Being poor is...

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Money being the last thing you think of at night and first thing when you wake up.
Dreading party invites in school bags.
Wrapping the baby in blankets because it's cold but too early to justify the heating.
Feel free to add your own

It changes you forever. Even when you get out of poverty the fear remains. I have spare cash now. I still only have one pair of shoes that I wear because the fear of wasting money and then finding myself back in poverty is so strong.
I could afford to buy clothes just because I liked them now and not just as a functional item to keep me covered and warm, but I just can't. It feels like I don't deserve it and it's a waste of money.
I still live frugally at times yet I now have savings and don't really need to, but the worry of using those savings and somehow ending up back struggling cripples me at times.
The shame of turning down party invites for my kids because I couldn't afford a gift for the birthday child, going to work with no money and no lunch and hoping that someone had brought in biscuits or cakes so I would have something to eat,
Watching my wages go into the bank and straight back out again on bills and a whole month ahead of me to eke out what little I had spare. almost crying with desperation when my kids refused to eat their meal and having to give them something that was planned for another day and wondering how I was going to make that shortfall up.
I,m in a better position now, but I will never forget those years of endless struggle, it leaves a scar on your soul that is hard to heal.

This is such a heartbreaking thread.

This is truly heartbreaking to read, I count my blessings In that my parents used to buy me food occasionally if I told them how bad things were or they would cook for me as I couldn’t afford to house, cloth and feed myself at the same time! I used to wear my mums clothes and she would wash them for me, I also used to walk an hour each way to theirs to use the bath/shower as I couldn’t afford the water bill, they would buy me essentials such as sanitary protection, underwear, socks and bras etc, I genuinely don’t know where I would have been without their support and I’m truly sorry if you have no one to turn to. I had nothing left to sell and worked two jobs, one full time one nights/weekend after work so I was poor and exhausted too and ended up really poorly.

My mortgage and some bills were paid but I had nothing left at all, my parents were not rich but they helped as much as they could but they couldn’t afford to run two households but we’re a godsend in the bits they did for me

The lowest point was having to walk 2 - 3 hours each way to another city from the town where I lived because I had an important hospital appointment and as I couldn’t afford bus fair and couldn’t get a lift it was the only option , worse thing was it was winter but unluckily for me I was also seriously ill at the time too but I managed it somehow!

if you live In Derbyshire (matlock area) I am donating size 8 clothes to charity and will happily drop them off to you (I’ve got wider so they no longer fit but all are in excellent condition including jumpers and coats and size 4 shoes if needed) just PM me, I also have some store cupboard essentials too that I can drop off if that helps

"The poorest 20% in Ireland are 63% better off than the poorest 20% in the UK".

This is interesting, can I ask where you got the figures from please?

It’s all so very repetitive. When your life is reduced to the barest essentials, they’re always the same. The problems of keeping warm, clean and fed. It’s the same food (the cheapest) over and over. The same hardships, the same problems, the same fears. There’s literally nothing novel. It’s partly just because the basics are challenging enough, but also because you can’t afford to take a chance that might not work out, so you have to stick to the same (inadequate) solutions.

I also find it boring. Can’t do anything or go anywhere. Can’t invite people over for more than tea and biscuits. Even free stuff generally involves transport. And you’re exposed to so much stuff to buy everywhere, it’s hard to see it and keep saying no to yourself (and your kids). I’ve nothing to say to anyone anyway. I’ve done nothing worthy of conversation for so long, and I have so little in common with anyone I know, as their lives are moving forward and mine is not. It makes people uncomfortable, and when they ask what you’re up to these days, it’s the same old ‘trying to make the money stretch). I feel like it defines me as a person and overshadows anything else I might be. Like I can’t afford to be a real person anymore. I know underneath I’m still intelligent, well read, a great cook, an enthusiastic but lazy gardener and good at crafts, but there’s no way to live that. I have good values, but they NEED some spare money. Not much, but to have interests you need some time, energy, choices and money beyond basic existing.

It’s dehumanising. To be reduced to the most basic level of existence possible strips you of individuality. Bloody hell.

Isolating. Meeting a friend for coffee out is impossible due to the cost of the coffee and town centre parking. Feeling too embarrassed by the shabbiness and needed home repairs to have someone over for a coffee. Unable to go to festivals, concerts or the cinema with friends and family.

Exhausting.

Being told off or denied promotions at work because your 'presentation isn't professional' when you spent your entire monthly food budget on new clothes because the old ones had worn out, but couldn't afford to replace your shoes as well.

