Food bank Fussiness

[VeronicaFranklin]

I volunteer at a local food bank on a Saturday morning, recently due to cost of living we've had more and more people using it.

All sorts of people, some working families, some exclusively on benefits, some elderly, retired due to ill health and some homeless / alcohol/ drug addiction. There really is no face to food poverty and it's very sad to see so many people struggling to feed themselves and their families. I feel glad there are places people can turn to if they need help...

However...

We give people a sheet when they arrive, they tick a number of items (depending on if they are a family/couple/single person) they wish to have, I go off to pack up their items.

More recently I've had people complain if they wanted something we had a previous week but don't have this week, i.e. requesting Frosties and we only have Cornflakes, or Semi skimmed milk but we only have skimmed. One lady said to me on Sat when I didn't have the soup she liked ' well it just isn't good enough'...

Also people arguing with us if say someone has received a certain brand (donated) and they haven't. For example someone got 'Asda's own washing up liquid and saw someone had got 'Fairy' brand washing up liquid and started complaining it wasn't fair...

I just feel really disappointed. Everyone is entitled to help and most people are very thankful but we rely solely on donations and charity surplus to run the food bank, many of the volunteers give up their time to help even when their circumstances aren't much better than those using the food bank and we often buy items to bring to cover the shortfall in donations especially toiletries such as sanitary towels and toothpaste, but I can't help feeling recently like people are being ungrateful.

Is it unreasonable if you're getting something for free to feel you're entitled to complain? How would you handle it?

Oh cut the sanctimonious bullshit, there is no reason whatsoever to be rude and demanding to propel taking their time to help you, non whatsoever.

We continue to make excuses for people who are so obviously acting like idiots.

The volunteers are showing empathy by volunteering their time and also trying not to take the bait and respond in kind and she has every right to vent if she needs to. Empathy goes both ways and people should appreciate the help they get not act like entitled pricks.

Free overnight accommodation for the most vulnerable where I work. It’s so they can stay nearby sick relatives, not worry about finding the money for a hotel or be far away.

The workers raised the money for bedding, towels, nice lamps, kettle etc took them about a year. Had a washer donated so they can wash it all after use.

Still get shit smeared on the walls and used tampons in the bedside drawers, they leave it filthy and take the absolute piss.

Absolutely no fucking need.

agreed. OP- people can be arseholes. Those arseholes can be worse when under stress or embarrassed to be using a food bank. What did you expect, people kissing your hand and weeping with gratitude? You volunteered to serve at the food bank, your job is to pack the food and hand it over with a smile. I volunteer at a community outreach programme and my main thought when facing arseholes is ‘thank god I’m not in your situation’.

The sense of entitlement is strong in some, its a pity they don't use that energy in a more productive way.

Can you ask them to hand the article back they prefer not to use, so someone else in need could benefit by it?...

Oh God. I absolutely dread ever being in a position where I need to use a food bank.

I'm coeliac, so have to avoid all kinds of innocuous-looking foods that happen to contain gluten (and for some reason, can't seem to get prescription GF food). Diabetic, so need to avoid foods that will push up my blood sugar. And autistic, which means I have a few lingering food aversions, and can take a while to get used to different versions of things to what I usually get.

The last one, I can mostly push past if necessary (apart from cheese) and would in this situation, but it would definitely be increasing my stress level at the food bank. I'm entirely sure I wouldn't be horrible to the food bank people because that would only make things worse! — but I'd be so aware that the first two things were a nuisance to cater for that I'd end up walking out of there feeling guilty and maybe with a couple of things in my bag that I'd struggle to eat. But I wouldn't feel able to ask if there was anything different for those things I'd struggle with or be unable to eat, because then I'd be in the same category as I Want Fairy woman.

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls a sense of entitlement ? For a few tins from a foodbank? Get a fecking grip of yourself ! That's what is wrong with this country. We think it is acceptable to spend millions on one deceased OAP's funeral and her pampered son's bloody coronation while people have to go and beg for a few tins and cereal packets that have been donated ,in order to top up their low wages , disability benefits , child tax credits or late universal credit . We should be very ashamed that we think that is acceptable in our country because it is a disgrace.
OP you should speak to your supervisor about keeping your personal values in check. This is not the appropriate place to discuss food bank users. If you can't understand why, have a long hard think!

@expat101 of course you are (expat)

I think it is ok to complain tbh. Having to resort to a food bank can make some feel embarrassed and ashamed. They might be used to their own food comforts but are suddenly finding that "beggars can't be choosers".

Bollocks.

People who are suddenly having to use a foodbank are welcome to think inside their own heads "if only they had Frosties today instead of cornflakes!" Or even vent anonymously a bit on Mumsnet. I understand that feelings of helplessness often create feelings of frustration.

What they do not have the right to do, is to be rude or whiny to the hard-working people who are running the foodbank.

If they harbor feelings of annoyance about the position they've been put in and the lack of choice it brings, then that's OK and it's only human to feel that way. But that's the kind of feeling that you need to have by yourself in private.

What did you expect, people kissing your hand and weeping with gratitude?

No, but simple politeness is reasonable to expect. Food bank users are adults facing a hard time, not toddlers.

I would put a sign up saying you can’t control what brands people receive as they are donated. If anyone complains, just direct them to the sign.

@MissTrip82

Excellent post.

I feel only sadness that people have to resort to a food bank in the first place. The effect on their morale must be horrendous. They queue up only to find that the little comforts of life like frosted flakes or the familiar milk that they like in their tea are not available. How bad would you feel if you had sunk so low that you were surrounded by homeless junkies waiting for food you would never choose for yourself if circumstances were different, and required to be grateful that you got anything at all?

