Trapped Toddler Parents: Surviving the summer

[Motherofmonsters]

Hi,

New thread for toddler support, ideas and general rants!

Happy Easter!

Sorry youve not had a great time at their cabin @squishymamma. I hope you've got home okay and can get back in your normal routine.

Sorry you're having a crappy time at the mo @Chocolatetrifle. Sorry to hear about your mum needing surgery, it would stress anyone out. I totally get the feeling of wanting to run away. Crosses my mind most weeks.

Friday and Saturday have been good days here, the kids mostly played nicely and DH has been home so we've had proper family time.

Today the kids especially DS have been completely feral. I think DS struggles with the build up to special days and then goes loopy when it arrives. We did an easter egg hunt this morning, walked on the beach and dinner at PIL so it sounds good on paper but it's been really hard work.

On a plus side DD has finally gone to sleep without me lying next to her for ages. Took a bit bribery and convincing but she's done it the last two nights. Hopefully it will continue.

Happy Easter everyone. Strongly understand about wanting to run away to a hotel!

We’ve been doing ok except my youngest has gone super clingy as she has a bit of a fever. Just wants me to sit on the sofa cuddling her, which isn’t ideal when you have visitors who need refreshments and they can’t find anything! My parents are old and couldn’t even manage to locate the (six foot tall, stand-alone) fridge in my small kitchen!

Happy Easter everyone.

Your trip sounded hard work @squishymamma - hope you’re home and having a more relaxing time of it now though.

@Chocolatetrifle - I’m sorry you’re having a crappy time and that must be a real worry about your mum, the hotel thing crosses my mind often too! Could you make it happen do you think? Even for a night?

Glad you had some good days @Motherofmonsters though sorry yesterday was such hard work!

Hope your DD feels better today @Stayingstrongish

We had a nice time, went into Buxton on Saturday and DD played in the park and gardens for hours. Conned us into a fairground ride and a go on the bouncy castle, £2.50 each and in both cases she lasted 10 seconds before demanding to get off - our own fault for falling for it twice I guess!

In-laws and a neighbour for lunch yesterday. Was a nice day and DD enjoyed herself, but a long day too and I was wrecked by bedtime. DD back to waking up at 6, if not before.

Happy Easter!

DS was sick in the night on Saturday and spent all morning in bed. Which meant some nice time playing with DD but felt really bad for him. On the plus side once he felt better he had the idea of going for an evening walk to spot things from a list in his cbeebies magazine, and that was lovely.

Today hoping rain isn't quite as bad as forecast suggests as there's a duck race at the park.

Otherwise this morning has been lots of games, numberblocks and kinetic sand. And trying to convince kids not to randomly lash out at each other, spoil each others games etc 🙄

@AliasGrape you can't be too far from us, we've had days out in Buxton and last week found a relatively calm soft play and nice toy shop near Chatsworth.

@Stayingstrongish that sounds tough, hope she's better today.

@Motherofmonsters I get what you mean about days that sound good on paper, but the reality is dealing with kids doing frustrating things all day.

@Chocolatetrifle echo everyone else, that does sound stressful and if you could have a night away and a lie in sounds like it would help.

Thank you for the kind words of support, I went to bed at 8 last night so got some hours in and feeling lots better and more positive today.

hope you all have nice things planned for the Bank Holiday? It's started raining here!

Need to start the mammoth task of sorting the boys wardrobes for summer clothes etc soon.

Hello!

How is everyone's Thursday going? It's very soggy here.

Kids have both been home since 12 and have driven me absolutely loopy. Running around, winding each other up, DD won't stop screaming a high pitched scream at everything.
I did the crap parent thing of shouting that not all kids get toys, to go out places or parents who play with them and if they don't stop their behaviour we could be like that too. I feel a bit shit but I was so very very overstimulated in the moment.
I then got their wellies on and drove to the woods for a walk in the pouring rain. They screamed and fell out with each other again for the first half but sorted themselves out for the second. Feeling like the fresh air helped a little though.

Hope everyone has had a more successful day then me!

Did you have a big sort out @Chocolatetrifle?

Ah I keep meaning to post and then forgetting!

