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Original poster

Why are HR people so toxic?

165 replies

workingwork · 30/09/2022 22:57

Bullying and gaslighting, making up complete lies about you, using minor irrelevant details about you to twist into a story.

I know I know, HR are there to protect the employer, not the employees, but come on.

One of the HR people is my line manager, I tried complaining to her manager and I should've known it would all backfire. They're always going to turn things around and blame it on you, aren't they.

I was in an abusive relationship once and the techniques they use are very similar. I'm not exaggerating.

I know there's nothing I can do about this. The only option I have is to walk out as it's clear their poisonous behaviour will never stop.

OP posts:
SplashingMermaidSparkleTail · 01/10/2022 06:11

barnabe · 01/10/2022 01:09

@workingwork I'm sorry you have had this experience. My GIL (girlfriend I love) works in HR (Human Resources) and I haven't the fingers nor the toes to count how many evenings she has vacillated over the challenges her job presents.
Imagine being viewed as the enemy without ever having done anything but your job so you can put food on the table for your KW (Kiddy Winkles)
In all walks of life there are SBs (Shitebags) and that's never going to change.

I hope you find the inner peace you crave. 🤘

Why use so many abbreviations, if you are going to use the word once & write it anway 🤔

monkeyupsidedown · 01/10/2022 06:14

barnabe · 01/10/2022 01:09

@workingwork I'm sorry you have had this experience. My GIL (girlfriend I love) works in HR (Human Resources) and I haven't the fingers nor the toes to count how many evenings she has vacillated over the challenges her job presents.
Imagine being viewed as the enemy without ever having done anything but your job so you can put food on the table for your KW (Kiddy Winkles)
In all walks of life there are SBs (Shitebags) and that's never going to change.

I hope you find the inner peace you crave. 🤘

Kiddy winkles? Is this a common English expression? I've never heard it before (not from UK).

Dashdotdotdash · 01/10/2022 06:20

DickDarstedly · 30/09/2022 23:17

I have always been mystified as to why HR have so much power over employees in an organisation. I work in a university. Lecturers do the core work of the organisation. Without their skills and qualifications the university wouldn’t exist. And yet HR behave like they themselves are headmistresses of a school and the employees (the actual essential people in the organisation with phds and stuff) are treated like school students, children basically who have to defer to them and tip toe around them.

HR are essentially support staff but they act like they are the most important people in the organisation. Why?

You have a point. I've always worked in professional environments where the work I and my colleagues did brought in new business and generated the fees that covered all the costs including HR's salaries, yet in my experience HR people were mostly exactly as you say - and regularly showed that they had little or no understanding of the reality of what the rest of us were doing. Funniest was the time they tried to argue with a load of employment lawyers about discrimination law.

Ifailed · 01/10/2022 06:24

Clearly it's wrong to tar all HR people with the same brush. At the same time the nature of the role: to defend the powerful against the weak in an organisation, may well attract people of a certain disposition.

Indigoo03 · 01/10/2022 06:45

monkeyupsidedown · 01/10/2022 06:10

At my previous employer two women complained about sexual harrassment. The HR manager arranged the paperwork, got two security staff and escorted the accused man off of the premises the same day because in case of such a complaint she felt that the employees needed to be protected whileit was investigated if he was guilty or not. Part of the paperwork was that he was not allowed on the premises unless he called HR first and would be accompanied by security and he was not allowed to contact any employee except HR and he would of course get his oportunity to defend himself.

Some HR managers are great!

@monkeyupsidedown did you find out if he was guilty? I presume he would have to leave either way as being openly escorted from office is really bad optics.

LongLiveLiz · 01/10/2022 06:53

I’ve seen both sides my DH lost his job with Royal Mail and the appeal was heard by HR how she twisted and manipulated everything to suit her agenda and not expose the management errors and bias in the process has lost us any trust we had in them as a department. The wording used apportioned no blame with them yet they overturned the dismissal. Conversely the independent HR advisor that helped put our case forward was amazing.

NiceTwin · 01/10/2022 07:00

My cousin is a HR director, she is an absolute bitch in day to day life and I wouldn't be surprised if she ramps that up in her professional life.
The most odious little woman I have met, thinks she's all that and a bag of chips.

