Is life just more difficult for some people?

[MynameisJune]

Does anyone else just feel like life is more difficult for them? Like I’ve been unlucky my whole life, nothing is ever simple or straightforward. Things just always seem to go wrong, I’m always the one that needs to call and chase for stuff.

Like I booked a flight recently and realised there was an error on my flight details so had to chase a resolution. In the past I’ve had issues with being charged for stuff that I shouldn’t have been and then having to chase for a refund etc.

Maybe everyone’s life is like this and I just don’t know but I genuinely feel like some people just sail through life and others don’t.

Mindset has a lot to answer for and those who are deemed to be "lucky" are often the makers of their own luck.

Could not agree with this more. Everyone has things go wrong - big/small/life-changing. Because - well - that’s life! You can sit around and feel sorry for yourself, wallow in your own self pity and cry OR you can count all the ways you are still lucky and try to make the best of things. E.g. - DP was diagnosed with a life-threatening condition when we lived abroad many years ago, at death’s door and parents etc. all came to say their goodbyes. It was a truly horrendous time. The flip side of that is that the country we were in had medical care second to none. They survived and all was (ultimately) well. We don’t sit around wondering why that happened to us. We are grateful that it happened where it did and treatment was available. Mindset. That’s all it is!

Yes! And I get so pissed off it's always me. I feel I'm always shat on from a great height whilst others seem to have charmed lives. Bloody unfair.

I worked with a girl who is so damn fortunate she reminds me of Holly Willoughby she has it all, good looks, gorgeous husband, clever kids, lovely home, loads of friends, great job, lovely family. Nothing seems to touch her.

Mindset has a lot to answer for and those who are deemed to be "lucky" are often the makers of their own luck.

Crap !!

I've moved recently.

Got the keys on the Friday, Broke a key in the lock on Saturday.

First night here, walls really thin, kept awake by neighbours.

Toilet doesn't flush proper, no one coming to fix it till August.

Cat can't go out for a fortnight, heat wave..

I ordered a small cheap fridge... It got delivered damaged and had to go back.

I bought a new bed frame, slept.on it the first night, 3 slats broke, back to sleeping on the floor.

Needed to get a train to an appointment, train delayed for 30 minutes.

Took my measurements down to carpet shop, costs just £45 more than I have saved.

Ordered some earplugs to block out neighbours.. collect from local post office.. they got delivered there at 12:25 Saturday.. place closed at 12.30..
when I did get them, they don't work very well and fell out more than they stayed in.

Ordered internet to be set up, man was meant to come yesterday 10-2.. didn't.. coming today 1-6.. not here yet..
Etc.

Lots of mildly inconvenient happenings but they total up to be rather annoying and it's been like this for as long as I can remember really.

Everything I do or try or experience has to be tainted with just a little bit of crap.

I agree with the PP who said that this stuff happens to people all the time, they just don't talk about it, and shrug it off.

I also think it has a lot to do with mindset. The things you mention happen to everyone, I don’t think they’re such a big deal. And probably wouldn’t even think of telling people about them unless there was a funny story

I find comfort in reminding myself "It's not what happens, it's how you deal with it". Mistakes happen, you can either just calmly track down what went wrong and get it resolved.

Treating it matter of factly works much better for me that starting a whole story in your head about how this only ever happens to me, I never catch a break.

If you look you could always find someone who is worse off than you and someone else who is much better of than you. Just concentrate on yourself, what you can impact.

Enjoy. Be glad when you have got something sorted. Enjoy.

Life is a lot more difficult for anyone born in poverty or with health problems or disabilities. Likewise, anyone who grows up without a loving family or good adult role models.

The other, small, mundane, every day stuff happens to everyone to varying degrees and how much it bothers us depends on our overall outlook and our ability to cope with problems and bounce back from them.

I do think there is a certain negative mindset in which a person can get stuck, and in which they will begin to notice and focus in on every small thing that goes wrong as being evidence of their bad luck. My husband gets stuck in this kind of spiral sometimes and then so I try to draw attention to all the stuff that is going/has gone well for him in his life. Usually helps him to see the bigger picture.

And yes, agree with a PP that anyone who is in a position to book themselves some flights or go on holiday is a lucky person in the grand scheme of things. Doesn’t mean to say we can’t be pissed off when things go wrong of course, just that it’s good to try and regain perspective once we’ve sorted the problem and the anger or disappointment has subsided.

I'm talking about losing a parent at 14, a sibling 6 years ago to aggressive cancer. A mum with advanced dementia now and a dd diagnosed with autism not to mention other rubbish along the way. I'm not worried about a piddling problem with paperwork !!

I never meet anyone who's had as much bad luck as this. All have lovely lifes.

“Luck is an offensive, abhorrent concept. The idea that there is a force in the universe tilting events in your favor or against it is ridiculous.” - Elementary quote.

I've had a difficult life. Some of it due to bad choices; I had a horrible childhood and dragged myself up. So I started making better choices, got a degree in STEM from a great Uni, moved me and my DCs out of a crime ridden council estate to do so.

Shit stayed the same. I still have mountains rather than molehills.

I’m also ND and have CPTSD - it all effects my world view, my decision making skills, etc etc.

My sibling is an asshole who glides through life.

Obviously if you suffered bereavement , illness, money problems then life is just harder for you.

However it’s also about perception, everyone has to choose their attitude and outlook.

I also think it's down to perspective and coping mechanisms. I have a friend who, to listen to, you'd think she has the hardest life. She catastrophises and makes mountains out of a mole hill.

We have pretty similar lives/lifestyles, but her job is always harder, her experiences are always worse, others always have it better.

In reality it's the same basic shit that happens to everyone, just that other people just get on with it, or have a little stress and carry one. She will go on about something for a week.

