Is life just more difficult for some people?

[MynameisJune]

Does anyone else just feel like life is more difficult for them? Like I’ve been unlucky my whole life, nothing is ever simple or straightforward. Things just always seem to go wrong, I’m always the one that needs to call and chase for stuff.

Like I booked a flight recently and realised there was an error on my flight details so had to chase a resolution. In the past I’ve had issues with being charged for stuff that I shouldn’t have been and then having to chase for a refund etc.

Maybe everyone’s life is like this and I just don’t know but I genuinely feel like some people just sail through life and others don’t.

I think you are right. Nothing in my life has ever gone well I've had no luck and everyone else just seems to cope or being given more. For example - a relative was given a housing association house - beautiful big house with a lovely sized garden - and was able to have as many children as she liked with no consequences or second thoughts. My partner and I were kicked off the council housing list because they changed the rules while we were on it and decided we no longer qualified, we pay twice the amount of rent my relative does in the same area for a tiny flat that's falling apart, can't afford any more children and had to go through a heartbreaking abortion 2 years ago that I'm still struggling with now.

I have daily panic attacks about finances even though my partner has a decent job and I work part time (around childcare) while another relative doesn't work at all her partner is in a job that doesn't pay well and yet they are having yet another child and again, I can't. I had a mental breakdown in college due to severe depression and an unstable homelife meaning I didn't get any decent qualifications and now I feel trapped like I know I have the intelligence but I don't know how to access education or pay for it.

I'm trapped in a relationship I don't want to be in because I don't trust the council to help me - they certainly haven't helped in the past but have helped numerous friends and family. I don't get help from mental health services even though they help other people, they just never seem to believe me or care about me, or they just want me to actually succeed so I take the strain off the NHS. It just seems like everyone around me are able to afford holidays, don't have to think about having more children - certainly never had to go through an abortion they never wanted because they couldn't afford that baby - can put their children into clubs, win more things (big wins on scratchcards, upgrades on holidays randomly etc.) and are generally happier and have an easier life and yet work less.

My life has been like this since I was a child though, I was always forgotten - teachers would literally forget about me, so would my parents. (I've been ignored in class constantly, left in a park, left on a train, locked in house, left at at school etc. On various occasions throughout my childhood. My siblings have never had even one incident like that, and neither have any of my friends who I've spoken too and think it's shocking so I know it's just me.

Yes life is more difficult than the ideal life we are sold.

However, some people make bad choices.
Some people are broken by it and never recover, leading to more bad luck.

Some people repeat abusive childhood family dynamics because it’s all they know.

So it’s slightly more complex than some people are just unlucky

Oh and then there are all the illnesses and operations I seem to need - multiple miscarriages, then ectopic pregnancy needing a tube removed, appendicitis, tonsillectomy, sepsis, frequent kidney infections, frequent ear infections leading to partial deafness, heart problems, skin problems, arthritis, gallstones, mental illness, IBS, random pain everywhere that can't be diagnosed but can't be managed either...

The list seems to grow each year, I live in constant pain.

@KevinTheKoala so bloody unfair when others have such charmed life's. I sometimes want to rage at the universe but what's the point.

Its simple things for me.

Dh is taken morr seriously from the word go. Especially if he is in a suit. He will get a completely different level of service compared to me.

On several occasions he had berated me for not dealing with a situation properly , only to then realise that I'd very genuinely recieved completely inappropriate and poor service.

I'm sure thats the case across the board.

The flip to that, is I do think some people make their lives harder by being attracted to drama, having poor decision making skills and not taking sensible advice. And then some people handle stress differently so something small to one person becomes a massive big deal to someone else and this in turn affects how they deal with an issue (often in a negative way).

Then there is just poor luck.

So i think its a combination of factors, some which you can control and some that you cant.

