Expected to give colleague a lift every day, not even asked first!

[Workinghardeveryday]

Hopefully you may have some advice on a tricky situation my dp has.

He currently has about a 20 minute commute to work.

His boss rang him the other day to let him know there was a new person starting work, as he lives close to us, dp should pick him up and drop him off every day going forward.

It is fair enough at the moment as dp’s car is in the garage, so work have been really kind and let him use the works van.

Dp doesn’t want to look like a dick and say he refuses to do the pick up/drop off, but he is really pissed off about it.

He doesn’t mind doing while he has the van, that is absolutely fair enough, but when he gets his car back he doesn’t want to get it messed up with dirty work clothes and boots in it (he always brushes himself down and changed boots before getting in).

He also really enjoys listening to music loudly, only time he does this is the commute.

This new person is nice enough, doesn’t drive. We live rurally so no buses.

He feels really miffed this person has been given a job, only way of getting to work is my dp, yet he wasn’t even asked first!

Any ideas how to handle the situation? We really don’t know how to handle it without upsetting the boss.

This is like another recent thread where the OP simply didn't spell out to the cheeky fuckers that she was saying no to them holding a party in her house.

He needs (needed) to be straightforward and assertive with his boss.

He needs to man up and talk to the boss. It’s not in his contract. And he is not insured to carry other people on his own car for work purposes. Tell boss he needs extra pay for this or it’s not happening as it’s not part of his job.

Fixed it for you there 😉😉

Can't believe the amount of doormats trotting out the "Be Kind!" codswallop 🤦‍♀️
It's not kind to accept any unreasonable demand any random decides to thrust upon you.

This is a hard one because in the one hand it’s not a massive hardship to offer a lift since it’s so close, however I don’t think literally being dropped at the door is necessary. However it’s being committed and tied to it and especially without asking first. What would this person do if your DH wanted a week off for you to go on holiday? What if (heaven forbid) you DH was injured at work and off sick for potentially weeks or months? What if you wanted to move house? What if you DH moves job? This person is 100% reliant on someone else to get them to and from work. I was your DH. I got suckered into giving a colleague a lift to and from work for two years until I moved house. It was just such a tie because sometimes I wanted to do the food shopping on the way home or go meet a friend after work for drinks/dinner/cinema etc.

Gosh, I would expect my DH to drive his colleague and think that he was 1) fortunate that he can drive and has car 2) that he’s really fortunate to have a good job 3) knows that whatever he has in life, he’s grateful, generous and helps people coming up begins him. How about buying him some lux noise cancelling headphones,? He can enjoy his music at home/running/walking/in the bath???

Did you not say anything when she stopped paying?!

This happened to me once. My boss interviewed someone for a job in the literal middle of nowhere (no public transport for miles around). The interviewee said he didn’t drive and my boss said ‘oh so and so lives your way, I’m sure she’ll give you a lift every day’. It was already a long commute for me and driving him would have added 15 minutes each way. Plus he was really weird and there is no way in hell I could have made an hour and a half of small talk with him every day! I also loved my alone time in the car with my weird podcasts and I was not up for this. I didn’t always like to go straight home, sometimes I would stay at my boyfriends which was not near where new guy lived. So I made it clear from the outset that I could not offer any lifts at all. Honestly, I had to just be pretty stern and cold about it to avoid getting talked into it out of pity. If you can’t drive, don’t apply for a job somewhere you have no way of getting to. Tell your DH to be firm and stand his ground

In case this helps your DP to discuss this with his boss/HR in purely HR terms, this is the same HR issue in a completely different scenario.

Years ago I worked for a big corporate, who suddenly announced that they had realised the business impact if a major issue prevented everyone reaching the office, so it was now mandatory for all employees to bring their laptop home every evening and back in the next day, as a back-up plan. This was before anyone WFH, and laptops were normally locked in secure office cupboards overnight.

They also attached the mandatory rules for looking after said laptops, which included never leaving them unattended, even in the boot or a locked car, or asking anyone else to look after them, even briefly.

Effectively we were in the same situation: because it was convenient for the employer, we'd suddenly been given a random extra responsibility with no consultation, outside of our working hours, and outside of our agreed contract; which in theory sounded like it wasn't a big ask, but was based on an assumption about everyone's preferences for their daily commute and free time.

The more senior, older people mainly lived nearby, so couldn't see the problem; most of the younger staff lived an hour's drive away in the nearest city, so this would impact our freedom to visit the gym before / after work, drive straight to a friend's, the shops etc. With safety in numbers, mass complaints to HR got this plan dropped.

