Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Being poor is...

286 replies

TinyPhotoFrames · 21/09/2022 06:28

Money being the last thing you think of at night and first thing when you wake up.
Dreading party invites in school bags.
Wrapping the baby in blankets because it's cold but too early to justify the heating.
Feel free to add your own

OP posts:
Perfect28 · 22/09/2022 08:41

Roachthehorse you say your vote didn't want this, if you voted conservative this thread is exactly what they want. Poverty by design. Destitution for millions is a political choice. Never, ever vote Tory.

WhereIsMyGlasses · 22/09/2022 08:47

ShirleyJackson · 21/09/2022 22:14

Can we possibly start a Mumsnet Friendship Fund?

We pull together, on here. I’d be willing to donate food vouchers, clothes, toiletries, anything.

There has to be a way?

This thread needs to go into classics, as a social document. It should be read by MPs. It’s awful.

I understand why people won't want to say what area (roughly) they're in but there are so many people, even those struggling, that could freely and cheaply help each other out in some way, even of it's just moral support and judgement free friendship. I don't have lots to give, but I could still help in some way, lots of us can spare something even if it's things like clothing that doesn't fit, kids clothing or good but unused toys etc or sharing a cuppa.

I've experienced some but not the extreme things that some of you have described. Lots of people don't realise that we're only one, two or a few bits of bad luck away from poverty, moreso under the current government. It's horrendous that people are living like this still, and before any judgemental benefit bashers think (or rather don't!) the current poverty cycle is also experienced by many who work, more than one job, yet still can't make ends meet.

This thread is a must read for everyone, not just (but definitely by) politicians. I've really felt upset for many of your experiences.

Harrystylestutu · 22/09/2022 09:10

@OhamIreally I was too ashamed to ring the doctors surgery to ask for something so basic for my child, but it did cross my mind. We only have a tiny independent chemist and they only had branded 😞 another debt written down for payday. My mum wouldn't even take the money back if she could afford to lose it either, she'd give us her last pound.

L1ttledrummergirl · 22/09/2022 09:15

TortolaParadise · 22/09/2022 03:53

Rich to me is having family, friendship and love. Poor, is the opposite.

You've never gone to bed hungry have you? Or worried about how to feed your dc, or keep a roof over your head, or how to clothe your dc as they grow?

Fuck off with this bollocks, you're showing your stupidity and empathetic unintelligent.

OhamIreally · 22/09/2022 09:16

@Harrystylestutu don't be ashamed- you can bet there's plenty of well off people getting all sorts for free.
I know shame can be overwhelming when you're poor but it's operating against your best interests. You're absolutely entitled to this and that's what taxes are paid for.

Flatmountains · 22/09/2022 09:19

Juggling my finances to a finite detail so that I don't notice what I am missing out on.

RoachTheHorse · 22/09/2022 09:20

Perfect28 · 22/09/2022 08:41

Roachthehorse you say your vote didn't want this, if you voted conservative this thread is exactly what they want. Poverty by design. Destitution for millions is a political choice. Never, ever vote Tory.

My post wasn't clear was it. My vote was NOT Tory. I voted for a Labour. It would cost me more personally but I don't want to be part of a nation that doesn't look after people.

I agree about not citing blue, above all other considerations I want everyone to have the possibility of a safe warm home and food on the table.

That should never be too much to ask.

lisabellee · 22/09/2022 09:25

Not having enough for a pint of milk ...

OhamIreally · 22/09/2022 09:26

Although I agree that this is poverty by design I do also see that a lot of the poverty described on this thread has an undercurrent of fathers not sharing their resources- lots of single mums. Also those describing their father keeping money for themselves.

My own childhood poverty stemmed from this situation and it's true it never leaves you.

I do think more could be done to force fathers to support their children- social opprobrium being one tool that has been used in combating drink driving for instance, but not in leaving your own child to starve or freeze which appears to be more socially acceptable than having a fag in a restaurant.

distracta · 22/09/2022 10:24

OhamIreally · 22/09/2022 09:26

Although I agree that this is poverty by design I do also see that a lot of the poverty described on this thread has an undercurrent of fathers not sharing their resources- lots of single mums. Also those describing their father keeping money for themselves.

