Is this a really pathetic Christmas?

[YellowRedBlueGreen]

Very much in the "don't particularly like being alone but it never worked out so fuck it Plan B it is" category. Couple of failed relationships that really, really hurt but I'm genuinely not looking again and I consider myself "retired" at 38. I have been through a lot with various things but I'm capable and independent and trying to make the most of things so kind of past the moping stages. I just want a quiet, non dramatic life now. I do have a nice life in some other ways thankfully.

But Christmas in particular - with all the forced joy shoved down everyone's throat and happy families everywhere on cheesy adverts etc etc can be really hard as it is for a lot of people on their own or in other unhappy situations. The last two have been absolutely shit. I was never so glad to see January.

So this year I've decided to decline any invites (I would feel like the spare prick but I know friends mean well) piss off on my own altogether and just see it as a week off work. I've accepted Christmas Day I'm going to feel like shit whatever I do because it really is a punch in the face not to have Plan A and be able to do a nice dinner and wrap a present for a loving partner (especially when most people I know in real life have this!) but there are still six other days to enjoy. So I'm going to my favourite place in the UK. I will be taking long walks by the sea, watching all the happy dogs run on the beach. I'll really enjoy watching the rough waves at that time of year I've always wanted to be by the sea in the Winter. I'll do some beautiful cliff walks as I'm big on walking, I might even take my mountain bike and do some cycling. Feed the squirrels in the public gardens. I'll read a few books, drink some wine, cook some nice meals for myself and binge on a new series. Then after Boxing Day I'll hit the sales and maybe treat myself to a new leather jacket and a pair of decent jeans. If I'm feeling optimistic I might even throw in a game of bingo!

Do I sound like a right old sad sack of shit?!

Not related to Christmas, but I spent a couple of weeks in a holiday home on the seafront in Filey in February several years ago on my own. My husband works in a different part of the country, we were having work done on the home, had two dogs, and I didn't fancy being around. I was slightly dreading it but didn't want to be at home either: It was absolutely wonderful😊> The views of the sun coming up and down over the sea; watching the tide coming in and out; walking the dogs along the beach, and seeing the history of what was around me. I look back on it as something I thought would be a means to an end, which became something I look back on with real nostalgia. I don't think you'll regret it, OP.

Sounds fab, hope it's Robin Hood's Bay! Northumberland would be amazing too?..

They dont, but you dont usually see them cos your in your home having a "family" Christmas and they are all in Northumberland having a walk on the beach, or Thailand or Jamaica or Robin hoods bay.

It sounds bloody lovely to me!

Or hiding behind closed curtains!

I spent all day with my parents on Monday (Queen's Funeral) and 7 hours today with my uncle and cousins. I'm absolutely peopled-out.

Now on the sofa with my cat and laptop looking forward to a boxset binge tonight and tomorrow.

Sounds amazing - I'm jealous! Don't worry about anything else - just do you, and have an amazing time!

Sounds great. I won't go into what exactly I do at Christmas (and it varies a bit year to year anyway) or why, as that would be too outing. But it's the sort of thing I do when I am not working or volunteering on Christmas Day.

Love it!!

Excellent...just love this !!! Enjoy it ! 😍🤣

The first new years eve after I split with my now ex, horrible cheating circumstances, I literally told no one what I was doing, lied when necessary, didnt want to faux jolly with anyone but my dog. So I lined up several movies, which started at 8 PM. Bought in a load of food snacks etc, no booze ( makes me depressed during and after ) Sailed through the whole sorry event and woke up the next day thanking the lord it was all over for another year, praying that the next new year would at least be easier if not entirely happy. I try to remember that some are having really terrible Christmases , someones last, abused or destitute and think I'm lucky to have a roof over my head and food on my table.

People dont talk about single christmases because they equate it with a failure of some sort, be it you're single , no kids, divorced but making your own choices and being free to do so is success. I know alot of miserable people who are married with children and while advertising wants us to believe in an idyllic Christmas its rarer than hens teeth. Most are just relieved to get it over and done with.

I've spent the last few Christmases on my own since the last of my family passed away. I grew up with big Christmases and I did love them... but as I'm also not in a relationship and refuse to stay in one just for the sake of it, have no kids, and as my closest friends live quite a distance away, Christmas is now very different for me.

