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Teen daughter is a nightmare

130 replies

Adventurine · 25/09/2022 13:36

As I write this, she's stomping down the stairs, roughly a month worth of laundry in her arms, scowling her head off.

She was told she has to sort out her absolute pit of a room. They (she and her brother) said they weren't babies, didn't need telling, etc, wanted to decide for themselves when to tidy "OUR spaces." Oh, ok. Right. So we compromised and they were given the option of choosing to listen to our prompts to do a quick tidy of their rooms on a Friday, bringing their laundry down and just staying on top of it all, or they would have to sort out the chaos they created on the last weekend of the month and we would revert back to them being told when their rooms were to be tidied. Guess what DD chose?

Her room is the worst I've ever seen it, and DD is a very messy teen anyway. So, today came. She chose to do none of it yesterday, meaning she has to do it all today. Jesus bloody christ. You would think she was being asked to remove her own kidney. She started sending me abusive texts about how I never listen to what she wants etc. So I took her phone and said she could tidy it up without the texting. Then she spent an hour screaming about her friends and they have plans etc. i told her I would tell her friends she was not coming out until her room was sorted out. Screaming, crying, kicking the door and what sounds like flinging everything off her shelves in a rage. Then raging at her brother because he chose to do the ten minutes on a Friday (he's generally tidier anyway), calling him terrible names, demanding he help her because he doesn't have any tidying to do. He went out to play football and she lost her damn mind screaming out of the window at him that she would never forget his refusal to help her.

On and on and on it went, raging at the top of her voice about what nasty parents she has, how she can't wait to turn 16 and move out.

How long are they absolute beasts for?

OP posts:
HappyPeach · 25/09/2022 13:38

Another year at least Grin

Motnight · 25/09/2022 13:38

About 6 years Op to answer your question 😬

Pinkpeony2 · 25/09/2022 13:43

Oh gosh.
Does she quickly snap out of things later and act as if nothing has happened? Mine does.
Walking on eggshells is an understatement.

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Whatwouldscullydo · 25/09/2022 13:47

Welcome to my world.

its exhausting. I spent hours clearing the room.out a few weeks back and again I cant see the floor.

Tehres clothes on her bed that I washed amd asked her to put away weeks ago. She just sleeps with them screwed up at the end of her bed.

I get accused if not understanding her self declared " issues" which dont prevent her from going out with friends but putting washing away is too much apparently 🙄 whats more now her sister Copies her with cries of being a victim for being asked to clear up their shit.

Utterly sick of both of them.right now tbh.

JudithHarper · 25/09/2022 13:53

Don't bother nagging them. When they finally run out of clean clothes and want to know why there are no more clean ones, just point to the piles in their rooms. Then, offer them a bucket and washboard and tell them to get scrubbing. Only needs doing once, if you stick to your guns.

Ask me how I know . . .

EfficientDynamics · 25/09/2022 13:56

Teen?

She sounds like a toddler

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 25/09/2022 14:00

I would not bother nagging about the room, personally. If she wants to live in a pigsty, then let her. Likewise, if she doesn't do any laundry, then let her deal with the lack of clean clothes.

RequiemForAcat · 25/09/2022 14:13

JudithHarper · 25/09/2022 13:53

Don't bother nagging them. When they finally run out of clean clothes and want to know why there are no more clean ones, just point to the piles in their rooms. Then, offer them a bucket and washboard and tell them to get scrubbing. Only needs doing once, if you stick to your guns.

Ask me how I know . . .

Yep this, you have to have a very thick skin to deal with teens, teen girls are beastly. Sometimes I despair I even made a post on here about it on a particularly awful day 😬

rookiemere · 25/09/2022 14:16

I just ignore DS 16 room. If he wants clothes washed he needs to put them in the washing basket, if not then well they will remain dirty.

His room is a tip, but it's not my problem or hill to die on that's generally the incessant demands for money to buy designer clothes.

Threelittlelambs · 25/09/2022 14:18

I seriously hoe you aren’t doing the laundry for her after she spoke you you like that?

pompomdaisy · 25/09/2022 14:19

I've got a really messy one and a really tidy one. The messy one has moved out thankfully. She's 23 now. Still messy.

LetUsPonce · 25/09/2022 14:20

I have no answer to your question, OP, but your post certainly made me feel a whole lot less alone in the world.

