Feeling low about money, not sure what to do

[Pofl]

I know people are worse off so please don’t bite my head off.

I bought a house in June and was in a happy relationship which has since broken down. He’s moved out. This is leaving me with a huge mortgage of 900 a month and dc who is 6mo.

it’s not been amicable although I have tried. He’s not spoken about money and said he wants a solicitor to be in touch with me about that. He’s a high earner so maybe he’s worried I don’t know. Not that I was trying to claim all sorts I’m just worried now about money.

I feel stressed anyway as I know I could go via cms but he could just pay 40k straight until pension. So that would then make him worst case down to 60k. Although I suspect he’s had a pay rise recently to beyond 120k.

im just so worried. Even if he paid 400 a month I think i will have to lose my job as how would I pay for nursery down the line along with heating costs. I just feel sick. Barely slept for days now.

plese don’t suggest a lodger as it’s just not possible with the baby at the moment.

I went from a high earning job to now probably going to lose it.

Are you claiming any benefits? Have a look at online calculators to see what you’re entitled to.
He will have to pay towards his child, if he’s not prepared to do that voluntarily then go down the cms route.
you will get 25% off council tax.
im sure there will be others along soon with more advice.

Its worth seeing what benefits you can claim in your new circumstances and whether something like part time along with top ups would be better- try programming in a few scenarios perhaps and see what's best. I have helped people apply before and you can be earning a reasonable wage as a single parent to get something, also don't forget you can get a council tax reduction if just one adult in the house, and if you're not on a water meter let them know as often they will adjust their estimate.

Reach out to friends and family I'm sure many would be happy to help you get your head around it all.

CMS go through Hmrc so his you will get a lot more than that. My ex earns around £1000 pw and I get £108 pw

I can’t claim benefits I am in maternity but usually earn 70k. I don’t see how I can return to work I feel sick

@JonjoMonjo21 1k a week is more than 60k I think

@Crocwok family have offered 5k but It won’t solve childcare. I’m so so scared.

So sorry to hear this. Try not to think about the worst case until you know where you stand.

Is he having a relationship with the baby?

Whose name is the house in?

You really need these conversations to start ASAP, can you instruct your own solicitor?

It sounds like your housing costs are your biggest worry, as they were based on two incomes. Is moving/downsizing an option? I appreciate its very disruptive but could ease some of the pressure.
Are/were you married?

@DoodlePug its my house. He’s not really said about the relationship with dc. Can’t imagine him wanting them overnight though as he’s v v self involved. Which is fine with me.

I can’t afford a solicitor. Also not sure what the point would be I just need some financial support that’s all , I’d even accept 300 from him at this stage to get the ball rolling. I don’t think I can cope with all this

If you rented, what’s the cheapest rent you could pay?

Round here, you’d be paying £900 for a two bed in not a great area, so it might be of no benefit at all to lose the house, if you can possibly keep it.

70k plus child maintenance means you would be better off than many with that much or more, rent to pay.

If you earn 70k op you will be absolutely fine.

@knackeredagain i can’t move as I literally bought it in may. I’d be facing different interest rates and have to leave the entire area as well as throwing away 18k on stamp duty, I just don’t thunk it would make sense.

@Allmarbleslost not if I can’t return to work… which I can’t see how I can with no money for childcare

70k will okay for house and bills. Have you worked out how much childcare will be? I suggest, if you haven't, actually listing it all out and working out the hare minimum you will get in child maintenance. He will have to contribute and on your wage, you should be able to afford everything

If you earn 70k you'll be fine. Maybe see if your employer will let you flexi work do some work at home, around childcare etc.

@Sswhinesthebest I could leave the area slightly and find a rental for 780 so it would save a bit just not much. It’s the energy costs of 6k next year and then also childcare I literally will not have the money

Look into childminders, ours was brilliant and cheaper than a nursery. Any chance to work flexibly or go part time? I can see how it's overwhelming and seems hopeless right now, I have been in the same position and understand. But once the smoke lifts it will be okay, you need the support of people around you though.

@Sunflowersinthewind i have a student loan so my take home is 3680. But childcare is 1250 full time… then energy bills…. Then mortgage. It’s not possible

I think your first move is to get the ball rolling with the CMS. You need to know where you stand with financial support from him. None of these vague references to his solicitor getting in touch with you. It’s not fair to leave you dangling on an uncertain string. Once this is sorted you’ll have more of an idea of how much you have to play with and you’ll start feeling more in control. 💐

@Dontfuckingsaycheese yeah I think that is the key stress really. Don’t know why he would do this it’s making life so hard.

He sort of said he would get a solicitor to get in touch to let me know what contribution he would make. So I feel really in the dark

I feel like I'm missing something here... if you earn 70k, which is a very large wage (I'm on 18k), even with those childcare costs surely you'll be able to afford everything? If not then go through your outgoings, you must be able to cut back on things.

So 2430 left to play with after childcare. Minus 900 for mortgage, 1530. How much are the rest of your bills? I really get the winter looks bleak with energy costs, lets work with how much you pay now and then extrapolate. I am just trying to break it down. I have been a lone parent for ages (no CMS cos he is a MIA bastard) so I can completely empathise

On your wage, unless you live in a draughty mansion, you’ll be golden. Ignore the headline news re energy costs and work out what these increases actually mean for you. What are your actual energy costs (not what amount of direct debit you’re paying) per month? Are you on a flexible tariff or fixed? I sorted out all this this past month and now I don’t panic every time it’s mentioned on the news as I’m now in control. I know what this means in my individual circumstances.

As a single mum on far less than you I paid for full time childcare and all other costs in an expensive area with next to no maintenance. You will be fine. You can get money from him through cms. You're catastrophising.

So the first thing is to take a deep breath. I earn 20k less and I pay my mortgage and provide for my ds. Sit down with a spreadsheet and work it out calmly.

You have your income plus you have £84 a month child benefit and you get a 25% reduction in council tax.

Check out likely childcare fees now, and when the maintenance discussion comes up, be sure to tell him he needs to pay half of nursery fees so you can work full-time to provide a home for his child. I chose a childminder, partly because she was less expensive, but it was a nicer, more personal environment. She was close to work so I was nearby if DS needed me and it also meant it was quicker to pick him up or drop him off.

Next, look at expenditure. Cut anything that isn't essential - gym membership, coffees out, anything beauty-related other than a decent regular hair cut (got to remain professional). Single living is much cheaper. Cut out alcohol, buy supermarket-own food, cook to suit you, not him.

You'll find that your expenses will drop significantly without being uncomfortable. Honestly, you'll be fine. xx