How do you manage your joint account

[Mvddaw]

DH and I have set up a joint account.

Back story, I have always worked full time untill after having our DC2 I'm going back to work part time. DH works away so it works out better for us for me to reduce my hours.

We set up a joint account and my initial thought was all money goes in and all bills come out whatever is left would be for shopping, petrol, miscellaneous payments, days out etc.

It's a very argumentative conversation any time it's brought up now as DH thinks we should have all bills coming out of it and we both pay our half's in (although there is certain bills he's not willing to pay towards, amazon prime for example).

DH earns significantly more than me so it's seems slightly unfair on my part that I will be the one at home with the 2DC on a part time wage, which after paying my half of the bills will amount to basically nothing.

So how do you all work it out?

Your DH's mentality is that of a flat mate not a husband OP. All DH's income goes into a joint current account. All my income goes into a joint savings account. We earn about the same. Both have full access to everything. Don't give it any more thought than that really.

Easy here. 3 joint accounts. 1 main one where both salaries are paid in and all bills come out of. Left over money transferred to second joint account and we both use this for anything we want. One joint savings account. No his and hers money - all joint.

Everything is pooled as our money. He used to earn more than me. Now I earn more than him. Neither monitors the other’s spending although of course big expenses are discussed. We are very aligned in terms of the way we budget and spend.

Either you are a team or you are not. If not, and bills have to be split 50/50 then split everything 50/50. Housework - if you do more than 50% bill him for his share. Same with childcare... The point of being a team is that each contributes - not necessarily the same, but equally either in time or money.. So if he is doing less time, he needs to put in more money....

Same here. No such thing as my money and his money.

Make sure you have your own account as well, I would never put ALL my money into a joint account. Having said that, your DH is unfair, as you work part-time because of kids! Can you bill him for the "nursery fees" that you provide for the kids 😆

You say you've been the breadwinner in the past - I bet you didn't behave in the way he's doing now. Remind him of that and tell him to pull his horns in. If he doesn't like it, go back to work and he'll have to step up. Or divorce him.

I am completely against putting all money into a joint account but do think things should be fair (ie one person not struggling)

We work out what we roughly need a month to cover bills, food plus a bit of a buffer to spend on ad hoc joint expenses and then each transfer an amount into the joint account to cover that. I earn slightly more so I contribute slightly more

He's a selfish prick. I wouldn't waste my energy trying to change him. I'm afraid it's a LTB from me.

I work 3 days a week and bring home between £1100-1400 depending on commission and my partner brings home £1850

I pay in £800 and he pays in £1200, we have the vast majority of bills coming out of that account. I think only things my partner has out of his account is phone bill, car insurance (for the car he drives to work etc) just general bits like that. Same for me.

I get a bit funny about money as well, I don't know why but for me it's a safety blanket.

Have you and your husband discussed the difference in income/pension between the two of you if you are reducing your hours to look after the children?

We pay everything into a joint account, then get a fixed sum into our individual accounts as "pocket money".
Bills, stuff for dd, food, comes out of the joint account. Our own clothes drinks, meals out, presents, hobby stuff makeup etc comes out of pocket money.
Generally we check with each other for extra purchases over about £20.

Seems to work well, we each have the same amount of pocket money, and any surplus in the joint account is moved to a joint savings account. DH tends to spend more money on his hobby, so I save a bit from my personal money too. Planning to buy a fancy tent at some point and take the kiddies camping.

100% this.

I wouldn't bother doing the sums on your outgoings to present to him. I'd be back to work full time asap and getting advice on splitting your assets from a lawyer.

What changed? Or had he always been like this?

We just share. Either of us pay for things and we transfer money around as needed. We discuss big or shared purchases usually, though one or the other might splash out on something. I don't understand how it works when you don't share, surely you're then always discussing money?
"Won't pay for Amazon Prime" is just utterly ridiculous, either you're sharing and each pick what you spend money on, or you aren't. Tightening up expenses if needed, sure, controlling the other person - no.

Thanks for all the replies. I'm going to discuss the proportion side of things with him and see where we go.

He's earning around £4,000 a month while I will be earning £1,00. All bills total to around £1,600 monthly and that's including 1 big shop and chilcare for youngest DC so i can return to work part time. Not taking in to account bread, milk, fruit etc things that need to be replaced throughout the month.

When I was the "breadwinner" I paid all big bills myself, he paid for the shopping here and there and any other miscellaneous things.

We've struggled quite a bit the last few years with DH being in and out of work. I'm not a massive spender I tend to make sure all bills are paid and I never treat myself it's always the kids or the house the money goes on so I know he's not holding on to it all because I can't be trusted.

About the amazon prime no he doesn't order anything he's not one to order things online but he will say on the odd occasion get it from prime because it will come next day and he will also say to his friends if they need anything that we can order it on prime for them. I buy some things for the kids from prime and also occasionally some things for the house.

I unfortunately can't return full time because when we initially planned it and I told my employer they hired someone else to cover the other half of my shift so to go back full time I would need to look for another job and I love my job so I'm pretty much stuck in a horrible situation.

Separate current accounts.
Joint credit card.
He pays for some stuff. I pay for other stuff.

It sounds like you didn't share things totally before which makes it harder now. If he's not an arse though and you say you want to avoid finances being a big issue for you (how many divorces come from financial problems?) and that most couple divide things this way - put all income together except for an agreed amount of personal spending money, and all your bills and family expenses then come from the joint account.

Up until a certain point in your maternity leave you are legally entitled to return to YOUR job.

[Shock]

So what's he doing with all the money he has leftover from such a large salary?

Do you earn enough to pay NI to cover your pension stamp as his salary means you won't be entitled to child benefit.

While you're a low earner due to working part time so you can do everything that home he needs to be paying all that £1600 and top up yourpension to the maximum allowance. He'll still end up with more personal money than you.

He sounds like a right cheeky fucker with refusing to pay for prime while he does use it and let his mates use it too.

All money into joint account. Set amount transferred out to a bills account and to pay for childcare every month. Both have access to whatever is leftover and buy what we want.

For bdays and Xmas just warn each other not to check the account until we've opened our presents 🙂

I just don't get this. All money paid into one account, all money paid out of the same account. It's our money. Not his and hers.

Are you a family, or flat mates?

It works this way for us too. Always has, there have been times when I've earned more, and times when he's earned more.

It generally works well when the higher earner thinks that they'd like both of them to enjoy the same standard of living as a married couple. It's also particularly important when there are kids involved, and one partner has put their career on hold. They also have to be on a similar page regarding personal spending.

I genuinely would find it hard to be married to someone who wouldn't want it to be this way. I can't imagine one of us having perhaps £1000s in extra savings/spending power, while the other was struggling to meet bills. It makes no sense to me. It feels like a real imbalance of power, and that can't be good for a marriage.

I just don't get this.

You would if you’d been married to someone who was completely useless with money.

You wouldn't say that if your partner was of the 'see money must spend it' mentality, constantly buying new things and loads of expensive lunches, coffees etc out of the joint account and you were the one trying to work out how to pay the gas bill.

I see you’ve been there too @BarbaraofSeville!