I'm becoming more scared as the days go on. My bitterness has eaten me alive. I'm constantly down. I'm nearly 38. All my relationships have failed. Men don't see me as someone to marry, they see me as someone to shag and have fun with. I'm not ladylike enough, I'm not dependent enough, I'm not motherly enough, I'm not... homely enough? All the ones I loved made me feel amazing and safe at first then binned me like some disposable old dishrag and set up real lives with proper, better women. Someone said to me once what it's all about in life is finding a team mate who has your back and makes you a priority. I felt like punching him in the face. I've tried online dating. It's like crawling through a cunt ridden swamp. The decent ones... with the greatest of respect... I wouldn't touch with a bargepole. Yeah you have to go by personality but just... no. Not even after a pint of vodka. I'm not even bothered about sex, just a decent conversation and a laugh would do. I have no single friends. I've tried to join groups, there are none. I've tried to volunteer, even they ignored me. I only have a few relatives left, they are all over 60 and I love them immensely. Once they're gone that's it. I might as well be Tom Hanks in Castaway. Someone casually said to me today (without knowing my circumstances) to fix the things in my life that make me unhappy. I laughed in his fucking face. There are so many posters on here who are seemingly in the same soul destroying predicament as me. Where the fuck are you all in real life?