My own childhood poverty stemmed from this situation and it's true it never leaves you.

I do think more could be done to force fathers to support their children- social opprobrium being one tool that has been used in combating drink driving for instance, but not in leaving your own child to starve or freeze which appears to be more socially acceptable than having a fag in a restaurant.

‘Leaving your children to starve is more socially acceptable than having a fag in a restaurant…’

So sadly true… Betting Truss won’t do anything about it…

Sophieleigh26 · 22/09/2022 10:27

getting birthday presents makes you feel guilty

LemonsOnSaleAgain · 22/09/2022 10:35

I always feel like a hot shower is a luxury because hot water, showers, and heating had to be kept to a minimum in my childhood.

I have a 'This'll do' mindset when shopping for clothes and mentally can't let myself spend more than the lowest prices. It feels horrifying to me to even look at higher priced items. This was after a childhood spent in hand-me-downs and second hand school uniform. I remember being the only child in the class still wearing the old style school uniform after the colour and style had changed.

cathycake · 22/09/2022 10:57

Oh my days , reading all this is so sad. I’ve been there myself and it lasted over 10 years. I had a constant stress bubble in my stomach. I was a single parent with a mortgage, no maintenance and a loser of an ex partner. Bills mounting up that ex had taken out in my name etc
I buried my head in the sand for months and finally went to CAB who advised me to go bankrupt which would involve losing my home. That really made me dig my heels in. I rang everyone I owed money to and to my surprise they were all willing to help. It was a long trek but I did it.
The worst part of being poor isn’t the poor bit but the stress and worry. My kids and I ‘enjoyed’ an uncomplicated life and although we went without I managed through scrimping pennies and was bloody proud of myself. It taught me a lesson and its now a way of life for me. I am bloody grateful every day for what I have. I never buy new for myself or my home but I now splurge on my kids (i mean things like insurance etc) as i dont ever want then to feel the way I did.

My life is comfortable now but I am so careful with money and when shopping will always buy extra for the foodbank.
I implore anyone to speak to their creditors and more importantly to not offer more than they can afford.
I told mine that I could manage X per month at moment but would be happy to re look in 6 months time.
Speak to credit card companies etc and see if they can stop interest.
i had to cancel life insurance, home insurance and change to interest only mortgage. It was a case of keeping the roof over our heads with the aim of one day getting back on track.
Kids are grown now and sold the house and bought a small house out of the equity.
As Charles Dickens said ‘it was the best of times it was the worst of times’

Povertystricken · 22/09/2022 11:04

@TortolaParadise today was the first day in months I woke up not feeling like I was about to cry. Then I saw your post. Thank you so much 😡

cathycake · 22/09/2022 11:07

Forgot to mention but remember thinking that branded goods eg Andrex, Kellogs, Fairy etc were for the ‘rich’ and not for the likes of me

user1471538283 · 22/09/2022 11:48

As much as we could possibly help each other that is exactly what the Tories want. They will crow about the community helping each other, back to the good old days. What we need is a government that will help the vulnerable and this one will not do that. We need systemic change, again not going to happen.

We've got more food banks than McDonalds. MPs opening food banks with buffets and smiling for the cameras - as if this is something to be proud of. People are surrendering their pets, cutting back constantly. But there comes a point when you cannot cut back any further.

I am upset and outraged that in one of the wealthiest countries in the world we have child, food, fuel and period poverty. And it is going to get a lot worse.

AdoraBell · 22/09/2022 12:03

I had family and friends and love how the fuck did that not give enough food and less stress for my parents?

felulageller · 22/09/2022 12:06

My memories of being poor haven't left me, years later. There are still some things (that are normal expenditure to most) that I'd feel so guilty about because the poor mindset sticks.

I consciously buy things that would help if I ever became poor again. I hoard quite a lot too, in fear of not being able to buy things in the future.

I read my diaries I kept them and it's sad what little I considered luxuries.

I'd not buy bin bags, just reused shopping bags (when they were free).

I'd reuse tinfoil until it was unusable.

I'd reuse one tea bag all day, no matter how much tea. I measured the water in the kettle so I didn't waste electricity boiling too much. I'd reuse crockery and cutlery as much as possible to use as little hot water as possible washing up. I'd also eat from the pot/pan to minimise dishes.

