Trapped Toddler Parents: Surviving the summer

[Motherofmonsters]

Hi,

New thread for toddler support, ideas and general rants!

@AliasGrape - we do Tiny Talk too! I did it when DS was a baby and am hoping it will help as while he has about average for number of words, I know children who can say more and I think he does get frustrated.

Lack of sleep came very close to breaking me. I remember being on a night out (which was actually just dinner and a couple of drinks) with friends in May and I just really wasn’t enjoying it because I knew I wouldn’t even get the couple of hours sleep I got at the start of the night and I hated bedtimes. We sleep trained - fairly gentle - at the start of June, it was the best thing I could have done.

I am definitely over reliant on the TV, I work Monday to Wednesday and I find on the evenings after nursery it’s just Teletubbies and Mr Tumble.

Thanks @AliasGrape and @Chocolatetrifle :) it’ll be alright I know. We do buy 90% of stuff secondhand so will be also trying to do that now. Insurance works slightly differently in Norway, you have to pay an excess regardless and I think it will be cheaper to go outside insurance. Fortunately they managed to do a quick fix on the car so maybe it won’t be too bad.

DS1 didn’t nap today and it actually went quite alright, he was asleep by about 7.45pm! There’s not been so much TV either, he’s been more interested in playing with his little bus we bought him at the weekend to replace the one we were given as a wedding gift…and water play too! So not a bad evening overall.

I actually quite enjoy Mr Tumble @Neverfullycharged - his voice fascinates me!

Hello everyone,

Had a rubbish couple days here DS was playing roughly in the playground yesterday and scratched a kids eye. Got a phone call from the head teacher and now I've got a meeting with her and his class teacher about getting me 'more support.'
The teacher today said he's got a lot of energy, is he like this at home. Which makes me think they aren't doing any of the strategies that have been in the reports on him as surely she would be aware it's not just energy? I just said yeah he does, I'll go into it properly tomorrow. I spent the whole day yesterday feeling physically sick about it, literally couldn't function but now I'm feeling better about it now. I'm going to be so annoyed if they say what reports

I know how you feel @squishymamma are outgoings are over as well. I end up feeling ill with worrying about it to.

Oh @Motherofmonsters I really feel for you

My DS is going through a biting stage at nursery and does push and hit other children. It does worry me as I know other parents are not always kind about children who do that. I do know it must be rotten to be on the receiving end of it but I’m not sure what I can do other than keep an eye and if it looks like he’s going to go for another child remove him from the situation.

Norway is very expensive to live in I believe @squishymamma !

@Motherofmonsters sending you support. Sorry it's been so tough the past few days. Will the OT liaise with school to inform them of all the work they have done with your DS and ways of helping him. I hope the school have been supportive. Hope you are ok.

They won't liaise without the school paying for it unfortunately. We have had Senco and an educational psychiatrist who have written recommendations for the school with suggestions.

DD took 10 thousand years to go to sleep in the meantime DS tipped the dogs water bowl over and tracked it all over downstairs, fed the dog all his food luckily we have it in an ice cream tub and it wasn't full and the cats food. The dog is looking pretty uncomfortable.

I want to give up on this week and start again.

@neverfullycharged don't worry about your DS biting etc in the nursery it's still inline with their development. Parents are understanding when they're little, especially if they see you being hands on. It's the parents who do nothing that annoy people. There's a series of books called teeth are not for biting, hands are not for hitting etc that are really good.

How is everyone?

Meeting at school went well, they were looking for help as they can't get DS regulated and he's causing disruption. They're going to contact his OT and we've got a review in 3 weeks time.

We're going to go out in the garden in a minute and sort out my tomato plants and pick in what I can. DD loves doing gardening bits so that should keep her entertained. Going to pop to Lidl after lunch to get some wipes as I've realised I've got loads of Packets with a few wipes in. Got a phonics presentation at school later, probably going to be irrelevant to DS as he's far behind but thought I had better show willing.

Sorry you’ve had a rough few days @Motherofmonsters but pleased that the meeting with the school went well and that they are being proactive in seeking support for him.

Gosh can you get some wipes for me whilst you’re there? I needed to use some whilst out this morning and realised I had 3 packets in the changing bag and every one was totally dried up. Luckily was just for sticky hands/ face and not a poonami situation.

Thought I’d made a bit of a boob this morning. DD had her two days at childminder mon and tue which is still new to her and she’s finding it a bit of an adjustment from the one day, which I wasn’t really prepared for I assumed she’d be fine. Then yesterday I had to be at an all day meeting 2 hours away so DD was at grandparents and DH worked from their house to be on hand as they do find her a bit much honestly.