RainbowToes · 01/10/2022 07:13

I recently walked out of a job due to the treatment I received from HR. It was exactly the same as being abused by my toxic ex. I was astounded at the behaviour, just could not bear to give the organisation one more second of my time. I heard after that I'm not the first employee to have done so. Awful.

Original poster
workingwork · 01/10/2022 07:18

RainbowToes · 01/10/2022 07:13

I recently walked out of a job due to the treatment I received from HR. It was exactly the same as being abused by my toxic ex. I was astounded at the behaviour, just could not bear to give the organisation one more second of my time. I heard after that I'm not the first employee to have done so. Awful.

I already know that several people have done so. The only reason I'm hesitating is that all my other colleagues are lovely, it's genuinely a really lovely organisation, but my line manager is ruining it all. It's heart breaking really, I don't really want to leave but I'm being given very little choice and if I do go I'll really miss everyone else.

OP posts:
LesterKnopf · 01/10/2022 07:27

Comments like these are why I left HR after being signed off with work related stress and now work in a completely different field. I was conscientious, caring and tried my best to protect employees rights within what was asked of me but the company had problems and I had to spend most of my working day delivering bad news and hearing about what a shit place it was to work, how unhappy people were etc and how it was my and my colleagues' fault for doing what we had been asked to do. I could say all the fee earners were horrible uptight / arrogant bastards who looked down on us as an overhead cost for being 'just support staff' but that would be wrong as some of them were lovely.

Some people are unkind and like to be on a power trip. Some of those will work in HR and may be delivering news you don't want to hear. Some of them will work in a role you never have contact with so they don't bother you.

HR is a visible team common to most employers. It is rude, unkind and a horrible thing to do to say everyone who works there in companies you have no experience with is mean etc because you have had bad experiences with some individuals.

Stag82 · 01/10/2022 07:36

I work for a very small company and We use a HR consultant. She’s been great setting my employer straight around maternity leave so I can’t complain at all!

Boxofsockss · 01/10/2022 07:41

They have a god complex

Anytimeiseeit · 01/10/2022 07:44

“There to protect the employer”
I work in hr and yes I protect the employer from tribunal claims but I do that by following best practices, staying within the law and treating employees with respect as I know that tribunals are far more likely when the employer feels they’ve been treated badly.
Protecting the employer doesn’t always mean shitting on the employee you know.

Mercurial123 · 01/10/2022 07:46

From experience they work for management not regular employees.

Littlegoth · 01/10/2022 07:50

That’s definitely not how anyone would describe me, thank goodness!

Yes, ultimately, we are there to protect the interests of the business. We can’t do that without protecting the rights of the employee. The two go hand in hand, you can’t separate them. Unhappy staff have a ripple effect which is extremely damaging to the business, and often there’s a disconnect between work policies and legislation, and what individual staff members see as acceptable.

Before I worked in HR I saw bad examples, but since I started working in HR I’ve been lucky that everyone I’ve worked with has been incredibly people focused. Sorry you’ve not had that experience. I’ve never known anyone in HR to lie though - good or bad HR so again sounds like I’m lucky!

Just so you know, Pregnant and Screwed - the people giving advice are usually HR. Same for ACAS. Most of us are about making sure employees rights aren’t ignored.

CleanQueen123 · 01/10/2022 07:53

I work in HR and this makes me quite sad. I spend a fair chunk of my working life talking managers out of being shitty to their staff and not because I'm protecting the business, but because it's the right thing to do.

I think some of the problem is that managers often hide behind the "HR told me to do it" excuse for their behaviour. If you saw behind the scenes HR had probably very strongly advised them not to do it but we can only advise. Most managers have a shocking knowledge of employment law.

On the other side of things, employees often have some very interesting ideas of what their "rights" are and don't appreciate when they're told they're incorrect.

HR delivers news people don't want to hear. Of course we're hated just for doing our jobs.

Anytimeiseeit · 01/10/2022 07:55

CleanQueen123 · 01/10/2022 07:53

I work in HR and this makes me quite sad. I spend a fair chunk of my working life talking managers out of being shitty to their staff and not because I'm protecting the business, but because it's the right thing to do.

