I no longer have the van?'.

If he then says well you continue, ask how that will work. Say your job hours are changing in January or something so from in the New Year he'll have to do drop off or pick up of kids and there is no room in the car or he wont have time to go back to the yard if they're on different jobs.

Start being unavailable once he gets his car back. Say a relative lives opposite direction and you need to take them to an appointment so you won't have time to drive other direction. After work and he picks him up, go to the food shop and trail him round while he does your weekly shop. He'll sharpish not want the arrangement.

Bestcatmum · 07/10/2022 13:23

Make it too difficult for him - insist he changes into clean clothes, no boots or shoes in the passenger side and warn him you like to listen to loud music as its your only opportunity to do so. Put the music onto stun and sing along with it too. He'll be sick of you in less then a week.
Tell him to get a moped.

GiantKitten · 07/10/2022 13:24

@Workinghardeveryday
Only problem then is we need an excuse ready when boss says something… It is so awful because I honestly don’t think the boss would think dp would mind as he is going past. It’s a really awkward situation, no one is in the wrong really.

Surely he can say it’s fine if he is actually going past, but he shouldn’t have to go out of his way to do it - including having to go right into the estate to pick him up/drop him off, or driving past home back to depot to pick him up.

Lad getting a moped is a great idea! Definitely encourage that.

Beautiful3 · 07/10/2022 13:28

My husband had this problem in the past. At first he managed it well by charging petrol, and saying to meet me on the corner of road x. They got dropped off there too, so no door to door service. If they were late, so not visibly there then he would keep driving. However he had one nuisance, who would always forget to pay him. So he stopped picking him up. Would drive straight past him. Last time someone asked, he told the truth. He prefers to drive alone, as it keeps the car clean and he doesn't like hanging around waiting for people before and after work. No-one has asked him since. Nothing wrong with your husband telling the truth.

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