Trapped Toddler Parents: Surviving the summer

[Motherofmonsters]

Hi,

New thread for toddler support, ideas and general rants!

Thanks everyone, they seem to be trying to get something in place so I'm just going along with it for a minute. I don't want to fall out with them too soon. I won't be agreeing to reduce hours for an extended time however. I got hold of the GP's but as it's not a 'medical emergency' it's just been passed to DS's GP who will contact me at some point. The school and his private OT are trying to set up a meeting and the private people seem to jumped on this and are sending me more resources and I've got a session on Friday with the senior person there to.

He's in year 1 @AliasGrape it's a massive jump between reception and year 1 as reception is play based and year 1 is sitting at a desk doing solid work for an hour at a time.

This afternoon has been looong but we've been out in the garden digging for potatoes, picking tomatoes and playing with the mud kitchen.

I hope they have a better night sleep tonight for you @squishymamma.

@Motherofmonsters
Glad you feel like the school is trying to get something fixed up.
I agree with you though, surely you don't have to agree to the reduced days? The teacher needs to be giving you support and a lesson plan as to what your DS is meant to be learning at home when he's away from school during the reduced hours. How are they proposing they facilitate his leaning when he's away from school? He cannot be put at a disadvantage because the school do not know how best to help him during an off moment. Is it that he needs more one on one support that the teacher and/or TA are just too busy to give? Could you speak to the council/local authority for advice? Such a situation can not be too uncommon? Hopefully things will become clearer for you as the week goes on and the meetings take place. I think you will need to be strong and fight for your DS and don't be steamrolled into something you are unhappy with. I'd also be asking what evidence they have that they are using to base their theory on that Ds is suited to fewer hours in school ? Or is it just that it's easier for them? I so hope you can get this sorted soon, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Thank you @Chocolatetrifle all very good points. Legally they cannot enforce reduced hours, they can only do it with my agreement which they won't get. Although if they state they cannot keep DS safe or if they say he is a danger to others (which he's not) I'm not sure how that works, it may be that he'll get excluded and somewhere else found for him. I definitely need to get a tougher skin, just need to stop bursting into tears first.

Just to add to my crappy weeks, my MIL got a phone call this morning to have her hip replaced which is fantastic for her but not so much for us as now we have no office employee and we are drowning already. With DS only doing mornings I literally have no hope. Being a grown up absolutely sucks.

@Motherofmonsters it's always one thing on top of another isn't it? I would say to school you will agree to mornings until you have your next face to face meeting with them and by then hopefully they will have got any reports they need. Think about what you may need too. Is your GP willing to write a letter advising he does not see why your DS should not be in school full time? Will the OT do similar. You may not need this if the OT is liaising with school anyway. Fingers crossed it will all be amicable anyway and a resolution is found and the school can help your DS settle back into routine

I'm feeling rough and just tested positive for covid yet again, sigh.

Thanks at @chocolatetrifle, I'm trying to stay positive it'll get sorted. Can't really do anything at the moment so will go with it for a while.

Sorry your feeling really rough and have got COVID. The joys of kids going to school. Hopefully it won't hang around

Gosh it is hard to be a grown up isn’t it @Motherofmonsters. Hope it all gets better soon.

Hope you feel better too @Chocolatetrifle, and that it’s a light round!

Oh @Motherofmonsters it really is one thing after another, I’m really sorry it’s all piling up. Hope you get some resolution soon on the school hours. It sounds like they’ve not managed transition particularly well if year 1 is such a shock to your DS, lots of schools continue play based into Y1 and only phase it out gradually over that first term. Did your DS also go to their reception? Could he spend some time there in the afternoons as an alternative to coming home? It does have a staffing/ resource implication but it’s something I’ve accommodated fairly often in similar circumstances.

Poor you @Chocolatetrifle - really hope you get off lightly and feel better soon.

