To wonder what the fuck is my future going to bring me?

[WatchWatchWatchMe]

I'm becoming more scared as the days go on. My bitterness has eaten me alive. I'm constantly down. I'm nearly 38. All my relationships have failed. Men don't see me as someone to marry, they see me as someone to shag and have fun with. I'm not ladylike enough, I'm not dependent enough, I'm not motherly enough, I'm not... homely enough? All the ones I loved made me feel amazing and safe at first then binned me like some disposable old dishrag and set up real lives with proper, better women. Someone said to me once what it's all about in life is finding a team mate who has your back and makes you a priority. I felt like punching him in the face. I've tried online dating. It's like crawling through a cunt ridden swamp. The decent ones... with the greatest of respect... I wouldn't touch with a bargepole. Yeah you have to go by personality but just... no. Not even after a pint of vodka. I'm not even bothered about sex, just a decent conversation and a laugh would do. I have no single friends. I've tried to join groups, there are none. I've tried to volunteer, even they ignored me. I only have a few relatives left, they are all over 60 and I love them immensely. Once they're gone that's it. I might as well be Tom Hanks in Castaway. Someone casually said to me today (without knowing my circumstances) to fix the things in my life that make me unhappy. I laughed in his fucking face. There are so many posters on here who are seemingly in the same soul destroying predicament as me. Where the fuck are you all in real life?

I hear you. It's such a shame and yes, there are no simple answers. Sounds like you've tried very hard and it's disappointing when it not only gets you nowhere, but more hurt and cynical. You just think what's the point.

I have no family or friends. Neighbours all keep to themselves. Never accepted, ignored, used and ridiculed. Work are trying to use and make me their whipping boy. I stood up for myself today in a polite way after putting myself out. No more! Bare minimum from now on.

Whatever I do or work really hard at, nothing. I went to night school twice a week and met some nice people. It ended a month ago. I messaged a few last week to see if they wanted to meet for a coffee or a meal. No reply. Applied for lots of voluntary work with good references. No interest.

I'm in no position to give anybody advice, I only wish I was, but can only say to you I'm myself now. You get roasted anyway, so nothing to lose. Suit yourself. I sit back now and avoid all the drama, fuss and hurt. It's not worth it. I've nobody to buy flowers for so please accept these

Sorry you've fallen into a trap too. I'm so angry all the time x

It's hardly surprising you are and I'm sorry to see somebody else suffering. You've tried plenty by the sounds and it's...well, people, isn't it? I've had a gutsful and you just get less and less nice and more and more fed up as time goes on. It's horrid. It may not help you but I just do my own thing and think, they haven't got me either. I was kind, loyal and committed. Let's hope they never need you for company one day, eh? xxxx

Very true. What annoys me is when people just shrug their shoulders and say "meet new people" or "find a partner" and they actually it's that easy, like those cheesy adverts where a woman walks into a coffee shop and the lovely, respectable guy is waiting for her and they just click. Is it FUCK. Bollocks to it, I'm having a drink. I hate to say it but it's pretty much the only thing that warms me up anymore 🍷

@WatchWatchWatchMe
not helpful i know but all I can say is somebody that creates the term ‘cunt ridden swamp’ would get my vote

True. It really isn't easy and it seems most people are friendly when it's situational or benefits them. When they've moved on or you've served your use, it's ta-ra. That's fair enough

Yes, you are a person of value.

Cunt ridden swamp….absolutely love that! If I was a bloke a term like that would have me asking you to marry me tomorrow! Hahah!

Any room for another one? My colleague continually says to me 'you just need to meet a nice man'. Well jeeez! Why didn't I think of that?! Says her with a cunt for a husband as she was desperate to get married. I'm 40, tired, good looks fading fast, friends either married, just having babies or the ones who aren't are selfish to the core. I consider myself to be pretty decent, not a bad brain on me, generous to a fault - it's usually me getting the drinks in on the occasions I'm actually invited out but I'm starting to feel like the fall guy. Don't have a close family. Life wasn't supposed to go like this. I try and bash on best I can, travel solo loads as I love it but would probably be better with a co-pilot, have tried online dating but nope. Unfortunately I'm an introvert too. Gah.

And yes, I'm also having a 🍷.

We should have a "this is not a party introverts party"!

To me it sounds like you're going for the wrong type, but you probably know that. The decent ones you won't touch with a barge pole? Decent doesn't necessary equal physically unattractive. Perhaps you need to reevaluate your criteria in a partner.

You're also definitely worth more than being used by these idiots!

You won't want to hear this but the key to happiness and peace of mind is to stop wanting the things you think you want.

Focus on your inner self. Enrich your life so you can enjoy it, without anyone else. It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking you need a partner or friends to share your experiences with - you really don't.

You don't have to close the door to potential friendships or lovers. Just focus on yourself and your own peace of mind first.

I'll just crack on and spend the next 15,000 days alone then without a single soul to share any of it with. Bring it on. I'm sure it's everyone's dream 👍

You may need to change your 'type'.

My DS is very different to my previous boyfriends, different politics for a start but we have been happily married for nearly 25 years.

My DStepF is very different to my DM's previous type - he is posh, not particularly good looking and no social skills - but they have a fantastic marriage. Lots of laughs and interesting conversation.

Give the suitable men that you have been scathing about a chance. You may be surprised.

It's not what you want but I've learned to start putting myself first and getting on with life doing what I want, instead of waiting for somebody to come along when they don't. At least you can say you were true to yourself, even if it's very hard.

What I want is to not be alone anymore. I've travelled by myself, I've taken up hobbies, I've done evening school, I've been promoted. I'm fucked.

And although yes ideally I'd want a partner, even a bunch of friends in the same position as me would do. Some people I could look forward to seeing and having a laugh with at the weekend. But there's just nothing. I just go for walks on my own.

Another one who feels your pain, OP. Not quite the same story but not far off.

I've got nothing for you. Just solidarity. 😘

Don’t you do anything at all with your non-single friends? Surely they’d be up for going for food/drinks at weekends sometimes?

seems you’re not happy I a friends & relationship level. You already have friends so tell them you’re fed up of line walks & ask to meet up!

you’re obviously meeting guys to have e had relationships but are you discounting good ones by saying you wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole? Maybe you need to give the less desirable ones a chance!

like Ricky Gervais, I would marry him tomorrow but had he have cracked onto me in a club years ago, I’d have probably been extremely rude to him!

They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs first. Hope you find someone decent 💐

like Ricky Gervais, I would marry him tomorrow but had he have cracked onto me in a club years ago, I’d have probably been extremely rude to him!

😂 Brilliant.

With respect, that’s utter bollocks.

I’m early 60s, divorced twenty years and, apart from one long- distance relationship with someone who really got me, but who died before we could make more of it, I’ve been in the same position and I completely understand what the OP is saying. I’ve done all the self-care, travel and all that malarkey, but it’s like living life in monochrome instead of full-colour sometimes.

I don’t have the answer - God, how I wish I did! - but I do understand the question.