It's draining.

A saying which helped me to understand it: "it's not about how much you've got on your plate, it's about the size of the plate you've got it on". I think I have a small plate, in that I can be flattened by misfortunes that others sail through. And so I try never to get annoyed by people who are stressing over what a perceive as trivial shit.

Sure. My son is going through a 'just can't win' phase. He's failed his theory test three times by just three marks. He finally agreed to holidays days (first one in 18 months) with me only (after I booked and paid) to be told by work it was the worst time (they've let him take it but he says he knows they are resentful - it's just three days, two of which he doesn't normally work. Now he feels bad and doesn't want to go). He got expensive ear phones for his birthday only to lose them the following week (insurance doesn't cover loss). He bought himself a new monitor for his PC then knocked a vase over which cracked it within a month. He agreed to co host an event but the other, more senior, person changed the subject last minute making my son look like HE hadn't prepared, making him feel like a fool, shaking his confidence badly (my son is 18, the other guy 35).
He bought a scooter only for it to break down constantly. Got another one through his boss only for it to break down constantly.
Took a train home from me and unexpectedly had to make two changes other than the usual one meaning he missed his final connection requiring a three hour wait, arrived at a different station no buses no taxis and a two hour walk at 2am. The list is endless. It is turning him from a optimistic go with the flow lad to anxious and resentful. I just really want something to go his way for once.

I think also some people don't talk openly about their bad luck, for various reasons, so it appears their lives are rosy. For example, people rarely post negative stuff on fbk but the"making memories" stuff of happy, healthy family life. Of course there are plenty who like to keep you updated with hospital check ins etc🙄

I've always thought of myself as very lucky in life (so far)- good health, lovely family, etc. But I get just as many things like problems booking flights as anyone else- it's just part of life.

I do think some people get dealt a very unfair amount of shit in life, and that problems can create more problems so that the shit multiplies (ill health causes money problems causes housing worries causes underperformance at school or whatever etc etc).

Some people do have many awful things happen to them by chance, which must be awful. I think some of it is just mindset.

I used to have a colleague who non-stop complained and moaned about situations which seemed very minor everyday things to me. I remember the awful saga of her booking a boiler service but there was a mistake with the booking and then she wanted to rearrange the date. She updated every person who came through the office. At around the same time I had a broken boiler, a leaking pipe (linked, obviously), the showerhead broke off my shower and my washing machine broke, requiring three call outs before it was fixed. We briefly had no heating and also no washing machine for about three weeks. I didn't even mention any of that to her because it's boring life stuff, but was fully updated on her nightmare boiler service booking situation. It was quite draining and she seemed to have very little going on which is why I think these things took up so much of her headspace.

Obviously some people have worse luck than others, but equally some people make a big drama about the smallest issues.

I remember a friend telling me about someone she knew who was struggling with a sick baby and how hard it was for her. Then suddenly she remembered that she was talking to someone whose baby was currently in NICU (and had been for two months) and made a comment about how I was more able to handle it than her. Clearly anyone with a sick baby is going to be upset and I understand why she was struggling, but equally I got through it by knowing that someone else had it worse. I met families in the NICU that had been there for far longer than us or who had lost babies (often more than one as twins and triplets often didn’t make it) and counted my blessings.

I don't think you can separate your life from having autism. Do you know there's a neurodiverse mmers board?

Don't spend your life comparing your self to neurotypicals.

Possibly not helpful but bad luck always comes in threes eg if a bottle of milk falls out of the fridge you can bet your life that the parcel I've just received will be wrong and that it'll start raining half way down the school run and I've not got a brolly. Once the three bad things have happened in succession I tend to breathe a sigh of relief.

I don't believe in good or bad luck, life just happens. Both my parents died when I was a teen, I was in foster care and then lived independently alone from the age of 16. Two of my children had cancer and so did I. My cancer was in my bones and I was on bed rest for 6 months as my spine was so unstable.

However we all recovered. I am very happily married and try to be grateful for every day.
For me it's my faith that helps me keep a perspective and also comforts me and helps me see the goodness and beauty in the world. I have definitely had times when I suffered from depression and struggled but I am also an optimistic, hopeful person.

My 19 & 16 year old teens just were involved in a horrendous car accident which should have killed them. The car was totalled but they walked away physically unscathed. I also just had another cancer scare but happily got good news.

My 19 yr old dd said "mum we have the WORST luck, but then also the BEST luck!"
I said "I don't think it's luck"
She said "neither do I".

I think the type of thing you've mentioned it is down to how easy you find them to sort out. None of them are a big deal if you are confident at using apps, online chats etc or happy to phone up and talk to someone. As mentioned above if you are you probably don't even think to tell anyone. But if resolving issues is a challenge for you for whatever reason you will feel its a big deal when it happens and will tell people.

Some people are dealt a very poor hand through no fault of their own- disability, illness, circumstance etc.

However, there are people like my sister who bring a lot of stuff on themselves just through carelessness and impatience.

She’s the kind of person who will see a travel show about a lovely destination, then spontaneously book a flight and hotel, then realise she can’t get off work/can’t really afford it/the airport she’s booked the cheap flight into isn’t anywhere near where she’s going/the hotel has shit TripAdvisor reviews.

Then she’ll go into victim mode because she didn’t read the airplane or hotel Ts&Cs and is out of pocket. It becomes a big drama then where she whinges to everyone about how hard her life is and how unlucky she is and then she never takes responsibility for her part in it.

So, to answer your question, some people definitely at Igor through no fault of their own, but plenty just create chaos.

Its just confirmation bias. If your biggest problem is something that can be resolved with a couple of calls or emails, it's not much of a problem!