Is my mother right about potty training?

[PeterRabbitagain]

My son is 2.2 and we are planning to potty train soon. We were going to do it over summer but I was on crutches so we postponed. My mother has had a go at me saying it's pathetic that I couldn't do it already and that he's getting too old to not be potty trained.

Aside from my mothers unkindness which I'm used to, is she correct about his age? I was under the impression that between 2-3 is normal but my mother said that was wrong.

Both my boys were dry just after three years old. I was told (by preschool) that it was a little in the late side, but I was happy when we did it - it meant they were totally ready, mature enough to get a good grasp on it, and there was never a single accident.

On the other hand, a friend of mine started potty training her 18 month old son and it was just far too early for him - accidents all the time, she had to carry a potty everywhere they went, he pooed directly into his pants, etc! I didn't say anything but I did wonder why she couldn't just leave it year.

I think your mum sounds awful to call it 'pathetic' x

Both my children were just over 3.

We tried earlier and it just didn't work either because communication was there or they just weren't ready.

I wasn't prepared to cause upset when it wasn't something they could change or control.

Ignore your Mum.

They are all different. I think a generation or 2 ago, parents were in more of a hurry to potty train.

i was lead by my toddlers, and in no hurry whatsoever. They both announced they were done with nappies at 2 but kept wearing them to bed for another year.

If you try to potty train too early, ime you'll spend a long time cleaning up accidents and wet and soiled clothes. Fine I guess if you have the time and patience to do it with a smile on your face, but not if you're going to get stressed by this and stress out your DC as well.

I think my twins were 2.5 and 2.7 respectively when they got it. My mum also gave me grief about it and I duly told her to do one.

One of my girls clearly wasn't ready so we delayed her by a couple of months but what I would say is that nursery was amazing and they only went 2 mornings a week but they came on so well. Both of mine had pretty much totally nailed it within a week each. They just have to be ready

Your DM is basing that on the older ideas/advice. Now the advice is do it about the age your DC is and when the DC is ready.

My late MIL said, and I’m quoting directly, “all of mine were clean and DH by 12 months”. All of her children have real sever issues because of that.

Some children can be genuinely potty trained quite young. However a lot of very young 'potty trained' children have accidents nearly every day. Some friends who potty trained young seemed to always be carrying 2 or 3 spare pairs of pants and trousers. I tried a few times when my DC were small, but they were completely resistant. When they were actually ready it was all done and dusted in 3 days, no accidents. My DM was, like yours, very (ahem) verbal about her thoughts on the matter.

A lot of people seem to believe that there is some kind of moral value in potty training earlier. I never understood it myself.

We waited until my dd was nearly 3. No doubt she would have been ready earlier but I couldn't be arsed and I couldn't see any reason for the rush. When we did eventually get round to it, she'd cracked it within the weekend and never had any accidents after that. Meanwhile, friends who started much earlier seemed to take much longer.

As long as they're dry by the time they start school, I don't really see the issue. Just do it when it suits you and your child.

It does depends on the child. Some children are ready as young as 18 months or slightly earlier and other children later. I think ideally by 3 and definitely before they go to school. In previous generations they did potty train children at a younger age, however the nappies were not as good as they are today. My mum said I had to be trained you as had really bad nappy rash etc

I mean, it's not like they'll be listing "potty trained at 18 months" as one of their achievements on their CV when they're older!!

People should just chill about this stuff with regard to their own kids, and everyone else should keep their opinions to themselves.

My first I listened to MIL wrongly and potty trained from DS turning 2. It took forever and was awful for us all.

Youngest DS I started when he turned 3 and he was potty trained and on the toilet within a week. Much less stressful and a quicker process.

This has really helped put my mind at ease. We are in a similar situation. Thank you.

When they are ready, they are ready....

If I had my time again I wouldn't even consider it before 3 and as long as they're fully trained before going into school (or a school nursery setting) that's all that matters. You save a lot of stress and washing leaving it a bit later.

Depending on your age, you were probably out of nappies by then too – disposable nappies don't help them learn when they are going. When I was a baby (mid-seventies), we were all in cloth. I used cloth nappies for my children (2010s) and they were out of them fully by 18mo, and comfortably using a potty before 12mo.
It also helps if there is a sahp to help monitor. Nursery can't be expected to do it.

My oldest was almost 4, and my youngest 18 months (2 days after the oldest). Both girls. I was worried about the older one, but it was fine. No accidents afterwards with either of them.

Your mums being an idiot

1. she’s being a bitch
2. nope, the older the better. Did it at 2.5 and wish I’d waited until 3 as took ages. Loads of people I know had to stop and redid it at 3. He’s so young ffs!

Clean and dry not DH 🤦‍♀️

@RubyRoss
Unless it's a winter baby then 2.5 is acceptable.

Why does a winter baby make a difference?! Is there a reason winter babies should potty train younger?

Op, as everyone has said, ignore your mum. Ds1 wasn't trained until 3.5, we tried several times before and he just wasn't getting it at all. Ds2 we've just done over the summer at 2.5. He was probably ready a couple of months before but I wanted to wait till the summer when he was off playschool and I had a decent chunk of time to get it. Although he's definitely regressed now he's back at playschool, doesn't want to break away from playing with his friends to go to the toilet, but playschool are happy to persevere until he gets it there too

I potty trained my first when he was 2 years and 9 months and I thought that was pretty young! I waited for warmer weather and did the 'oh crap' method where he was without anything on his bottom half for a few days. He nailed in within a few days so will do the same for number 2 at around the same age. Don't listen to your mum! You're the mum of your child and YOU know best!

DS's grandparents potty trained their kids young because nappies were expensive or had to be washed.

Times have changes and it's now the norm to train between 2 and 3.

I've had pressure from both grandparents to train DS from about 18 months and politely declined.

I just trained him at 2 years 9 months and he has had about 3 accidents in 6 weeks. It was incredibly easy and he was excited to do it. I know if I'd tried 6 months before it would have been a different story.

Absolutely normal.

My 1st DS was just not ready until he was 3. I tried twice before then and he just didn't care about being wet at all. Unless I'd have punished him or been willing to spends weeks, potentially months of daily accidents he would not have been potty trained before then.

I wasn't potty trained until I was over 3, it was quite a big thing back then and my mum got lots of stick for being lazy. Guess who cares now? Absolutely nobody.

You can do what you want, your child. But most 2 year olds are capable of being potty trained in my experience. It’s just easier for parents to believe that if they put it off it’s better for them and the child because sticking with nappies is more convenient for you.

My 2 kids trained in a couple of days at 20 and 22 months. No accidents after those first days, no issues afterwards, amazing to be nappy free and so much better for the environment as well.

Fully agree with this, our daughter we did at 2 and it was far too young, our grandson started a few weeks before his third birthday and it's a breeze. I do realise that all children are different though.

Maybe you could ask your mother what those shelffuls of large nappies in the supermarket are for?

OT but if yours is showing signs of being ready, get a potty and let her try. Mine could sign for the potty and was trained for number 2s when she was a year old, started at 9 months just because she clearly hated going in her nappy and would do the ‘poo face’ then hold it til I’d got another nappy ready for her (she’d even point at the nappy bag). Since she could hold it in and know when to go I thought I’d let her try- she was very happy to use the potty.

Since she could poop on there, I’d let her go on in the mornings when she woke up dry and she’d happily wee on there too. Gradually she just trained herself. I think the lack of pressure and the early age helped with her- it wasn’t a big deal, there was no stress. She’s now 7 and no continence issues at all!

If your LO shows signs of being ready, a low pressure low stress access to a potty might be a good thing.