Why are so many people lazy ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Is it more they are struggling in life or they just genuinely don’t want to do stuff

I'm not lazy at work and people find my work ethic infectious and motivating (this has been said, I'm not making it up!) but at home I like to relax, read, watch a bit of tv, enjoy a power nap etc when I'm not cooking, cleaning, parenting. I don't think this is lazy, it's just doing stuff I like to do which I think applies to most people.
I don't enjoy washing the dishes but it has to be done. I suppose if I avoided washing them for days and they piled up that would be considered lazy. It's difficult to define laziness.
Also I was wondering about the PP who said about her flakey MIL not having worked since her 30s....How?????! How are they getting away with it as surely you have to prove you're actively seeking employment etc??

To be fair if I could find a partner willing to play the benefits game and spend our lives just sat at home doing whatever, walking the dog and shagging. I would.

Sorry for the typos.
I meant neurotypical

I think it is a lot of people's default and a lot of excuses are used, some are genuine others can't be argued with.

I like to be busy and active.

Capitalism has you believing to have worth you must be productive all the time.

we’re just fancy apes. We do enjoy a bit of lounging around time before the next big forage/kill. Work on our social time. Pick (metaphorical) fleas off each other.

the stress of modern life and the constant competition is making lots of people burn out and suffer overwhelm. Which can appear as laziness if you’ve had an easy life and an empathy bypass.

Anyway monkey brain likes shiny thing! Make other monkeys think I’m important and morally great! I’m the best at looking busy and I’m gonna make that sound like a moral high ground so the other monkeys don’t challenge my place in the hirachy!

What do you mean by lazy?
Laziness is subjective and personal. Sometimes people have mental blocks in some areas but are fantastic in others. Or they’ve expended too much energy in one area they prioritise and have no energy left to give in others.
I think I’m lazy if I wake up at 6am not 5am whereas some people roll out of bed at 10am and think that’s too early.
I think I’m lazy when I don’t go to the gym and take the preferred option of running whereas some people can’t run for 2 minutes.
I think I’m lazy because I haven’t done a masters yet and I have a first class honours in one of the most challenging bachelors whereas some people don’t even have GCSEs.
My actual flaws are that I’m incredibly messy and have a floordrobe, piles of washing need putting away, I love an afternoon nap, and I haven’t washed my car for 6 months. Would you say that makes me lazy?

Bored with their job.

If I think of the people who I think are lazy, these would be my reasons why I think they don’t get off their bum:

poor diet/no long term energy, depression, burnout, always had someone else to do things for them, no encouragement, negative attitudes in the home, no standards/pride, no roll model or genuine undiagnosed illness or pain.

That would sum up those I know of…

Sometimes I just like to be a human being rather than a human doing.

I'm finding often it's not about laziness, but more that people don't care as much about trivial things any more after covid. My mindset totally shifted during covid where I no longer had the motivation to do what I was doing. I took a while to myself as my mental health was struggling and went abroad to a few different places and now I have a totally different career, I am feeling more positive about life and have a better idea of what I want to pursue. If people get stuck in a rut then they give up caring.

This is purely observational - I dont think we're lazy. I think we lack motivation.

As a species I think we're hard wired to be lazy to conserve energy when not doing something linked to survival. Like, if we were literally starving or had no shelter and it was about to snow I doubt we'd be sitting around going "man, this seems so overwhelming. I don't know where to start". We'd be scurrying around hunting and gathering/ getting wood for a shelter. But because we're not (for the most part) in that position, we find it hard to get motivated/ see the benefits.

We're at a weird crossroads in terms of where industrially advanced societies like the UK are where a lot of success is about ability to defer gratification but our animal brains like an instant pay off which is increasingly provided by online entertainment. There is now never "nothing on TV". We are never bored enough to force us to be creative and find something to do/ find "flow". I think many people live in kind of boredom twilight and over time that sucks motivation, trashes routines and good intentions and leads to a poorer life. Not sure what the answer is though.

@ChickenBurgers and @Thejoyfulstar both of you sound like you might have inattentive ADHD. I think there are an awful lot of women in particular who are undiagnosed with it. You may not have it so severely that you need medication but it might help you to read about it and understand why you are the way you are.

I suspect I have it and have many of the traits you describe. I was so hard on myself for decades but now understand why I am not as efficient as some other people and struggle to get things started, organise myself, get places on time etc. I also have hyper focus and get very motivated to an excessive degree about things that I'm really interested in. Meanwhile I get overwhelmed and overstimulated in noisy environments, when there's excessive visual or auditory stimulation. So I find it difficult to know where to start to clear clutter, but find clutter overwhelming - catch 22!

