How do you manage your joint account

[Mvddaw]

DH and I have set up a joint account.

Back story, I have always worked full time untill after having our DC2 I'm going back to work part time. DH works away so it works out better for us for me to reduce my hours.

We set up a joint account and my initial thought was all money goes in and all bills come out whatever is left would be for shopping, petrol, miscellaneous payments, days out etc.

It's a very argumentative conversation any time it's brought up now as DH thinks we should have all bills coming out of it and we both pay our half's in (although there is certain bills he's not willing to pay towards, amazon prime for example).

DH earns significantly more than me so it's seems slightly unfair on my part that I will be the one at home with the 2DC on a part time wage, which after paying my half of the bills will amount to basically nothing.

So how do you all work it out?

All money goes in, all bills etc come out. There is never anything left after essentials so whibgets to spend what has never really come up.

We've always pooled all money and there is complete transparency. However that's not the point, what's important is your set up isn't working for you and the children.
In all honesty I wouldn't go part time although I can see why you would want to if he's not around.
I'd attempt another conversation, get all your figures etc in place first and see how he responds.
What exactly is he bringing to the relationship for you and the children aside from money that he's being controlling with?

We closed our joint account, it was a disastrous experiment as we have such fundamentally different attitudes towards money. I pay all the bills, tell him how much he owes me and he transfers it to my account.

This! I can't understand such mean spiriteness within a marriage. All should go into joint account. All bills paid from there. Regular savings paid automatically from there. Individual private spends paid out from there to individual accounts. £200 per month in our case. If anything left over in jt account treat yourselves to something you both want, or save the extra for a rainier day. Your h is a tightwad.

we are married with 2DC. DH works 35 hours a week, I work 28 compressed to save on 2 days childcare. He earns more than me but if I was 35 hours I’d be earning more than him.

our pay goes into our own accounts as he refuses to bank with my bank but he pays all bills including mortgage, childcare etc. Everything that possibly can goes on credit card which is in my name with him as additional cardholder (we get points on card which convert to vouchers). This includes if either of us are out with our mates, clothes etc. to be fair, we don’t buy ourselves much often.

When I get paid I work out exactly what we’ve spent the month before (we do set a budget but I’d describe it as “loose” because sometimes we’re over and sometimes we’re under) then, I work out what, after all bills and the spend have been paid, we can save and I put that in a joint savings account (we are currently saving for house renos) then transfer the rest to DH towards the bills etc and he pays the credit card from that in full

we do a monthly tally of what’s in the savings pot so both of us have visibility

everything us viewed as family money (including bonuses). He’s due a 10K net bonus in Dec and that will go into family pot, mine tend to be 2-3k net but I usually get around 2500 a year from my dad as a gift and that likewise goes into the pot

we basically split everything because we are married, have 2DC and I trust him. I also put more into our house as I sold a property I had pre-marriage

it does sound like your DH is not being fair when you’re shouldering the burden of childcare and therefore earning less as a result. Does he order stuff from Prime and do you order stuff from Prime for the DC?

All wages into joint current account - standing order to bill payment account to cover monthly/annual bills. Standing orders into joint saving/dc savings. What is left is to live on - food, fuel, socialising, clothes etc. Anything left at the end of month carries over to next month, if that builds up to more than £1k-ish it goes into savings.

We don't care who earns more/less, it is family money, we have similar attitudes to spending, relatively cost concisous with occasional treats, so it has worked for us for the last 30+ years. Only big purchases are discussed.

We each put a proportion of income into our joint account to cover mortgage, bills and nursery costs on a monthly basis. We also use it to build a household emergency pot that we can use for anything that crops up or any projects we want to do at home.

Anything left is held individually to be spent, saved or invested as we see fit. We have an agreement that any big purchases are discussed before we go ahead.
We also have a chat every so often about what we both have, investment strategy/common goals and whether we’re both happy or whether we need to move money around between us.

We started this before we were married and I moved into DW’s then flat. Having now been married for quite a while and moved a couple of times, we’ve talked about changing things but it works for us.

We are paid into our own accounts and transfer enough into the joint to cover bills/food etc. Then have money left in our personal accounts that we spend however we want. I'd never not have my own bank account.

But we both have access to all money, it's not something we've ever had issues with.

Sounds like he's further forward than you in planning for a separation/ divorce.
What else would he be saving money for and why else would he be completely indifferent to you taking care of the kids, running the home and then paying for the privilege?
Good luck for the future.

