Being poor is...

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Money being the last thing you think of at night and first thing when you wake up.
Dreading party invites in school bags.
Wrapping the baby in blankets because it's cold but too early to justify the heating.
Feel free to add your own

It wasnt even the constant worry and grind for me it was the lack of options and life.

I know I would have made better choices and done different things if I had money. I am resentful of being in that position. It scared and scarred me.

Thank you, Chevyimpala67. You mentioned Acts 435, a charity which helps individuals in need. I have cried over this thread and I’m so angry that our government has reduced its people to this misery. I have donated and I’m sure others will too.

To those of you experiencing poverty and who have children, please talk in confidence to the Head teachers of your children’s primary schools. They can perhaps assist with stationery, uniform, trips and even food for your children? They may have contacts and community resources at their disposal? Heads in secondary schools need to know if teenagers are experiencing hardship. I’ve never worked in a school that couldn’t rustle up a uniform or a PE kit - schools can and will help if they can.

To all of you who have posted, thank you. It has not been easy to read but your accounts should be compulsory reading for every politician in this country.

I've just been to the supermarket with my £50 voucher (kindly given to us by my dad because he has quite a lot of money and doesn't need it; he gave us £600 last month so we could keep up with most of the rent, which at only £410 a month is still too expensive at the moment, and pay our energy bill) and bought things like dry pasta packet meals and reduced price bread, butter and cheese. We're living off crap, cardboard food with limited nutritional value because it doesn't take a lot of energy to prepare or heat up and at least it's calories and we don't go to bed hungry.

When we're in a better place we will pay my dad back but at the moment it's just one thing after another. I had to repair dc1's shoes with superglue because we simply couldn't afford to buy some new ones. My shoes cost £100 about 5 years ago and they're wearing out now but there's no way I can justify buying anything other than those knock-off Converse pumps to replace them.

Ds started high school this year; almost all of his uniform was from the pre-loved give away they did before the summer holidays and I just adjusted the bits that were too big. Luckily the school paid for his blazer out of their pupil premium fund.

I remember the constant fear. Fear that something would break and need repairing/replacing. Fear that the toaster would burn the only two pieces of bread I had and not having anything else I could have eaten if the toast was too burnt. Fear that the flickering of a lightbulb meant it was about to die and working out which lightbulb in the house was least used so I could swap them over. Fear that my friends would think I was not worth bothering with because I always had an excuse for turning down invitations when the hidden reality was that I couldn't afford to go out.

I also remember the tedium. Choosing what to eat based on price not what I enjoyed eating. Not having anything to look forward to. Not having a social life because it cost too much to go out. Not being able to buy a book or a magazine to give me something to do at home.

For me as a child, it was -

No breakfast
Selling my free dinner tickets to the packed-lunch kids, then giving the money to my mum
No lunch
Only eating half my dinner then pretending to be full so mum could secretly eat the rest in the kitchen while pretending to clear up
Being obsessed with food
Not having a full uniform at the start of the year
Getting detention for not having the full uniform
Shoezone school shoes instead of Kickers
Being bullied for having Shoezone school shoes
Lying about where we went for summer holiday
Having sink washes because heating enough water for the bath was too expensive
Having to wash hair with one jug of water (half to wet, half to rinse)
Having to sneak around at night to steal a scoop of coal from the neighbours to keep the fire going in the winter
Letting the fire burn out in the summer
Damp windows
Damp clothes
Damp bedding
Dreading Christmas because it meant mum would get into debt with Littlewoods and have to spend the next 9 months paying it off
Lying to others about what I got for Christmas
Pretending to just want a book for birthdays
Lying to others about what I got for birthdays
No parties
Constantly looking at the ground searching for coins
Feeling down the back of people's couches for coins
Checking the hoover contents for coins
Wanting to jump in front of a train the time I lost 50p coming back from the shop
Being left home alone from a very young age while mum worked for a shit wage
Having to look after my learning disabled brother from a young age for the same reason
Feeling fear every time something broke because it meant more debt
Mum's depression
Fear of mum's depression
Lying to mum that I was fine and everything was fine

TLDR: being cold, being damp, being obsessed with food, being obsessed with money, stealing, lying, depression.

I didn't realise we were poor growing up. My mum hid it from us.
Older cousins giving us clothes and mum saying aren't we lucky having big cousins who give us lovely clothes.
Having all the odds and ends from the fridge/freezer for tea and thinking this was a real treat.
Having champ for tea, (mashed potato and spring onion) with no meat, again a real treat.
Mum not eating tea as she had a 'big lunch' and wasn't hungry.
Never going on holiday
Snuggling under blankets on the sofa instead of putting the heating on.

@FreezyFreezy

What size feet are you?

I have some new winter boots that I was given that I've never worn.

@catscatscurrantscurrants

I have sent you a pm

I lied a lot as a child/teenager, for years I just thought it was because I was an awful person. You know, liars are just scum and not trustworthy.

But in my adult life I've realised what I lied about and why

*I lied that my Dad would buy as a Macdonalds or take us to pizza hut every friday. the truth was I had no Dad and I didn't even taste a takeaway until I was 18 and earning my own money

*that i had a horse. all my friends were spending their weekends horse riding, I wanted to feel included.