I am gradually trying to create MY Christmas - my own traditions, making the day just lovely and relaxing for me. I love the idea someone posted above about buying little gifts/treats for yourself through the year and having them as presents to unwrap. Someone also mentioned splurging on a luxury hamper - I actually did this last year and it was lovely. I also go all out on my tree - I've spent a fortune on it and the decorations but I love it.

For Christmas Day this year - I'm thinking a good book, maybe select a couple of films, some nice nibbles, glass of bubbly, hot choc and the like... a nice luxurious bath - and just get cosy on the couch and enjoy a properly relaxing day. I'd like to go away in future years but I'll see...

One thing I ask of MN at Christmas though (and this is lighthearted!) - PLEASE post your stories of Christmas dinner woes... penis portions and being fed one slice of turkey and a lettuce leaf! Not that I wish these things on people but the stories do make me laugh - especially if they involve fabulous rebellion tactics!

I literally wish I was doing this OP. I hate Christmas. My mother still feels she has to do it "properly" with everyone at hers, much expense, much waste and a great deal of flapping. I inevitably end up doing a good chunk of the work but I really don't know if this increases or decreases the flap. My brother also flaps despite the fact he doesn't actually do anything. A certain person I strongly dislike will be there. I fantasise about going somewhere hot and far away for the week. Alone.

I want to do this! Unfortunately I think my family (DH & adult still at home DC) would be offended if I took myself off for a week without them! 😆

Enjoy it, it sounds perfect.

I too loathe nye but this year for one and only time will say thank god that year is done. I don’t celebrate nye and won’t but January 1st I’ll be singing well happy at least.

Aw thanks everyone you've made me feel a bit better. Sometimes it's hard not to feel like a social pariah in a world where most people seem to wonder why I'm not married, as if I need reminding of my failed, bullshit relationships.

I can't wait to get back up there, I only left on Friday and I miss it terribly already. I would love to move there permanently. Hopefully by Christmas I'll have hit my weight target too and I can indulge guilt free with lots of nice dinners! I will look into a hamper! 90 days to go x

Make sure ro tune in at Christmas or New year we can all collab together on how it's going !!😁🌲

Also can anyone recommend a good author so I can take some books with me? I love a good psychological thriller. People going missing etc. I'm addicted to the David Raker books! ❤️

Next year a non alcoholic hamper from F and M if they exist.I’ll start saving in January.

A friend and I live in different countries and we both dislike New Year's Eve. I don't know why I find it sad but I just do.
A few years ago I had a wonderful conversation with a woman in the doorway of a supermarket. It was about 10 days before Christmas and we were looking at the demented people with heaving trolleys. She said she buys a Chinese meal which is enough for two, eats half on Christmas Day and the other half on Boxing Day. Hey presto, no hassle, all sorted.

I have always found Christmas exhausting and boring. Working full time and then being expected to pay and wrap loads of tat for family ‘because that’s what we do’ and then sit around all day eating and drinking in a stuffy environment or if it’s your turn to host, spending the entire day stressed running around after everyone.

Circumstances have now meant that I don’t have to do that anymore and I intend to never do it again. Well done OP, you have got it (almost) right - the only thing I would suggest you rethink is this bit:

I've accepted Christmas Day I'm going to feel like shit whatever I do because it really is a punch in the face not to have Plan A and be able to do a nice dinner and wrap a present for a loving partner (especially when most people I know in real life have this!)

I certainly won’t be doing someone’s “plan A”, I will be doing exactly what I want to do for myself instead.

Hear hear 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻Same here £100 this year for food treats etc, if I can next year totally different. Luxury all the way.

The benefit of being independent is that you can do what you like on xmas day and don't have to put up with awful in laws. Enjoy. Am sure a lot of people would be envious!! ;))

That sounds perfect! Christmas, during lockdown, was my ideal Christmas tbh. Bliss! ❤️

I would happily take myself, and the dog, off to a beach retreat for Christmas….and let the rest of the family get on with it.

Harlan Coban is one of my favourites. He's written a few that have been televised (Netflix) - The Stranger etc.

I listened to the audiobook of "On a Quiet Street" recently, read by Imogen Church, and it was quite good.