Dh wage goes into joint. He pays all bills and what's left we both use for what we wish we dont ' ask' each other if its there its available.
My wage goes into my account, i again use for what i wish.
Kids stuff comes out of either.
If the joint money runs out then dh can take my bank card or transfer.
He has my Internet banking detail and visa versa.

From the day he moved in he paid fot everything as i was a lone parent and lost my wtc. When i was a sahm we just used the joint account. That was b4 marriage.

I dont get all this 'half and half' a marriage is about sharing.

Everything in to joint account. All bills out from it. We each spend whatever we want to from it, but trust each other to be sensible. And any very big purchases would be talked about beforehand and jointly agreed. He earns five times my amount.
I manage the account day to day.
If we were nervous over each other's personal spending then we'd be allocating equal spending amounts to personal accounts, but never been an issue for us in 35 years.

We don’t have one. I pay some bills, he pays others (it’s pretty equal) and the rest is split between savings accounts and personal accounts.

Accounts and savings accounts all in joint names (apart from one personal one each where we have a standing order going in every month for a set amount). All income and bills through one of the joint accounts.

I am in a similar situation to you, I work pt and DH works away often. All wages are paid into the joint account, all bills then come out and we budget for food, bits that DD may need and savings. the rest then gets split in half and moved to our separate accounts to spend as we wish so that we aren't dipping into the bills money.
We've done it this way for the past 4 years and it works really well for us.

Rather than tackle head on with what’s mine is yours but it appears you want more of yours too conversation, start out by setting a budget of all your essential spends and agree what comes out of joint vs personal.

do this togther. Include everything you need to function, work and what you are spending going out togther or as a family. Include childcare, bills, mortgage/rent, insurances, all transport and basic grooming costs (what are essential minimal costs for hair cuts, clothes etc ), pensions, and any savings you both are trying to acheive.

everything else is a “want” and unless you both agree you both want it, it doesn’t go into budget but is saved for and paid for from joint account

then work out what balance is once both wages go in, minus budget essential spends. That then gets split and paid into your own personal accounts.

when splitting the balance into personal accounts it can get contentious. You can split in ratio you earn…but if one partner is on less wage due to working arrangements both parties agree to e.g. part time for childcare, then imho it should be 50:50 to a reasonable amount.

he needs to understand that you are married and by law everything you own and all sources of “wealth” are jointly owned. If he gets snarky point out by being married, even if split 50:50 he is saving money ..it’d cost him a lot more to live on his own with joint custody.

Sorry any wants saved for and paid for from INDIVIDUAL accounts

I think people who think they should be able to be richer than their partner in a marriage haven’t really understood marriage. When you get married you merge your finances, surely that’s the core of the contract.

we put everything into the joint account and don’t have separate current accounts. We have separate savings, but both see them as jointly owned. We plan major purchases together, when we were very poor we set tight budgets together. We treat any debt as joint too.

We pool all our money. If Dh doesn’t want to do this you have 2 options - he can pay you for his share of childminding one you can work full time and you both pay half costs of absolutely everything and split house work and child rearing exactly in half. He can’t expect any less if he wants to be a family.

All joint money here. We have similar spending habits though. We've both been the higher earner at different times and it's been really useful.
Your DH is being unfair, I wouldn't accept it.

Big difference in earnings here. We pool it all in one account. We’d usually have a chat about any major purchases, but that’s not just about money - most expensive things like tickets/holidays/furniture/tech/appliances/kids activities etc would be joint decisions anyway because they’d affect both of us. We do trust each other’s judgement though. Neither of us have ever vetoed anything, although there might be suggestions about different issues to consider.
If you’re working part time to cover childcare and he’s working away and insisting on you paying in 50:50, it sounds like he is placing no value at all on the domestic work and childcare that you do. He can only work away because you are at home taking care of the children.

We don’t pool our money together, I earn £13k more than my partner. We each pay the same into joint account to cover all bills, mortgage, childcare etc, whatever is left of our own money is to use as please i.e bit into our own savings, days out, etc.

I'd do a percentage of total household k income and then pay the proportion of the joint bills, food, household and family/child cost (holidays xmas birthday)

So if you earn 30% of household income you pay 30% of household expenditure.

My husband also refuses to pay for Amazon prime

Work out how much your outgoings are and each put half in. Never ever put all you money into a joint account, I learnt that the hard way.

We do a joint account for bills and expenses, we pay in a set amount each month. After that, our finances are our own to do with what we want. Very different to my first marriage where we pooled everything, I wouldn't do that again. I like to earn and have my own money.

We see all our money as joint, but we do put an amount proportionate to our individual earnings into the joint account monthly, and top up where necessary. We also pay for joint things from personal accounts sometimes.