I’m in a bit of a tizz atm as DS1 just threw up after coming home from nursery and is clearly not well. I had some kind of stomach upset yesterday but assumed I’d gotten it from one of the kids (despite neither of them having symptoms) or simply due to stress but maybe not. As you all know I have a massive vomit phobia so I’m struggling, especially as DH said he’s not feeling 100% either…

Can totally empathise with you @Motherofmonsters I can also get really overstimulated and then do a lot of shouting. Hope you get some down time tonight.

Oh my gosh I'm totally the same this week, really hyper sensitive to the increasing bickering and whinging, its really going through me.

Your walk in the rain in the woods sounds great @Motherofmonsters but sorry you had.a tough day.

How is ds now @squishymamma ? Hope you feel better too.

Ds2 had the preschool booster last week and has been a monster ever since screeching, arguing, fighting bedtime etc.

Ds1 got star of the week last week at school but of course any good moment doesn't last and today his teacher pulled me aside to say he said 'holy fock' in class. Oh dear. So feeling pretty shit about that.

Bank Holiday to look forward to again!!

I hope everything is okay at yours @squishymamma. I hope there hasn't been anymore sickness.

Hope DS settles down for you @chocolatetrifle. I need to book DDs in soon.

Today has been a fairly standard Friday. Child free until 12 so caught up on some work and attempted to tidy the house.

Picked DD up from nursery then my mum popped up which was nice but then I was late cooking tea so they went a bit crazy from hungriness and waiting. Very swiftly chucked DD in the bath after.

Just got DS to go and then some quiet.

What has everyone got planned for the bank holiday weekend. We're meeting up with my sister and her kids at 9.30 tomorrow for a scooter down a trail and that's as far as I've got. DH is home all 3 days so that will be nice

Hello,

Thanks, we’ve been really lucky - DS1 slept through from 5pm to 6am this morning and has been his usual self today. Guess there’s still time but really hoping that’s that. I did not sleep at all last night and am on my way home from tons of a few cocktails with friends so hopefully I’ll sleep like a log tonight.

@Chocolatetrifle ups and downs eh, I’m pretty sure my oldest says f*ck but I often pretend I don’t know which language he’s trying to use…

@Motherofmonsters scooting down a trail sounds nice! No bank holiday here so just the usual two days of trying to get out somewhere with the kids. Is anyone planning on watching the coronation?

Cocktails with friends sounds ace @squishymamma I hope you had a good time and woke up feeling okay.

Our Scooter outing was good apart from DS bent down to pick a flower and put his hand and face into the stinging nettles. He was so upset and confused about why his face was stinging so much. Luckily it calmed down quite quickly.

We watched the coronation and then went to PIL for a pasty and play. Mostly successful day, had the usual fallings out between DC's, why they can't leave each other alone I don't know.

Hope everyone has had a good day

Hello!

Goodish day again here. DH took DS to his rugby group today (apparently didn't go great but I wasn't there so not counting it as a mark on my day - is that mean?)

We went to the beach this afternoon. DS and DD were adamant they were going in the sea, went upstairs and got their wetsuits. They had them on in the car on the way there. Funnily enough they didn't go in the sea, they did have a paddle though and did a lot of digging.

They got cold after a couple hours so we had an ice cream and came home. They've played outside and then had tea and they had baths. Also bathed the dog as he came to, he isn't impressed with me and is now curled up in his bed glaring at me.

My period had decided to appear 13 days early!!! So that sucks but otherwise okay today.

How's everyone getting on

Sounds like you’ve had a decent weekend @Motherofmonsters! Glad your DS wasn’t too bothered by the nettles, they are one of my most hated childhood memories…

Our weekend has been intense. No more sickness but both boys have just been so difficult and whiny and always clinging to me, never their dad of course. I did lots and lots of shouting and was generally a terrible mother if you follow these gentle parenting techniques. Totally lost my cool.

DH to his credit took them out and away from me for a while both days and did as much as he could given that neither of them wanted to spend time with him.

Yesterday we went to this cool bike park in a town nearby, it’s for kids and has proper little roads and traffic lights so they can bike around like they’re driving a car, and there’s a little garage and stuff. DS1 loved it, DS2 was more interested in running up and down the little hills they’d made cackling maniacally.

Hope everyone else had a good weekend! We caught the concert on TV last night, was great. But here it’s not a bank holiday so I’m in work boo.

Hi everyone,

Hope you’re all well.

