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Original poster

Boyfriend thinks I'm "weird" am I?

108 replies

wishyouwereachti · 24/09/2022 10:28

My nan passed away 2 years ago and she was 98.
She was my best friend /mum all rolled into one.
She was the best person you could ever meet and I can't even explain how much I loved her.
Every year for her birthday I would get her a birthday balloon and birthday badge and have a little tea party with all her favourite me Kipling cakes and she was so happy.
She would of been 100 on Sunday so I've bought a balloon and a card and I've lit a candle next to her picture and put the balloon and card next to it.

I wanted to have a cup of tea and her favourite cake tomorrow to celebrate her 100th birthday
Boyfriend basically said I'm crazy /weird and she's passed so what's the point of a balloon /card etc
It makes me feel better,I will never ever forget her and I don't want too
Is this too much ?

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 24/09/2022 10:29

Not at all weird - remember your lovely nan in whatever way brings you joy Flowers

AtomicBlondeRose · 24/09/2022 10:30

Everyone remembers their loved ones in a different way. It sounds like she meant a lot to you, and it’s not especially OTT to get a balloon and have some cake. If you’re still doing the whole think faithfully in 20 years that might be a bit much but I’m sure you’ll always remember the day and have a nice cuppa in memory.

MistressIggi · 24/09/2022 10:30

Has he ever lost a loved one?
I still drink my tea out of a mug my mum loved and imagine talking to her about my day. I guess grief makes us all weird!

InsertPunHere · 24/09/2022 10:32

People have different ways of remembering or honouring loved ones that have died.

Yours is not more right or wrong than anyone else’s. Enjoy your tea and cake- your boyfriend should mind his own business.

MichaelAndEagle · 24/09/2022 10:32

I think that sounds lovely and not at all weird.

freeandfierce · 24/09/2022 10:33

Not weird at all. Your Nan was a big influence in your life and you obviously had a very special relationship. No different to people visiting graves of their loved ones. It's a chance to reflect and pay respect. If it's what feels right for you then don't allow anyone else to stop you doing it. You sound like a lovely, kind grand daughter.

Gonnagetacatwhenimovein · 24/09/2022 10:34

He doesn’t sound very kind

DoYouRememberDiedreBarlow · 24/09/2022 10:34

He should support you. What a lovely idea. Smile

ApolloandDaphne · 24/09/2022 10:34

That sounds like a lovely way to celebrate her memory. Not weird at all.

SalviaOfficinalis · 24/09/2022 10:34

It’s not weird, people handle things differently.
If it’s meaningful to you to remember her in this way then there’s nothing wrong with it.

It’s not something I would do personally but we’re all differently. My MIL still buys her DM a Mother’s Day card every year (died 15 years ago).

girlmom21 · 24/09/2022 10:35

That's a really lovely idea!

Flowersintheattic57 · 24/09/2022 10:35

Rituals are part of being human as old as when time began. Enjoy your memories and take no notice of your not a keeper boyfriend. Not because he doesn’t get it but because of the way he spoke to you.

balalake · 24/09/2022 10:38

I remember both my grandmothers' birthdays, even though they died many years ago. Not in the way you do, but each to their own.

2pinkginsplease · 24/09/2022 10:38

people all grieve in different ways. Lighting the candle and eating her favourite cake are things I would do but buying a balloon and a card seems a bit strange, I’d rather donate that money to a charity that my gran supported than waste money on a card and balloon.

Hearthnhome · 24/09/2022 10:38

My family have some traditions around death and remembrance that aren't the norm. I know dp thinks they are a bit odd but he would never call me weird.

I think that's quite mean. He can think it's an odd tradition, without calling you weird.

Original poster
wishyouwereachti · 24/09/2022 10:39

She loved getting a balloon and it made her so happy -she had dementia and for whatever reason she was attached to it every year.
She would take it in the bedroom,walk in kitchen to make a cuppa with it then leave it outside bathroom ..it was so funny

OP posts:
Nothingbuttheglory · 24/09/2022 10:39

Your boyfriend has shown the empathy of a brick. Does he often talk to you like that?

pinkyredrose · 24/09/2022 10:40

That's a really lovely way to remember her. 🙂

Original poster
wishyouwereachti · 24/09/2022 10:40

My boyfriend is quite cold
Doesn't show many emotions

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 24/09/2022 10:40

No weird at all. A lovely way of remembering, especially when she got so near to 100. You do you and he can do him. Live would be boring if we were all the same.

Hearthnhome · 24/09/2022 10:41

2pinkginsplease · 24/09/2022 10:38

people all grieve in different ways. Lighting the candle and eating her favourite cake are things I would do but buying a balloon and a card seems a bit strange, I’d rather donate that money to a charity that my gran supported than waste money on a card and balloon.

You could also say Candle is a waste though. And the cake. Where does it end?

Maybe op already does another for charity and a balloon and card makes her feel better

CatchersAndDreams · 24/09/2022 10:41

Not at all. I go to the cliff my grandads ashes were scattered over (he was my grandad but my dad so I know how you feel) and talk to him once a year. I make my dc tell him all their news, I tell him the family gossip and have a catch up with him. Now that's weird 😂

Lentil63 · 24/09/2022 10:41

You are not weird and your boyfriend doesn’t sound like a keeper.

girlmom21 · 24/09/2022 10:44

2pinkginsplease · 24/09/2022 10:38

people all grieve in different ways. Lighting the candle and eating her favourite cake are things I would do but buying a balloon and a card seems a bit strange, I’d rather donate that money to a charity that my gran supported than waste money on a card and balloon.

Surely it's only as much of a waste as buying it for somebody who's alive?

Branleuse · 24/09/2022 10:48

Have you been with him a long time?? Thats a really unkind thing for him to say to you. Its certainly not weird or unusual to mark a loved ones birthday even after theyve gone.

By his standard, even a funeral or a wake would be weird.
Rituals around death and ancestors are present in all cultures and even in other species.
I would actually see your boyfriend mocking you for such a simple and normal thing as a bit of a red flag.

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