Personal hygiene

[Ohmywhat]

I'm so embarrassed, I can only really discuss this anonymously so please be gentle.

A friend who I've known for many many years has very sympathetically told me that I've let my personal hygiene slip. She's not wrong, my weight has steadily increased especially over the past two years and I'm really struggling. I don't know where to start.

We are supposed to be going away in a big group next weekend and now I feel I can't go. How can I knowing she thinks this?

Any advice? (apart from have a wash!) I know it seems so easy but I feel stuck and a bit panicky and overwhelmed.

Your sore spot is probably sweat rash, which you can get cream for. Make sure you wash there every day, and dry it carefully. I weigh a lot more than I ought to and avoid baths because it's awkward getting out - I have to roll on to my front and get my knees under me - and if I were you I'd prioritise getting a shower put in over the bath. A shower is so quick and easy. Why not treat yourself to some fancy shower gels and a new bathrobe and make a point of giving yourself an hour's pamper time every day? And well done for taking action!

Perspi guard shower gel from Amazon
Mitchum deodorant
Wash clothes at 60
Go to local leisure centre and have a shower (if you don't have a friend that will lend you their shower)
Long handled shower brush for hard to reach areas
Book in for a pedicure
Hydrocortisone cream for the sore areas

Get a medical pedicure, not a regular beauty pedicure. Make sure they sort out dry skin and any potential issues.

Take a look at the products you're using. If you have loads, then have a clear out. Everything you don't use or like. If you feel overwhelmed and like nothing is working for you then chuck everything out. Start again, very simply: 1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash/soap, new sponge/pouffe, facial cleanser and deodorant. They don't have to be posh or expensive.

The DIY shower option up thread is a great idea. Depending on your bath set up you could command strip a shower head holder above your taps and get a temporary shower rail. Worst case a camping shower over the bath. Anything to make it a quick and easy decision.

My ex fil is a plumber and he says if you have low water pressure, which we do, use washing powder but put it on top of the clothes in the drum. Also if your bedding, towels or clothes are a bit damp smelling put some white vinegar in the drawer before turning on the machine.

Try a medicated talc under your stomach and under breasts.
I did not like baths and couldn't survive without a shower. Ask your HA about putting one in.
I agree with other that you may not feel depressed but these are classic signs - you don't have to feel 'sad' to be depressed.

Hey op, sorry to hear that I can imagine you're feeling wobbly and sensitive about it. You're doing amazing by tackling this, so good for you.
I wanted to add that this deodoranDeodorant the best I've found, especially in the heat. I now bulk order on amazon and it works out £3.50 each
Using a laundry cleaner makes a big difference like this www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/307351212 but but own brand is the same. It is what kills the bacteria and stops odours rather than just cleaning.
I'm not overweight but my sweat smells so these 2 things have made a really big difference
It sounds like you need to make you a priority and you should because your are important

OP, when the next government is formed I think you should apply to be Secretary of State for Justice - you’re just what this government needs.

Sorry folks - posted on the wrong thread and have asked for it to be deleted. My apologies, didn’t mean to derail or insult !!

OP, it would have been very difficult for your friend to tell you this, so you clearly mean an awful lot to her. Take that as a massive compliment about how special a person you are.

Makeup, hair dye, eyebrows... forget that stuff. What's important is getting you clean. I know when I'm depressed I don't want to wash either. I suggest you put a reminder on your phone for the same time each day and force yourself into the bathroom.

You need a proper wash. Are you just scared of getting stuck in the bath tub or do you actually not fit? Do you live with someone? If not, could someone (like your lovely friend) come round so there's someone in your home in case you do run into problems? You may be absolutely fine getting in and out, but if it gives you more confidence to know there's someone around to get help, why not get a friend to be there?

If you actually don't fit into the bath tub at all, well, you need a solution to that. If you don't have washing facilities that fit you, your current home is not suitable for you and you will have to consider costly works or moving.

When you wash, you also need to dry properly. That includes under all of the extra folds you have from being your size. If any patches of skin under your folds are sore/uncomfortable, you probably need to blitz them with some form of medicated cream - GPs can be difficult to reach, but you can walk into any pharmacy and ask them if they have a private consultation room. Pharmacists are more capable than many people give them credit for.

Wash your body daily (wash everything!), wash your hair at least every other day (more often if you've been sweating), use deodorant every day and brush your teeth at least twice a day (once in the morning and once before bed).

Things like makeup etc can come later if you want them to. For now, just focus on staying clean or the big long list is going to get overwhelming. A daily self-care routine will feel like hard work that you don't want to do, but you'll better in yourself if you keep forcing yourself to do it.

PS I think you're incredibly brave for starting this thread, and for asking for help. You might not think very much of yourself right now, but honestly, you're a super star.

