Is life just more difficult for some people?

[MynameisJune]

Does anyone else just feel like life is more difficult for them? Like I’ve been unlucky my whole life, nothing is ever simple or straightforward. Things just always seem to go wrong, I’m always the one that needs to call and chase for stuff.

Like I booked a flight recently and realised there was an error on my flight details so had to chase a resolution. In the past I’ve had issues with being charged for stuff that I shouldn’t have been and then having to chase for a refund etc.

Maybe everyone’s life is like this and I just don’t know but I genuinely feel like some people just sail through life and others don’t.

I do know of some people who have had horrific luck in life (multiple illnesses, early bereavements etc.) and I just can’t believe how shit things have been for them so, to some extent I agree with you.

The mistakes / admin errors and refunds etc you mention happen to everyone I reckon. Some people find it more stressful than others depending on their temperament or what else is going on in their life at the time.

I am autistic (recently diagnosed) so I do wonder if that’s why they feel like bigger issues.

I know in lots of ways I’m luckier than others. It just seems like sometimes there’s one little thing after another that just become overwhelming.

I feel this way! My life has had lots of bad things happen in it and even when it’s good in general like now I still get lots of “unlucky” incidents. I even said to my husband the other day nothing is ever easy or straightforward for me

compared to my best friend who seems to sail through life. She’s also had lots of bad things happen but always comes out on top and is always a right place right time kind of person.

we often have a laugh about it. People are often surprised when they find out we’re best friends we’re very much opposites in all things so we joke that my bad luck compared to her good luck is just another thing 🤣

it sucks but I firmly believe you’ve just got to make the best of it life’s too short

I think there is always little things that are a hassle to sort out. Very common with modern technology meets human error fuck ups and shit customer service that makes everything a million times worse.

I don't stress about these things and I try and be organised so that we don't up with last-minute nightmare problems.

It's probably unhealthy to think of yourself as unlucky. Try reframing your responses as one of those things that happens to everyone. I always try and feel fortunate for all the good stuff I've got going on in my life rather than oppressed by the bad.

The mistakes / admin errors and refunds etc you mention happen to everyone I reckon. Some people find it more stressful than others depending on their temperament or what else is going on in their life at the time.

I think this is true.

My mum in particular is someone who would say her life is incredibly difficult. And yet I know plenty of people who would swap lives with her in a heartbeat. My parents are well off, mortgage free, she hasn’t worked (through choice) since since was 50 ish. She can come and go as she pleases, no real commitments, seems ok to me.

I actually think part of the issue is that she has so little going on in her life that minor things, which I would deal with on a 10 minute coffee break at work, seem absolutely massive to her. She’s not “unlucky”, it’s just life!

So I think a lot of people who feel that way, it’s not even “the final straw” on an overloaded life, it’s about their perspective.

I always say my sister is cursed! She tries so bloody hard and is such a wonderful person but every single little thing goes wrong for her. Not too many big things thankfully. Things just never seem to be straightforward for her 😕.

Life is harder for some people. I have had some really bad luck in my life. I’ve also had some really good luck. I’ve bounced back each time from the bad luck because I don’t let the bastards get me down.

I’m currently going through it now. I just keep my head down and keep going one foot in front of the other until I get through the rough patch. I know it will be ok and afterwards I’ll make the necessary changes to protect myself from the same thing happening again.

I think, barring the exceptions where awful things happen to the same person, some people are just better able to cope in general.

I know I've been described as one of them but I don't think I necessarily am, I just have a higher bar for what will phase me and get the support needed when I can see I need it. A lot of it is practice.

There's also the element of people not showing when they're stressed. I had an exceptionally stressful time recently and I doubt anyone beyond my husband and therapist realised the extent.

I have a job, husband and 2 young children. I definitely have enough going on in my life without all these extra things as well.

My life isn’t incredibly difficult, it just seems more so compared to others in my social circle.

This is it! My husband and best friend are both like your friend. Come out on top, and very rarely have the issues I have with admin errors and stuff.

My husband and best friend are both like your friend. Come out on top, and very rarely have the issues I have with admin errors and stuff

The admin errors you’re talking about happen to me plenty - they wouldn’t register on my radar as something to tell friends about. They happen, they’re a minor annoyance, they get resolved and then forgotten about.

It’s probably not that they don’t happen to your friends - they just don’t even think to tell anyone about them.

Yes, my guess is that your diagnosis plays a big part in this. I am dyslexic so I sometimes struggle with understanding what I’m reading and am prone to more anxiety and frustration when I make an admin type mistakes as a result. So there’s a compound effect, I’m more likely to make mistakes or select the wrong approach to booking, checking, ordering, inputting payment details. Then when something goes wrong I seem to be more like to be upset about it and feel a bit helpless in the face of it I might be quicker to give up on sorting it out. Finally, I might internalise it and believe that it’s my fate to have a run of misfortune and mistakes because that’s somehow the universes plan for me. Solution? 1) trial and error of different systems to reduce mistakes 2) get someone else to do it (if it’s a partner maybe “trade” then for tasks you’re better at) 3) train yourself not to take it to heart

I think for me I get this way partially because growing up adults who didn’t understand why it was happening were particularly hard on children like me who made “obvious” or what they thought of as “careless” mistakes. I remember it happening to me a lot so I possibly internalised the shame about it.