Don't judge people until you've walked a day in their shoes.

the irony of your last sentence in the same post as imagining the horrors of being ‘surrounded by homeless junkies’

ffs 🙄

Oh don’t worry op. It’s most likely the ones who haven’t been in poverty long enough to have any expectation of choice and dignity driven out of them who are giving you lip. A few more months and they will know their place and remember to tug their forelock’s in gratitude.

Theyve obviously been reading Oliver Twist haven’t they.

People that buy their own food often have to make the choice to have cornflakes instead of Frosties because they are are cheaper so no, they shouldn't be complaining.

Unless you’re judging the homeless junkies, apparently?

I cannot imagine what it must be like to need to use a food bank, and I’m quite certain that the stress of the situation would turn some people who are normally perfectly lovely, rational humans into people who aren’t so lovely or rational. But statistically there will also be plenty of people using the food bank who are just not very nice, regardless of circumstances. The OP is doing a good thing by volunteering and if it helps her to vent, completely anonymously, about the frustrating parts of her role then I don’t see anything wrong with that.

I volunteer at a soup kitchen type of place. It's for homeless people specifically, but nobody at all would be turned away unless they're posing some kind of risk.

I am not there to be thanked. I'm there to fill a gap that shouldn't exist. I see food banks in the same way: very good they're there, but they shouldn't need to exist. Some people thank me, some people ignore me when I speak to them, some people make eye contact some people don't, some people complain about everything. It doesn't matter to me because I'm not there for anything other than to provide something essential and facilitate a moment of kindness in there lives, if I can. They're there to eat a warm meal. I enjoy time with the other volunteers and seeing the food being eaten and enjoyed (I don't cook/prepare it).

You have the luxury of choice here. If you are upset by people who are in real difficulty not thanking you or asking if there's a better option, then why stay? I'm not being facetious, it's a voluntary job. You can do another voluntary job with a different population or function that actually brings you happiness. The people attending can choose not to one, but then they don't eat. You, however, are in a different position.

In the same spirit, rather than telling people using a food bank how they're supposed to prioritise the feelings of staff, there should be posters explaining that due to the nature of donating they can't guarantee continuity of brands, but they do attempt to have continuity of products. Obviously there should be no aggression allowed and actual rudeness - which asking for another brand isn't - should be discouraged. Maybe something along the lines of "In order to keep open, our staff are volunteers. Please treat them respectfully."

There is no need for rudeness to be shown to any volunteer trying to do their bit to help out and this is the problem, society lets people get away with it because they might be unwell, stressed, upset or whatever, without any consideration for the person on the receiving end!

I know I wouldn’t dish out nonsense if I were a fortunate recipient. I personally don't think it is fortunate to be a recipient. It upsets me that charities are the only thing keeping so many people going. I dunno, in an ideal world everyone would have perfect manners, but also in an ideal world people wouldn't be struggling and queueing at the food bank.

@VeronicaFranklin I think you're very much in the wrong with your attitude, I'm judging you as an unkind volunteer, because you've whipped up negativity to make yourself feel better. So for you.

There is no need for rudeness to be shown to any volunteer trying to do their bit to help out and this is the problem, society lets people get away with it because they might be unwell, stressed, upset or whatever, without any consideration for the person on the receiving end!

Being in poverty is seen by psychologists as being an ongoing trauma. It impacts the brain quite significantly. Prioritising the feelings of the other person is simply impossible for many in survival mode. Going to a food bank isn't the same as going to a supermarket. If you don't like Tesco, you go to Asda. If you don't like what's available in the food bank, you starve.

Give them a large, warm home, a well paid job they like well enough and a few foreign holidays a year - all of which is guaranteed so can't be taken away randomly - and I'd bet that the many of those who are rude of them would have neurobiological change that would facilitate prioritising of "the person on the other end". People who are highly stressed are not in the frame of mind to "be kind".

Don't work with highly stressed people if you expect them to behave like they're not stressed. It's actually rude to expect them to behave as anything other than highly stressed.

And things like saying last week there was a different brand and I wanted that, I'd not rude. It's actually very, very sad.

Someone wanting Frosties rather than Cornflakes likely has kids at home and wants to make them happy/not disappoint them. It's not rude to express disappointment.

"The person on the receiving end" maybe needs to develop understanding of what actual poverty really means, not just having less money than they'd want, and let it roll off them. Or find a voluntary job that they enjoy.

Everyone deserves nice food to eat
but we cannot guarentee your favourite treat
you came here helping hand
but we cannot guarentee your favourite brand
we only have what others donate
so please be kind and don’t spread hate
remember we are not a super store
so don’t be rude, complain or slam the door

I would put up with it. Their life is already difficult as it is. It is a fact that there is not enough help in this country and that they should not have to go to a food bank. My heart aches when I see what is going on. Well done to you for volunteering OP. We - I - should do more, because seriously why would there be only one type of milk ?

I run a food bank. Ime most people we serve are outwardly grateful, a small number are quiet and may come across as a bit hostile almost (which I suspect may be shame or embarrassment), and yes a small number are noticeably more demanding.

Some of it is fine (eg if we have two kinds of baked beans on the shelf and the person wants the branded one or store brand as opposed to value), some less (eg offered 300g box of cereal but repeatedly requests 500g box despite being told that that’s for a larger family). Occasionally you get really entitled or grabby behaviour but it’s rare enough that I’m straining to think of a recent example - someone requesting something that is plainly not for them, for example, or asking volunteers to open cupboards to show that we really aren’t keeping back any more of x item, it has really run out. There’s more marked hostility between our service users lately (such as accusations of queue cutting) which is very sad to see.

Poorer people are constantly being told on MN to shop in Aldi or Lidl, buy the cheapest unbranded products but when people go to the food bank they should expect the best and exactly what they want, how is that right.

This is perfect.

Because food bank users should all be pathetically grateful and doff their caps to milady.