I'm a fucking idiot.

[Lwren]

I'm broke atm, few days before payday but I have all I need.
On a local fb group a woman posted saying she'd left an abuser and had no nappies or formula.
I sent her my last 20 quid.
Shes blocked me. Even the online banking app kept saying it was a scam as names didn't match, but all I could think was a poor scared abused woman and baby. Anyway she blocked me almost immediately. So obviously a scam.
I have done this so much, my first day using twitter I bought a young mum a pizza. I'm good with money regarding making sure my children have everything, but so much pulls on my heart strings and as opposed to just scrolling, I feel the urge to throw my money at them.
I'm sure I'll grow the fuck up one day.
But every time I get scammed I just feel fucking stupid.
The logical response is - stop fucking doing it. But then I worry about people. Years ago I had to walk different routes because the homeless people would know me by name and I'd end up spending so much money I really couldn't afford on drinks and food for them.
I'm not as soft now, but I've still got work to do. I'm not sure why I've posted.
Maybe someone with common sense can rip me a new hole and stop me doing such stupid shit.

Even the online banking app kept saying it was a scam as names didn't match, but all I could think was a poor scared abused woman and baby.

So why didn't you listen to this? Was it more important for you to feel a better person than others/good/kind/charitable/do you get a 'high' from feeling you've done/are doing something good - what is your motivation for doing what you are doing? Bluntly is it for you or them?

If it is so important to you to help others donate to a Charity that specialises in that, does the kind of work you think is needed, they will make sure that the money is used for the very people who need it and not scammers. You can then signpost the people you feel sorry for to that Charity knowing that your money will help them.

First though you need to analyse your motives and why you and your own children are not your priority.

You have a good heart but sadly there are a lot of people out there with no heart .

I wouldn't send any money via the bank and would just support your local food bank or slip it through the door of someone you know needs help .

You are not stupid, you have a very kind heart and we need more people in the world that care as much as you do but you do need to be more careful and more sensible with money.
Unfortunately there’s always going to be people in poverty, the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor.
If you want to help those who are in less fortunate situations then it’s better to give your money to charities that support poor families/those in need.

There are so many charities to help people like this, if she were genuine. Maybe research charities in your local area so you can signpost people. That way I they are genuine you k ow that you have helped them. There are baby banks that will give out formula and nappies to people in need.

I saw exactly the same post in a fb group local to me!

All of the replies I've had have been really appreciated.
And I feel much less alone for being the soft sod who gets in a twist over a sob story. I will be taking everything said on board and some suggestions are brilliant.
Thank you all. X

@Chesneyhawkes1 imagine if we're neighbours 🤣

@Lwren 😂😂 I did feel sorry for her too! 🤦‍♀️

Have you thought about a healthy way you can support others? Such as giving time at the food bank or supporting a charity that matters to you?

Giving back is good for others and good for us too. I think it's important to give realistically whether that be a sponsored walk swim or run once a year, a regular thing, supporting your kids at school through the PTA (one cake sale a year all the way to committee role stuff). You can know you are helping others if your job and personal life allows it but you give time and practical help, not money, you won't compromise your family money.

🙄

Every time you go to give money to a complete stranger op.

stop.

look at your children and think about what they need / could benefit from / or simply be treated to

Shouldn't you get counseling or something? How can you keep compulsively giving scammers money? You're the reason we all get silly texts and DMs.

You've got the opposite of a gambling problem. It's sort of... worse, frankly.

As per your title.... you're a fucking idiot.

Mean sad person alert

I was raised in poverty and had an exceptionally difficult childhood. I fortunately educated myself out of this and have a very different life now. I do understand the burning desire to help others. I have been that child who has no food. Doing voluntary work alongside my actual job very much in the area of food poverty had actually helped me. Some of it has been more specialist help such as writing grant applications, gathering statistical evidence and speaking to the media. Other help has been stock control, cooking food and washing up at a food kitchen I was associated with.

People scam because they will get some replies, though harsh the more you reply the more it gives them a reason to carry on doing it. So by doing so you are helping to perpetuate this awful behaviour. Think much bigger picture if tempted.

@rumred your only posts on this thread have been enabling the OP. She has an addiction to pudding money away, and it’s not helpful to keep trying to tell her that it’s fine