I think some of the problem is that managers often hide behind the "HR told me to do it" excuse for their behaviour. If you saw behind the scenes HR had probably very strongly advised them not to do it but we can only advise. Most managers have a shocking knowledge of employment law.

On the other side of things, employees often have some very interesting ideas of what their "rights" are and don't appreciate when they're told they're incorrect.

HR delivers news people don't want to hear. Of course we're hated just for doing our jobs.

All of this

OfficiallyBroken · 01/10/2022 07:57

Honestly my HR department bears zero resemblance to what people have written here.

They protect the company's interests by stopping poor management practices, not by fucking over the employees.

The only members of HR I could never warm to are the industrial relations team. They don't have any warmth or compassion like the rest of their colleagues, but then they don't deal with employees directly. They are cold and hard as steel, they have a specific job and that's to make the contracts benefit the company. The unions obviously have the counterpoint to that, making the contracts work for the employee. Both sides are ruthless, but I think you'd have to be.

SamMil · 01/10/2022 08:05

CleanQueen123 has said it all much better than I could!

I also work in HR - I'm definitely not a "sneaky school bully" and I dont have a "god complex". I work in HR because I like working with and supporting people. I've worked on some difficult cases and always done my best to provide as much support as I can in the circumstances to work for a positive outcome (for employee, manager and employer), although obviously there are some instances where this is not possible.

You can find good and bad in all businesses, but I dont think it is helpful to judge a whole profession (and the individuals within it) due to your negative experience.

catfunk · 01/10/2022 08:07

This thread is awful.
I'm in HR for an SME and our generally staff love me and jokingly call me 'mum'.
Im pretty much on call from 7am-8pm with problems and questions.
in the last couple of years I have:
-Implemented hybrid working against the bosses wishes
-Supported a member of staff through an abortion and helped her keep it confidential from her line manager which was very difficult

  • Fought for a pay rise for lower paid staff and a bonus for their energy bills for all
  • Implemented an EAP
  • Fought for enhanced sick pay for 2 staff who have serious health conditions (they were not entitled to much under company policy)

But yeah I'm HR so I must be a cunt 😂

GoingSober · 01/10/2022 08:12

catfunk · 01/10/2022 08:07

This thread is awful.
I'm in HR for an SME and our generally staff love me and jokingly call me 'mum'.
Im pretty much on call from 7am-8pm with problems and questions.
in the last couple of years I have:
-Implemented hybrid working against the bosses wishes
-Supported a member of staff through an abortion and helped her keep it confidential from her line manager which was very difficult

  • Fought for a pay rise for lower paid staff and a bonus for their energy bills for all
  • Implemented an EAP
  • Fought for enhanced sick pay for 2 staff who have serious health conditions (they were not entitled to much under company policy)

But yeah I'm HR so I must be a cunt 😂

I'm a double cunt then as I worked for DWP and then was made redundant so went into HR. Both roles I did my utmost to help and properly advise people as to their best solution/course of action.

But hey, just do a random all HR are evil thread.

It certainly brings out the bigots and hard of thinking.

Hobbesmanc · 01/10/2022 08:19

Some lovely casual sexism on here. Nice to see the comments about bitches and tarty clothing. Big lass was one memorable reference. Polyester blouse another. Are t we nice to women colleagues. Shameful.

There's good and bad HR teams. At best they advise and protect staff against poor managers. At worst they enforce crap policies and decisions.

maddiemookins16mum · 01/10/2022 08:19

Because HR or ha ha ha ‘The People Team’, are NEVER for the employee, always FOR the employer. Useless bunch of untrustworthy twats.

mjf981 · 01/10/2022 08:20

The worst person I ever knew was an HR manager.

He told me once (drunk) that he feels he is puppet master and enjoys playing people off against one another within his organization. Its all a game and he loves creating 'havoc' between 2 people, and watching it all play out. Complete evil psychopath.

HappyPeach · 01/10/2022 08:22

I don't disagree, my stepdf was an HR manager and he was king of opening his mouth and putting his foot firmly in it. He wanted to become a director & I always knew, with his attitude it was never going to happen.