Trapped Toddler Parents: Surviving the summer

[Motherofmonsters]

Hi,

New thread for toddler support, ideas and general rants!

It’s nice to be back to normal routines now the holidays are over. Was lovely seeing how happy Christmas made the kids but my word it exhausted me 😀

This year brings moving into a new house, it’s smaller but has a more child friendly garden. And my youngest has moved up a room at nursery into preschool, I’m loving seeing her learn more things all the time and having little conversations with her.

Glad your DD enjoyed her first session @Motherofmonsters and that there is progress for your DS. Shame the GP had to be unpleasant about it but really hope you get somewhere!

@Chocolatetrifle hope you’re feeling better now, and glad your DS2’s settling sessions have gone well.

The move sounds exciting @Stayingstrongish Do you have an idea of when it might be?

I wish I could say a move was on the cards for us too this year but, despite being able to afford it, I’m beginning to accept I’ll never get DH to actually do it. I’m not entirely sure where that leaves us as the house is so clearly unsuited to our needs now, and will be even more so I think as DD gets older. Anyway that’s a battle for another day and I don’t have the mental energy right now!

I’ve been feeling that viral/ fluey type of ill again (or still?) this week and also having a killer period so not great. We’ve taken the side off DD’s cot and added some extra wow bits to her room like rainbow bedding, dinosaur fairy lights etc (she said she wanted a rainbow dinosaur room) and she was very excited. She actually jumped on the now ‘big girl’ bed shouting ‘I’m not a baby anymore’ haha.

Think it’s been 4 nights now - she’s going down like a dream and sleeping from 7.30 ish till at least midnight well, but then it’s a bit of a nightmare - first night I just let her back in bed with me as she was inconsolable, second night I kept putting her back in bed before giving up and letting her in with me about 4am ish, last night I lay on the floor next to her on the cotbed for 2 hours till she eventually fell back to sleep, then she got up at 5 this morning anyway. So we will see what tonight brings!

Im shattered and in bed with some Christmas chocolates and a hot water bottle.

Resolutions were more outdoor time and less sticking the tv on for DD/ phone use for me. None of which I’ve done particularly well on so far but tomorrow is another day and all that.

@AliasGrape hope you have a better night tonight and you feel better soon too. Your dds bedroom sounds lovely.

My ds2 had a not so good session at the nursery today. He had to be peeled off me and I think he was crying a lot. Makes me sad thinking of him there crying. Been through it before with his older brother but still it's hard. I'm just going to.go to bed, can even be bothered conversing with dh!

@AliasGrape there seem to be endless forms to complete… maybe moving in a month or two if it all works out. What would your ideal home be instead to be more suitable for family life?

@Chocolatetrifle sorry to hear that. I think kids usually calm down quickly once they go into nursery, but that doesn’t make the drop off any less traumatic for us x

@Chocolatetrifle oh I’m sorry. As a former nursery teacher I know how quickly they do settle but now I’m a parent I finally realise how upsetting it must be from that side!

@Stayingstrongish we just need more space. It’s a 2 bed, but our bedroom is half office. We finally have DD’s bedroom nice and a proper bedroom for her/ somewhere for her toys to live (in a perfect world she’d just have her bed and some books in there but we need to move at least some of the toys out of the living room!). Our bedroom is better than it was but not the nice restful space I really feel like I need these days frazzled with a toddler! Only 2 rooms downstairs. Hosting is incredibly difficult as per this Christmas just gone. No dining room. Living room still overtaken by DD’s toys. Feel like we’re all permanently on top of each other. If I go to bed and DH is still watching tv downstairs it’s like the tv is on in the bedroom, even when he keeps the volume really low. You hear every time anyone goes to the loo in the night, or turns a tap on. Can hear our elderly neighbour shouting at Alexa in the early hours. Sod all storage so impossible to ever be truly tidy.

I’m just done with it can you tell 😂

Sleep wasn’t too terrible last night - wake up about 1am that only needed a brief shush/ settle back to bed. Then again about 4 where I sat next to her for a bit and then got in the single bed that’s also in the room got a few more hours myself, and she settled ok knowing I was still in the room. She woke up at 7 which is far more reasonable than 5!

