Food bank Fussiness

[VeronicaFranklin]

I volunteer at a local food bank on a Saturday morning, recently due to cost of living we've had more and more people using it.

All sorts of people, some working families, some exclusively on benefits, some elderly, retired due to ill health and some homeless / alcohol/ drug addiction. There really is no face to food poverty and it's very sad to see so many people struggling to feed themselves and their families. I feel glad there are places people can turn to if they need help...

However...

We give people a sheet when they arrive, they tick a number of items (depending on if they are a family/couple/single person) they wish to have, I go off to pack up their items.

More recently I've had people complain if they wanted something we had a previous week but don't have this week, i.e. requesting Frosties and we only have Cornflakes, or Semi skimmed milk but we only have skimmed. One lady said to me on Sat when I didn't have the soup she liked ' well it just isn't good enough'...

Also people arguing with us if say someone has received a certain brand (donated) and they haven't. For example someone got 'Asda's own washing up liquid and saw someone had got 'Fairy' brand washing up liquid and started complaining it wasn't fair...

I just feel really disappointed. Everyone is entitled to help and most people are very thankful but we rely solely on donations and charity surplus to run the food bank, many of the volunteers give up their time to help even when their circumstances aren't much better than those using the food bank and we often buy items to bring to cover the shortfall in donations especially toiletries such as sanitary towels and toothpaste, but I can't help feeling recently like people are being ungrateful.

Is it unreasonable if you're getting something for free to feel you're entitled to complain? How would you handle it?

If they tick a sheet to express their preference why not pack the food in a bag out of sight whilst they wait and just hand the packed bag over. So they never see what others get or the different options

Yes how dare someone donate own brand instead of labels ! Perhaps they should remember this isn't government subsidised but other people giving what they can afford to donate.

And tbh I have a lot of sympathy with someone who has been pushed from pillar to post in terms of benefits, welfare, housing, family, perhaps schooling, multiple incorrect referrals for food, hungry, needing to walk in poor weather to get to us, then losing their rag when they’re told we don’t have Fairy. Doesn’t mean I can or will magic up Fairy, but I see how that can happen. It’s a consequence of disenfranchising people sometimes, imo.

I completely agree. I used to help run a food bank and would have been horrified if any of our volunteers had taken this attitude.

@ClumpingBambooIsALie that's completely different, you have medical conditions where you need specific food and when you complete the initial form (I assume) it will ask for any dietary requirements. They won't give you food that will make you ill.
I struggle with both sides, no one should feel ashamed but they do because they will feel like they've failed, not having the same food each week or different brands will be noticed by family and friends, if they are trying to hide (because they are ashamed) the fact they are using the food bank then it may be fear making them complain.
But at the same time volunteering is time consuming and it is mentally difficult at times so I can understand why OP is upset.

I think it’s also important to realise that poverty is caused by many and complex factors.

A significant proportion of your users will have grown up in poverty themselves, Will have experienced significant amounts of trauma, Will struggle with learning difficulties or disability, Will have alcohol or drug addiction.

For some users the same factors which prevent them getting a well paid job and being able to afford to live without food banks, also prevent them understanding appropriate behaviour at the food bank.

The two things go hand in hand, and it is likely that the clients behaving like that are among those with the most need

Charity service users aren't all angels. But nor would I be if I had some of their lives.

You're doing a good thing and it will have to be its own reward. If people are grateful that's nice but the important thing is that they're fed, clothed and housed. I'm not sure it's good taste for comfortable people to berate those in crisis for not being suitably thankful.

Obviously you shouldn't have to put up with being abused. That must not be accepted.

You could look at it another way. Thank god they still have some pride left to know they are deserving of a good brand.

Having to go to the food bank used to be a very humiliating, very hush hush thing. But now it's totally normalised in some communities. On a nice sunny day, the food bank queue is full of kids playing, people chatting and catching up. It's a really friendly feeling place. Basically you can't normalise something and expect people not to be well, normal.