I’ve felt like absolute crap for about a week with a period that just won’t stop flooding away, I’m not convinced it’s not the sign of things to come in terms of approaching menopause, or there’s an outside chance it could have been an incredibly early loss I guess (was about a week ‘late’ but my cycles haven’t been very reliable since DD) because it’s unlike my normal period - abs they’re usually very heavy anyway. Either way it’s brought up a lot of stuff about not having another DC that I’m finding quite difficult and emotional, I keep randomly sobbing here too. I thought I was coming to terms with having an only but I’m a bit down right now.

We did have a nice morning at toddler group then looking for conkers in the park. I let Dd nap late in the afternoon though and will no doubt pay for that later at bedtime.

@AliasGrape sending you a big hug from afar across the internet. TTC is so difficult, I've been there, I had 6 years of infertility anddisappointment so I do understand the pain TTC can bring. I was extremely lucky in the end to have mine. Never say never, you are not in menopause yet so each month is a fresh chance and there is always hope. Keep strong. You will be ok and have faith. Have you been checked by your GP? Might be worth a chat , especially with this heavy period?

@Chocolatetrifle Ahh thank you! I’m ok really, I don’t know what’s gone on this month - could just be a particularly heavy period for whatever reason, it’s just taken me a bit funny! Took us 4 years to conceive DD (we’d had clomid which we’d thought hadn’t worked, were waiting for our appointment re ivf although didn’t have particularly high hopes given I was 40 by then). I’ll be 43 next month and think I need to accept this is it. DH really wasn’t that keen on having another, but wasn’t set against it. The sort of compromise we reached was that we wouldn’t use contraception but wouldn’t go down the actively trying/ fertility treatment route again. I knew deep down we probably wouldn’t get pregnant again without help but can’t help hoping sometimes when a period is a bit late or whatever. Logically/ when my head is in control I know that we’re so lucky to have DD, we have a pretty easy life of it really with one - she’s a handful but in the best way really and we’ve got a good balance right now. It’s just when the hormones are talking that I get upset!

@AliasGrape I'm 43 next year! I do think periods are worse after giving birth but some say they get easier. It's still early to even be peri-menopausal so try not to think of yourself as being or approaching menopause, I certainly don't!
The hormones are horrible. I'm a monster a lot of the times , depends on sleep really and how much everyone is annoying me!

@Motherofmonsters hope you are feeling ok tonight too. How was DS today?

Ah @AliasGrape i hear you … I’m just on the other side of a horrible and very early period - I didn’t even get one week into the TWW, and I am slowly trying to resign myself to the fact I may only have the one. But I have a GP appointment to ask about clomid, and I have agreed with DH that if nothing has happened by January we will try IVF. But it will only be once I think, due to cost as much as anything else.

@Motherofmonsters they have jumped the gun a little, haven’t they? Going part time at school is quite extreme, or seems so to me anyway!

DS is still very tearful when I drop him off at nursery but they say he’s fine once I’ve gone and I hope so. Day off today and tomorrow and we have had a lovely morning with a music class followed by a walk and play in the park. It’s a lovely autumn day here so once he wakes up after his nap I think we’ll do something outdoors based - there’s a lovely farm only ten minutes away and it’s £3 to get in, lots of animals, a play area and tractors (ds adores tractors, he is obsessed with them!) so that could be a good plan. DH is in the office so I’m on my own until bedtime.

How is everyone?

Everything is getting crappier here, DS has been excluded from school until Tuesday as he hit a child and then hit the teachers. Had a very hard therapy session as they were asking him about feelings and how he feels about different things at school. He finally admitted that he doesn't like school and school have told him if he misbehaves he can go home.. so that's what he's doing so he can be home with me. Monday I've got to have a ridiculous boring day with him so he sees it as better to go to school. His therapists are also emailing the school telling them not to send him home, not sure how they'll feel about that though

Sounds like you had lovely day yesterday @neverfullycharged

Hi all, sorry I haven’t been on much. I now work 4 long days so getting used to the new routine of working an extra day a week.
DS moved up a swimming. Group this week and is now in the preschool group where there are no parents in the water jsut the children and instructor.

@Motherofmonsters im sorry to hear you have not had a great time with DS at school lately, hopefully a boring day at home works.