We were at my sister’s in Hampshire over the bank holiday weekend - a long drive away after only just getting back from Dorset the week before - bad planning on our part and too much time in the car but both were nice trips.

DD’s tantrums are reaching truly epic proportions lately. I’m finding it all a bit of an uphill battle right now which is horrible because I so want to enjoy her - she’s bloody awesome - but I’m just knackered and desperately craving some proper time to myself.

DD is nearly 3 (end of July) and really struggles to play independently, she also screams at us if we try to have a conversation trying to turn my head to her and shouting ‘no mummy - talk to me’. The constant need to be touching me/ having my undivided attention is really feeling claustrophobic right now - especially as she’s up a few times a night too and of course only I will do then too.

Sorry for the moan - I felt like you guys would understand!

@AliasGrape i totally get where you’re coming from, both mine are like this at the moment and it’s driving me insane. They’re 3 and 1.5 and every day is just one long battle, plus DH is never good enough so to stop the screaming I tend to just take them and then get all touched out and overstimulated. Something that did help a tiny bit though was to give each of them undivided attention for 10-15 minutes. The effect isn’t always super long lasting but they are happy for a little period at least and my ears get a rest!

Thats basically my update too, I’ve been shouty mum a lot recently because I just can’t deal with it. DS1 insisted on sitting on my knee to eat breakfast this morning and it actually made me feel really uncomfortable even though he’s done that before and I’m not usually bothered. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve been going to bed late the past few nights and DS2 has been waking up at 5am…

@AliasGrape oh gosh yes, totally understand and totally feel your pain with it. Approaching 3 is such a hard time. I can offer some small glimmer of hope in that some days my almost 3.5 year old is actually reasonable and my 5 year old can some days even tell his brother how he should be behaving so things do improve. Of course our days are not perfect, far from it but eventually they can do some more things by themselves.

How are you feeling now @squishymamma ?
@Motherofmonsters how are you?

Not much news here, I have an ear infection. Yesterday we went to a kids birthday party in a hall which was nice but equally a bit stressful in that 5 year old boys seem to just want to hit each other on the head with balloons then tell tales on each other and start crying! Oh the emotions.

Hope you have a peaceful Sunday.

Oh @Chocolatetrifle sorry to hear that, hope you feel better soon!

DH and I are in yet another argument, because he’s so negative and frustrated around the kids and it ruins every single weekend. I asked him what we could do to make it easier and the only answer was “they just need to grow up a bit”. Which is all well and good but then that means he’s not willing to do anything to change and so we’re going to be stuck in this pattern of moody DH and whiny kids and burnt out me, with no obvious end in sight. So I obviously wasn’t happy with this conclusion and one thing led to another and now we aren’t speaking. I’m just so fed up of waiting for it to get better, it’s not going to unless we change our mindset and I’ve been living like this since DS1 was born 3 years ago. I’m so done!!

Anyway sorry for the epic rant but you all will understand and it’s a good place to get it all out. I’m just so disappointed this is how parenthood has turned out to be…

Thank you for the empathy guys!

I actually had a break this weekend - I had a night away with a friend. Was supposed to be a 'spa' break but it was quite a cheap deal and the hotel's 'spa' was a tiny pool, crowded hot tub and an out of use steam room so that element wasn't particularly brilliant. However just having the alone time on the drive down with my music blasting, and then as I arrived first I had an hour or so to potter in silence - it was blissful. Was brilliant to catch up with one of my best friends - we live about 5 hours drive apart these days so it's infrequent.

I do feel so much better for it, and DH and DD seemed to cope fine. I've coped with all the usual bedtime/ morning routine buggering about much more calmly and been able to be playful about it rather than the usual battles over how she can't squeeze an entire tube of toothpaste into the sink, or why won't you please just but your bloody clothes on we're late etc etc. Am sure the zen mum thing will have worn off by bedtime tonight, but it definitely proved that having a break is good for us all!

Sorry to hear about the ear infection @Chocolatetrifle Hope you're feeling better soon - dealing with that on top of a 5 year old's birthday party surely deserves a medal of some kind?

I'm sorry @squishymamma that's really tough. It's so hard when nobody seems to be enjoying it much. Your DH being so negative can't be good for any of you - would he consider doing some reading e.g. the 'how to talk' books or the 'book you wish your parents had read'? Not saying it's a magic cure, but might help with mindset?

