I think I've got body dysmorphia. Wedding in 35 days and I feel AWFUL in my dress

[itsoneofthosethings]

As the title says, really.
I think I've finally come to terms with the fact I've got body dysmorphia.

I just went to my dress fitting today, with my seamstress. I loved the dress I've bought when I last tried it on! But today all I could see was fat and faults. My arms looked huge, my back was bulging out.. I had a weird area around my stomach where it was bulging out the dress.

No matter how many people tell me it looks lovely, I just can't see it let alone FEEL it.

I'm so not looking forward to my wedding, because I'm not looking forward to how I will look and how I'll feel.

I had weight loss surgery February this year, and am 6 stone down so far. For some reason I feel like I was so much happier before? Although I wasn't, and I was unhealthy.. I'm struggling to come to terms with how I look now.

I just can't stop crying 😢

You are looking at your reflection in the wrong way. You are focussing on body parts in isolation.

For example, your upper arms - I can guarantee you that your fiancé and guests will at no point only look at your upper arms. Or your back. Or your tummy. They will see the whole you.

Now we've cleared that up, let me describe what they will see (from what I can see in the pictures):

A young women with glowing skin whose figure goes in and out in the most enviable way and who has chosen a dress that transforms her from an ordinary person in to someone magical.

That dress is absolutely gorgeous and you look amazing in it. Shapewear is your friend. Have a brilliant day.

I think that you have pre-wedding nerves. Your weight loss is amazing, congratulations and I think you look stunning, your dress is beautiful. Have the most amazing wedding day 😀

Stunning. 🥰

Now listen here. I was ready to not reply if you looked grim,.. I scrolled down and I CHUFFING LOVE IT. Your shoulders look sooo nice. Lovely skin too.

I struggle massively with my weight but as soon as I saw your pictures, I thought how beautiful you looked.

Waist tucked in, boobs look great, can't see any sign of arm or back flab! Seriously, if I didn't think this, I'd just not bother posting. You look stunning. Go forth and get married!

Do you like the dress? It fits you perfectly.

There must be psychological repercussions of having such rapid weight loss as a result of surgery. Perhaps that’s something you could post about, it might be good to chat with people who’ve been through similar. It does sound stressful to be dealing with a big physical change at the same time as presenting yourself as a bride in front of everyone.

You look beautiful OP, I hope you love your wedding day 💗

You look beautiful.

I felt fat in my dress as I am the biggest I have ever been after baby and health issues. But it's really true what they say and I felt amazing on the day.

That dress is, honestly, beautiful, it fits you well and you look lovely.

Thank you all so much. You will never understand how much it means to me to hear that you like it :)

I think I need to seriously work on my mental state / body image. I just really struggle to ever feel confident. My self confidence is at rock bottom. X

Make sure you have a professional hairdresser and make up artist on the day. Honestly it's lovely and you will feel amazing on the day, I promise you

I think you look stunning in that dress. It looks even better in those pictures than it did on your other post.

Can you try it again soon? Spend some time doing hair/make up/grooming and have another look?

The dress is lovely and you look just gorgeous. Your body shape is lovely and I see no bulges at all! You look amazing.

You look beautiful!

It might not be anything to do with the dress just completely normal bridal nerves.

I got totally totally obsessed with getting the right ribbon for my favours. With hindsight - obviously totally trivial

Just focus on the important stuff, your other half, your friends etc. it's meant to be fun!

I love the embroidery on your veil btw

In the kindest way possible, I do think that you have a form of body dysmorphia and are currently seeing your physical form through very different eyes to everyone else.
Try to remember the words of (literally!) everyone here who is telling you how amazing you look. They aren't just saying that to try and make you feel better - you DO look amazing! You look beautiful, absolutely stunning, the dress looks perfect on you and fits like a glove.
Try to remember this when you look and see flab and fat. No-one else can see that, it's in your mind and it probably is something you should seek some counselling for to help you.
So if every single person here on mumsnet (notoriously critical normally) thinks you look fabulous, then every single person at the wedding, including your future husband will also think you look absolutely AMAZING! There will be tears of joy, people will be blown away at how gorgeous you are.
That's you! Take their compliments! They really really mean it. Have a wonderful day and enjoy every minute.

You look lovely in the dress! I think you could try some body positivity exercises, like looking at yourself naked and focusing on the bits you like and telling yourself how proud you are.

Mate, get over yourself. You’re gorgeous. What I wouldn’t give to look like you.

plus, he loves you. What’s not to be ecstatic about?

It's a beautiful dress and it looks gorgeous on you! It's a lovely shape and fits you perfectly. Genuinely, you look great 🤩

you look absolutely amazing

You look lovely OP.
The dress fits beautifully.
I wonder if part of it is that you aren't used to wearing fitted clothes?

You don't need a cover. Just a little more confidence that everyone in room will see you as we vipers do and not how you are currently seeing yourself.

OP. I've had weight loss surgery and my DD19 has severe BDD so I feel quite well qualified to comment. First of all its not uncommon to have a distorted body image post WL surgery - if you go on facebook there are some big WLS groups and if you post it in there they will all jump on and say the same - you still see yourself at the previous weight. That can be helped by counselling.

Secondly: I'm sure you can imagine, as my DD is severely ill to the extent of being housebound by body dysmorphia I am a bit sensitive to people saying they have it (she also has OCD and its the same as saying "ooh I'm a bit OCD"). But you know you might have BDD - its not as uncommon as you might think. So the best way to explore this is to go on the BDD Foundation website and have a look at the information and advice there. Just to confirm if you really did have body dysmorphia, counselling won't help and none of the positive comments on here would reassure you at all. However, that said, you do look fab and I hope you can look into these things a bit more, get some answers and hopefully build your confidence.

Link here bddfoundation.org

You look fine but if you are feeling anxious about your upper arms and back can you add a shoulder wrap thing or something?

Not because you really really need one! I'm thinking more from a confidence pov if you had one that you knew you could add then you may feel less anxious?

I only say that because I find having stuff just in case hugely helpful. Just knowing that it's there if I need it can help me not need it iyswim. If that sort of thing helps you, it's worth considering.

Definitely you are seeing something different to us OP. I don't think you could have chosen a more beautiful or flattering dress and it looks great on you, fantastic hourglass silhouette. I can't see where you think it looks bulging either, and I would give my honest opinion that it did (if it did) or suggest a different style of dress since this is an anonymous forum but it just looks great so no need.

I hope you manage to see yourself with kinder eyes soon. Xxx Oh and congratulations, hope you have a lovely day.

You do look beautiful it's a stunning dress, please don't beat yourself up about how you look, it's perfect!