How do you manage your joint account

[Mvddaw]

DH and I have set up a joint account.

Back story, I have always worked full time untill after having our DC2 I'm going back to work part time. DH works away so it works out better for us for me to reduce my hours.

We set up a joint account and my initial thought was all money goes in and all bills come out whatever is left would be for shopping, petrol, miscellaneous payments, days out etc.

It's a very argumentative conversation any time it's brought up now as DH thinks we should have all bills coming out of it and we both pay our half's in (although there is certain bills he's not willing to pay towards, amazon prime for example).

DH earns significantly more than me so it's seems slightly unfair on my part that I will be the one at home with the 2DC on a part time wage, which after paying my half of the bills will amount to basically nothing.

So how do you all work it out?

@BarbaraofSeville he wants to treat himself to new clothes etc which in reality would still be possible.

I don't want access to the money to spend on whatever I please I just want to know that our bills are paid and the kids are looked after he can then do what he pleases.

Even if we total our bills up to £2,000 a month for example nipping to the local shop for milk, a take away here and there an additional £400 is a lot and probably wouldnt spend anywhere near that but there would still be around £3,000 left over which is more than enough.

We’ve always had joint finances since moving in together about 15 years ago, even though we’ve only been married for 9.

Essentially we have a joint account (where all monies gets paid), a bills account that we use to transfer everything from the mortgage to contact lens payments to as this ensures we never miss a bill, and we also have a personal account each where we transfer an an agreed sum to that is ours to do with as we please. We then also have individual and joint stocks, shares and investments.

What is left in the joint account (a lot less these days with childcare bills to pay) we decide how to spend together. So anything from home improvements, days out, holidays etc. It’s also used for gifts for other people etc. Sometimes we choose an investment to make together with it, it depends really.

We have done this right from me being a student and contributing a lot less that him as he has always worked full time, to when he was made redundant and I was the sole earner for a couple of months to the present day where he earns about 15,000 more than me when I’m not on mat leave and will continue to do so it will once I’ve returned to work and take the next step up which would see me earn about £5,000-£10,000 more than him.

It’s not for everyone but we don’t really see any money (other than our “allowance”) as our own money, it’s all household money.

Yes, sharing everything only works if you both have similar attitudes to money. When I was little, my mother always moaned that my father didn’t give her enough money for housekeeping. Looking back, it’s clear to me that he was just making sure there the mortgage would get paid. Once they were separated, their attitudes to money could not have been more different.

I don't want access to the money to spend on whatever I please - but why not? I'm a naturally frugal person myself and never overspend, but that doesn't mean I don't want the freedom to sometimes buy something just for myself. Incidentally I earn a lot less than DH and have free access to our joint money.

What he's asking for is not quite a classic joint account, but it's what many MN'ers do. You put an agreed amount from you both, from your salary, into a joint account to pay bills. What's left in your account you can then spend as you please.

We have everything in the same accounts and both spend what we need. I was a sahm but I wouldn’t go part time under these circumstances. Your dh sounds selfish and stingy - a horrid combination.

I honestly don't understand the his and hers, or personal spending money. Everything we have ever earned, or inherited goes into joint money. We don't have our own personal accounts. We just have the one pot. Same for savings. We have both earned over the years, DH way more than me, but then I got a large lump sum from my Dad when we got married, and then also benefitted from a recent inheritance. I have also been a SAHM for the last few years. It all just goes into the pot, and we just spend what we want from it. We also have a single joint credit card. Simples.

*No, this makes no sense. We both have the same standard of living, but end up investing different amounts after we’ve spent all we want on living.

There’s no “struggling” on either side*

But there can be, especially if one partner earns significantly less than the other. It may work for you, but it doesn't appear to be working for the OP. What you are suggesting only works if you both earn comfortably beyond the amount you need for bills/general living expenses.

I assuming that if you are investing different amounts, you still consider the investments as 'joint', even if separate names. They would be considered joint in the event of a divorce. Otherwise it's definitely unfair, and not the same standard of living as each other.

