Terrible gifts for a middle aged, or older, woman.

[Aixellency]

Can we make a list?

I’ll start: (This is adult to adult gifts - no judgment regarding presents from children!)

Afternoon tea. Just - why? Not that I don’t like cake and afternoon G&T - but this suggestion is always wheeled out as such a treat, as if one is suddenly too old to get dressed up for a night out.

Mug with a single ‘posh’ teabag. In fact, anything someone else thinks I’ll consider posh - I’m middle aged, I’ve done posh.

Anything at all from Etsy or Not on The High Street. Anything craft-y or home made, unless specifically requested.

Anything ‘safe’ or ‘nice’.

(Please, just stick to Islay single malt, Hermes nail polish, and newly published volumes of art, cookery, fiction or poetry. Thank you.)

If anyone buys you a voucher for afternoon tea at The Ritz, OP, I’ll go in your place. My friend took me once and it was fabulous!

I'm not middle aged, but I would never buy my mum warm slippers

and yet, I have warm slippers on my wish list every Christmas, (wfh, try not to have the heating on). Which brings us back to the fact we are all individuals and not one homogenous blob.

Honestly, you sound like my mother! Many years ago, as Christmas approached, she would provide a long long list of what she didn't want but could never articulate what she would actually like. After many years of getting it wrong I decided on vouchers - every single year!

Yep, this is why this thread shouldn't be taken too seriously. I know my mum wouldn't like a gift like this and someone else would love warm slippers. I would love to get perfumes and would cry if gifted kitchen utensils, someone else might be exactly opposite.

@TheVanguardSix , I think I'd rather someone buy themselves something than buy me something that goes straight to the charity shop.

This is me exactly!! I hate receiving gifts I don’t want and I spend insane amounts of time second guessing what presents to buy others. My husband and I don’t do gifts for each other. It’s a blissful relief!

I would be very grateful for an afternoon tea. Leaves thread open so dh can see!!!!

(On the other hand I would not be grateful for nail polish, booker prize novels (or any other book for that matter given I sell them & can hardly move for books) or malt (don't drink it). After all, middle aged or not, we are all different).
.

I would be happy with afternoon tea and I’m 40 🙂, I think it’s a nice gift as is any restaurant voucher.

I don’t like receiving smellies (do people still call it that?) it’s a pretty thoughtless girl and most things irritate my skin. Same goes for boxes of cheap chocolates.

Mugs…I have loads and I can only drink out of one at a time which is usually my favourite much which I bought for myself.

Lavender scented wheat bags you heat in microwave

A guide is just as bad, im 60 i have very different tastes to my other 60 year old friends, except we all love an afternoon tea
I love lego or a ps4 game for a present, non of my friends like those as a present at all. One i know would really love a crafty gift another loves a handbag

this thread has made me laugh, great way to show we are all very different unsurprisingly and all the what shall I get for threads are not going to be nearly as welcome gift suggestions as knowing your victim/recipient.

I am in the older end and would hate afternoon tea/any kind of pampering/make up/nail varnish/photo frames/smellies

on the other hand

trees/big terracotta pots/bulbs/handmade from Etsy if it's talented and to my taste rather than crap/fiction or cookery books if I'll like them

basically happy to receive any gifts if I like them😂

I'm 59. I would absolutely hate afternoon tea, even if "tea" included booze, day drinking (unless on holiday) gives me a headache as you then have to get back from wherever you are.

I love scarves. My kids usually give me a massage/facial voucher, which I also like. Ornaments, candles or signs would immediately be given to charity and they know it. Same with bath salts, body lotion etc etc. No-one would dare to buy me clothes, I am super-picky and a funny shape. My DH once, very very long ago, bought me an underwear set. He did not make that mistake again (the bra was too small and the pants were too big). Wine just gets drunk by me and DH together so is not really a present for me.

They’re handy in a blackout or to save on the Leccy bill.

