Is my mother right about potty training?

[PeterRabbitagain]

My son is 2.2 and we are planning to potty train soon. We were going to do it over summer but I was on crutches so we postponed. My mother has had a go at me saying it's pathetic that I couldn't do it already and that he's getting too old to not be potty trained.

Aside from my mothers unkindness which I'm used to, is she correct about his age? I was under the impression that between 2-3 is normal but my mother said that was wrong.

It’s a generational thing, my DC are twenties and thirties and I trained them at about 2 and a quarter and they were dry during the day before 2 and a half. I have all boys but my friends with little girls were a couple of months younger.
Tell her things have changed now are you are potty training when you and your DC are both ready.

We had the same experience with our son.

I am sorry your mother is unkind - she has no right to tell you that you are pathetic. She is also wrong about the potty training.

If your children were in hand washed Terry nappies you got them potty trained PDQ - mum said we were all clean and dry by 1 (all born late 40s/early 50s). I challenged her, and she did confess that we all spent any time she could manage it sitting on potties or toddling around outside knickerless.

Nowadays with disposables and washing machines - meh, whenever.

No, my mum and dad started introducing the potty to my son at 2 even though me and DH weren't potty training him yet.
I think it confused him and I know lots of people who waited until their child was 3 and said they are glad as communication is much better and they can understand more.

My son is pretty well trained now but I don't think there'd have been any issues waiting to 3.

We tried chocolate buttons for every time he went. The trouble is he worked out very quickly he could game this by going for a small wee, holding onto the rest and then going for another 20 mins later for extra buttons!!

For the person asking what issues you can have PT late this is a good example. At least this PP was only giving out buttons, I had friends who PTed late then had a potty refuser, unless of course he got a new toy train engine. She spent a fortune PTing him then took even longer weaning him off the engines. And then there was the PP with a stubborn child with cast iron bladder control. At three they are much more likely to engage in a battle of wills over PTing than a 2 yo.

I PTed just after 2 and don't recognise the picture of constant accidents. That's not age related, that's if they are ready or not. If you are relaxed about it, do a bit of bare bum time you'll tell within a morning if they are regularly peeing (not ready, try bare bum again next month) or can hold it in (and are therefore ready). We would be nappy free at home but still used nappies when out and about, I saw no point in putting them in a situation when they might have an accident through no fault of their own, it's just setting them up to fail (in reality they rarely peeed in a nappy after the first day or two). Once they were confident at home we had short trips out with no nappy and then they went to nursery nappy free. It happened over a few weeks because DH and I both work so we couldn't do potty training every day. It was very straightforward and the DC didn't get confused and didn't have accidents.

Like others have said I think it's a very generational thing for our mums to think it must be done around the age of 2. Mine was the same and would ask me about it at LEAST once a week.
I didn't feel DS was ready yet but as a first time mum, she worried me. I asked at nursery and in conversation mentioned to the manager how my mum had been and she told me "it's a very 80's mindset for them to have to be potty trained at age 2" and she winked at me.
We ended up leaving it until around a month before he turned 3 and it took less than a week and maybe only 2 or 3 accidents so it was definitely the right thing for us to wait.

Mine were just turned 3, and 3 years 5 months when they finally cracked toilet training. This was after many failed attempts and it was still awful! I'd love to hear what your mum would have to say about my parenting! One of them was reading before he could use the toilet.

They do it when they’re ready!
as he’s a boy I’d be looking at next summer anyway, unless he starts sooner.

if you push, it’ll be hard. If he realises and just does it it’ll be easier for everyone.

my daughter started at about 11 months. She’d save up a bath time wee and go on the potty just before a bath, taking off a dry nappy. With absolutely no encouragement from me. I was horrrified.
my son was 3. It wasn’t too bad, did it in the summer in the garden.
accidents washed away with the hose and minimal washing for a few days.

Your mother is a bitch. Do what suits your child. If you try and potty train too early, it’ll be very difficult. If your child is interested and ready, it’ll be a much quicker process

Ignore.

With DS1 I tried twice before he was 3 and it was a total nightmare.
Tried at 3y 3m and he got the gist within a week. I would have tried again sooner but I had a newborn by then.

With DS2 I just waited til he was a similar age and he got it in about 2 days. Preschool were pleasantly surprised that he came back after half term with pants on and so confident. He's had maybe half a dozen accidents since and that was about 18 months ago.

In the days of washing nappies, it was absolutely done earlier and while I imagine it was sometimes successful, in general it was about watching very carefully and putting them on the potty so regularly - it would be impossible these days.

In the babies I know 18 months-4.5 years is the (successful) range I have heard about.. The 18month-er was a girl with a SAHM.

Nope she’s not right - I have two children pushed the first one (and that was when he was not far off turning 3) and he was still having regular, almost daily, accidents till shortly before starting school- he’s now 5 and still not dry at night.

