Food bank Fussiness

[VeronicaFranklin]

I volunteer at a local food bank on a Saturday morning, recently due to cost of living we've had more and more people using it.

All sorts of people, some working families, some exclusively on benefits, some elderly, retired due to ill health and some homeless / alcohol/ drug addiction. There really is no face to food poverty and it's very sad to see so many people struggling to feed themselves and their families. I feel glad there are places people can turn to if they need help...

However...

We give people a sheet when they arrive, they tick a number of items (depending on if they are a family/couple/single person) they wish to have, I go off to pack up their items.

More recently I've had people complain if they wanted something we had a previous week but don't have this week, i.e. requesting Frosties and we only have Cornflakes, or Semi skimmed milk but we only have skimmed. One lady said to me on Sat when I didn't have the soup she liked ' well it just isn't good enough'...

Also people arguing with us if say someone has received a certain brand (donated) and they haven't. For example someone got 'Asda's own washing up liquid and saw someone had got 'Fairy' brand washing up liquid and started complaining it wasn't fair...

I just feel really disappointed. Everyone is entitled to help and most people are very thankful but we rely solely on donations and charity surplus to run the food bank, many of the volunteers give up their time to help even when their circumstances aren't much better than those using the food bank and we often buy items to bring to cover the shortfall in donations especially toiletries such as sanitary towels and toothpaste, but I can't help feeling recently like people are being ungrateful.

Is it unreasonable if you're getting something for free to feel you're entitled to complain? How would you handle it?

The service users shouldn't have to be grateful. There shouldn't need to be a service like food banks.

But I work in a role with service users and when there are complaints and you're being shouted at for something not in your control to give it's very hard. I remind myself that it's shit they're in the position they are in and they shouldn't have to be grateful for having me in their life. It's easy to swing into a mindset of they should be grateful and happy with what I can give but that just leads to resentment.

Thankyou so much for volunteering your time, but please remember that vulnerable people can be extremely difficult. They may have complex needs beyond food and the lack of control in being a food bank user and just getting what they're given may be very upsetting. Also it may seem really unfair to one person to see someone with loads of branded stuff if you end up with value brands.

This.

But, tbh, I think it's more appalling that in the UK in 2022 anyone is reduced to using a food bank rather than that some people who are forced to use them are not filled with gratitude towards their great benefactors

It's disgusting.

Come off it. It’s an anonymous forum, people vent about all sorts of crap.

The PPs offering an explanation to the OP are doing a useful job, but you need to remember she is not a nurse, a teacher or a SW. She is not a professional (in this area) and she got little or no training. She is giving up her time to volunteer. Tell her where she’s wrong by all means, but have some compassion for her too.

It’s not going to discourage donations. The OP isn’t saying people don’t need help, just that they have challenging behaviours.

You have the luxury of choice here

This fucked me off, I work with people and businesses that are struggling, they do not have a choice. They shop and get what they can afford not what they want.

And the bizarre way we help people in this country means that people who often have less than other claimant's are not entitled to the food bank vouchers (at least how it works near me) Pupil Premium (free school meals) is another example of this.

Our local food bank are constantly short of volunteers, so like the food, they don't really get much choice - not saying people should be eternally grateful, but where would people be without the kindness of strangers supplying goods and volunteers.

Its a tough environment to help out in, all the deserving cases you can't do more for. Also, not easy when people moan at you like it's your fault there aren't any Frosties.

OP were you provided with training for your role? If so, you should revisit it.
Most food charities set out the principles that underpin their work, and these include being non judgemental and empathic.
You should have been made aware of the feelings reliance on charity to eat can provoke and the behaviour that may result.
You should have learned the steps taken by the charity to reduce feelings of shame and increase the individuals sense of control of their situation, such as where ever possible offering choice and accommodating preferences and being clear when unable to do so, and what this is important.
You should have learned appropriate coping strategies for dealing with unacceptable client behaviour that enable you to manage your own feelings professionally, and offered opportunities to offload that mean you don't need to complain about your clients on a public forum.
You should also be aware of the issues for your charity in perpetuating negative stereotypes that can result in a loss of public support for your client group and your work.
If you've not received this training, then your particular food bank may not be the most suitable for you.
If you have, but it doesn't resonate, then working in a foodbank may not be the best role for you.

Many years ago I escaped an abusive relationship and had to live in a refuge with my children. The nearby church had a harvest festival and donated food to us - fresh fruit and beautiful homemade cake, it was lovely. I thought I had reached rock bottom already but that tipped me over the edge. Being on the receiving end of charity is such a heart-wrenching kick in the face when you're already struggling, even if well intentioned and the goods are high quality.

It completely changed my perception of charity. I kept imagining beaming, pious church types putting packages together for the poor battered women. It shamed me and I didn't even have to face them directly as the refuge workers distributed it. I can't imagine how I would have reacted if I'd met them.

That's the only time I've experienced that and I'm getting a bit teary just thinking about it.

This.

While we would all like to be able to have everything of our choosing without needing to compromise, the reality is that money is finite and very few people are in this position.

The people who donate only have so much they can afford to donate. It is very likely that they are already making their own compromises and buying own brand products etc.

Plus there is absolutely nothing wrong with most own brands, and some are actually better than the branded equivalent - this is seen time and time again in genuine blind tests.