Hi everyone

Have been keeping up on posts but have had the most manic week at work and now have come down with some kind of flu so feeling rubbish and obviously still have to entertain DC so it’s been a really long day. Hoping I’m better tomorrow as I have a massive deadline to meet and can’t really afford even one day off…

DH and I have started tentatively discussing moving back to the UK, so that’s the big news here. Wouldn’t be until next year but we’ve had such a tiring time with DC (even though they’re great kids and we are very lucky to have them) and no support whatsoever from his family who live fairly close, and my DP would happily be falling over themselves to help (all DP on both sides are retired)…plus we’ve been here almost 7 years and still don’t really have a good network of friends. (This is homesick and physically sick me talking…)

I guess now would be a good time to do it while DC are still young!

@Stayingstrongish hope everything goes smoothly with the house move!

Hope you're feeling better @squishymamma That's big news about a UK move! I definitely know what you mean about wanting that family support.

We sort of have it in that DH's parents do help us out, it just always seems to reluctant and with so many conditions attached. I know it's an age thing, and I shouldn't moan because we do still get more support than some in that they have babysat a couple of times, did try to help with work although that didn't work out, and I know they'd have her for things like medical appointments etc. It's just hard not to get jealous of friends who have parents who will happily babysit in the evenings, or overnight even, or step in and take the DC when friends are ill etc. And seem to actively want to see their grandchildren, which is not a sense I always get from my in laws!

Sleep is still a mixed bag in her own room/ 'big girl bed'. She goes down great still, which is so nice to have that time in the evening. There's usually a wake up somewhere between 11 and midnight which is usually easily solved by tucking her in, giving her a little pat/ kiss/ shush and she goes back off. But then at some point after that - could be 1am could be 4am, she'll wake hysterical, shouting 'mummy I need you' and I have to go into her. I've been sleeping (or lying awake and feeling murderous more like) on the floor next to her until she goes off again, but it's HOURS. Then I usually get in the single bed which is also in her room, as at some point she'll wake up again by which stage I've given up and just bring her into the single with me.

DH keeps suggesting putting a mattress on the floor of her room next to her toddler bed and I can sleep in that once she wakes up, but I know that within a couple of days we'd just be back to co-sleeping full time with us both in the mattress on the floor rather than an actual bed which at least we had before. I am so torn as part of me thinks she still needs the co-sleeping, and weirdly I miss the cuddles, but I also think I can't go back now!

Had a nice weekend. Went to the library on Saturday, and we did some crafty stuff in the afternoon. DD seems really interested in dinosaurs at the moment so we made some stick puppets (I traced some pictures onto card, cut them out, stuck them to lolly sticks and let DD 'decorate' them). Yesterday we went to a 5th Birthday party for a friend's daughter. Was in a community centre with bouncy castle, a temporary tattoo station and an appearance from 'Rapunzel'. DD now has two full sleeves of temporary tattoos, ate an absolutely appalling amount of cupcakes and other sugary crap, and generally had a ball. The sugar stressed me out but I'm trying to see it as - if it's there and available she can have what she wants, and hopefully will learn to self-regulate although didn't seem much sign of that yesterday! She was the youngest there by quite a way but she didn't seem to care.

@AliasGrape , I still co sleep most of the time with my 5 year old! I know, shocking! To be honest, I'm not bothered and if it helps us get sleep then that's my main priority. He starts off in his own bed etc and we have a spare double, they just want comfort and reassurance don't they?

@squishymamma hope you are feeling better? I think it would be easier for the move to take place before starting school, do whatever you feel right for your little family.

Not much news from here. Just usual routine. Hope everyone is well. Ds2 still cried going into preschool yesterday but perhaps not as much as the day before. He's not in today. Ds1 is still loving school and I'm.so grateful for that. I've still fotcthe awful cough, going to try some self care tonight tonight hopefully.

@squishymamma moving sounds like a good plan if you can get good family support. Though this country is in a total mess!

