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Original poster

Boyfriend thinks I'm "weird" am I?

108 replies

wishyouwereachti · 24/09/2022 10:28

My nan passed away 2 years ago and she was 98.
She was my best friend /mum all rolled into one.
She was the best person you could ever meet and I can't even explain how much I loved her.
Every year for her birthday I would get her a birthday balloon and birthday badge and have a little tea party with all her favourite me Kipling cakes and she was so happy.
She would of been 100 on Sunday so I've bought a balloon and a card and I've lit a candle next to her picture and put the balloon and card next to it.

I wanted to have a cup of tea and her favourite cake tomorrow to celebrate her 100th birthday
Boyfriend basically said I'm crazy /weird and she's passed so what's the point of a balloon /card etc
It makes me feel better,I will never ever forget her and I don't want too
Is this too much ?

OP posts:

Dougieowner · 24/09/2022 10:50

As a PP has said, absolutely understandable to do it this year (which would have been her 100th), perhaps less so to still be doing it in 20-years time.

If he can't understand it maybe he should have said nothing rather than saying it is weird. He doesn't sound very understanding.

catandcoffee · 24/09/2022 10:52

wishyouwereachti · 24/09/2022 10:40

My boyfriend is quite cold
Doesn't show many emotions

Get rid of the boyfriend and celebrate your Nans birthday however you like...

M0rT · 24/09/2022 10:53

This is completely normal to me.
I'm Irish Catholic and we have anniversary masses said for people every year on the anniversary of their death. Usually with food/tea & coffee after for the people who go to the mass.
Visiting the grave on the anniversary or birthday is also very common.
I've a friend who brings her children to a coffee shop each Easter as her grandmother used to bring her.
Just because someone is gone doesn't mean we stop loving and thinking of them.
Except for ex boyfriends...them we can stop loving and thinking of pretty quickly sometimes.....

daisychain01 · 24/09/2022 10:54

There is no rule book that says you can't remember such an important person every year. If you did i it in 20 years' time it still wouldn't make you weird, it just means you will never forget that wonderful gran/mum rolled into one as long as you live. Don't let anyone make you feel bad or weird for that. Not least of all in the comfort of your own home.

your boyfriend sounds very immature and sound like he's never lost anyone who meant the world to him, or can't accept that humans have many different ways of celebrating a life well led.

DeadButDelicious · 24/09/2022 10:57

You aren't weird at all. I think it's a lovely way to remember your Nan on what would have been a very special birthday.

In all honesty I'd get rid of the boyfriend. He doesn't sound very nice.

MissMaple82 · 24/09/2022 10:58

So does he think leaving flowers and keepsakes on gravestones is "crazy" and "weird"?... I think he is the weird one!!!

IsAinmDummm · 24/09/2022 11:01

It sounds like a lovely way to remember her and celebrate her life.

washingbasketqueen · 24/09/2022 11:03

Sounds lovely. Sorry for your loss

Mabelstearooms · 24/09/2022 11:03

wishyouwereachti · 24/09/2022 10:40

My boyfriend is quite cold
Doesn't show many emotions

Ditch him. He sounds dreadful! You are not weird to celebrate your granny in the way you're suggesting. It sounds lovely! We had a family tea party for what would have been my nanna's 100th birthday!

watcherintherye · 24/09/2022 11:04

I put a notice in the paper for what would have been my Mum’s 10Oth Birthday, (she died at 95) and I always put flowers on my parents’ grave on Birthdays and anniversaries. Dh would come with me, but I prefer to go alone. I’m sorry you don’t have more support from your partner, but please don’t stop doing what gives you comfort. It’s absolutely not weird.

MessyBunPersonified · 24/09/2022 11:04

Its not weird at all.

The posters saying that it will be too much if you're doing it in 20 years are also wrong. My son died 24 years ago, and my daughter 15 and I still buy them a cake every year. Taking an hour or 2 out of your day once a year to remember someone who made a huge impact on your life is never wrong.

Does your boyfriend often say things like this? I can't imagine loving someone and then being so cold towards them on a day that is so hard.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 24/09/2022 11:05

It's a lovely sweet and sentimental thing to do. Not everything has to be sensible and logical, especially when it comes to the people we've loved the most in our lives.

Ignore the boringly rational boyfriend.

stripeyzeb · 24/09/2022 11:06

I don't think that's strange at all. I lost my mum a while back and on both mothers' day and on her birthday, I cooked a big roast and we had cake for afters. It felt important to mark the day in some way. As time goes on, I might not feel the need to do that, but I'll do it for as long as I want to. It's part of keeping that person's memory alive.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/09/2022 11:08

I don't think that's weird. Even if he wouldn't do it himself, it's sad that he can't understand that you still miss her and think of her, and this is your way of expressing that.

namechangedembarrassing · 24/09/2022 11:12

Nothing about what you want to do is “weird” or strange and ignore anyone who says it is.
I am the least sentimental person but respect any way someone chooses to honour a lossed loved one on an important date. (Apart from the lady who was eating her mums ashes I draw the line there…)

AlwaysGinPlease · 24/09/2022 11:13

He's the weird and rude one. Ditch him. He's not the one for you.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 24/09/2022 11:17

That's a lovely thing to do OP.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 24/09/2022 11:22

I think it's a lovely thoughtful thing to do, as much as for you as for the memory of your Nan.

My family also has some things we do together to remember our lost loved ones. It's nobody's business but ours.

Enjoy your cake, remember your Nan with love and maybe have a rethink about the boyfriend. He doesn't sound kind or empathetic at all.

LindaEllen · 24/09/2022 11:24

It's each to their own. Funnily enough my family are having a 100th birthday party for my grandad next year who passed when he was 96. I find that incredibly odd - but accept their choice to do it.

Opaljewel · 24/09/2022 11:24

Maybe you should get rid of your boyfriend. He sounds awful.

So sorry for your loss. You aren't weird at all.

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 24/09/2022 11:24

Your boyfriend is weird and unkind.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 24/09/2022 11:25

I think it sounds lovely too. However I can understand if your boyfriend doesn't want to join in. It's a lovely way for you to remember your Nan, but if he didn't know her I can understand he might feel weird sitting next to a balloon and eating cake. But totally not weird for you to do it!

Closetbeanmuncher · 24/09/2022 11:26

My boyfriend is quite cold
Doesn't show many emotions

I think you need to look more closely at this, don’t let his callousness shame you.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 24/09/2022 11:28

It’s a lovely way to remember your nan. I’d forget the bf to be honest. Even if he does think it’s a bit weird what did he get out of trying to belittle you and your feelings? It’s not doing any harm and makes you feel a bit better so what’s the issue?

RampantIvy · 24/09/2022 11:30

The boyfriend doesn't sound very nice.

I tend to keep my memories of departed family to myself because that is who I am, and DH is the same.

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