So many things...

-Icicles on insides of windows
-Wearing hats and scarves to bed
-Having to 'defrost' toilet water first thing in the morning with urine (yum!)

• Watching 3 Yr old with sensory issues and a learning disability take 1st bite of food, hoping to god they will eat this today and when they don't, you want to cry as you can't afford for that to go to waste and to make something else
• Having random 'dance parties' with DC throughout the day in a bid to warm everyone up
• Thanking the universe that the library still has the heating on and is open Monday - Saturday.
• Planning all meals around yellow sticker /discounted foods
• wishing people would realise the privilege in being able to batch cook, as not everyone can afford to buy and run a freezer.
• Checking your banking app first thing in the morning and several times throughout the day to keep track of pennies in and out
• Checking your UC statement first thing in the morning on the same day each month to make sure it's the right amount this time and you'll not be left too short.
• Being grateful for free kids activities run by the local authority on the one hand, but knowing you can't afford to get to them.
• Feeling awful that you have to tell your 3 Yr old that they can't have a bath when they ask for one.
• Having to explain to your child's dietician & occupational therapist that you can't afford to present new foods to your child every day to help with their aversions.

I could go on. It's exhausting, humiliating and numbing.

This post is very distressing. It is unbelievable that in a so called First World country that these experiences are obviously not isolated ones.

I have never had to deal with any of these issues, thanks to my father mostly. He grew up with very little although not on the scale some have described. He did not talk about it much as it was too painful but one feeling was of constant hunger . He said he used to visit his aunt 's house, hoping that he would be given a piece of bread and jam. It left him with a life long thankfulness for any meal he had . Thanks o his frugality and work ethic , I had a pretty easy life, as he was determined that he would provide us with everything he could.

My first encounter with being aware of others' position , was because of an old boyfriend. He had grown up with a single mother in Thatchers Britain. Described wearing government issue school trousers which were always too short and his mother altering shirts to fit . And again always being hungry. He found it difficult to see good food bring wasted and would freeze any leftovers, making bizarre concoctions which he would eat up. I often think of him when I feel how privileged some people are that complain of being deprived because they can't afford designer stuff, etc.

So the scars of poverty are deep , no matter what you are later able to achieve . And it has never been more difficult to be able to get out of the poverty trap under current circumstances. Whoever said that these posts should be read out on Parliament is absolutely right .

Rich to me is having family, friendship and love. Poor, is the opposite.

Pretending you ate your dinner before the DCs came downstairs 'so it didn't go cold'

Not leaving the house except to go to work or collect children from school

Not having a working light in your bedroom

Not buying yourself any clothes because charity shops are too expensive and so are the budget ranges in supermarkets

Only heating your house when the children are there

Wearing glasses that you can't read with because the prescription is wrong

Never having your hair cut

Not applying for jobs outside a small radius of your home

Being thankful you have no friends because you can't afford them

Thinking that life is a luxury that you are increasingly unable to justify having

I have family friendship and love. I am very lucky.

It is still soul destroying to worry about what you're going to do when the heating turns off, or not having £1 for the random cake sale at school, or always always seeming to struggle just to make it to the next payday.

Yeah.

No.

Way to miss the point of the thread.

Have you read this thread. That's just so way off the mark of what is being shared.

My heart is breaking that so many are struggling in these ways. I am fortunate not to know true poverty in the way some of you have, although I have known hardship as a child when my mum was a lone parent.

It makes me feel helpless. My vote was not for this. My heart doesn't want this. And I would happily pay more to prevent this.

So sorry - obviously wrong thread - unable to operate Mumsnet...

@decisionsdecisions22 you can report your own posts and request deletion if you want to.

Thank you

Good for you.

Unfortunately when we had our house repossessed several years ago, the building society wouldn’t take my parents in lieu of payment no matter how much I asked. And I tried paying my bus fare to work with friendship but the driver insisted on cold hard cash so I had to borrow it from my stepdaughter’s savings instead.

Patronising twaddle.

@FreezyFreezy
I used to buy and sell online a lot womens clothing etc.

I have a pair of black size 3 brand new winter boots festering in the box not being worn.

If you would like them pm me your details and I will post them on to you.

Honestly they will just sit there else and I'd rather they came in handy for someone.

Well aren't you lucky. I have no family, no friends, no love and no money

@Harrystylestutu you don't need to pay for Calpol you can get a generic painkiller on the NHS. I was prescribed one for my DD once and it was a huge bottle.