The issue is the state of things that's led so many to require food banks. I could go on and on about it. But if you don't get it, you don't get it so be thankful you don't have to. Or in OPs case, it's time to reflect and learn. You're in the privileged position of helping societies vulnerable, you need to try to understand them. Even the awkward ones!

Op, this is a bit of a tangent to this thread but what advice would you give to people who would like to donate, eg things you get lots of but other stuff that's needed but dont get enough of.

There's a very big difference between a food bank and the NHS though. We pay a lot of money for the NHS, and often don't receive a suitable service. Therefore, people are completely entitled to complain if their care is falling behind. A food bank is a charity?!

I think this is a really good post. There are studies showing sleep-deprived people are more selfish and anti-social, due to the stress which sleep deprivation causes. Poverty has also been shown to cause chronic trauma and stress. And traumatised and stressed people are not always in a position to act considerately to others.

The brands thing I can understand, especially if there are children at home. Disappointing your children by coming home with cornflakes rather than frosties might just be the last straw, when heaped on top of all the other stuff that is going wrong. And many children have issues around food and will only eat particular brands, so getting one brand rather than the other might be the difference between your hungry children eating or not eating. My DC has certain foods for which they will only eat a particular brand.

I'd just say sorry for their disappointment and remind them pleasantly that you can only give what has been donated.

Sorry, I tried to send that message as a reply to the OP who said she sees this at work as a doctor too when people complain about the care they receive from nurses.

Hi, food banks around here have “wish lists” of items they are in need of (plus items they have plenty of)
I use those to guide me.
ours are on their websites and/or Facebook pages and are regularly updated ❤️

This. You should not have posted this thread at all OP.

How can anyone think it's actually really literally about Frosties vs cornflakes? Do you not see that's just the way the frustration and deprivation shows itself? Like when you argue with someone over something stupid because the argument is actually about something else?

It's just the one final shit thing that makes you lose it. It's not because a person who can't afford to feed their family thinks they're entitled to Frosties. Besides, I feel I'm entitled to buy whatever cereal brand I like.

She’s not given great details, so there is no issue to be had.

I basically came on to say this. Being poor doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have dislikes or be distressed at your situation.

Op, this is a bit of a tangent to this thread but what advice would you give to people who would like to donate, eg things you get lots of but other stuff that's needed but dont get enough of.

Not the OP but best to ask your local foodbank. We’re happy to receive baked beans, pasta etc, which other places may be inundated with. I would, passe this thread, buy say a four pack of Lidl own vs one tin of Heinz.

@BloodyCamping i guarantee it wouldn’t be ok with the organisation she volunteers for, and it’s really bloody unethical. As PP have said, all it will do is discourage donations.

This.

This, have a standard line.

And - while I am sure some of them really are a pain - for some people it’s probably just shock at being in this position

Thankyou so much for volunteering your time, but please remember that vulnerable people can be extremely difficult. They may have complex needs beyond food and the lack of control in being a food bank user and just getting what they're given may be very upsetting. Also it may seem really unfair to one person to see someone with loads of branded stuff if you end up with value brands.

I think as a PP said about being on their side and empathising rather than judging, even when presented with difficult behaviour or what appears to be a lack of gratitude is the best course of action.

I worked at a non-profit that helped adults gain access to learning, training and work and had lots of other advice services a bit like CAB. We were presented with lots of challenging behaviours but alot of our service users came from sometimes very abusive or neglectful backgrounds and that was the only language they knew.

I agree. @VeronicaFranklin should stop volunteering if they can't respect the people the organisation is serving.

I think the OP is getting a bit of a hard time here. It certainly doesn't sound as though she's been rude to anyone, just looking for ways to deal with it.

I have worked at a food bank but we just used to pack the boxes from a pick list and they were delivered to central points do I didn't deal with the public directly. I can see where you're coming from OP and think it's just a matter of smiling and saying you can only give out what is donated and asking them if they therefore don't want that item if they don't like. If they get really angry/rude maybe asking the manager to gone over. My guess is that they are trying to get you to go and swap it for the branded item which obviously would not be a good idea.

Personally I never donate brands when I put in the food bank bin at the supermarket as I can donate more by buying own brands thus supporting more people.