Anyway I wanted to do something fun with her this morning, thinking to make up for not having had much time with her, and booked/ paid for toddler session at the trampoline park. Unfortunately when it came to getting her ready she just kept crying and saying she wanted to stay home, trying to make me sit on the sofa and cuddle her. Because I’d paid I kind of dragged her there, thinking if she absolutely hated it or still seemed off we’d come home, but she loved it fortunately so I don’t feel as guilty now! She’s fast asleep on me now as I type this, definitely wore her out. Was actually quite reasonable compared to soft play for a longer session so we will definitely do it again.

My ds is still adapting back to nursery three days a week as well, @AliasGrape . We have tears at drop off which always makes me feel like crying as well!

We do a toddler trampolining session in the morning sometimes and I’m wondering if you’re not too far from me! I’m in Derbyshire.

I am now off until Tuesday thanks to the bank holiday, which really is lovely, and DH is working away tonight so have peace and quiet which is unusual! Normally, the second I get DS down for his nap I get DH coming in telling me all sorts of things about interest rates, the car needing an MOT, do we need bread, there’s a parcel outside … argghhhh! I do love him and he’s a lovely kind dad and husband but jeez, sod off, this is MY time! He used to work away all the time, now post pandemic it isn’t as frequent and it’s definitely taken some adjustment - there was one point he barely left the house!

We’ve had a busy morning, though. Had a toddler music and movement class followed by an autumn walk in the park then home for nap. DS hasn’t had any proper lunch yet but he did hoover up an entire packet of blueberries and a banana as well as a big bowl of Cheerios in the morning so I’m not too worried!

Evening everyone 😊

@Motherofmonsters you've had a really tough few days, hope you are feeling a bit better now. Everything that happens at school it's so hard as we take it personally. The school should hopefully be able to help you rather than the other way around. Hope thru can make some progress for you ready for the next meeting. You are doing great.

@AliasGrape I'm glad your DD enjoyed the trampoline park. Sometimes we have to give them the encouragement don't we ? I'm in two minds about tumble tots that I've paid for for dS2, he hated the first session and then I thought why am I paying out money for it when effectively he could just go to a playground for similar exercise...he enjoys his rugby tots though.

@Neverfullycharged totally agree on the husband getting out of the house for work front. We all need a break from each other, I know I do!

It's been in and out a bit for me with ds1 on afternoons at school. I've found a different nursery for dS2 and I'm happy with my decision, so I hope he likes it come January. Looking forward to bedtime.

Evening all,

Just popping in before bed.

Hope everything keeps progressing positively with DS @Motherofmonsters, good to hear the school is acknowledging they need help. Hope the presentation was at least a little interesting.

Glad the trampoline park was a hit @AliasGrape, sometimes they do need us to force them out - I’ve experienced that too!

Enjoy your long weekend @Neverfullycharged and your peaceful evening.

Glad to hear you’ve found a good nursery @Chocolatetrifle, hope it lives up to expectations!

Its been a bit of a mental few days here, I was at a parents evening at nursery last night and both boys were asleep when I got back. DS1 then woke up really panicked and scared about 4am and struggled so much to sleep again that DH ended up sleeping with him on a camp bed (as DS2 is in with us so I don’t know where we would have put DS1)

DS1 is also having way more tantrums recently, they’re not long lasting but they’re definitely more frequent and so today he sat and had a little tantrum in the middle of the supermarket. He also has major kick offs if DS2 touches the toy he’s playing with in any way, shape or form - he’s happy to share his toys but only if he doesn’t want to play with them. Today we had a major cry because DS2 was allowed to hold one of the Jenga blocks…

Anyway both boys in bed and I’m not far off, hope everyone sleeps well!

How old is your DS1, @squishymamma ? Tantrums are just exhausting. I went through a stage when DS was around 16 months when it felt like we went from one tantrum to another. Now he still has them, but he is a bit more reasonable - if one can ever describe a toddler as reasonable!

He’s 2 and a half @Neverfullycharged but slow to speak so I think that has a lot to do with it. He’s been referred for speech therapy but we’re waiting for an available appointment so who knows when that will be. To be fair to him he does often have a cry and then do what we ask, and I think it’s good and healthy that he gets out his emotions, but I thought I’d have a bit more time before having to referee (DS2 is 8 months!)

That must be hard, @squishymamma . It is difficult when they can’t speak as they get so frustrated. I can see this in my own DS.

We’ve had a busy morning - probably too busy to be honest, as we did TinyTalk followed by another toddler class. DS wolfed down two bananas then didn’t want any lunch (understandable), went down for nap at about 1245 which is way too late, especially considering he was up at 530. I just woke him about ten minutes ago and he’s so grumpy. I’m trying to encourage him to spend some time outside as he hasn’t really had any today but he won’t!