I often co-sleep with my oldest who is six. He’s gone through a hard time since his dad left, having to live in two homes, so I feel like he needs a bit of reassurance and comfort

I’m honestly not being a mean mum refusing to cosleep - I just need some space and after 2 and a half years I need to at least occasionally share a bed with DH again. Plus it’s kind of a big deal for us that DD finally has a room of her own, I felt really sad and crap that we didn’t decorate a nursery or any of that stuff and DD just ended up sharing with me whilst DH moved into the other room which is also used as his office. That’s all the rooms we had. It made sense at the time but I need an adult bedroom for us and for DD to have her own bedroom too.

I can’t cosleep with dd on one side and DH on the other, just can’t do it.

So here we are!

@AliasGrape nobody thinks you’re a mean mum, promise! I think the point was that all families are different and cosleeping with older kids is also completely normal. So is wanting your bed back! We cosleep with DS2 but we also want him out so we’re attempting to get him used to sleeping on a floor bed at the side of our bed so we can lie next to him while he falls asleep. It’s going terribly. 😂 But I hear you - I will also miss the snuggles. Not the free milk bar though!

Both DC here slept horrendously last night and I’m still not 100% so hoping they’re not picking up what I have/getting sick and that they both sleep well tonight. Today we had no TV all evening and it was bliss. But we also had MIL over to help for a few hours which made all the difference before she refused to eat with us and went home

The kids also played together without arguing for a short period of time today and it was amazing. Actually got my phone out to video it. They started arguing the moment I pressed record, of course!

Hope your self care helps @Chocolatetrifle. I’m really into home cleaning and slow living videos on YouTube so I’m going to get ready for bed and enjoy one of those before sleep.

Hope everyone has a good night!

I do definitely really need to get in the habit of co-sleeping with my husband again though.

I’m trying - it’s harder than you think

pressed send too soon.

Meant to say - not actually sure who is harder to sleep with at this point, DH or DD.

My ex used to snore soooo loudly. Don’t miss that! The kids just have cute wee snores.

Oh I agree, I'd happily sleep by myself in the long term! Got a King sized bed too but I just can't stand the snoring!

I've always done most of the night getting up so I've just fallen into the pattern of bringing ds1 in with me since he was 1. Ds2 however is quite happy however in his toddler bed. I totally agree though @AliasGrape that it's so important to have your own space at night too, they are hanging off us enough in the day!

Does anyone have any nice weekend plans?

I also think it’s he’s to cosleep with DH as he’s so cuddly. I want my own space!

We got a message from nursery yesterday to say a stomach bug is doing the rounds and sure enough DS2 (who puts everything in his mouth) was up being sick last night. DS1 slept through everything so I’ve disinfected everything in the hopes of sparing him but we’ll see. DH got sick all over him including in his beard so he’s a lost cause. I hate this waiting period in between, it’s horrendous waiting to see if you’ve had a lucky escape or not…anyway DS2 slept really well after he’d finished being sick and has been pretty much his normal self today so that’s positive.

Anyway in the miracle case we aren’t sick tomorrow PIL are taking DC for the day (they know about the bug and said it’s fine as long as they’re not visibly sick) and we will do a bit of shopping and have a little date time. Or maybe we’ll just come home and sleep all day. 50/50 at the moment.

What are you up to @Chocolatetrifle?

I think my grandparents had the right idea, they shared a room but each had a single bed in it!!! I'm thinking this is the way forwards!

Oh no @squishymamma , not the dreaded vomiting bug. Glad he seems a bit better. Hope you don't catch it. You should go out somewhere nice with DH tomorrow and have a nice near ir some drinks and enjoy the Child free time.

Not much planned here, usual activities for the kids and ds1 has a playmate with a classmate.

Hello!

How has everyone's weekend been?

We've had a good weekend, yesterday my brother came up in the morning and then we went to the beach in the afternoon. It was absolutely freezing! Not that the kids minded.

We've just got back from a very January walk in the woods. We parked halfway along a trail and then walked to the village cafe and back. We got rained and hailed on and it took 2 and 1/2 hours but they seemed to have had fun. I ummed and ahhed about taking the stroller for DD. I'm sooo glad I did else it would have been torture!

Hello!

Sounds like a lovely weekend @Motherofmonsters.

