Feeling cheeky asking boyfriend for half for bills?

[louloubellavv]

I have lived in my flat (private rent not bought ) for 5 years.
After dating my boyfriend for a year he moved in on Sunday.
I don't know how to approach the bill situation.
Ask how much he will be contributing
I'm lucky my rent is only £400 for 2 bed and at the min my gas /electric is £100
So £500 I'm paying for bills
(Not including CT )
So if we were to go half's £250 each ...it would be such a massive help.
How do I bring it up?
He hasn't mentioned it?
All he has said so far is he will save a fortune now he doesn't have his £650 monthly bills

I know I'm stupid but feel a bit cheeky bringing money up.
I'm independent and can manage my own money -so I feel like I'm asking for a hand out

Yup. It's so obvious i can see it on the horizon right now. In 6 months time Op will be back wondering why her boyfriend expects her to cook dinner every night, wash his clothes, do the cleaning and shopping and everything around the house while daring to ask for 50% financial contribution and then be up for sex .

So frustrating to see this car crash happening.

FFS OP when now DS moved into the house I owned 35 years ago, he brought up paying half of the utilities and food and everything except the mortgage as it was my house. It's not your house so he should be paying half the rent to.

Hang on here, it's a rental and you're paying everything??? Immediately open a separate household account and pay in sufficient to go halves on everything. there are some cracking offers on bank accounts atm whereby you get a bonus amount of cash paid in. Look at the MLewis website.

If you're paying Council tax as a single occupant that will increase so half of that aswell. Assess food outgoings and put sufficient into same account for halves on that aswell.
NO free ride for this potential cocklodger.
Start as you mean to go on.
The parameters have to be laid out at the beginning of your relationship when love is young💪

@louloubellavv Go through your banking app. Write down & tally all the bill direct debits & anything you pay by card or Paypal. This will also give you a fair idea of what you spend on groceries. Obviously he doesn't pay your phone contract/car loan/anything personal.

Show him. "Right, here's the bills as they are at the moment so your half is £x " (and obviously when the fuel bill goes up then so does his half) and how great that you are BOTH saving money by him moving in.

If there's any coughing & spluttering from him about paying then the response is "why on earth did you think I would be paying your living expenses? Sorry darling you need to pack up and move out of MY flat this weekend".

Do not subsidise him. You work hard for your money. This arrangement needs to work for you too. This is a good opportunity for you to add to your own savings for your own security.

Make an excellent sheet with all outgoing regarding the flat. None of this "it's only £25 so I'm not bothered" and have a sit down on how to split them. Either 50/50, % of income, he pays x and you pay y or something that's fair. Don't wait till pay day to see if it magically work out. Cohabitation means money talk.

Good grief.

The fact that he has commented on how much he will be saving and then not IMMEDIATELY followed up with asking you OP how much his share of the household bills are (and how you would like him to pay them) is just a massive red flag of chronic cheeky-fuckery and/or dumbassery.

OP please for the love of god start thinking about if you want to remain in a long term relationship with this man. This is NOT a promising start to a long-lasting and respectful relationship.

I have zero respect for cock lodgers. He needs to contribute and this needs fully addressing from the word go. Not once he has moved in!

You are not asking for a handout. You asking him to pay towards his own accommodation, bills and utilities.

I feel as though you don't like confrontation. Why don't you talk about the news/ cost of living crisis/ fuel charges? You can then use it as a segue to talk about bills and how to split them. It should be a conversation.

Good luck.

Please tell me he’s paying half the rent?

Was he evicted?

All he has said so far is he will save a fortune now he doesn't have his £650 monthly bills

and you said…?!

Absolutely this!

Cocklodger.
FFS.
Don't ask him how much he will be paying.
TELL HIM. And tell him today.
He's paying half of everything.
End of.
If he doesn't pay. He goes.

Don't wait until payday

“Ok, bills! Half of everything at the moment is £xxx. Are you happy to transfer it to my account or would you rather we set up a separate one? Obviously we’ll need to see how the rates increase over the next few months but that should get us started.”

Is this the boyfriend that got evicted?

Oh yes! Thanks for reminding me. I was thinking - mmm this thread is reminding me of a thread I posted on just this week but couldn't quite remember what it was. Now I remember, it was the one about a boyfriend of a year having an "accommodation emergency" - ie. got evicted (apparently).

Hobosexual. Cocklodger.

The OP disappeared from that other thread. Everyone was saying he'd be moving in already.

Girls should be taught about cocklodgers and hobosexuals during PHSE lessons at school. How to recognize them. How to deal with them. How to avoid cocklodging by stealth.
And how to respond assertively to all these men who won't wear condoms.
No condoms. No sex.
No paying fair share of rent and bills. No moving in.

Hobosexual is a new one on me 😂

He’s been there for nearly a week and not offered to contribute, so I wouldn’t hope for anything.

You need to bring this up straight away, so the relevant banking/ standing orders can be set up before pay day.

And it needs to include all bills.

MN posts like the OPs should be given a flashing red light DANGER COCKLODGER ALERT from the outset. Oh OP. Sort it out. If he doesn't like it then bin him immediately.

Op, put bit ALL in a spreadsheet - absolutely everything that is cost associated with living there (incl. Insurance etc). Halve it and sit with him while he sets up a standing order to be paid the day after his payday. Keep an eye on your bills and when they go up tell him what the new amount is.

Make sure he knows that he can't use uour good nature against you.

Surely he is expecting to pay for half of everything?

Rent
Broadband
Gas & Electric
Water
Any streaming services you share
Contents insurance
Council Tax
Household cleaning supplies/toilet paper etc

You should both benefit equally from sharing all of these bills.

Food is a bit of a grey area and might need to be discussed.

You've got all of this information so I would collate it (in front of him if that so happens) - just tell him your pulling together all of the shared bill info so you can work out the best way of sorting it in a bit. I would definitely be doing this this weekend at the absolute latest.

If he isn't expecting to pay for half of EVERYTHING that is shared then...that would be very odd and very cheeky of him.

Add up each and every bill, including the increased council tax
Write it down
Divide it by two
Write down your bank details and say this needs to be sent over on pay day by STANDING ORDER so all OUR bills are sorted each month.

If it doesn't appear without nagging, tell him to leave

Thanks everyone for all your advice
Sorry I can't respond to you all
Tonight after work-I'm writing all my outgoings and having a chat with him and telling him the amount he needs to pay
No pussyfooting around

Surely you’re not really that desperate for a boyfriend, you’ll pay for him to live with you?

Don’t wait for him to offer you a few quid towards the bills but work out exactly how much you currently pay for rent, council tax, utility bills etc. and half it adding on your joint food costs and give him your bank details to arrange a monthly standing order after he’s been paid.

If he pays you anything less, you may as well hang a sign around your neck saying ‘needy and worthless’, which is sadly how he views you.

Even ‘ladies of the night’ are upfront about their fees…