Food bank Fussiness

[VeronicaFranklin]

I volunteer at a local food bank on a Saturday morning, recently due to cost of living we've had more and more people using it.

All sorts of people, some working families, some exclusively on benefits, some elderly, retired due to ill health and some homeless / alcohol/ drug addiction. There really is no face to food poverty and it's very sad to see so many people struggling to feed themselves and their families. I feel glad there are places people can turn to if they need help...

However...

We give people a sheet when they arrive, they tick a number of items (depending on if they are a family/couple/single person) they wish to have, I go off to pack up their items.

More recently I've had people complain if they wanted something we had a previous week but don't have this week, i.e. requesting Frosties and we only have Cornflakes, or Semi skimmed milk but we only have skimmed. One lady said to me on Sat when I didn't have the soup she liked ' well it just isn't good enough'...

Also people arguing with us if say someone has received a certain brand (donated) and they haven't. For example someone got 'Asda's own washing up liquid and saw someone had got 'Fairy' brand washing up liquid and started complaining it wasn't fair...

I just feel really disappointed. Everyone is entitled to help and most people are very thankful but we rely solely on donations and charity surplus to run the food bank, many of the volunteers give up their time to help even when their circumstances aren't much better than those using the food bank and we often buy items to bring to cover the shortfall in donations especially toiletries such as sanitary towels and toothpaste, but I can't help feeling recently like people are being ungrateful.

Is it unreasonable if you're getting something for free to feel you're entitled to complain? How would you handle it?

Well, the poor don't owe people gratitude, but you can also be poor and be a dickhead. I'd make all the right noises "aww, ok" and walk off, after all you are very busy.

Imagine people thinking you are trying to live a lifestyle you can’t afford by wanting a box of fucking Frosties…

No one is saying that we don't think users 'should' say thanks; just that there are reasons when it won't happen and you need to find a way of coping with this, because it's not about you. You don't personally need thanks for doing this, if you are doing it for the right reasons. Of course it's nice to get that feel-good hit, of course it's pleasant when people are polite. But you aren't doing the job for that. And getting a 'thanks' from them for you volunteering isn't always going to happen. And expecting a 'thanks' from them to you for the food and the whole set-up, when that's not what you've done, is putting you on a different 'side' from them, immediately aligning yourself with this whole organisation and expecting to receive thanks on behalf of the whole thing - and judging them if they don't.

Yes of course it's nicer if everyone's polite. But when it doesn't happen, you have to find ways to deal with it that aren't judging like this ,because it doesn't have the effect you want it to. It perpetuates stereotypes, it puts people off donating ,it makes you seem unsuited for a volunteer post.

If you really have to let off steam when it gets too much, then share a grumble afterwards with fellow volunteers. And maybe also think more about yourself, why you're volunteering, what specifically you are wanting to be thanked for, what you intended to get from posting publicly like this. Do you have reflection times as volunteers, or meetings where you can get support for dealing with difficult people? There are often 'decompression' sort of meetings in that type of environment, where people can discuss things, and learn to be less judgemental when they are aware that it is creeping in

Always one isn't there?

There is no code of conduct that would prevent volunteers having an anon, completely unidentifiable, discussion on the internet.

This makes me so cross. I stayed in some charity funded accommodation when my mother was dying, as the hospital was not a commutable distance from my home, and in an expensive city where i couldn't afford a hotel. I appreciated it very much, it gave me precious time with my Mum. I just can't imagine treating it with anything other than care and respect.

I am beginning to question whether some people actually need this free food at all. I work for a charity which offers some food parcels and benefit checks. I had one 'urgent ' referral through the other day. The woman was saying she uses one foodbank but it is run by the asian community and she doesn't like the food they give her her etc. When I did a benefit check, she had over 1k income after a very small amount of rent was paid (mostly covered by housing benefit) to pay food and bills for one person. No debts. I just find it bizarre people using food banks with this amount of income for one person.

There's an advert for one of the discount supermarkets pointing out that you can either buy a branded box of washing powder or a cheap one and half a dozen other products.

I don't buy fairy washing up liquid because it's very expensive and not in my budget. It hasn't been for years.if I had then I'd have had to cut back on something else.

Those of us with a choice can make one, but those without the opportunity to make their own choice must find it difficult.

PS: donate sugar. It's not on the foodbank list (the major charity one) but is always requested by end users)

Question for Volunteers and/or users of service...so if I donate 6 bottles of 'own brand' rather than 3 bottles of 'branded' washing up liquid (just as an example)...what exactly am I guilty of?

Is common sense frowned upon? Surely it's better to help more people?

Reading this thread...I'm not loaded, I do what I can. But some here seem to imply my budgeting decisions brand me as insensitive and patronising which isn't my intention.

why do you need to do benefit checks on people?
and where do you think the money goes?
there are still bills

This. Whatever you think, please find another way of working it out. I worry that posts like this can result in fewer donations.

You just have to let it wash over you. At the free clothing exchange that I help to run we get people complaining that there is no fancy dress left etc… or demanding to rummage through the bags of clothes we keep back for the second opening session because ‘there might be better stuff’. It’s really difficult to ignore it when you’ve spent ten hours that week sorting through dirty clothes donations and hours setting up sometimes though!

would you rather people grovelled @VeronicaFranklin

To all the posters coming on to the OP and telling her that she shouldn’t be judgmental and criticising her post., do you have any sense of irony at all?

