Why are HR people so toxic?

[workingwork]

Bullying and gaslighting, making up complete lies about you, using minor irrelevant details about you to twist into a story.

I know I know, HR are there to protect the employer, not the employees, but come on.

One of the HR people is my line manager, I tried complaining to her manager and I should've known it would all backfire. They're always going to turn things around and blame it on you, aren't they.

I was in an abusive relationship once and the techniques they use are very similar. I'm not exaggerating.

I know there's nothing I can do about this. The only option I have is to walk out as it's clear their poisonous behaviour will never stop.

@workingwork If you have already verbally raised it with HR Director - next you submit a written grievance, this forces their hand to investigate it, they are obliged to provide you with an outcome letter to that investigation. The letter must respond to each and every point of your grievance stating whether or not it has been upheld and the reasoning for it.

Join a Union, some Union reps are absolutely fantastic. Usdaw is one to avoid in my experience.

ACAS is a really good source of information generally speaking, it’s free too.

That does sound awful. If you were in my organisation my advice would be for you to raise a formal grievance. That then has to be responded to and addressed so in my company that would mean either the HR Director's boss (the CEO) had to look into the case but the most likely scenario would be that they'd bring in a consultant as an independent third party to speak to everyone involved and review the complaint. I appreciate that's easier said than done and would be a stressful thing to go through but if the HR manager is bullying multiple people out of the organisation then that is costing the company and the CEO is going to want to know about that..... recruiting people and training them up is expensive and time consuming.

In my experience people who feel HR are 'against' them have it everywhere they go.. the common denominator is them. They're normally shit and being managed out

100%

Very old fashioned view.

The problem for most people now is that HR ignore you when you try to contact them.

Maybe that's the case in huge organisations, but at smaller places I see them in person at the office.

Funny you should mention that. Lots of people at work, in several departments, have told me they like me and they think I'm really good, and that they hope I stay this time, unlike all the others before me who kept leaving, one after the other. I know for a fact that several people have left because of this same person in the HR department who is never happy with anyone and has made things impossible for multiple people.

OP, I'll put money her managing you rather than bullying you. Do you have a specific example of a bullying incident?

As an example, I have been accused of bullying when I asked a shit member of staff to write a list of their outstanding tasks in order of priority as I was concerned about their workload then following up because two days later they still hadn't done it. That's not bullying...

In large organisations HR includes:

• people who specialise in organisational design
• experts on pay and policy
• learning and development
• talent, careers, leadership experts
• occupational health, well-being and staff benefits
• Equality & Inclusion advisors
• HR systems and data analysts
• people who design engagement programmes and values
• team building / coaches
• Senior business partners (who tend to work only with senior management teams)

The negative experiences on here only relate to HR staff who are front-facing but this is only a proportion ie recruitment, HR Advisors, Employee Relations. But all the above are still in HR so to say they are all toxic is nasty and ignorant.

Notwithstanding this, I do know that front-facing HR has, in general a deservedly bad rep for poor service either being slow to respond or having a shitty attitude (on balance, not in every case). Interestingly, unless it’s an outsourced set-up HR are not ever taught customer service so many don’t even care about being nice/friendly unless they are that way anyway or the manager thinks good staff feedback is important.

A whole different kettle of fish in smaller organisations.

Yes I have several examples, including accusing me of doing something I hadn't done, where there was no proof so it was her word against mine, and guess who's more likely to be believed. I have numerous other examples but I can't list them here as it would be too specific to say on here.

Lots of other people think I'm a great member of staff, and, as I've mentioned before in this this thread, several people in a row have left because of her.

@workingwork if she manages you, do you not also work in HR?

I work in HR and have worked for an abhorrent manager. She was in role for many years before I arrived and I worked under her for around 3 years.

We all suffered as a result of her management style, but she was a different person to those outside of the department. It is hard when you work in HR as many have said, who do you report your issues to? She had the complete backing of her boss.

Eventually, the team decided to take the issues further up ‘the chain of command’ and she was exited from the business. Is it worth raising this with someone on board of directors? Do you have an ethics line or anything that goes straight to the CEO? At my organisation, our CEO takes a close interest in the employee voice and when issues are raised, he expects them to be thoroughly investigated. I appreciate that this may not be the case in yours.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this but It’s sad that you’re so convinced that we are all like this.

@Justpondering12 No I don't work in HR. I don't know what counts as small or medium, but there's approximately 50-60 people in total so most people report directly to a manager or head of department of some sort. This is a normal occurrence in small and medium places. It's not one of those huge organisations with ten layers of management.

Funny you should mention that. Lots of people at work, in several departments, have told me they like me and they think I'm really good, and that they hope I stay this time, unlike all the others before me who kept leaving, one after the other
LOL. Did you ask them OP? Or did they randomly approach you to tell you how good your are? 😂

People have told me. They're getting tired of not being able to hold on to staff and they hope I stay.

Your experience therefore is v limited 🙄

I've only known 2 HR people who were decent and cared about the employees.

When I was being bullied I approached HR who gave me ridiculous advice like "just say no to her", "take some leave" whilst I sat sobbing. When I was signed off the same HR person told me how lovely and supportive my line manager was. And never once checked up on me.

It was a combination of incompetence and naivety.

I would never trust HR.