I only bathed in DC's used bath water.

I never went to a cafe for years.

The only furniture I had was from charity shops. Not that we needed much. We lived in a one bed flat, DC in one room, me in the other so no living room. (But sitting under the duvet in bed every evening meant I didn't need to put the heater on much)

No landline or internet at home so had to go to the public library to send emails/ apply for jobs etc. TV was so old it had no remote control and only 5 channels. No double glazing or central heating- 2 plug in heaters for whole flat. (This was all in the noughties not the 70s/80s).

Only ate meat once a week despite really liking meat and wanting to have it every day. Worried about DC not getting enough iron. Never got a takeaway or ate out. DC never had a happy meal!

Only had 3 pairs of shoes- trainers, boots and sandals. One summer jacket, one winter coat (was a present). I wore clothes until they were dirty as I could only afford one load of washing a week.

I walked everywhere and just didn't go places I couldn't walk to. (8 miles round trip was about my limit)

I struggled with the cost of (non brand) disposable nappies and wipes so got some reusable ones and tried cotton wool and baby lotion but there was so much mess/ spills creating more things that needed washed it wasn't worth it. Didn't stop me counting the cost every time I put a new nappy on (13p a go from memory). I'd feel so guilty about this luxury that I'd try to keep changes to a minimum but then DC would get nappy rash so more guilt.

When I got a job and a bit more money (but only £9 pwk more from working ft) I needed a car to get to said job. But when the battery died I couldn't afford a replacement so had to jump start my car every morning for weeks.

When I moved to a flat that did have central heating the boiler broke and had to last 2 months with no hot water apart from the kettle and no heating. Also couldn't afford to buy a fridge when moved so had to buy a pint of milk every day and keep it cool in the sink.

It became normal to be in debt to every company - gas and electric, phone, bank, student loans, social fund loans, council tax, TV licence. I had repayment arrangements with all of them. All the red letters were so stressful. But this was when calling them on a mobile was 45p per minute so that would leave me with even less to pay them!

I'm so terrified my DCs ever end up like that.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 22/09/2022 12:23

@WhereIsMyGlasses

I would be totally on board with this.

I have things that I can pass on to others.

It's about solidarity and help where needed.

Definitely going to keep reading and posting here daily so if anyone needs anything I can see what I can source

SecretlyInLove · 22/09/2022 13:51

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 22/09/2022 12:23

@WhereIsMyGlasses

I would be totally on board with this.

I have things that I can pass on to others.

It's about solidarity and help where needed.

Definitely going to keep reading and posting here daily so if anyone needs anything I can see what I can source

I think also that charity shops aren't all that cheap anymore and are used proudly by people who don't necessarily need to for financial reasons but want to whereas actually it'squite inaccessiblefor those who truly need the facility whether that be it'sactually too expensive, or lack of options to drive or get public transport...complete generalisation there but just going by my own experiences of people.

I was also thinking the same a out the too good to go app. I was introduced to it this year by my sister in law and while it's great, it really isn't accessible or aimed at those who truly need it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/09/2022 18:25

ShirleyJackson · 21/09/2022 22:14

Can we possibly start a Mumsnet Friendship Fund?

We pull together, on here. I’d be willing to donate food vouchers, clothes, toiletries, anything.

There has to be a way?

This thread needs to go into classics, as a social document. It should be read by MPs. It’s awful.

This

I donate food to food banks regularly

but would like to contribute to a fund is was one

im reading thinking all replies are heartbreaking

People shouldn’t have to live like this in this year

Povertystricken · 22/09/2022 18:30

We aren't living we are existing.

antelopevalley · 22/09/2022 18:31

I have two coats, a waterproof and a slightly smarter type coat. Plus three pairs of shoes. I think that is fine. DP has two pairs of shoes and one coat.

Harrystylestutu · 22/09/2022 18:43

It's so crap though, I have lots of outgrown decent quality things that I would love to donate to anyone on here, both children and ladies clothes mostly, but don't have the money to post it!

Povertystricken · 22/09/2022 19:03

1 pair of shoes, no coat, 2 pairs of trousers, 2 tops, 2 hoodies.