* I went to Hawaii over the summer holidays, I even showed my friends souvenirs from there. I had never been abroad, ever as a teenager. My grandparents had gone to Hawaii and I told them I had a school project so they lent me their souvenirs.

* That I quit my A-levels as they were too hard. I quit my A-levels because my Mum was struggling and I needed to work full time in a shop to pay the mortgage to keep a roof over my siblings head.

Being poor is ostracising, isolating, and depressing. Friends were getting the new SNES console for xmas, I got a Garfield Annual and a charity shop dressing gown.

Lying became such second nature it became really hard to break, I had to lie to make myself sound better, richer, more important, more fun, more desirable. I can thank my DH for making me feel so secure from the instant I met him, for really helping me break this.

I used to feel ashamed that I was a liar, I dont anymore. I see it now that it was a defense mechanism.

Was freezing to death and one meal a day if I was lucky. Malnourished and sick. Dropped to a size 8 as I couldn't afford to eat. This was 10 years ago. Things can change. It's hard right now but keep focused it can pass xxx

Thank you, that's very kind, but I have tiny feet: I'm a size 3.

This thread has really hit home today.

I am currently laying on my sofa with a hot water bottle on my face. I have had horrendous toothache since yesterday and can’t afford any painkillers until I get paid on Friday. Not even the cheapest of the cheap ones.

I'm so so sorry for all of you going through this, i wish i could help. I hope someone helps

I’m so sorry to read this. Do you have a neighbour or colleague or friend who can give you some painkillers? Can you get to a pharmacy tomorrow and explain the problem - surely they’d give you some free.

I have work tomorrow so I’ll ask someone for some and say I don’t have my card on me.
That’s a good idea about asking in a pharmacy! Thank you, I’ll try that after work tomorrow.

@whoruntheworldgirls

You can help. You can help by not voting Tory and making sure that anyone and everyone you know who has voted Tory understands that the families whose lives are being described on this thread are living that way because of the actions of this government, who they voted for.

This is what they voted for. 😢

This thread resonates so much with me. We grew up so poor, the poor ones in the family and that brings about so much shame in itself. Shame, the biggest emotion I struggle with. My life is the furthest from that today, but those feelings are still etched in me. A massive hug and prayer for all those who have been through it and still are. 😭

… something that you never forget. I’m very fortunate to be in a better place now, but every penny is a prisoner. My DSs laugh at me (they don’t remember what it was like), but I am genuinely afraid to spend.

i remember when my eldest started secondary school
It was a real mix of kids-some who’s parents where wealthy,right through to real poor kids
guess which one mine was?
I was a single parent who’s never had a penny in csa and was living penny to penny-it was all accounted for with no treats

anyway,dd had this real bitch of a teacher-she had her favourites-the white,middle class kids who’s parents had money
one lesson about 5 weeks after they started,she got the kids to write about their favourite holiday
dd and her mate (who’s mum was struggling on benefits) told this bitch of a teacher that they’d never been on holiday-which was the truth
the teacher hauled them both up and made them stand in front of the class while she shouted at them for lying-‘everyone’s been on at least one!look children,look at these two liars!’
then gave them lunchtime detention for this

i only found out years later-dd was too ashamed to tell me at the time

if I ever see that woman,I will rip her head off

it’s bad enough trying to make ends met as it is without doing that to kids

This thread is absolutely heartbreaking.

I have shoes I have never worn too. I am size 6 if they might fit

Can we possibly start a Mumsnet Friendship Fund?

We pull together, on here. I’d be willing to donate food vouchers, clothes, toiletries, anything.

There has to be a way?

This thread needs to go into classics, as a social document. It should be read by MPs. It’s awful.

There is so much with resonates with me on this thread. The ice on the inside of windows, the bowl of water wash - no bath, the lies I told as life was so miserable, my
mum not eating when I ate, my dad always having money for booze and fags, the constant sense of shame and fear.

When I was a child I thought so many other people were really wealthy. Now looking back I realise those ‘wealthy’ people were just ordinary working class people - many who were probably also struggling. It is just that we were so poor anyone with anything clearly had more than us.

I really get what you’re saying regarding lying to cover up the poverty…

im glad things appear to be better for you now.

I am sorry to everyone here who is struggling, it’s totally shit.

When your parents have to choose between whether the electric or gas meters get the last 50p. Of gas then you can't watch tv or have any lights on
If electric then no heating and only bread and marg to eat as the cooker is gas

Not having anything to talk about at school because you never do anything as it all costs money.

Being bullied because you smell because your parents can't afford to get the washing machine mended and there's no hot water to wash bodies or clothes.

Having to explain at university why you've never been abroad or had any holidays

Feeling stupid for not knowing what foodstuffs like hummus are because you grew up on egg and chips because it was cheap. Then people not understanding how you can't like chips because they don't knkw that you spent your childhood eating it.

As a child not being able to go to tea with friends because your parents can't afford to reciprocate

Dreading the post arriving

Paying your parents mortgage with your student grant in order to kick the repossession can down the road one more month

Feeling relief when it was a weekend or bank holiday because no post.

Never having the opportunity to save money because family always needs it (I still experience this now at nearly 50 even though I earn over £80K)

Feeling fear. The fear that never actually leaves.