@Neverfullycharged im glad the music group was good and hope you had a good day at the farm. Hopefully DS is happier going into nursery next week, but it’s good that he’s ok when he is there.

Morning all, I'm currently living the delight of having covid whilst still having to care for and entertain two boys under 5. Lots of screen time, I'm avoiding others but not isolating if you know what I mean so we've been to see some local pigs and fed them some apples this morning.

@Motherofmonsters that's so hard on you it really is, you have my sympathy. Try to be strong to get through until Tuesday and see what the school proposes after that.

@BEE08 hope the extra day I'm work is going well for you. Well done re the swimming for your DS!

@Neverfullycharged , I've taken clomid previously and also had IVF with a fresh and frozen transfer, so happy to answer any questions you might have.

Roll on bedtime.

We actually had to put our heating on this morning. Literally for 15 mins to take the chill off.

How are you feeling @chocolatetrifle? Sounds like you are doing amazingly!

We've had a good weekend here. Went to Heligan yesterday which is a garden/farm place. We had a good time with no major dramas.
Today we went to Flambards which is a theme park about an hour away. We went with my side of the family as my brother bought us and my sister's family tickets for our birthday (sisters is the 4th and mines on Thursday). DS went on the rollercoaster about 15 times, DD was just big enough to go on it as well. DD spent most of the time crying for snacks though. I'm not the best at going on spinny rides so the world is still rotating for me. DS fell asleep for 40mins on the way home at 4.30pm so is wide awake still.

Hello all,

Sorry I’ve been quiet, been a bit meh really with the exhaustion of tiny kids that once again have colds and the colder weather.

Glad to hear you had a good weekend @Motherofmonsters. Hope your boring day goes well today and that you manage to figure out how to keep DS in school.

Hope you’re feeling better too @Chocolatetrifle, it’s no joke parenting when you feel rubbish, he’s enough when you’re well!

Hope your work is going well @BEE08. I always feel like transitions like that illustrate how old they are now, crazy how fast time flies!

We had a good weekend, we are still trying to maintain no screen Sundays so we were in the forest for a walk just after 9am! And on Saturday we went to a huge second hand sale and bought all the jackets/rain suits for DC for the coming year, so that’s a little bit of money saved.

DS1 is slowly learning how to play with DS2 but there’s still a lot of crying and refereeing going on. DS1 is also having way more tantrums at the moment, I’m wondering if he’s slowly becoming this threenager I hear a lot about (he’s not 3 until Feb though). He’s also really struggling to sleep alone at night, DH had to sleep in his room again. We got a nightlight where you can decide the colour and he chose red but it still doesn’t seem to be helping. Maybe it’s because it’s so much darker in the night as it goes towards winter? Anyone have any bright ideas?

Hope everyone has a good day!

Hi everyone.
Hope you’re feeling a bit better @Chocolatetrifle How are things today @Motherofmonsters?

Sorry to everyone struggling or feeling meh. Hope today has been a better day.

We’ve come home today from a long weekend away, we went to a Haven with loads of extended family. DD has had a ball charging round with various cousins, dancing in the disco every nights, sleeping whenever, eating probably more sugar in one weekend than in her entire life so far combined, and developing a bit of a gambling habit with the 2p slot machines. Now we need to attempt to get back into a vaguely normal routine for a few days, then I’m away at the weekend with friends (really struggling and still thinking I might cancel and just lose the money) and then we’re on holiday again! My in laws are currently on holiday in Dorset in a rented house and we’re going down to join them. Not ideal everything coming at once but just the way it’s fallen this year somehow.

Everything everyone 😊
Thank you , I'm feeling much better today after feeling absolutely dreadful yesterday and I e tested negative today so I think it's in its way out now. We've had a typical Monday, so not much to report here. Sorry, I've been called away to make a treasure map for ds1, will be back later.....

Back now.
@Motherofmonsters glad you had a good day yesterday. How did it go at home today with DS? Thinking of you for tomorrow's meeting.

@AliasGrape , glad you had a good weekend too, enjoy the holidays, it's good to get away before winter and the weather turns.