Well we had a mixed bag, Saturday daytime was heavenly because we dropped kids off at PILs and did some wandering around shops and buying stuff we needed in a tempo that suited us. Suddenly we had so much time in the day!

But then after having dinner at PILs and heading home DH started with the vomiting bug and carried on all night, it was awful because he’s so loud so he keeps me awake and I get stressed about that kind of thing anyway. But I plugged my headphones in and watched some TV on my phone and that helped calm me down. So DS1 and I haven’t had it yet and we’ll see what happens…I’ve thoroughly disinfected everywhere so hoping I get a lucky escape.

Everyone was exhausted today (DS1 also didn’t sleep well due to a nosebleed) so we’ve had a very slow day and I’ve started on the insane mound of washing. Not looking forward to work in the morning but hey ho!

Hope everyone else had a good weekend!

Glad you had a good weekend @Motherofmonsters , you were brave attempting a walk in the wet weather but it’s always so worth it to get them out isn’t it?

Oh no @squishymamma sorry your DH came down with it too. Hope he recovers quickly and you escape!

I had a delightful weekend because I went to a lovely spa hotel with my best friend. We did it instead of birthday/ Christmas presents to each other (although it still came to a lot more than those would have!). We got there about midday yesterday, had a massage and mini facial, then had till 5.30 to use the spa facilities - which we mainly spent with a glass of fizz in hand in the outdoor Infinity pool (heated obviously, though bloody cold getting in and out) with lovely views over the countryside. The deal also included dinner so we had a nice meal, and it was blissful to have a full night’s sleep (ish - I woke up a few times because why are hotel rooms always so bloody hot? But still, I’ll take that over toddler wrangling).

Got back after breakfast today and took DD for a quick walk/ play in puddles (she loves stirring them with sticks!) and did some crafts and playing with toys - just all very guilt induced good mumming! She kept saying ‘mummy you came back’ and hugging me, kid knows how to tug at my heart strings!

DH and I are going through what’s politely termed a rough patch and this afternoon hasn’t been great, the in laws have massively pissed me off, plus I’m feeling in over my head a bit at work so stressing about that, and I think DD is getting another cold which I hope won’t turn out to be more - very tempted to turn around and book back into the hotel for a week or six! If only finances would allow.

Sending lots of good thoughts to everyone struggling with sickness in the house/relationships/life.

I’ve been in and out of the local hospital with my eldest this weekend, who has been puzzling the doctors with his blood test results and fluctuating fever. He’s always been the delicate one of the family, luckily his little sister has escaped whatever he has and is full of life and happiness. Sometimes a bit too much life, as she has hurt her big brother a couple of times today with her energetic jumping!

I’m sorry to hear that about your eldest @Stayingstrongish That must have been really worrying. Hope your DS is feeling better soon and that you get the answers you need.

I managed to round off my lovely weekend in a rubbish way with a bit of D&V myself. Didn’t feel like a bug though, I do get it periodically (towards the end of 2021 I had an episode basically every week, it’s more spaced out now but still gets me every now and then) - I’ve had tests and I think it’s basically just IBS. Not nice though, and really bloody painful.

Uff @AliasGrape thats not fun. Hope you’re feeling better now. And that things are getting better with DH and work and that your DD isn’t sick! I feel like sometimes life just throws everything at us at once.

Sorry to hear about your DS @Stayingstrongish, hope they figure out what it is soon!

Nothing exciting to report here, everyone still healthy as of right now but DS1 still hasn’t had this bug (neither have I) and there’s still time so I’m in a mild anxiety mode. They’ve had a great time at nursery today though and we’ve had fun playing family games this evening so it’s been a good day!

Hope everyone has a peaceful night (myself included!)

Hi everyone,

Hope everyone is OK? We've got the vomiting bug in our house at the moment. Just the ds's at the moment. We've been in a lot really recently. We've rediscovered puzzles and got into small board games, snakes and ladders etc which ds1 loves, orchard games etc. It's been OK considering it's been so cold and we had two days where we had some snow. Ds2 has had a few more days in preschool and enjoyed it once he settled, but of course he is now ill.

How is everyone feeling?