If your mother is in her 70s, how often does she initiate contact?

[theoldhasgone]

I'm trying to get a sense of what is 'normal' here, if your mother is in her 70s and you have any kids.

If you are in contact with your mother, how often does she initiate contact by phoning or arrranging a visit or inviting you over? Not talking about participating in group chat or sending a quick message, but actual voice calls or face-to-face contact.

My mum also never rings (unless she cba tuping something important) and rarely will organise anything.

She apparently thinks that's my job to sort, couched in 'you're so busy (I'm not!) I don't want to disturb you..'

This also goes for every other relationship she has, and she can't see that the common denominator in these poor, or dwindling relationships is her. She refuses to put any effort in.

I actually think it's the way she sees love, she used to ring&visit her mum. So I should do the same

@theoldhasgone my mum is definitely happy to see me and always says I was thought you’d come today because you haven’t been in a while!

This is a silly question really, as there is no such thing as 'normal'. Some people are close to their mothers, some aren't.

I phoned my late Mum every night during the adverts during Emmerdale Farm.
It was one of the highlights of both our days.

Hardly ever and I find it really irritating that is down to me.

Never, we also don’t have contact details for each other.

I’m younger than that but my children are adults. I leave it to them to ring me.

I don’t want to be seen as interfering in their lives and I know they are indeed very busy whereas I can fit my work around more important things,

Mothers and MsIL can’t win on Mumsnet. We are wrong whatever we do

A couple of times a year her, couple of times me..not close

Mum’s 74, I’m 51, 2DC 23,21
its a two way street completely. She calls, texts, FaceTimes and so do I. Usually in contact 2/3 times a week more if there’s things going on.

We're both busy so I guess once every 3 or 4 weeks or so.

Not sure who phones who, it varies I guess. No big fall out but we're not particularly close either which I think suits us both quite nicely.
She's in contact with my sister much more as she's got young DC - there's much more closeness, support & drama. I don't really need any of those things 😂

She never, ever, phones me.

She likes to message the family whatsapp group but doesn’t send individual messages.

She constantly sends forwards by email - silly photos etc - but doesn’t say anything personal in that.

🤷‍♀️

I get the impression that a fair proportion of mothers in their 70s think it is their child's job to contact them and arrange visit.and don't want to interfere / intrude in their busy

Mine's 78 and I've phoned her every evening since her mum died four years ago, as before that she used to speak to her mum every evening.

We speak every 7-10 days, one of us will call the other and we'll chat for about an hour.

I see her about 4 or 5 times a year and it's a mixture of invitations for specific events and one of us saying 'I haven't seen you in ages' and arranging a visit. I have DC and a pet and she has a pet, so it's a bit complicated and we live too far apart to just pop round.

We have a family WhatsApp group and chat on it several times a week. Age group 30-80. We all stay in touch, share photos etc. No need for phone calls.

... lives. (posted too soon, sorry).

I feel like it would be world-shattering to say to my mum, 'Give me a call sometime' or 'let me know when you want to arrange a visit.' I don't know what would happen if I said that!

Normally once a week, sometimes twice. We live at opposite ends of the country though so we only see each other during school holidays.

Every day, except maybe one weekend day if we’re out. I call her on my morning dog walk, she might ring in the afternoon. I’ve no kids, but my parents call in a couple of times a week to see me, and the dog. They come up to her one day while I’m in the office and spend a couple of hours with her.
they would have been amazing grandparents, and it’s the only thing I regret about not having children.

My DM is 75, lives with DF and phones most days. I have adult DC. We don't live within 'popping in to visit' distance.

My mother is early 70s (widowed, retired) and I work and have a young child. We live about a 20-25 minute drive away.

We never speak on the phone unless I call, which is infrequent. The first thing she always says is 'I was just about to call you' - it's a bit of a running joke between me and DH. She is VERY involved in my sister's life - live in the next street, looks after her children several times a week etc. All she ever talks about is my sister and her children (the youngest especially - I feel sorry for the eldest).

I am perfectly happy with the low contact arrangement. I don't look at the codependent relationship she has with my sister with envy. If anything I'm just relieved that I don't have to be involved that much.

Mine is 74 and lives half an hour away. She phones 2-3 times per week, I ring her if I haven’t spoken to her in a couple of days and we see her at least once a week. I am an only child and have 2 DCs 10 & 13.

MIL is 76 and still working (!!). DH is one of 4. He very rarely calls her, unless we need babysitting etc. She calls us every couple of weeks. She calls her daughters much more often, I think, for chats. DH is not really much of a chatter on the phone.

Hmm, difficult to answer as we hardly ever phone - when we do it's me calling and usually when I am driving home from work.

But they only live about 15 mins away, we see each other nearly every week, longstanding Sunday teatime arrangement, plus irregularly in the week as well.
We message at least every other day and usually more than once a day (direct messages, not a group) and this is fairly equally initiated.

I don't think she feels she is intruding on my life - if anything it is the other way round!

Mine never ever calls me, or instigates meeting up. Even when I suggest doing something she is reluctant.

She spent most of my childhood telling me that I had ruined her life, so suspect the lack of contact is due to that.

My DM (whom I'm close to) stopped contacting me and my siblings when she got into her 60s. I think for her it's a generational thing, she very much ran to her parents and now she seems to feel it's up to us. I accept it but it would still be nice to get a text every few months or so asking about me. I still want to feel I have a parent! I phone her several times a week.

My Mum is 75. When I was at uni 25 years ago, I heard her say that she didn't like to phone me as she didn't want to intrude or be a nuisance (words to that effect).

She and my Dad visit every Sunday + the usual family events or if I need them for something. Same if they need me.

They have always jumped into action and see it as a privilege to help their children. They just don't like to 'bother' us though.