@squishymamma I know all about the refereeing, it's exhausting. Mine still don't get on most of the time.
Lots of people rave about the gro clock, we didn't use it. I can confirm the threenager definitely exists and I'm sorry to say it's an awful stage. Don't think lockdown helped us really with our threenager. Guess i will be entering it again with dS2 before long too

Hi all, how is everyone?

Are you settling back into your routine ok @AliasGrape? Sounds like a great holiday!

How is your DS this week @Motherofmonsters?

Are you feeling better @Chocolatetrifle?

I am weary. Have a bit of a tough work period atm which tires me out, plus the constant refereeing/being required by DC, and now I’ve gotten DS1’s cold so I’m headachy and stuffy and have been all week. I was really hoping to be more positive this week but I’ve just been feeling sorry for myself really.

However on a positive note, DS1 has started talking way more and that is very exciting! The speech therapy team will observe him at nursery on Monday so I’m excited to hear what they think. Just have to get through the next few days…

Hi everyone, nearly Friday now.

@squishymamma , sorry you are feeling a bit fed up this week, sometimes it does all pile up doesn't it? Hope you feel a bit better today?

@Motherofmonsters how are you getting on? Been thinking about you.

We've had a typical week really, school and pottering around with dS2 and me doing some work. I've been panicking about our mortgage with the fixed rate expiring in April, interest rates etc etc, thinking shall I just go back full time etc etc so my heads been a bit mixed up too. Will keep an open mind in the new year once dS2 starts his funded hours in nursery. I really don't want to go baçk to full time legal work as I got so fed up woth it pre-dc but will see.

On smaller scale issues I've had my haircut and it's just too short, not even nice trendy bob short, just too short and is making me feel like a right middle aged frump.

Also ds1 threw an apple after school which hit the church window, I swear I thought it was going to smash....but it didn't.

Hi everyone,

DS was super silly in his back to school meeting and got sent straight home. He's been doing 1 hour a day 1-1 which is a pain to keep going backwards and forth but he's at least getting a bit of learning. He's currently being referred to the school nurse, some kind of group panel, the neurodevelopment department and a health hub something or other. Monday he's being assessed by the educational psychologist and then who knows what's going to happen.

It was my birthday yesterday, nothing too exciting as when I was booking DH's work my brain forgot it was my birthday and I booked him in with a customer.. we did have a Chinese takeaway for tea though.

My mum got me a super fancy air fryer, I took some chicken out of the freezer to defrost while we were out. Came back and the chicken was actually stewed rhubarb! The air fryer does make good chicken nuggets and chips though.

That's exciting about DS1 @squishymamma.

Hope you're feeling better about your hair @Chocolatetrifle I'm sure it looks better than what you're thinking does.

Morning everyone.

Happy belated birthday @Motherofmonsters Which air fryer did you get? I really want one but can’t quite work out why exactly, or which one!

1 hour a day sounds tough, good that there’s a plan in place but I do think it’s very hard on you - what would happen if you were in a job with no flexibility to be going back and forth? If he coped ok in Reception at that school, for example, could he not spend some time in there with appropriate support? Anyway I hope there is progress soon.

Hope you’re having a nice weekend @squishymamma and @Chocolatetrifle and feeling a bit better about things.

I’m currently in bed in the hotel room in Dublin. Can’t actually believe I made it as cancelling in my head pretty much until the last minute. DD seems to be doing fine, I’m getting lots of pictures and little videos from DH, though I made the mistake of trying to FaceTime earlier and I think it just upset her. We got here about 6pm last night and just had a walk around and got some dinner, went in a pub for a drink and saw some live music - but it was a relatively tame and early one.

Ooh, how lovely @AliasGrape ! I bet you’re missing your DD. I have to admit as lovely as DH is in so many ways this is something that just doesn’t happen - he just doesn’t really care for DS alone.

The school have reacted pretty strongly @Motherofmonsters , I don’t know, do you think another school might suit him better?

We’ve had a nice few days, national trust visit yesterday and swimming today followed by a park visit. The only thing is that I think DS is going to forget what DH looks like, he keeps vanishing for hours at the weekend