I do find the afternoons so much harder than the mornings. There’s the sort of dead time between waking up after nap where he’s generally too grumpy for anything constructive and then past four the time just drags!

I think I may try to have a little walk this afternoon. I wish there was a little duck pond within walking distance but there aren’t any I know of and I don’t really want to put him in the car again!

Hope you managed to get your walk @Neverfullycharged! I get what you mean, it’s like I run out of steam after the nap and just cannot be bothered coming up with activities, and DS1 doesn’t want to do any anyway.

It’s been a long hard day here, complaints and tantrums from waking up at 6.30 to bed at 8! I lost my temper very early on and did quite a bit of shouting and ignoring and general not-gentle parenting. But tomorrow is a new day! I guess he’s going through some kind of growth spurt mentally but man is it exhausting.

Tomorrow we may be going to meet a friend for a play date, but otherwise no plans. Really need to clean as the apartment is disgusting but the motivation is so not there…

hope everyone has a good evening!

We had a nice afternoon in the end, we had our walk and picked (and ate!) some blackberries.

Where we live is very rural which I love but the problem is that it isn’t brilliant for walks. We live on a country road that isn’t particularly busy but when cars do come down it’s awfully fast. We also get lots of tractors (to the delight of DS!) and lorries. There aren’t any pavements either. But there is a track with a field with ponies in it and ends at a farm where you can buy eggs and jam and things and so that’s ‘our’ walk. I need to find some decent duck ponds and woods.

Days like that are tough @squishymamma !

What are everyone’s plans for the long weekend? I think we’re going to a national trust place this afternoon after nap - I have a leg wax this morning so am going to try to get DH to take DS to the park, as he hasn’t really seen him this week (working away) and means I don’t have to take him - win win!

Hi everyone. Hope you are having a better day @squishymamma.

That sounds lovely @Neverfullycharged but can see how the walks would be difficult. We are over blessed with duck ponds nearby really, fortunately as DD is obsessed. Ducks are her very favourite thing. Whenever she opens a present or a parcel comes to the door (or they play ‘what’s in the box’ on toddler club) she always says excitedly ‘it a duck!’ The fact it never has been doesn’t seem to put her off. We’re not Derbyshire no - Stockport/ Cheshire border.

We did tiny talk yesterday too. I wanted to walk there through the park and then have a play on the way home, but she was an absolute bugger to get dressed and we ended up late and having to drive. Because it was a nice, if coldish, day here I sacked off doing the ‘big shop’ afterwards which we really needed, and went to the local farm shop/ cafe instead which has a little play area for the kids and a few animals you can look at. She then had a very late nap and some tv in the afternoon, before going to meet my niece and her two girls for tea at a pub with soft play. Started off quite well but got like the Wild West in there after a while with various near teenagers charging around and screaming at full volume. DD was undaunted and kept diving back in, in between polishing off both her own sausage and mash and most of her cousin’s dinners too. We set off home about 7 hoping that she would fall asleep on way home (I even changed her nappy and put her in pjs just before we left!) and we could transfer her, but of course it didn’t work and she was just totally wired and overstimulated and took till 9.30 to get her down, but she was still up at 6.30 am this morning.

Shes playing downstairs with DH whilst I have an hours peace, then we will probably go for a walk somewhere.

Hello all, how did you find tiny talk, @AliasGrape ? I wasn’t too impressed if I am honest. Compared to the other groups DS goes to with lots of lights and bubbles, puppets and so on, it was very underwhelming.

I’m in a horrible mood. I have a period (10 days early - doesn’t bode well for TTC) and DS sleep has gone to pot. It feels like constant wake ups and hysterics when trying to resettle him. Last night he was awake between 3 and nearly 5am. Then woke at 6. I took him swimming this morning and he was exhausted coming back. As I came into the house DH took him and somehow managed to bash his head on the cot so more hysterics. Now he’s finally asleep and DH is fucking CRASHING around upstairs. I actually feel like I hate him and I don’t of course but I really am furious. It’s always the same - if he wants to do something it can’t wait even five minutes.

I just wish DS would start sleeping again. It would make it so much better!

Oh I’m sorry @Neverfullycharged The lack of sleep makes everything so much worse, I’m also having a period from hell too so can empathise there also. AND doubly so with the ridiculously loud DH. The number of times I’ve hissed furiously at DH and accused him of ‘stomping upstairs like something from Jurassic FUCKING park before doing the loudest bloody wee in the world’ always just as DD is about to fall asleep. I hope your DS has napped well anyway and you’re feeling a bit better.

We really like our tiny talk. We’ve been going since she was little - was one of the first things we were allowed to do in Covid times - sat on separate mats at opposite corners of the room and not allowed to sing 🙄 She has always really liked it for some reason, agree it’s much lower key than the other ones but seems to suit her. We gave it a rest for a few months between the baby one and the toddler one, and she was so excited when we went back!