Second child waited till he showed interest (c. June this year when he was 3 years and 2 months old), could tell me when he’d done a poo and wee in his nappy, within 2 days he was dry and he’s pretty much dry at night. Wait until they show they’re ready would be my advice especially with boys as anecdotally they seem harder to potty train.

My son goes off for privacy for his poos, but he's not always accurate / truthful about whether he's done one or not, or if he needs one. So I'm not 100% sure he's ready.

He is also going through a phase of being clingy again and frustrated with his language (which is coming on well but still we miss what he means sometimes). So I'm now feeling like we wait a bit longer.

Yes my mother is a total unpleasant PITA towards me on all of my life choices, including parenting... and then she wonders why I don't want to visit her very often!

Also agree to wait til summer months if you can, much quicker. I did mine the summer they turned 3, but they are Feb/March birthdays. With DS2 I got lucky and trained him during a heatwave so he ran around half naked in the garden for a week.

My mum is 72 and potty trained us early as she used terry nappies. Think that was the norm then.

My two boys were between 3yrs and 3yrs 3 months when they were potty trained. But my mum never said a thing except to remark how quickly they got it and how it was much easier than when she potty trained me and my sister at a much younger age.

You don't have a potty training problem, you have a mum problem.

Just to add, there's nothing wrong with giving it a try and then if it doesn't work out try later. We had a couple of false start with my youngest and it didn't do any harm going back to nappies then eventually trying again a few months later.

Dd1 was 2 months away from being 3 when I did it and as we'd waited longer she had it figured out in about 2 days. Your little one is within the normal range towards almost a bit early, you know your son op xx

In the days of towelling nappies, wet nappies were much less comfortable and many young children were very aware that they were wet. I believe that this led to many making the link between wanting to wee and weeing earlier than is current now. Going back over 40 years, my son wasn't really ready but was trained at 2 years and 3 months approx. I know that it was around that time because my daughter, who was just a year old - saw him using the potty and decided whatever he could do, she could do too. Only problem was she wanted to stand up, like her big brother, so catching it was a bit hit and miss - she stopped wearing nappies at that point and quickly began to use the toilet.

When I was a baby, my mum was 'trained' for me and my siblings to use the potty. 6 kids and no washing machine made it worth her while to recognise when we were about to wee or poo and she would hold us over the potty. She claims we were trained at 3 months - we weren't - she was, although we still wore nappies as understandable there were accidents. By the time we could walk though we probably were more or less conditioned to use the potty/toilet.

I now think there is a sweet spot, which varies from child to child and that there is no BEST age, just the right one for that child but it is harder if that stage is missed..

People are judgmental, it's too early it's too late, they are as bad as each other. I always laugh when people are so critical of people doing it too early and think they are so laid back when they are just as opinionated.

All children will vary, I've brought up 4 and have 6 GC, some would be considered too early and some too late and some were proper Goldilocks and just right.

There are two things I'd advise, do it when you think is the right time for your child and if you can do it in warm weather and let them play in the garden (if you have one) with no pants/trousers, easiest way in my experience and no mess in the house.

Go with your own feelings OP.

My daughter was 2yrs 8 months when we started training her, and to be honest, she was showing some signs, but the main reason we went for it is because it worked out our shifts meant she would be at home with either me or my husband for 10 days on the bounce, so took the opportunity.

Your son is still very young, and pretty much every child I know have been 2 1/2 - 3 1/2 when they've been potty trained. So no, I don't think she is right.

Also, your child has to be ready, but it has to work for.you too for it to work best. If you were on crutches then that would have made it really tough on you 💐

Also, I am so sorry your mum is so unkind to you x

You can't train for overnight ,its to do with a hormone kicking in ,some kids are still in pullups over night aged 7+ incidentally my disabled child came out of nappies during the day when he was 9 or 10, he was however dry during the night from a much earlier age .

I watched my mother potty train my much younger sister. She would put her on the potty on her lap after a feed from birth! Sister was fully trained very young - and presumably she did the same with me and my older brother. And yes, I do think the fact that they used terry nappies was a factor - and did not have washing machines so accidents were more of a nuisance.

Potty training goes in fads and phases. As a grandparent you have to go with the latest flow.

You do it when you feel it’s the right time or take your child’s lead and let them tell you when it’s the right time.

for example - my son yes he was just over 2 when he decided to do it himself, with very little encouragement. However my nephew who is 3 days younger and now 3 has no interest.

there is no right way or no wrong way to do potty training, my eldest daughter was 2.5 when she started potty training but I left it up to them to decide when it was time. It makes it much easier for both parties, less frustration and much less accidents!

good luck and if you leave a potty out and about for him he’ll soon decide when it’s time. X