Feeling low about money, not sure what to do

[Pofl]

I know people are worse off so please don’t bite my head off.

I bought a house in June and was in a happy relationship which has since broken down. He’s moved out. This is leaving me with a huge mortgage of 900 a month and dc who is 6mo.

it’s not been amicable although I have tried. He’s not spoken about money and said he wants a solicitor to be in touch with me about that. He’s a high earner so maybe he’s worried I don’t know. Not that I was trying to claim all sorts I’m just worried now about money.

I feel stressed anyway as I know I could go via cms but he could just pay 40k straight until pension. So that would then make him worst case down to 60k. Although I suspect he’s had a pay rise recently to beyond 120k.

im just so worried. Even if he paid 400 a month I think i will have to lose my job as how would I pay for nursery down the line along with heating costs. I just feel sick. Barely slept for days now.

plese don’t suggest a lodger as it’s just not possible with the baby at the moment.

I went from a high earning job to now probably going to lose it.

Love. You’ve been blindsided. Of course at this time you are going to panic about the future. However, I assume, going only on your salary, that you are a capable and strong woman. You’ve had a knock-back and it’s all going to feel overwhelming at the moment. Jeez you’ve got a 6-month baby. That’s enough in itself! Take small steps day by day. As you start feeling more in control of things your worries will start feeling less overwhelming xx

But if you give up work, you’ll be a lot worse off than having approx £1500 left to play with, after childcare and mortgage.

Why do you think you’ll be better off giving up work?

Ok sorry, I’m just panicking hugely it’s all been a shock and everything I read says debt is on the way etc and I just feel out of my depth

@MintJulia thank you

It's normal to panic, I proper panicked at the beginning and being responsible for everything financially is a shock. As a PP said, single living is cheaper. Just map out costs and figure out what you could cut back if necessary.

@Sswhinesthebest I don’t know I just felt like 1500 wouldn’t cover everything after the news saying energy bills etc I am just so scared and feel uncertain as ex won’t say what he is gong to contribute

even if he offered 300 a month I would be calmer as I could just use it for bills

I don’t drink or anything the worst thing I do is eat out I’m quite lazy there xx

Do this first

I’m assuming you’re in the UK. If you only do one thing today do this.
This is what I would tell a friend 😉 Don’t know how long it takes but I can’t imagine it’s that speedy so no more delays. Get it done.

@Dontfuckingsaycheese he said if I went to cms he would just say he wasn’t the dad and hold things up. I just wanted things to be amicable

You will get 20% off your childcare through the government tax free childcare scheme, that will save you a couple of hundred. The government are giving everyone £400 towards their energy costs in October. Your energy will unlikely be £6000 a year, I think that’s worst case scenario. You will get some maintenance off the ex, I wouldn’t bother with solicitors - that’s an unnecessary expense, just go through CMS. They have an online calculator that works out what you’re entitled to based on his income.

factoring all of this in you will have at-least 2k after mortgage and childcare is paid for. Probably closer to 2.5k dependant on how much maintenance you get. You are more than fine OP.

Op take a deep breath.

You absolutely have enough money.

Apply for:
child maintenance
Council tax discount
Tax free childcare

Go through your budget and cut out unneeded items.

Arrange childcare and see if childminder is more cost effective.

Go back to work after maternity leave and realise how lucky you were, that when the shit hit the pan, you still had a good job and great earnings.

£1500, plus the council tax reduction, plus any maintenance. You will be ok when you stop panicking.

This. You are absolutely catastrophising.

Most households in the country manage on less than you.

You need to get put a level head on and work out your budget. Yes, you’ll have less luxury than you are used to but you’ll still be comfortable. Even if your ex never paid a penny. Which he will.

Did that! Then, I believe, unless he can prove he is not the father by a DNA test, he cannot claim this to wriggle out of it.

That should say ‘sod that’!

Do you really think he would put 40k into his pension?

You said your job pays £70k, you can actually afford childcare for 1 baby. I know your mortgage is £900 but that is cheap compared to rent in my area.

Let him. You have a couple of months before returning to work and you will still be fine without the Maintenance. He will have to take a DNA test and then he will have to back-pay you so he’s only making it worse for himself, on top of showing what an arse he is.

Is he on the birth certificate? Because if he is, he can’t hold anything up.

He’s really showing his true colours isn’t he! He’s had enough time to sort out an amicable financial arrangement. Leaving you in the dark like this is pretty much financial abuse. Stop dancing and get on with it.

To put it in perspective. Many people pay £900 rent from a £2000 wage and then pay council tax, utilities, work travel, bills and food from what's left.

Yes they have no children but they also don't qualify for any other help. That's it.

You will be fine even with childcare costs.

This. You need to take back control OP, you’re the one with the baby, so you need to.

Your maths don’t really make sense. Just get the CMS involved, many single parents manage on a lot less than you have.

£1500 after childcare and mortgage, plus whatever maintenance he pays, is not something to panic about. Plenty of people live on £1500 a month in total.

A man who threatens that isn’t going to be amicable.

he’s using threats to stall you. Go to CMS ASAP as they can be slow.