I know a small construction company is a different kettle of fish, plus there's a poor lad stuck in the middle through no fault of his own. If your DP feels constrained to continue giving lifts indefinitely though, he should at least ask for it to be formalised as a work responsibility (mileage, insurance, time etc).

And side note: a family friend offered me lifts to and from my first job as it was in the same location. Didn't cross my mind to expect door-to-door service; I waited at an agreed stopping place on her existing route, always arrived 5 mins early so she could stop and I'd hop in.

Wow! The world has gone mad!!! Why would he not give him a lift? Help him earn, help the company etc.
what a selfish person your DP sounds - I suspect some communication is needed. A plan in place for timings, some boundaries to protect you both, expense claims and some great teamwork..

Not reasonable.

"I'm sorry but i go the gym/to check on elderly parent/drop off kids and its in the opposite direction, I can't do this. He'll have to get himself to work."

Or similar.

I'd deliberately get DP to come home earlier on a few days when you've got something booked, even if you don't have anything booked - just to make a point. Also grow a back bone and if new colleague is late, don't wait and tell him that upfront. Also - why is he driving into the estate?! What a push over! Tell him to stand by a convenient place for DP to literally drive off.

The world has gone mad!!! Why would he not give him a lift? Help him earn, help the company etc.

Because even if he only leaves 5 mins away collecting and dropping someone else adds time most people don't have?

Because some introverts need that time and space away from other people?

Because he does not want to, and wasn't even asked.

Sorry but I would be fuming. When I did travel into work, it was the only time of day I had to myself to listen to music or get stuff sorted in my head plus I’m not really a chatty person as it is. I wouldn’t mind every now and then but to HAVE to do it every day is a piss take. I get why you don’t want to seem mean as your DH is going that way anyway. That’s not the point, he’s being put in a tricky situation!

Does your husband’s insurance cover only Social, domestic and pleasure (which includes his commute) or does he have “part-business use” which I think he may need to be covered to drive his colleague.

it would be imprudent to drive a colleague with inadequate insurance and there may be a cost associated with upgrading his insurance

Agree

I'd give a lift if I felt like it and on days it suited me!
I would not want to be holden to someone every SINGLE day. I might want to somewhere before or after work sometimes. How will the new colleague get to work when OP's partner is on holiday? Or is he expected to also only take the same holidays as colleague?

What happens if the colleague is injured in a shunt, is he covered for business travel by taking somebody into work?

I'd do it occasionally if it didn't mean going out of my way but there's no way I'd be adding extra time to my commute because someone has taken a job they can't actually get to!

I have been in this situation: colleague banned from driving. Two of us took it on turns to drive him.
Apart from asking for expenses - 22.5p/mile - try some deviation. After work pop in to B&Q, or go shopping in ASDA, say 'sorry, not going home, meeting DP in....'. Just to show it not a door to door taxi service.
What about insurance too.

I can't get over the cheek of the manager or HR or whoever it was that promised this lad a lift to and from work by another one of their employees without any consultation with your DH. Who the hell do they think they are. Your husband needs to just stop once he has handed the work van back. Then and only then does he need to talk to management if they ask him why he didn't pick up little Johnny on his way to work, whereby he can ask them why would I and let them admit that they made the promise...so nothing to do with dh. CFs.

But even then, its DPs own time that is being impacted. I have had this, and it's not right or fair. Say you can't, or as already said, come up with activities that preclude you from giving lifts to or from work

i don’t understand the people here that are saying ‘be a bit kinder’ … it is not your DH responsibility to get someone else to and from work everyday. This has nothing to do with being kind. I wonder whether all these people suggesting this would be kind in this situation!

Your DH is more than entitled to want some me time on his commute to wind up and wind down. I would feel exactly the same. I think the only compromise should be to say he can do this for a week, maybe two at an absolute push, but then the new started needs to find a way to get to work independently. It cannot and should not be your DH responsibility. End of.

I wonder if the responses vary between those who are happy/relaxed in life and those that are on the stressed side (20 minute commute is the only time I get to myself kind of thing). If you don't have a care in the world you are more likely to be fancy free and help a brother out 😂 whereas if you are stressed to the hilt you damn well sure know that your gonna need that 20 minutes to yourself. For the record I would hate it....but I wish I was in a position where I wouldn't.

I know with any job I’ve been in, (civil service and as a teacher) we’ve been told that we can’t drive colleagues to/ from work events unless we have business insurance on our car insurance or we use a work vehicle. That’s when it’s been a work arranged event. If work are insisting that he take him, if he hasn’t got business insurance then I can’t imagine they can insist.