You wouldn't say that if your partner was of the 'see money must spend it' mentality, constantly buying new things and loads of expensive lunches, coffees etc out of the joint account and you were the one trying to work out how to pay the gas bill

I agree that you need similar attitudes to spending to have only a joint account.
But it could work if you transfer a set amount to personal accounts each month for personal spending. If that doesn't work, then your problems within the marriage are worse than just how much money you each spend.

One joint account, no personal accounts.
Just spend as and when needed, never discuss it really. I have a credit card I can use for birthday presents for example, if I’m buying a surprise.
All the money is merged and always has been, 25 years now.

Joint account for mortgage, bills and food. Personal accounts for petrol, own car costs and fun money. Every month we transfer enough to cover mortgage bills and food with a bit of a cushion with each transferring an amount proportional to our income. Running the account at a surplus means we can cover small unexpected house/life costs without breaking into savings or using our own spending money. If nothing crops up we use it for something nice for us both.

So when you were the higher earner he didn't pay any bills just a n occasional shop but now he's earning 4 x you, he expects you to pay 50/50??
Is he keeping £3200 to himself and you're left with £200 for you and kids?
A serious talk or divorce is the way to go.
I'll take a guess he's some
type of contractor who so self
employed which means it's nigh on impossible for CMA to get £ out of him.

If your DH doesn't want everything joint @Mvddaw then the other way is you both pay the same % of your take home pay into a joint account and you pay EVERYTHING except personal spend from that account.

So if he brings home £2000 a month he puts in, say 75%, so 1500 and if you bring home £1200 you put in 900.

He will still be left with more each month than you but at least he's paying the same percentage of salary as you towards all households bills, all kids expenses, running cars, clothes, holidays etc which are all "family" expenses

We both have salary paid into our own accounts & then we put money into joint account. It changes depending on what we are earning.

All house bills and food etc comes out of the joint account.

We don't have access to each other's private account.

He wants you to work less hours as it facilitates his career? Then he doesn't want you to benefit from that?

One shared current account, one shared savings account. Everything goes into and comes out of the joint account. We both work full-time but in very different sectors so there is a big wage difference. We therefore share all costs and pay everything for the house and 3 kids from the sum of our wages (joint account) as it wouldn't be fair otherwise. Neither of us would make a significant purchase, such as new phone, without discussing it first. Savings account is just to put money aside for the house, holidays, etc.

All just in and out of joint account. I'm the higher earner, but don't have any accounts in just my name.

We have a joint current account that wages get paid into, and a joint savings account too. From the joint account we have two standing orders set up to pay £X a month to DH and I's personal accounts. So we get the same "spending money" every month to do what we like. I choose to save most of mine, DH likes buying gadgets and tech but that's fine because that's his choice.

The joint account pays for all shared bills.... mortgage, utilities, childcare fees, food shopping, clothes for DDs etc. If we have "personal" bills like my gym membership for example, we pay that out of our own accounts.

It's simple and works well. DH earns 4 times my salary for reference.

We've always had one joint account - no other accounts. Both salaries went in - all bills obviously paid from that one account. At times I have earned twice what she earned including my bonuses and the situation has also been reversed - I have worked full-time when she was part-time (80% for many years but now down to 40%), I've been self employed at other times in order to combine work and still be a SAHD - there's been all sorts of different home/work situations. We're 60 - been together since we were 12.

All money goes into joint account, then after bills, family spending and savings whatever is left is split 50:50 between myself and my husband (his salary is double mine).

We’ve only ever had a joint current account. And all money has always been ‘ours’ whoever earned it.
I’ve had separate savings accounts, but that was for tax purposes when dh’s own income was rather higher than mine. The money was still ‘ours’, though..

@OnaBegonia

Spot on..

Salaries paid into own accounts, money transferred to joint for all household and child related costs. We each have the same amount left in own accounts for our own discretionary spending - own clothes, books, entertainment, presents and fuel for own cars. I earn more than DH as he works part time so I pay more into the joint account. I'd hate it if he had less money than me for his own discretionary spending, we're a team and we both value fairness.

I completely agree, we're in the same boat. Growing up, I experienced similar dynamics with my parents. There were times when only my dad worked, and other times when my mom was the primary breadwinner. That's just how family works.