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Original poster

Boyfriend thinks I'm "weird" am I?

108 replies

wishyouwereachti · 24/09/2022 10:28

My nan passed away 2 years ago and she was 98.
She was my best friend /mum all rolled into one.
She was the best person you could ever meet and I can't even explain how much I loved her.
Every year for her birthday I would get her a birthday balloon and birthday badge and have a little tea party with all her favourite me Kipling cakes and she was so happy.
She would of been 100 on Sunday so I've bought a balloon and a card and I've lit a candle next to her picture and put the balloon and card next to it.

I wanted to have a cup of tea and her favourite cake tomorrow to celebrate her 100th birthday
Boyfriend basically said I'm crazy /weird and she's passed so what's the point of a balloon /card etc
It makes me feel better,I will never ever forget her and I don't want too
Is this too much ?

OP posts:

theemmadilemma · 24/09/2022 12:43

Not weird. Lovely.

ilovepixie · 24/09/2022 12:47

You're not weird, that's a lovely idea. Your boyfriend is a dick!

Tealpoppy · 24/09/2022 12:50

I wear rings with the birthstones of my amazing grandad,friend and fil
i also light a candle on their birthdays-if anyone told me I was weird I’d tell them to do one
we all grieve in different ways and its what your happy with that counts

blackheartsgirl · 24/09/2022 12:53

My dad passed 15 years ago and me and my mum still go out for a meal on his birthday every year.

I drink out of my late dhs work mug every day at work (we worked at the same place)

I am quite possessive over it, people know better than to use it but luckily most understand.

you grieve how you like. Everyone’s different, whatever brings you comfort

beachcomber70 · 24/09/2022 12:57

You're not weird, you have emotions, you have lovely memories, you have love. He is the odd one, cold and with no empathy or understanding whatsoever.

My Gran was like my mother, I loved her deeply. My EX husband on the other hand who when he asked why I was very pensive one day, and I replied that it was the day the baby that we lost would have been born....said 'Oh that. That was ages ago'. [Note EX H].

Get shot of the boyfriend.

Oreoreo · 24/09/2022 12:58

I think that’s a really lovely thing to do OP, and if I had any traditions like that with family members who had passed I would do the same 💜

Pearbear · 24/09/2022 13:04

It’s not at all weird, it’s a lovely way to remember and carry on the traditions you had.

Irridescantshimmmer · 24/09/2022 13:21

I think your gestures to your Nan are from your heart which I think is wonderful and your boyfriend is being a p...rick as he's got a heart of gravel plus concrete and he's cruel, take no notice of him he's heartless.

upinaballoon · 24/09/2022 13:21

No, you are not weird. Some people put flowers on graves, Jewish people put a little stone on a grave to show someone visited it (I believe), some people light candles in churches, some light candles at home, some kiss their mothers' sewing scissors, some eat cake.
This morning I was thinking about my father and I was thinking how nice it would be to make a little baked jam roll and custard! It's years since I made one.

DisforDarkChocolate · 24/09/2022 13:22

Sounds lovely to me. I'll be eating cake tomorrow and I'll spare a thought for you and your Nan.

C152 · 24/09/2022 13:24

That is lovely and not weird at all. It's a wonderful way to remember someone who was so important to you.

FetlocksBlowingInTheWind · 24/09/2022 13:26

Not weird! My DC and I made a little table this year, on my mum's anniversary, of all her favourite foods, flowers, and photos of her with us. We sat around and ate "together" and it was really lovely.

2bazookas · 24/09/2022 13:28

Your lovely Nan taught you what a healthy loving relationship is. She is your benchmark. She taught you well.

Nan showed and taught you about empathy, consideration, respect, patience, tolerance, generosity and fun. Nan Standard is what you should aim for in your close adult relationships. Particularly important in sex.

BF is a washout, he has totally failed the entrance exam.

You deserve better. Discard/reject him now and find a better example of manhood.

AnotherEmma · 24/09/2022 13:28

wishyouwereachti · 24/09/2022 10:40

My boyfriend is quite cold
Doesn't show many emotions

Why are you dating him then?
What would your nan have thought of him?
Dump him, you deserve better.

Fedupwithmondays · 24/09/2022 13:43

Not weird at all op. It is a beautiful thing to do and a way to remember your Nan.
I do the same every year with my DS. I always write a Birthday card/Christmas card and put it in his memory box. We have a Birthday cake on his Birthday. It is just a way to remember our love ones.

SuperCamp · 24/09/2022 13:45

Remember and celebrate your Nan OP. It isn’t weird.

steakandmash · 24/09/2022 13:46

No that's lovely. Xxx

eleanorsmellstrop · 24/09/2022 13:55

No, it's lovely, and he's not being very sensitive.

mycatisawesome · 24/09/2022 14:04

Even if you did it in 20 years it's not weird. My beloved Grandad died 20 years ago and I still have a little ritual , mine happens on Christmas Eve where I get his glass out , the polish vodka and have a toast ( he was Polish). I'll do it forever as although life carries on I miss him so much. Do what you want , it's very unkind of him , maybe if he has never lost anyone very close he doesn't understand the loss you feel oy maybe he is just a complete knob with no empathy .

Ein · 24/09/2022 15:15

Not weird. Sounds like a lovely ritual. We need rituals to mark the passing of time, process death and express emotions that are otherwise hard to handle. What you are doing isn’t any weirder than a funeral (or a wedding/christening).

Maybe your gran is ‘gone’ and has no idea this is happening, maybe there is an afterlife and she’s aware of it in some way. I dunno and neither does anybody else.

Who made your boyfriend an expert on death rituals / the afterlife?

More importantly, why is your boyfriend critiquing the way you deal with such a huge loss? Is he usually someone who’s this unsupportive/ jealous of your attention? Most boyfriends, even if they secretly thought their girlfriend was being weird about a death, would not say so and would instead be quietly supportive of whatever you need to handle the death of someone that close to you. Hmm.

skyeisthelimit · 24/09/2022 15:37

It's not weird at all, do what makes you happy

BecauseICan22 · 24/09/2022 15:40

wishyouwereachti · 24/09/2022 10:28

No it is not.
It is my birthday today but tomorrow I'm going to eat some Mr Kipling cakes, we have them in and think about all the lovely feelings your Nan has left behind in you, this is what I want to leave for my children.

You do what makes you feel close to her. Celebrate her time with you, your boyfriend sounds like an insensitive weirdo and not at all like he even wants to try to understand.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 24/09/2022 15:43

My father died when I was 13, and I'm now 68. My mother died in 2008. I always remember their birthdays and the dates they died with a little toast (alcoholic not bread). You remember your nan any way you want.

StopStartStop · 24/09/2022 15:49

OP, you are not weird, you are lovely.

Next time I have a cup of tea and a Mr Kipling cake, I'll raise a happy prayer for you and your nan.

My mum died in 2014. Whenever I find a white feather lying where I didn't expect it, I thank her for it. She's in charge of feathers, you know. 😉 I get a happy thought about my mum. You have a sweet ritual for your nan. Not weird at all.

GreyGoose1980 · 24/09/2022 15:49

Lovely not weird

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