I used a different tactic with DD: I discovered that she would happily live in an absolute pigsty and put on filthy clothes but that she couldn't bear her bedroom being invaded. I therefore started going in there every single day to make the bed, pick up clothes, remove pots, tidy, clean, etc. She hated it (in a screaming banshee sort of way) but then, gradually, the penny dropped that she could control the situation by sorting her shit herself. It's still not 100% but much better (and I've now at least stopped worrying that Environmental Health will be in touch and have enough energy to fight other battles😉).

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 25/09/2022 14:22

Dd is 15..a year since I quit being her laundry servant or ironing lady. She gets a homemade meal unless it isn't to her culinary tastes... Then she makes pasta or whatever.
No lifts or WiFi password for bad attitude.. Or money either.
Ime leaving her room as it is is fine. She has to live in it. Just shut the door op.

ResplendentQuetzal · 25/09/2022 14:26

Yep this, you have to have a very thick skin to deal with teens, teen girls are beastly

Not mine. Nor her close friends. Moan about your troublesome teens and you'll have my sympathy but don't accuse all teen girls of behaving badly.

GetItOffYourChest · 25/09/2022 14:28

Pinkpeony2 · 25/09/2022 13:43

Oh gosh.
Does she quickly snap out of things later and act as if nothing has happened? Mine does.
Walking on eggshells is an understatement.

Mine won't quickly snap out as in it will last five mins, but when she's done it is definitely like a switch has flipped

BudgetBlast · 25/09/2022 14:33

I’m not saying this to sound smug, I appreciate it might sound that way but honestly I just feel for you having to put up with that crap, but that sort of behaviour never happens in my house. That behaviour isn’t just kids being kids or teens being teens it is just shit behaviour that your DD seems to think she can get away with. I’ve 2 teens and one pre teen and I’m always 😱😱at these kinds of posts. My kids consider me to be pretty permissive and easy going, I’m a mile off authoritarian and they - my kids - are not in anyway unquestioningly compliant but that kind of behaviour from them would never ever fly. You need boundaries with her. She should not be treating you this way. You don’t deserve that kind of shitty treatment from anyone not to mind someone you have to share a home with.

coffeandteac · 25/09/2022 14:54

ResplendentQuetzal · 25/09/2022 14:26

Yep this, you have to have a very thick skin to deal with teens, teen girls are beastly

Not mine. Nor her close friends. Moan about your troublesome teens and you'll have my sympathy but don't accuse all teen girls of behaving badly.

Oh jeez bot one of those posts.

Totally missing the point. Semantics!

MissMogwai · 25/09/2022 14:54

I know right now it's a fucking nightmare but it doesn't last forever. My daughter was the same, she is now an adult with her own pristine home and has apologised more than once for what we call the Dark Years.

If you can bear it, ignore the mess but insist pots and food are cleared.
Don't wash her clothes or bedding though, if she moans tell her she needs to learn how to do it if she's moving out at 16...

GinGinGin

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 25/09/2022 14:56

The more you try to lecture/nag/control, the more your dc will push back on it.

Pick your battles. Does it really matter if their rooms are a shit tip?

quietnightmare · 25/09/2022 14:59

Stay strong op. Teenage girls are the devil.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 25/09/2022 15:04

quietnightmare · 25/09/2022 14:59

Stay strong op. Teenage girls are the devil.

Let's not generalise, please. Most teenage girls are perfectly nice kids. Some might have their strops every now and then, but it really isn't the norm for them to be as awful as some posters like to make out.

If you are reasonable and respectful towards them, for the most part, they will reciprocate.

antelopevalley · 25/09/2022 15:12

I have teenagers. If they do not clean their rooms that is their lookout. If washing is not in the washing basket it does not get washed. Not my problem if they have nothing clean to wear to go out. But you have to be hard core about it.

Reggiebo · 25/09/2022 15:51

Mine was 21before things improved but hang in there. ..is also embarrassed about the 'dark years'. Love that....the dark years😁

Nottodaty · 25/09/2022 16:00

Rules in our home. I do the clothes washing twice a week - Monday & Thursday if it isn’t in the basket it doesn’t get washed. Uniform is washed on a Sunday again if it isn’t in the wash bin it doesn’t happen.
Towels - I’m not a MN who washes after every shower - once a week (exception being AF week) If you choose to leave towel on floor and not hung up you dry yourself with either a damp or smelly towel.

I don’t tidy rooms I close the door & ignore. Pick the battles!!

My eldest is 19 less grumpy but the attitude at times bubbles away - it does get better. I keep telling myself that as her sister just turned 13 ( she likes a tidy room so will be interesting to see how she grows up!)

goldfinchfan · 25/09/2022 16:17

Surely 15 or 16 is old enough to know how to do their own laundry?
My DD was v difficult until she moved out.