I would explain that they are distributing donated goods bought by people who are often struggling to budget themselves and ask the rude complainers what they would rather have. Enough Fairy or Kelloggs for one week, or enough own brand for two or three, because that's what it comes down to.

When you're having a really shit time, little disappointments can hit hard. Some people would cry, but socially you're not really meant to. That means that built up frustration and inadequacy and despair can come out as complaining, especially if somebody has never learned that complaining is even more socially unacceptable, or if they have poor impulse control/leaky brain-to-mouth filter. Of course anybody can find themselves in need of a food bank, but people with poor social skills, learning disabilities, impulse control problems, emotional instability and other vulnerabilities are more likely to be in poverty, because these things are typically not favourable to employers (among other reasons).

Frosties vs Corn Flakes might not seem like much, but if you're hungry and one is a little treat/boost and one feels like munching on cardboard it could make a huge difference to somebody's morning and knock on effect on their day. Lack of control over your own life/decisions is incredibly depressing, that's why giving toddlers choices is an effective parenting technique. NONE of that is the volunteer's fault, and indeed, somebody might have donated seven boxes of own brand corn flakes instead of one box of Frosties because that felt like a better use of their own money. Recipient B may think no different at all and just put sugar on the cornflakes. There's nothing inherently wrong with handing out a more basic product over a more luxury one, but it might well just hit a pain point for somebody, and that is worth being aware of and sensitive to.

We're all in a different place and I do think generally if somebody is being objectionable it pays to assume they are doing the best that they can.

God that is awful OP.

'It just isn't good enough' comment is (and I hate to use this overused word) but hugely entitled.

What a shame.

But, tbh, I think it's more appalling that in the UK in 2022 anyone is reduced to using a food bank rather than that some people who are forced to use them are not filled with gratitude towards their great benefactors

But the situation and those who are trying to help are completely independent.

The Food Banks and their volunteers did not cause people to be in poverty and are only doing their best with limited resources. If those resources were used to buy more expensive branded items, then they wouldn't be able to help as many people.

People have the right to feel aggrieved if they don't get their preferred brand of washing up liquid, but they do not have the right to be rude to the people who are trying their best to help them.

I would be up some 'ungrateful sod' posters.

How can anyone think it's actually really literally about Frosties vs cornflakes? Do you not see that's just the way the frustration and deprivation shows itself? Like when you argue with someone over something stupid because the argument is actually about something else?

Hear hear!

I can’t believe you’ve posted this OP, I hope you’ve changed your feelings about the odd person who makes a “complaint” after reading this thread. If not, please stop volunteering at the food bank.

well said.

@VeronicaFranklin
Please ignore the pious holier than thou posters telling you you need training or you shouldn't be volunteering.
You sound a very normal human being and quite understandably get niggled occasionally by individuals being frankly rude.
And while gushing gratitude is not a right volunteers should expect, common curtesy is.
However awful your circumstances a simple "thanks" is not an unreasonable expectation.
We have stooped so low in society is we don't even think people should do that.

I work in a food bank.. We give bags of food and service users can then put anything they don't want into a box at the front door but they don't get an alternative.
We are all non judgemental to them but occasionally have a grumbke/judgey moment later... Cus we are just human!

Yanbu.
I wonder if the more entitled users are the ones who don’t ‘need’ it as much.

@VeronicaFranklin
Please ignore the pious holier than thou telling you you need training or you shouldn't be volunteering.
You sound a very normal human being and quite understandably get niggled occasionally by individuals being frankly rude.
And while gushing gratitude is not a right volunteers should expect, common curtesy is.
However awful your circumstances a simple "thanks" is not an unreasonable expectation.
We have stooped so low in society is we don't even think people should do that.

I work in a food bank.. We give bags of food and service users can then put anything they don't want into a box at the front door but they don't get an alternative.
We are all non judgemental to them but occasionally have a grumbke/judgey moment later... Cus we are just human!

Cus we are just human!

Oh the irony! In case you’ve forgotten, so are the good bank users.

This.

I'm not surprised really there is a lot of entitlement out there and sometimes this entitlement manifests in trying to live a lifestyle you can't afford. Really if they start to complain I would let's say, temporarily be missing some of the items they need next time. Then perhaps they won't be so fussy next time.

Statistics show food bank use has gone up but People need good banks for a variety of reasons those that insist on using fairy liquid and frosties instead of cheaper own brand wanting to live the lifestyle they can't afford don't really concern me.

God, there really is a load of sanctimonious bullshit on this thread. The OP is just as human as the foodbank service users and entitled to let off some steam. No names or identifying information such as location have been mentioned.

OP is not demanding over-the-top gratitude from the clients, just not to be subjected to unrealistic demands and rudeness.

just countt to ten op
there but for the grace of god

itis just a coping mechanism for some people i imagine
i am envious of those who have fairy liquid as well

What was the point of starting this thread OP? To make people judge food bank users and think they don’t deserve donations, so the level of donating falls? Did you think this through that this might be the likely outcome?

Foodbanks should not exist. In a so-called civilised first world country it’s utterly shameful that there are people who can’t afford to feed themselves and have to to rely on handouts from other members of society. The government should be looking after them. They’ve had their dignity taken away to the point they can’t even choose what they eat. Do you not see how very wrong that is?