Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

If your mother is in her 70s, how often does she initiate contact?

106 replies

theoldhasgone · 21/08/2022 08:46

I'm trying to get a sense of what is 'normal' here, if your mother is in her 70s and you have any kids.

If you are in contact with your mother, how often does she initiate contact by phoning or arrranging a visit or inviting you over? Not talking about participating in group chat or sending a quick message, but actual voice calls or face-to-face contact.

OP posts:

Thesearmsofmine · 21/08/2022 08:47

Once a week on average.

MrsBlondie · 21/08/2022 08:48

Never....always me

Cloudonthemountains · 21/08/2022 08:50

Surely it depends on the relationship rather than age, there's no such thing as 'normal' based on any particular age group

QueenofLouisiana · 21/08/2022 08:50

Rings me once or twice a week. Pops over occasionally on her way to golf or the supermarket. I ring her a couple of times a week and visit in person once a fortnight or so. No chance to pop in when passing as she lives in the middle of nowhere and it has to be a deliberate visit.

FizzyStream · 21/08/2022 08:51

I speak to my 72 year old mum almost every day. I have two primary aged kids. I see her once or twice a week.

She only lives a mile away though and we're v close as it was just me and her for 14 years after my dad left and before my stepdad came along.

My MIL is also 72 and DH speaks to her about once a week. We see her about once a month. They live about 40 miles away.

HoundOfTheBasketballs · 21/08/2022 08:51

My mum would never initiate a call herself unless it's an emergency! I ring her about once every 10 days. If she hasn't heard from me for more than about 2 weeks she will send me a text or an email to make sure I'm alright.
We see her about once a month to six weeks. Again, I would take the lead on arranging that. I normally go to her these days rather than her coming to me, although thats more because my dad hasn't been well recently and she doesn't like to drive very far.

LatteLady · 21/08/2022 08:52

My mother was still working* in her 70s and had a very active social life, so it was me calling her. However, she was very fit and healthy, and was cycling up to six months of her death in her 80s.

*My mother was the parish priest's housekeeper and after we grew up they became her new family.

eurochick · 21/08/2022 08:56

Never. I've always had to call her (and my dad) ever since I went to university at 18. My husband's mum is the same, but his dad always calls him (they are divorced).

Fairyliz · 21/08/2022 09:04

I’m in my 60’s and retired but usually leave it to my adult children to initiate contact.
My reasoning is that they are busy working full time, going out etc whilst I have more free time. That means they are more likely to catch me when I am free. If I phone them they might be working or on their way out so it’s inconvenient for them to talk.
I do however text regularly throughout the day as I know they can look at this when convenient.

Gallant282 · 21/08/2022 09:12

My mum rings me about 4 times a week. It's a bit too much really, I don't have anything new to say! She has a very busy social life, tons of friends-far more than me! She just loves to chat.

DeadButDelicious · 21/08/2022 09:20

My mum is 72, I have a 5 year old DD.

I speak to her most days and see her several times a week. We live round the corner from each other.

lobsterkiller · 21/08/2022 09:29

No kids, never unless I initiate contact. I've stopped and ive not even had a text
since. It's like I don't exist.

dalisdrippingclock · 21/08/2022 09:32

Very rarely will my mum initiate contact but she will call/message my kids regularly.

mommybear1 · 21/08/2022 09:38

My 78 year old Dad will call me every day sometimes more than once 😂 my Mom is no longer with us.

Pyewhacket · 21/08/2022 09:39

My mother is in her 60's and is a non-resident of the UK. I spoke to her for the first time in 10 years just the other day. She was as shitty as ever. I hung up.

Borgonzola · 21/08/2022 09:42

She texts me pretty much daily, but very general stuff such as the weather, what she's done (eg gone to hairdresser), or what the cat has done. Never texts just to say 'how are you' (not even recently when I was heavily pregnant with her first grandchild during the heatwave). Doesn't tend to really ask questions at all. Doesn't ever ring me.

She had me quite late in life and we're not close, but I always assumed this was her rather than her age!

gamerchick · 21/08/2022 09:43

Why are you asking OP? You haven't given your opinion.

toastedcat · 21/08/2022 09:48

My mum is late 70s and never calls me but gets really annoyed that I don't call her. She would guilt trip me about visiting rather than just arranging a visit. It seemed like she was worried I didn't want to see her so would wait for me to get in touch and sit there stewing rather than just get in touch herself.

Since I had a baby though she's been much more forthcoming.

I'm interested in why this Q is being asked, I'm hopeful that maybe it's a generational thing rather than just my mum being odd!

OnGoldenPond · 21/08/2022 09:48

My DM in late 70s will only call me if I haven't contacted her in six months to "see if I'm still alive ". Otherwise it is always me ringing her which I do about once a week. I know how long it takes her only because I got fed up being the one always calling and decided to not call her until she had called me and that is how long it took for her to bother.

Same with birthdays and Christmas. Never calls or sends so much as a card, for either me or my DC. Not even a quick message. Beginning to think she is trying to tell me something

Allmarbleslost · 21/08/2022 09:50

Mine is early 70s and never calls me. I call her every couple of weeks.

Original poster

theoldhasgone · 21/08/2022 09:51

gamerchick · 21/08/2022 09:43

Why are you asking OP? You haven't given your opinion.

I ask because although I realize so much depends on the relationship, I wonder if there are generational assumptions at play that I don't quite understand.

Like, one poster in her 60s said that she doesn't call her kids because she assumes it is more likely to be inconvenient for them due to them having a busier life than her.

I also wonder if some people of that age grew up thinking that phoning was expensive, for instance, and that might be affecting their phone use now even if it isn't actually expensive for them now.

My own mother lives about 1.5 hours drive away. We have a family group chat and stay in touch that way, but she never ever phones me or initiates a visit. When I phone her or try to arrange a visit she is always happy about it and I can't figure out why the onus is always on me. The phone goes both ways (and in fact she has said this about other people). There are obviously specific things about our circumstances and our relationship that probably affect this but I just wanted some other experiences.

It seems like other people have this too.

OP posts:

NiceTwin · 21/08/2022 09:53

Never, I always ring her.
Usually speak about once a fortnight, if nothing exciting has happened, I drop her a text saying that and leave it a week or so longer to call her.

Sodiumchloride · 21/08/2022 09:54

My mums 67. She rings once every couple of months. Has been to visit me at my house twice in 10 years - once when I had my son and once when I got married.
she lives across london and doesn’t drive.
I visit my parents every other weekend.
She calls and sees my other sisters more and sees my brothers more who are more local to her. does childcare for local grandkids.
I have accepted this is her.

Original poster

theoldhasgone · 21/08/2022 09:54

Also, I have teenagers and am starting to think these patterns could get set now, when it is better to let them come to you than intrude too much?

OP posts:

Stylishkidintheriot · 21/08/2022 09:54

hardly ever. I tend to do all the calling. Has only been the case since I had DS, as she doesn’t want to call when I’m busy, so I call her once I’ve settled down for the evening

Flip

1 2 3 4 5