@AliasGrape that's great you had a break and you are feeling a bit better about things now. I'm glad for you.

@squishymamma sorry to hear its a rough patch at the moment. I can relate because we've had many weekends where dh has said he's not enjoyed life with two young kids and I've even been miserable many weekends myself. Life is so hard.
Agree its the mindset. Social media portrayals do not help either. I'd avoid random scrolling.

Would it help to do something diffetent together as a family? A day out? Zoo? Gardens? Just to get out of the house and away for a bit? How about giving each other some time alone space whilst the other looks after the kids? Each take half a day to do what you want?

I can't offer much help but it does get a bit easier when they are not so little. Gratitude etc, focusing on what we have, focusing on the small things?

That being said I'm mighty passed off as I've had two incident report forms from ds2 at nursery two days on the run for pushing a child and then pulling another child's hooded top. And ds1 came home and told me he had been given headphones to wear in school assembly all because he told his teaching assistant he thought singing assemblies were noisy. And they give him headphones to wear! I am absolutely fuming about this and have complained.

So done with today and patenting.

Sleep well hopefully x

@AliasGrape glad to hear you had a good break, it really does work wonders doesn’t it?

@Chocolatetrifle I don’t understand why they would give him headphones? Is the idea that he listens to something else? Totally understand why you would complain! I can definitely see my DS2 getting many such incident forms when he’s the age of your DS2. And it’s hard to know what to do about it since you’re not there and can’t do anything except discuss it afterwards with them…

Thanks for the kind words and suggestions all. I feel a bit better about it today. I can also be negative and miserable but it feels like he’s constantly annoyed at them at the moment and it’s not fun. But we’ve started talking again and discussing it so hopefully we’ll come up with a plan. They are in a difficult age at the moment, and are very attached to me and very whiny. So I can understand it’s hard to see the positives! It’s 100% mindset and I’m actively working on mine but can’t make him change his. So I guess I just have to focus on what I can do to make myself and the boys happy!

Anyway tomorrow is Norway’s national day so today we had a little parade in nursery and lots of hot dogs and cake. Tomorrow we’ll go to PIL and celebrate. I’m setting low expectations in my head, as long as there aren’t constant tantrums that’ll be a win!

Sometimes ear defenders are given to children with ASD or sensory issues as they find loud noises overwhelming. This might be the kind of idea behind them? Seems like overkill if it was just one comment though!

I am feeling at the ends of my limits as a single parent right now, youngest has chickenpox and is screeching in pain constantly. I have given paracetamol, using soothing mousse, but it’s just a nasty illness. She wants me to sit with her all the time though, and meanwhile practical things have to be done like food and the washing. I have a pounding headache from
all the screaming 😱

@Stayingstrongish sending you support and thoughts, that's really hard, no winder you are tearing your hair out. I hope your youngest recovers soon. Oats in socks in the bath are supposed to help. Could you outsource your washing to the launderette? Easter microwave meals for a bit?

@squishymamma glad you are talking again. It is hard it really is, one day at a time.

I understand the thinking about the headphones I was just fuming I wasn't consulted. It's not something I want ds1 using regularly without any need so I've informed the school- wouldn't get that back in my day! You just had to sit and listen! Harsh but true.

@squishymamma happy 🇳🇴 Norway day! Hoe the day goes smoothly.

Easy microwave meals that's supposed to say!

Morning all,

@Stayingstrongish sorry to hear DD is sick, it must be so hard to deal with that and keep life going in general when you’re on your own. Hope she’s feeling a little better now. Second the oats in the bath trick. My DH who works in nursery uses earplugs that are made to dampen the noise, kind of like those that drummers etc wear - maybe worth investing in a pair for next time?? (I’m also seriously considering buying some just for general day to day life!)

@Chocolatetrifle how is your ear now? Thanks for the well wishes!

We had a very relaxed morning and then a hectic afternoon at PILs with my BIL and family. It was really nice but DS2 is a real routine lover so then he refused to sleep until about 10pm and there was a lot of screaming and complaining. DS1 absolutely loved it though.

Another day off today for Ascension Day, it’s supposed to be nice so think we’ll try and get the kids outside for a while!