I'm a fucking idiot.

[Lwren]

I'm broke atm, few days before payday but I have all I need.
On a local fb group a woman posted saying she'd left an abuser and had no nappies or formula.
I sent her my last 20 quid.
Shes blocked me. Even the online banking app kept saying it was a scam as names didn't match, but all I could think was a poor scared abused woman and baby. Anyway she blocked me almost immediately. So obviously a scam.
I have done this so much, my first day using twitter I bought a young mum a pizza. I'm good with money regarding making sure my children have everything, but so much pulls on my heart strings and as opposed to just scrolling, I feel the urge to throw my money at them.
I'm sure I'll grow the fuck up one day.
But every time I get scammed I just feel fucking stupid.
The logical response is - stop fucking doing it. But then I worry about people. Years ago I had to walk different routes because the homeless people would know me by name and I'd end up spending so much money I really couldn't afford on drinks and food for them.
I'm not as soft now, but I've still got work to do. I'm not sure why I've posted.
Maybe someone with common sense can rip me a new hole and stop me doing such stupid shit.

This is why you NEVER send money to people you don't know. Hopefully you have learnt the lesson.

I don't think you need a new hole ripping just for caring, but you just need to learn how to be a bit more assertive.

If you are concerned, it might be better to signpost them to organisations that can help. Or if you want to give then give direct to a foodbank or local charity.

It's good you care, but don't do it at the detriment to yourself.

What is it giving you, emotionally/psychologically, when you do this? It's clearly an unhealthy pattern. Does it make you feel good about yourself / like you have 'done the right thing'? (Sorry if this sounds snippy, it isn't intended to be).

You’re not a fucking idiot. That woman’s a scumbag preying on people’s generosity and making it less likely for genuine needy people to receive the help they need.

But there’s no need to give away more than you can afford - you’re clearly a kind and generous person but it’s ok to put yourself first sometimes.

Well it sounds like you know it's stupid, but you're not really willing to stop doing it, so why don't you just put aside a bit of your budget for it? And then don't go over that?

You are not everyones saviour.

You need to step back from this behaviour and if you have a spare £20, put it in savings for the future.

Guve monthly to a charity to help eg shelter, refugee and then point people to those charities.
Or volunteer if you can at them.
I used to do this when I lived overseas as found the poverty in some countries very hard to deal with.

If you want to help other people (which is lovely of you in many ways) why not give a set amount to a proper charity each month or do something like donate items to a food bank.
If you keep giving money to scammers on Facebook then yep, you're a bit of an idiot!

Yeh sorry but I think you are and I’m not going to pretend I don’t think that’s very stupid you sent a stranger your last £20? More fool you 🤷‍♀️

Why do you feel the need to do that when you've been burnt before and are on the bones of your arse yourself? Don't understand

1. Stop going on social media until you can trust yourself (where people can beg).
2. Can you ask your gp for some form of counselling as you seem to have trouble with understanding/seeing that not all people are good. There must be a psychological reason for that. Its almost a placating guesture.

Some people are horrible and take advantage of people.

can you find other ways of helping people? Donate to a food bank or similar so you know your donations are going to be put to good use?

Don't be so hard on yourself.

I gave money quite regularly to a woman who posts on Reddit until I started noticing every single post was a hint for money. Lots of people send her money regularly but I started getting pretty suspicious of it
You're a good person but never send money you can afford to. You're clearly not in a position to give it away.

You’re too nice which shouldn’t be a bad thing but it is these days as too many people are quick to take advantage.

If it makes you feel any better OP, I am the exact opposite and I have thought people were faking/not believed them just for them to be telling the truth and something awful happened to them. I'm fucking heartless sometimes.

Unfortunately I've worked with the public for too long and seen too many piss takers. My default is now they are faking.

@Sapphire387 I think it's the relief of not knowing someone is going hungry or something, I never feel good about myself, usually I think I need to toughen up. But it can spiral, where I worry about things.

@MolliciousIntent that's an excellent idea, it really is. Thank you!

Thanks for replying. I didn't want to tell my family or friends I'd done it because I feel an absolute tool x

You are just a caring person but don't allow yourself to be taken in. There are measures in place if a mother has no formula for a baby. The baby won't starve.
Donate to a charity instead. There are charities who will help people who have nothing

You have a child OP. Why on earth did you give a stranger’s child your last £20 when you have a child?

Just make a hard and fast rule for yourself- you don't give anyone any money ever.

Block people on SM who are begging for money.

If you feel bad, set up a £10 direct debit to shelter each month.

I think it might help if you gave a smalI donation to a homeless charity. You could do a DD for maybe £3 a month. Then when you are approached or read about people you don't know tell yourself ...I help. I am donating to a homeless charity.
These £3 monthly donations from lots of people mount up and do a lot of good. Or do your bit by donating to a good bank when you can. No need to make yourself short of money op and as you have a sympathetic nature doing these other things might make you less inclined to give what you can't afford to people who end up being scammers. 💐

Food bank ...not good bank 😁

I don't know why you would send your last £20 to a complete stranger, but if you feel you need to help out maybe donate to women's aid or something?

In fact you have three young children op

Baffling

There's nothing stopping you from doing the things you do as long as you are not putting yourself in a vulnerable position. Never send money. You seem to really enjoy helping people I don't know what your work situation is like but maybe your efforts in wanting to help people could be helping with a soup run or volunteering at places where they help with food banks ect?

I cant understand why you would give a complete stranger on the internet the last of your money and leave your own children with nothing.

You are putting strangers above your children. Sorry op, no sympathy from me but your children deserve so much better.

This is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen on here.