As others have echoed OP, it takes a lot of courage to start a thread like this (even anonymously). The advice you’ve been given is fantastic. I understand in times of difficulty that personal hygiene can go down the pan a bit. When I was suffering from morning sickness I couldn’t bear the thought of getting in the shower and it took all my energy to do so. All I can echo from others is to get into a hygiene routine, even if it feels laborious to start with. You can get a pretty cheap shower attachment and maybe just commit to showering yourself down without every day for a few weeks. Starting the day freshened up can do wonders for mental health. Also I can confirm that washing bedsheets at 60 degrees is the way forward. Even if you can’t manage all of them (I know duvet covers are a pain to get on and off on your own) just do the pillowcases to make sure you’re at least sleeping on a fresh pillowcase.

Last winter I was going up to a week without showering due to depression so I hear you OP.

Agree with pp that laundry powder is much better than liquid laundry tabs but it's bloody hard to get bio washing powder any more!

Firstly, well done on admitting your problems. Also, you have a lovely friend who cares about you. I agree with others who this you sound depressed. I think you really need an appointment with a doctor; not only about this but about your skin problems. In the meantime there are many things that you can do to help yourself and, as has already been suggested, write it down to remind you:

1 Teeth brushed twice a day
2 A daily bath or shower
3 Daily deodorant.

I agree with those who suggest a podiatrist. I am glad you are treating yourself to a good haircut and makeup. I would also suggest treating yourself to some flattering clothes and shoes that fit really well. When you start to feel better about yourself you will find it easier to tackle your weight problem.

Op, something that people quite often forget to give a good wash is their belly button and if you have one that you can’t get your finger into a cotton bud that’s been rubbed on a bar of soap makes things much easier to clean.

and go on the weekend away. It will do you the world of good 😉

Maybe they’re afraid to.

Thank you again for the continued lovely messages. I slipped up a bit and ended up having a nap instead of sorting the bed out so I'm going to do that now.

Just to answer a couple of questions, I do fit in the bath but like another poster said, there isn't much room for water after! Also because of my weight, I do struggle to get up from that position on the floor. I just don't want to risk it, I'd be so humiliated having to ask for help out.

And in terms of general mobility, I'm fine. I can walk around the shops, go for walks around my village, I work full time (from home) and can do the housework though with plenty of breaks. It's not perfect and will definitely be an area to work on when I've sorted myself out but the house is reasonable.

I know a few of you have mentioned depression and I'm not sure, its hard to tell as I don't feel depressed. Regarding the comment about coffee and feeling panicky, I dont drink coffee but I do drink a lot of diet coke so it probably is the caffeine.

I would like to lose weight too but I'm not in the place for that yet. I hooe to be soon though.

Thank-you all again you've all been very kind.

@Ohmywhat I think you need to focus on one goal, and that's staying clean. You don't want to add too many other difficult things like weight loss. For now, it's about getting into the habit of self-care.

I found myself depressed a few years ago and I didn't really feel depressed either. I only realised when I reached breaking point, but I'd been depressed for a long time before that moment. We get so used to coping that we don't realise when we're not.

As a short-term solution... would it be possible to get a handyman to install a bath rail, so there would be something for you to grab on the wall when trying to get up?

What about putting a heavy chair or something next to the bath tub?

I think the idea of getting a shower hose that fits onto the bath tub taps is going to be your best option, TBH. If you only just fit into the bath, you're going to find it difficult to wash yourself.

There's no way you don't have a certain aroma even if you're fortunate enough to be non sweaty.

These individual wrapped wet towels are perfect to have in the bag for ’emergencies’ or when you want to freshen up. They are big, and work really well. Can’t recommend them enough.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B00YCP1WWY/ref=ox_sc_act_image_4?smid=A1LY3R4SEXIQ17&psc=1

Sorry, not sure that link was right. These are the towels..they smell of fresh mint!

www.amazon.co.uk/Individually-Wrapped-Adult-Sports-Towellete/dp/B01FKJ3HQ4/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?keywords=Cool+Question&qid=1659200747&sr=8-2

Now I'm thinking about it there is so much involved in being clean.

Anyone who is disabled or has had an accident will tell you that.

Sleeping during the day and lacking motivation to do daily tasks like personal care are an absolutely classic presentation of depression, OP. Please talk to your GP. There is treatment available and you don’t have to feel like this.

I can understand your frustration but you have a really good friend. I used to be çlean and fresh, bathed every day - I can't afford to now because of fuel increase. I have a bath once a week and TBH I feel dirty and probably smell. If you can have a daily bath then do so, it will make you feel better. Get some deodorant but you probably won't need it. It sounds as if your self image has suffered because of the weight increase. Don't let this affect you! I'm sure you'll be fine. I envy you your daily bath already. X