A lot of it is to do with perception. As my mum always says "It's not what happens to you it how you deal with it". I know people who have had awful things happen. One friend had a stillbirth at 9 months, several miscarriages then was diagnosed with MS but she's very stoical and positive and doesn't see her life as worse than anyone else's. My sister has a painful degenerative disease but again she's really positive and thinks she has a great life. I have a friend who truly believes she has a terrible life because of minor things happening (such as the examples you gave OP - yes very annoying things but not life changing or life limiting). She doesn't work (entirely her choice), has a doting husband who not only works full time but does all the housework too. She has 3 beautiful children and a lovely home. However she always refers to herself as the unluckiest person alive and she really does focus on everything negative. I myself had a very rare cancer when my children were toddlers. It was a freak occurrence for me to get it and I live with the fear of it coming back. I could see myself as unlucky for being in this situation but I actually see myself as extremely lucky! I'm still here and hopefully cancer free (touch wood).

@SallyWD

A lot of it is to do with perception. As my mum always says "It's not what happens to you it how you deal with it".

I agree but being able to deal with difficulties is dependent on resilience which is low in those who have not been nurtured in childhood. So it’s never a level playing field.

Yes I agree. It's complex. It depends on upbringing, how you're wired - whether you're prone to anxiety and depression for example. Many factors shape how resilient and positive you are.

@MynameisJune
I very much believe that people are either glass half empty or half full people. And this sort of sums that up.

We all experience glitches with errors. If they wish for it to snowball as a matter of course that probably is about how they manage these situations rather than the situation itself.

Practically, I have way more on my plate than some of my friends... Lone parent, working, carer for child with additional needs and long term carer of family member, yet I manage to make the most of the time I do have. Versus friends in two parent families with one child and hobbies who feel they're deprived of time etc and that any unfolding everyday life things are worse for them than me. Apparently I can just cope!

It's about perception and attitude.

I read this quote that sometimes helps me

if you know how to suffer you suffer less

and although it depresses me, it does give me some comfort when shit goes wrong
which is usually tends to do

tho saying that I’m incredibly lucky to be alive in this era with electricity and clean water and warm homes
im also living in a country with free healthcare and a welfare system etc etc

so i guess I’m lucky and unlucky at the same time

Except no one has a charmed life.
From the outside, yes they will look like they have it much easier. But it doesn’t mean that their life IS actually easy.

eg a cousin of mine has what could be described as the perfect life. What isn’t visible is the fact her dad has schizophrenia. Then her mum died when she was a child and she ended up first looking after her dad and then going to live with another family member. She also had to leave the only country she knew in the middle of all that. Her trauma isn’t visible but it’s influencing her daily life - even if it looks like she has a great life with few issues.
Many people are in a similar place. Even if they didn’t end up orphan, their parents mistreated them in whatever way. Many many examples on MN.

As soon as I started to dig, it’s clear that everyone has issues and challenges and struggles. I am yet to meet someone who has no or little issues to deal with.

I don't think anyone has a totally easy life but when I've been through neglect, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, physical abuse, bullying, domestic abuse, being ignored/forgotten by services (medical care, education, government help etc.), let down endlessly and then suffered a lot of physical illness on top of that from early childhood right up till now it does start to feel like when do I get a break. Yeah most people have really rubbish things to deal with, nobody is denying that but from what I see it's not one thing after another and there's often some kind of support for a lot of people too. I genuinley don't have any support, nobody believes me when I tell them how often I've been let down by services or how often I've been forgotten about because it shouldn't happen to one person this often. It's got to the point that if this is life, I don't want it because how much is one person supposed to take before they break.

I know I'm not particularly resilient, I had a horrific upbringing and saw things nobody should ever have to see. Social services let me down hugely because my mother was seen as an upstanding member of society and so when I was self harming at 6 years old and begging her to just let me die every night, and telling my teachers that my step dad is an alcoholic and I hate my life - they believed her when she said I was just a difficult child and I was a liar. But I'm also not blind - it's very clear that other people do seem to suffer to a lessee extent. They have hard times yes, but not quite as many.

@SingingInParadise I disagree, what issues do you suppose holly willoughby has ? She has a pretty charmed life. As mentioned in my post earlier I worked with a girl very very similar to her, has it all.

@MynameisJune my parents and all my grandparents died before I was 32. Sorry to hear about your flight details. You must be devastated.