If these things sound familiar to you, you might want to read up about it. It's been a revelation to me and I now understand myself and am much kinder to myself. I have developed strategies that really help me, and that NT people probably do naturally, like leave things the night before by the front door so I don't forget things; plan backwards how much time I need to get somewhere so I'm not late; set my alarm for ten minutes when I have to sort something out so I can do it over several days and don't feel overwhelmed by it; always look behind me when I leave a train, cafe etc so I don't lose things; ask people to slow down when given instructions or directions as I can't follow multiple instructions (another ADHD trait).

There are lots of resources now to help: YouTube videos, Facebook groups, books etc. It's really hard to get a diagnosis as an adult as the NHS doesn't want to spend the resources on it but just knowing that there's a reason you're the way you are is revelatory. Just understanding myself actually helped me to be kinder to myself and paradoxically get more done! Also I found a job that's self employed and so I can both work but set my own timetable and don't get so burnt out and have plenty of rest in between, working at night if I need to to spread out the load.

I definitely agree that there are a lot of people with with unaddressed mental illness. I’ve had depression on and off for most of my adult life. When I am well I love nothing more than being productive. I paint the house, weed the garden, clean, cook and make art. When I am depressed I lie on the couch doom scrolling while getting increasingly stressed out about the mess that surrounds me. I loathe my environment but seriously lack the energy and motivation to get anything done.

What is this 'stuff' that people might want to do, OP?

This.

I think a lot of people would consider me to be lazy and I wouldn't argue with them.

My own perspective is that life is pretty short and the specific times we have where we're earning enough money to enjoy it, our children actually want to be with us, we're not at work and we're awake are fairly few in the grand scheme of things so I'm aiming for a balance that suits me. I work enough to get the money I need but I don't strive for more although I acknowledge the amount I need is likely to change if prices continue to rise and I devote a specific time a week to housework- if it's not done then it waits until the following week. The rest of the time I just aim for balance so I spend enough time doing the things I want to do such as spending time with my kids.

Basically I value my time more than I value money or having an immaculate home. Everyone has different circumstances and different budgets (I live in a fairly cheap area) so my approach won't work for everyone but it suits me.

I honestly think that the concern over how lazy someone might be at work is embarrassing. Yeah, it's unfair when it impacts everyone else but imagine being so proud that you work so hard especially when it's just too line someone else's pockets. I work full time and do my job properly but I'm certainly not proud of it and I absolutely wouldn't do it if I didn't need to. Life should be for living, not for spending 40 hours a week working to keep a roof over your head. The culture of a full time job is just a way to keep the workers too tired and busy to start asking questions and creating change in the system.

I hate all this competitive busyness.

I once saw a program about a tribe somewhere or other. They didn’t farm at all, everything was hunting and gathering.
They got up and went off to make sure they had enough food for the day, some other people made sure everything else was good, huts were all in order, children well etc.
Then, once they had enough food, which was plentiful, to get through the day they stopped. Everyone sat down and chilled out. They weren’t tutting and judging people because they weren’t giving their front step a donkey stoning or there were some cobwebs.

I say that because I was born in a 3rd world country where for many, doing lots of errands and working fast pase is, for many, a painful necessity. Whether you have an illness or not. I grew up in poverty and had to find work and help look after our household at a young age eventhough I was dealing with trauma, depression, agoraphobia and a damaged back. I had neighbours dealing with things like cancer, being wheelchair bound and illiteracy but was always busy working and looking after family and they would cry endless about it. Whether my comment sounded inconsiderate or not, what people find "lazy" will always be considered a luxury to me and I'm happy for people to even have the option.

What does it matter though if someone wants to be lazy and it's not impacting on others?

This morning I've done sod all, no emptying the dishwasher, making the beds, I've sat and had my coffee. I'm about to go to the gym for a couple of hours then I'll come back and tackle the house.

Doesn't make any difference to anybody if I did things this morning or later. I'm not taking the kids out because we were out all day yesterday and they are going to the kids club at the gym to play with their friends. Maybe that's lazy and we should be out all day every day but nobody needs to be permanently busy.

Well of course that isn't lazy!

I’ve been thinking about your comment ever since I read it yesterday. Because you could be describing me. I have a chronic illness that often takes 10+ years to be identified and diagnosed, and for years prior to diagnosis I (and others) thought I was just “lazy” when I was too fatigued to do things.

Just because your colleague doesn’t have a diagnosis doesn’t mean they don’t have a health condition. My feet/legs/hands can stop working at fairly random times and even with a formal diagnosis I am still disbelieved and invalidated by certain people. I am in pain all the time and I often can’t work or do things I want to do, and yet often the worst thing about it all is the attitudes of people like you. Your comment was a painful reminder of how some people must view me. I just hope you will think twice before judging others in future.

@mutationseagull similar. This nastiness - from several on this thread- has really haunted me. Many invisible illnesses take many years to be diagnosed. It's devastating for the people suffering from them, who lose so much of themselves yet simultaneously have to cope with being sneered at and not believed

So do I

DM is like that, it gets on my nerves.

Exactly. At least some people get it.