If your mother is in her 70s, how often does she initiate contact?

[theoldhasgone]

I'm trying to get a sense of what is 'normal' here, if your mother is in her 70s and you have any kids.

If you are in contact with your mother, how often does she initiate contact by phoning or arrranging a visit or inviting you over? Not talking about participating in group chat or sending a quick message, but actual voice calls or face-to-face contact.

That was a reply to @Snog sorry

Every 3-4 weeks. We have a very strained relationship (my mother has a long history of being emotionally manipulative and minimising past abuse that I was subject to), and I can only tolerate her in very small doses.

My Mum lived with us, but DB used to phone her a couple of times a week, but she rarely called him. Occasionally she would say to him 'it is lovely to speak to you', and he'd reply 'phones work both ways Mum!'

It was always a bit of a joke - but she was very conscious that he worked hard, and had the usual family commitments. She also knew that he'd be there the minute he needed her.

We see each other daily, always have.

When mine was in her 70s, precisely never. It aways fell to me and still does. But is now a whole new ball game as she is in a nursing home.

Twice a week we speak, mum phones usually at more or less set times. Does not live near me.

My mum, 75yo, lives round the corner (with dad). One of us will either pop round for a cuppa or if we haven't found the time, a quick call every few days. It would probably be more frequent if she was alone. Very rarely text.

ATM she's still fit and well enough that I ask for help or advice from her more than she needs me.

My mum 70y calls me maybe 3-4 times an year but she calls my brother at least once every day. I call her every couple of days to make sure she is okay.

once a week to every ten days, unless she's travelling or really busy (which is reasonably often, tbf, she still works more than full time).

When she feels like it. She hasn't visited in 25 years, she always expects me to travel to see her then doesn't want me in her house. She's in her late 70s. I am not playing her game any more. She couldn't be here when I needed her most. My sister is her preferred child, I have received that message loud and clear.

My dad texts every day and rings me about 5 times a week since my mum died a couple of months ago

I ring my mother every day. We agreed that I would ring her and not vice versa because this way it's a time that suits me. I have dc at home working part time, school, college, activities and social lives. Shes a busy woman herself. If I ring and shes not there she'll ring me back. We have anything from a 10 min conversation to an hour and a half. She rings my DC weekly to chat to them and if anything happens in their lives Nana is told

Once a week, to 10 days. I normally phone her. For an hour. Sometimes she phones me. I tell her everything, there's nothing she doesn't know.

Why did you cut the bullshit and just ask her. Mum I always phone you, invite .... but I just wondered why you never xxx, is it because you think I'm so busy that I do it when it's convenient to me. Because you know, I'd like it if you did".

See her every week, have family group chat which has a few messages and some truly dreadful dad jokes sent by dh which dm loves. She'll message me a little back and forth over the week if we need to talk about stuff (from shit on the telly to important things). In the week we'll call each other if it's needed.

She is 76, widowed but sees friends most days. I work long hours so not heaps of time in the week and dds are young teens.

I think she'd like a bit more involvement but dh gets a bit annoyed if she does every single family activity with us. He does love her but wants some time just us.

Never, always me and I’m tied into visiting her twice a week. She never comes to me or buys me a meal etc.

My mum is in her early 70s, doesn't live nearby. We speak about twice a week these days on the phone, usually a 50/50 split of who phones who.

My mother is 21/2 hours away and very rarely calls and never arranges anything ever.
I have challenged her as to why she never calls and I have said it feels unequal. I am always the one doing everything.
She agrees to start doing more, calls once and then stops again! I genuinely think she sees it as ‘my job’ to do the running as her daughter, I don’t agree. As a result I call her 2/3 weeks depending on what we are doing. I text her most days.
it won’t change now is my feeling even it’s hurtful. I visit her 2/3 times a year.
I think it’s sad as we were very close once but she no longer seems interested and hasn’t in a long time.

Yes, same, I think my mum is interested but she never ever calls but is happy to take a call.

She's always been very hands off (she explains it with that her parents were hugely suffocating and awful) so while she has good will and is interested (I think), she's also quite aloof and not very warm. She never knows what to say when I worry about stuff (never has known what to say or how to support even when I was a child).

In answer to your question, she never initiates contact but is always happy to take a call or text back.

Wow, bit harsh saying there's bullshit? I'm literally wondering what other people's experiences are.

If you highlight my posts you'll see that I have explained a little but maybe you'd prefer to trash me. 🙄

I'm mid sixties , I almost never phone my children. I message them though and see them regularly.

My mum messages me almost daily, just checking in or telling me what she has been up to. She never initiates a face to face visit despite living 5 minutes away. I think she likes her routine and a visit from me, or to me, disrupts that. Fair enough.

OP I don't see why asking your mum why calls only go in one direction is in any way implying she has done anything wrong. Its just a way to improve communication and understand each other better surely?

Never, my DM is 71 and has advanced Alzheimer’s, she hasn’t been able to use a phone for years and she calls me mum,

My mum calls at least once a week, but usually texts first to see when I’m free. My dad about the same. We have a family WhatsApp that I usually initiate contact on every other day, but they do both reply.