Today we’ve been to a free trial for a toddler football session that is starting up nearby. Loads of people came for the trial so about 30 toddlers running in opposite directions and ignoring all instructions - it was absolute carnage but good fun. Would like to sign up but also have had the email we can start swimming lessons and not sure budget will stretch to both. Will have to see.

Then the supermarket and then home for lunch. DD is having a far too late nap right now. My niece and her new boyfriend were up in our city for a gig last night and are going to call in shortly for a cuppa before heading home, so that will be nice.

Evening all, sorry I’ve been quiet it’s been a bit of a weekend. DS1 had a fever yesterday and slept loads, he’s better apparently today but still not got a huge appetite. Just hoping he’ll be well for nursery tomorrow.

I feel for you @Neverfullycharged its so hard when they’re struggling to sleep, and then DH crashing about on top of that! Hope your DS gets through this phase quickly.

@AliasGrape hope you had a nice time with your niece!

I’ve taken the day off tomorrow for the Queen’s funeral, I’m not a huge royalist but it would have felt weird not to. Going to squeeze in a haircut too since DS1 is hopefully at nursery and DH is still on paternity leave with DS2!

I know he’s been ill but we’ve had some impressive tantrums today from DS1, my favourite was when he took his tractor and stood right next to DS2, then put the tractor down, then began having a tantrum because DS2 touched the tractor…if you don’t laugh you cry, right??

Hope everyone gets a good sleep.

That’s lovely @AliasGrape - I’ll keep trying. DS was quite a bit younger than the other children, and not hugely engaged. We did go as a baby but I didn’t tend to mind much at baby groups as it was more change of scene and a few songs and cuddles, but now he’s a toddler he tends to want a bit more!

@squishymamma i can imagine that happening here if I had two … DS is obsessed with tractors! There’s one featured briefly on a Co Op advert and he cries when it goes off 😂

I’m wondering what to do today - nothing is open and it isn’t raining but is horribly damp and soggy. I know in MN land everyone is out stomping the muddy paths in wellies and puddle suits but the prospect doesn’t fill me with joy, especially as DS needs a frequent carry.

Hi Everyone,

Sorry I've been quiet, we've had a horrendous week and I've basically been feeling sorry for myself. DS got worse and worse at school to the point I had to pick him up early and carry him out of the school. It took an hour to get him home as he was just wild and I couldn't get him safely strapped in. School has requested he only attend mornings at the moment as they have no idea what to do with him and they need to seek professional help. I'm so upset that he's been this bad and feel very very stuck. I'm going to also make an appointment with the GP tomorrow. Friday I was a horrendous mess but I'm feeling a bit better now

Did you find something to do @Neverfullycharged?

How is your DS @squishymamma?

@Motherofmonsters ❤️ I'm so sorry it's been so tough for you. Good idea to telephone the GP. Hope you can get an appointment today, let us know what the GP advises. Hopefully it will just be a temporary measure for Ds to go mornings, the school do need to seek advice urgently as they have a responsibility to teach your son not just ask you to keep collecting him. Are there any threads on the primary education section on here for similar situations?

Hi,

@Motherofmonsters so sorry to read this. I think @Chocolatetrifle has some good advice. And she’s also right - the school has a responsibility to your DS, I imagine it’s hard for him too especially with the lack of school support. Hope you got an appointment and you get some help. It’s totally okay to feel down about it, I think sometimes it’s healthy to get out those emotions rather than suppress them and try to be positive 24/7.

Did you find something to do yesterday @Neverfullycharged?

Both DC were really unsettled last night and DS1 was whimpering for ages, DH was in and out before eventually sleeping in there with him again. We’re wondering if he’s getting scared of the dark so might try a nightlight. He’s been having loads more tantrums and nightmares too so I think he’s going through some kind of development leap. Nursery told me he’d had a poo on the potty last week which really surprised me as we haven’t really started potty training. He always says no when I ask him if he wants to sit on it though. I don’t know if I’m mentally ready to deal with training yet!

Hope everyone had a good day off yesterday and a nice day today!

Oh @Motherofmonsters im sorry that sounds so rough and must be really worrying you.

Was your DC in any kind of nursery setting before starting school? (Or is this school nursery sorry if I’m not remembering correctly?) It’s really not unheard of for a child to take longer to settle and need to do shorter time periods initially, building up to full days. It always seems daunting in September but, with the right support, they really do make huge leaps. I hope the school comes back with some good strategies soon, they really need to be proactive on this. It’s also a good idea to try the GP, also sometimes health visitors can be a good place to try although very much depends on the individual HV and what the service is like in that area.