So much sanctimonious bullshit. Why on earth shouldn’t the OP judge? If you want your food banks only to
be staffed by angels you are going to find yourself short of staff very soon.

I really didn’t get the impression OP expected people to kiss her hand and weep with gratitude, that’s such a straw man argument.

Why shouldn’t she be able to vent on an anonymous forum? Some people can be arseholes (as you said yourself), but she needs to remain a saint at all times and never complain/ share her frustrations?

I‘ve heard similar stories from a friend of mine who volunteers at a food bank, that doesn’t stop me donating to them.

I'm sorry to hear this OP. You shouldn't have anyone be rude to you especially if you are helping them.

I have used a food bank once and I was absolutely blown away by the amount of food I got given. There were some things I wouldn't use so I took them back when I passed by for others.

My only complaint is that it wasn't private enough. I had to stand at a door of a church on the main high street to fill in the forms and wait for the bags but I wasn't rude about it. I think posters are a good idea 👍🏽

I’d be mortified to be shouting and volunteers who can only give out what’s on the shelves. How embarrassing 😳 Maybe add something on the sheet like ‘we understand that it may be disappointing if you don’t receive the brand of item that you want or have previously received. Unfortunately, we rely on donations and can only provide the items which our donated by our supporters, our volunteers have no control over this. We would appreciate your understanding, many thanks’

There should be - a volunteer represents their organisation, and IF this person is actually a volunteer, then she'd realise that this post does nothing but put people off donating, and make people think badly of service users. that alone suggests she's not really volunteering for the right reasons, or hasn't been trained well. Just as likely is that she is exaggerating claims or being deliberately goady, to get across a particular agenda.

There are always occasional examples of cheats, frauds, people taking the piss with something free, leaving a mess in free accommodation, or whatever. Some people are arseholes, sure. But no need to focus on those examples to try to paint all service-users as similar, and making posts like this an using those examples is very deliberately trying to do that, knowing that some people are ready to be convinced that there is a lot of cheating and fraud going on. Nobody takes the lovely thankful people and uses them as examples to persuade people that most service-users are like that! That's why it all seems like an agenda.

I usually donate Waitrose Essentials which is what I use, I didn't realise that wasn't good enough but reading this thread it seems not

Oh this post came at a bad time for me…. 🙈 I work in an area where the families I work with frequently experience poverty and require financial/practical support.

This week, a family I work with who have a number of small children requested that I make a referral for a food parcel. They gave me the reasons why and I went ahead and made the referral. The response I got was “this isn’t an appropriate reason”. I went back with further information and they still assessed that this isn’t an appropriate reason. Again, I went back I requested they reconsider and clearly laid of the reasons this family were unable to feed their children and themselves. I was ignored and a food parcel never got delivered.

This is wholly unacceptable. Children should not be going hungry. I am a qualified worker and can make the assessment of whether a family is in need or not. They’re reaching out for support and they should
not be judged or turned away. No one wants to ask for a food parcel.

I have previously been met with sighs when asking if particular items are available (for example, families may not have a fridge and therefore need dry food). I have also been told “this family has had 2 food parcels in the last since months and we only provide support in crisis”. Shock horror, there is no timeframe on crisis.

I have been expected to give more personal information than necessary in relation to their circumstances/benefits/why do they need a food parcel.

The families I work with are sometimes very difficult. Because they’re subject to a system that doesn’t always work. They’ve been let down more times than they can count by services, family and friends.

I am so grateful to charities that provide support to families but my experience recently is that we have to jump through hoops to be able to do so.

Unfortunately if only people who never feel frustrated were allowed to volunteer, nobody would.

It is natural to feel frustration about this kind of thing. I used to volunteer at a refugee clothing bank and the way some of the volunteers talked about the recipients was - honestly, it was upsetting. But they still did their work and it benefited the people there.

It would be nice if everyone had a fully trauma informed compassionate view of the world but it's not necessary to do a good job.

I don’t really think theres an excuse to be rude or demanding. No harm in asking for what you want politely.

I think people in hospitals is different, you often don’t know whats going on, you may be in physical pain or worried about a loved one. With a food bank you are going in to pick up a bag of free stuff. While it may be upsetting you are in that situation this should not be an excuse.

Equally I wouldn’t expect extreme gratitude but a “thanks” would probably be fine. Thats politeness and civility.

But for the love of God, do not put up a twee poem! Patronising in the extreme and probably more likely to encourage rage than anything else. Signs reminding people that you only have the food that has been donated, perhaps. Shite poems, never.

I agree, you can kindly ask 'would you like me to put the washing up back for someone else as it's not the brand you like?'. No doubt it will suddenly be good enough. But it's a good little reminder that there are other people out there who would appreciate it.

Life's always nicer when everyone is polite and thankful but I will say that "playing the glad game" gets really tiring really quickly. And when things are generally shit anyway then things like not getting the brand of washing up liquid you like when the person next to you has, probably seem like a really big deal.

I suppose people feel humiliated and want to assert some kind of control, as though they are the customer, not someone in need of a handout - it's sad but you can't really blame them. Increasingly there must be service users who have never needed this kind of support before and never imagined themselves needing it.

I think one probably just needs to be forgiving when people get like that, and, as others have said, focus on the gratitude from others.