@Wishimaywishimight , I don't tell people what I don't want. If they ask, I'll specify something that is not expensive or difficult to find, but this often is interpreted as 'she can't possibly want that, I'll get her a nice toiletries set /scented candle instead'

Same here @byvirtue
I'm equally stressed by having to buy presents as receiving them. . I now only get a gift for my mum. A small pretty thing, or flowers. Makes her happy. Kids get cash, everyone else goes without. Except young children of course, but even then I don't go mad. DH never wants anything thankfully. Every gift I've ever bought him has gathered dust, till it's been given away to some other poor sod.

The best gift, if you have to receive one, is something that you really would like but would never actually buy for yourself. And that will be different for everyone so it's both a real treat you'd never normally experience and, more importantly, a sign that someone cares enough about you to know you'd love this and would never treat yourself to it.

I, for example, listen to a number of podcasters that I really enjoy, who also also produce premium content. Realistically, as much as I'd like to support the podcasters, I'm just not going to spend fifty or sixty quid a year for the sake of an extra podcast a fortnight. So that would be a great gift to get from someone who would normally spend that money on something I actually hate, like a hairdressing voucher or something neutral like random books and soaps that I don't want.

Cheapest clarins / number 7 / clinique gift set. Honestly so unoriginal just don't bother.

Ohhh! My dream presents include a fancy afternoon tea! That, or a bottle of my favourite perfume ( just please don’t decide on any other “similar” perfume: the choice is very personal), or a nice box of luxury chocolates, bottle of wine, Prosecco, malt whisky or gin Etc. I don’t want “things” (objects) that collect dust - just lovely experiences or edibles/drinkables/sprayables that I can use up and enjoy the luxury of…

Yep, and someone else might like craft beer, another one massage voucher etc. Honestly, I don't know what's your point. I think it's quite obvious that these post don't take into consideration all middle aged women on this planet and their unique taste. It's just nice to exchange opinions, but nooo, there's always one that needs to come and say she loves XYZ that others listed as terrible gifts.

@byvirtue , I've whittled the presents list down to only a few too. It makes life easier. The people on it could get me anything and get it right, or we give each other vouchers. I buy things all year round not do a last-minute mad dash to JL, Boots & M&S

Toiletries or cosmetics. Unless it’s someone who knows me really well, they just won’t get it right, how would they? Luckily I have a bunch of nieces
who will happily snap up any random stuff (most recent joy was a set of bright fluorescent nail varnishes).

Candles. I’m just not a fan and have a cupboard full of candles in scents I consider mildly weird.

Clarins is a luxury brand though imo and quite expensive

Things I would like for my 60th birthday (next year) or Christmas.

Stand up paddle board or surfing lessons.
Anything for the garden - seeds, plants, bulbs. Gardening Magazine subscription. No indoor plants though.
Cookery books in fact any books, especially diary books (looking forward to Alan Rickman’s)
Happy with nail varnish, candles, posh biscuits or chocolate as a stocking filler or secret Santa.

No alcohol. I only like Gordon’s gin and I can buy that in Tesco.
I’m not wild about afternoon tea itself but if it’s being given (say by DD or a friend) and includes their company as well then I’d love it. DD once bought us a tour of a local historical house with afternoon tea include and it was lovely.

How can anyone seriously think that a book of poetry is "pretentious" per se?

On the whole, if you're giving someone a present, you ought to know them well enough to know what would be well received.

Anyone who buys me Chanel, L'occitane hand cream, Olaplex shampoo and Sipsmith gin knows me well.

Anyone who buys me Prosecco, smelly candles or a "bath and body gift set" doesn't know me at all.

I am a 50something woman.

As an older DM, I do not like receiving gifts that have no purpose. I am trying to slim down my house, and dont want any more ornaments, pictures, etc.
Therefore, I am happy with any foodie or drink items, cosmetics, etc, except that I have so many bottles of expensive perfume, I will be using them for the next several years.
Clothes are OK, but it is so awkward, if it is the wrong size, or something totally ghastly, I would rather they didn't.
I really dislike any family member spending lots on me, (or the other way round). I prefer small gifts, so if it is something I, or the recipient, does not like, then not too much money wasted.