I think some people do have more luck than others but also that they have different approaches. I'm always really positive , my DH can be quite negative. If we retold our exact same day mine would appear luckier and easier and his much worse

Some people are dealt terrible hands ill health, etc. I know what this is like and have empathy for others. Some people make their own terrible choices - pick bad partners when the red flags are there. Take jobs where there are red flags or that are beyond their capabilities. Some people constantly fail to reflect on their own actions and then make repeated mistakes. This is so wearing.
Some people kick off about tiny issues - and they have no idea what it would be like to deal with serious issues that are not your fault. Some people are positive people who think of others - despite their own hardship. These are people that others graviate too and it means they have a good network. Moaners about little problems might do well to consider changing their attitudes. As I age i cant be doing with the Moaners about little issues - I have started saying on a scale of 1-10 where 10 is very serious eg: death where does this problem lie. And what steps can YOU take to improve the situation. I am through with listening to people complain about their job/husband/lazy children for years and yet have no intention of improving the situation.

I have no idea because I don’t personally know her. Do you?

I tend not to sweat the small stuff. People make mistakes. I tend to plan and organise so things are quite organised (or appear to be) but that’s because I don’t want to suffer the consequences of not planning and being organised.This means I’m not late for appointments and so don’t have to argue with the staff to be seen etc.
I also do my research before I go places so I don’t get angry because I can’t get a table in a restaurant as I’ve pre booked. I don’t moan about the prices ( I’ve already looked at on line at the entire menu) so no surprise.
What does bother me is when people get handed things on a plate and don’t appreciate it. Parents paying for their wedding/house deposit. Parents providing free childcare. Parents buying them a car etc etc.

I think this is true, I look at some people and how things have worked / working out and I look at my own life and its just utterly shit but then nothing "that bad" has ever happened to me really. I feel I might be too sensitive or not well equipped enough to deal with "life".
Sorry if that sounds woe is me

I agree with this.

Admin errors and mix-ups happen to everyone. But some people make a song and dance about it, while for other people it barely even registers. I'm in the second group - I would barely notice the things you refer to in your first post, and certainly wouldn't consider them had luck. They're just normal life.

Obviously things like serious illness, disability etc. are different, but for this kind of minor mishap it's down to your perspective and how you respond to it.

@MynameisJune as you said you have just been diagnosed with autism. So I think this automatically has made life more difficult for you as you had no coping mechanism to access before. Hopefully now you will get the help you need. Shit does happen to everyone but if it happens repeatedly I think you need to think about why

That is quite a run of bad luck, but also moving is stressful so everything will annoy you more at the moment than if you were at a calmer time of your life.
I hope things will get a bit easier.

@Gwenhwyfar

It's just how my life is.
Yesterday evening was a nice example..

Decided we'd have a walk along the local canal. Looking along the route on Google maps I spotted a pub about an hour's walk away. Looked on their website, looked beautiful, little play area for daughter and a cosy inside with a fire and the like.
I haven't been to a pub since 2019 but I thought sod it, I'll spend £5 like a rich person.
With a carefree and eager daughter following behind, off we went.

Within 10 minutes, I got stung by stingers as I stepped out the way of dog walkers... Never mind. On we go.
The path was a bit broken up, I stood on a rock, my ankle rolled, hurt but never mind on we go.
Got to a tunnel, it was dark, didn't see the puddle, now my left foot is wet and my right ankle hurts.. on we go though..

Get to the pub.. finally time for a nice quiet pint, sit outside, in the nice weather, let DD play on the swings...

For the first time in the pubs history, that nights that Wednesday night, was the night they decided to have their first ever karaoke night...

I still had a pint though. Listening to some bloke trying to sing I Will Always Love You..
You know, with a Bristol accent, the Oooooo bits in that song sound like a farmer has trapped his thumb in a machine.

Luckily the walk home was ok really, just got my top caught on a bramble and it tore..

My mum should have called me Calamity.. 😂

Yes this was kind of me, I also believe I would get a diagnosis of ASD had there been a pathway when I was young. They do seem like huge issues. I've spent my whole life counselling myself out of it and I am getting to a place where I can deal with most things now.

I'm 40.

Same here but ADHD not ASD. I'm nearly sixty and just the other day thought oh sod it, why shouldn't I have a go at living without the constant exhaustion and distraction of ADHD. So I booked an appointment for a referral. Don't know if I'll get one but can hope.