No I’m pretty sure my husband would tell me. Numerous times he has ordered things and been sent 2 and then told to keep the spare. Even with a BMX bike when he was 16. I’m more likely to get my stuff lost in the post.

I think there are very few people who sail through life with nothing negative ever affecting them. Some people land on their feet career wise, earn well but have very poor health through no fault of their own. Some of it can be a mindset thing, my DS only thinks bad things happen to him, no one else is ever as hard done by as him. You are never close enough to other people's full situation to really know how things are for them. Some people hide troubles, others wear them like a badge. Resilience is so important in life to be able to ride the natural hand we are dealt.

I've been through some absolutely horrendous things in life and some days everything does feel like an uphill battle, but I am one of those that people would describe as "always lands on their feet" or I just always happen to be in the right place at the right time. It's nothing to do with luck, it's all down to attitude. I remain hopeful and positive, even when I really don't want to, and I go out and seek the good stuff.
For example, my business has been on its backside for over a year now. I'm not prepared to give up, I've had the business for nearly eleven years, so I've found new ways for income, and I'm subcontracting to two other businesses now who are completely unrelated to what I do, just because I went out there and looked for ad-hoc work and asked. A job wasn't going to just fall in my lap while I sat and moaned about struggling to pay the bills.
Mindset has a lot to answer for and those who are deemed to be "lucky" are often the makers of their own luck.

I think life is harder for people who start in a less privileged position, because they're less able to deal with the bad luck that comes their way.

For instance, when I was 27 and lost my job at the same time as a health scare, I was able to move in with my parents, and they had the money and space for it not to be an issue. For someone who didn't have family support or whose family didn't have the space to house them long term (or even if the only space was on the sofa), that would have been much more difficult.

Everyone has bad luck but some people struggle more to deal with the small things you mention. I know people who feel victimised if they get given the wrong change in a shop but others who turn up with a smile on their face to help at food bank having spent all morning mopping up their elderly parent's bedpan accidents.

A few people seem to be born under a very unlucky star, but most I think have an average share of good and bad luck. It's just how we are able to deal with it that makes the difference. My DS2 is autistic too, OP, and I am trying to teach him to minimise issues and forgive himself and others quickly for mistakes and problems, not to dwell and brood on them.

When the difficult things in life are chasing bookings on flight tickets its time to think about how incredibly lucky you are in life. Most people don't even get to fly abroad or do a fraction of the things that many of us take for granted.

I’m not saying I’m not lucky, there will always be people worse off than me, and people better off than me. It’s not a race to the bottom, and I am allowed to feel the way I feel. It’s not a competition everyone can have shit times.

I think it is two-fold; there are people for whom life delivers incredibly difficult challenges and there are people who for various reasons will find navigating normality more difficult than others.

For example, we will all have heard of people who have suffered immensely, perhaps losing a parent at a young age, then a sibling in childhood and then enduring a further unusual and devastating loss.

The second group would be people who are not resilient either because they had an abusive upbringing (contrary to popular belief, suffering does not make a person resilient, it weakens them), or they have a mental illness that makes them vulnerable, or they have a neurodiversity that puts them at odds with mainstream life.

My son is my only remaining blood relative. I’ve lost my younger son, my brother and my parents so I could interpret my life as being a bit shit.

However, I live in a lovely house in a beautiful village, we have enough money to live on, I have friends and a good marriage. All of that adds up to a bit of a charmed life in my book. I reckon it’s how you look at it.

I don't find I'm unlucky as such but I'm dyslexic so admin stuff takes longer for me, it takes me longer to get used to using a new phone, tablet etc. I drive DH mad by always saying when something breaks or wears out that I don't want a newer and better model, I want one exactly the same as the one I had because I know how to use it! Things like admin errors are a massive deal to me because it takes me ages to sort it out. I also can't talk on the phone while doing other stuff too like most people can. My SIL always says things like "just use the app" or "it's so simple, it only takes a minute" for things that I really struggle with. Something like ordering the repeat prescriptions is a massive deal for me and takes time. Most people probably do it in 2 minutes while they are on the loo.

Difficulties in life also snow ball, well they have for me at least.

Disabled at 16 years, can't work full time, 25 years later now suffering very badly with physical and mental health. Working the absolute minimum, not sure how much longer I can do that. This leads to financial issues which adds pressure to marriage. It's just one big shit storm.

And how do I look at my stroke which has robbed me of ever thing including the ability to walk
And which arrived afyet a life time of bad luck

Yes and no. For Some people things happen unexpected, a husband dies, a critical illness.
Some people weed dealt a raw hand yh start off with. For others they make their own doom happen. I have one friend who feels very guilty about her income but she shouldn't because she worked very hard to become a lawyer. I have another friend who is all doom and gloom but the fact is she's made loads of poor decisions in her life and although she continues to blame others most of them are down to her. If you've had the common sense to make good choices in your life then you shouldn't feel bad about that.