“Mum, please tell the truth. Is Santa real?” What do I say!?

[Tweeeezer]

8 year old asked me before bed: “Mum, can I ask you a question? But can you please tell me the truth?”
I replied, “Of course,”
He said. “Is Santa real?”
His younger sibling was in the bottom bunk and listening so I said, “Do you want Santa to be real?” (Avoiding the question).
And he said “Yes, but I don’t think he is.”
His younger sibling started talking about how if Santa sees you, you don’t get any presents so was a bit oblivious (also no idea where he got that story from!).
I said, “Can we talk about this together later? Just you and me?” And looked pointedly at the bottom bunk. He agreed and started talking about Lego.

Do I wait for him to ask again? And, more importantly, I have to tell the truth, right?! But I’m so sad that the magic of Christmas will be gone for him!

This. For a 'bit of fun', as another poster said, it causes a lot of angst and drama.

I've never aimed to get my children to 'believe' at all costs - in fact I'm reasonably clear that it's a nice story. I don't see my children's Christmases being any less 'magical' for all that.

Santa tips over into lying when parents are invested in their children's 'belief'.

My dd still believed up to secondary school and was upset when I told her the truth.

Some kids love to believe in Father Christmas, that doesn't make them thick ffs 🙄

Op if he asks again you can tell him the truth but I'd make it very clear he's not to ruin it for younger children.

8 is about right I think - I would tell him. Our eldest was 10 when he asked the question which I was very surprised about, but he was happy to believe in it so I wasn’t going to spoil it for him. Our other 2 were around 7 or 8, DC1 & 2 were very good at keeping the magic going for their much younger brother which was lovely.

Jesus. Let’s hope you dont have kids with that nasty snipey attitude. Why don’t we just send them all into the coal mines or up to sweep chimneys eh? Or give them a good belt round the ear. That would teach them.

My DC all believed until they were about 10/11.

The eldest asked me when she was about 10 if he was real and I responded “that’s a big question do you really want to know” and she said no, it was not discussed again and she’s an adult now

Of course they all know but they helped keep magic alive for each other and then for younger relatives. It’s actually lovely for them to feel trusted with such a big secret.

I'm sure I've read this exact OP before 🤔

But just in case, if a kid asks you tell them the truth. Simple as that. My DD asked and she knows not to tell DS2 and she feels like she is part of the magic now as she gets to eat the carrots we put out for the reindeer. DS2 is autistic and may take a bit longer to twig.

Baffles me that any reasonably intelligent child would go along with the nonsense without question beyond the age of about five

Adult humans have an almost unlimited capacity for believing the absurd. That a very young loved, secure, happy child wouldn’t believe in an idea underpinned by hope, magic and kindness is actually tragic.

‘The Magic of Christmas’ will not be gone.
Children get excited about traditions, about acting as if Santa is real… my kids knew Santa was a story from when they were about 5 (logic re choice of wrapping paper) but we still do stockings hung in bedroom door knobs now they are 18 +.

Imagination, for kids, is as exciting as reality.

You say ‘okay the truth is he doesn’t exist. It’s just a fun story, it probably originated in St Nicholas etc.’

I never told my kids Santa existed. We’ve always just had Christmas no Santa. We obviously see Santa in films/stories etc but if they ask me if Santa is real I say no mum and dad buy you all your presents. The magic of Christmas is a week off work and plenty of time with the family in my opinion!

Say Santa is within us or something like that. Might be a good time to discuss with him how Christmas can be less about lots and lots of plasticky material gifts and more about experiences and traditions - fun wintry days out, Christmassy treats, songs and films, keeping Santa going for the younger child.

I told mine about St Nicholas who travelled the world giving gifts to children and how there were different names for him and we know of him as santa claus or father christmas.
I said that at christmas time his spirit comes alive in us and that everybody who feels that becomes santa to keep his spirit alive, and that now he knew the true secret of christmas he could share in that spirit.
I also said that part of that was not spoiling it for others and that now he knew the truth he could share that spirit.

That’s lovely!

And how does ANY of that affect you?

It doesn’t. Well, other than gives you something else to spill your bile about on MN… not that you need an excuse as it’s you’re MO now.

Although I do struggle to believe all these 11/12/56 year olds who apparently ‘still believe.’ I mean they’re in secondary school? When I was that age I couldn’t imagine anyone genuinely believing in Santa Claus or the tooth fairy or anything else. I couldn’t imagine my ds11 or any of his friends even half believing.

Why on earth would that sound awful? She asked, you answered, she wasn't bothered because it wasn't a particularly big deal. I don't remember it being a big deal when I found out nor do I expect it to be a big deal when DC ask (6 year old probably will this year I think).

I am baffled by what you think could possibly have sounded awful.

Why pick on me?! I don’t “spill bile” 🙄.

Does it really matter what children of 11 or 12 believe if it’s not impinging on your life whatsoever? Of course not.

About 90% of the threads here don’t matter or affect our lives! Op asked for an opinion on what to do we responded. Weird this is such a touchy subject!

I do think people look back on it and are a tad embarrassed about how much unnecessary faffing about with different paper etc they have done that was probably never noticed and are defensive about it.

It's a rare child who believes beyond the age of 7. When I was teaching that was around the time the word went around the playground. DS1 pretended to believe for longer in case it meant the presents stopped.

My daughter asked at a similar age. I was honest. If you're old enough to ask you're old enough to get an answer.

I did say that while Santa isn't an actual person it's how we make Christmas extra magic for other kids who do believe, so her job is to keep the magic alive for her brother and friends.

Oh give over - utter bafflement and accusations of children being dim witted and simply not being able to imagine why children still believe? Don’t give it a second thought, you’ll feel better for it.

Oh God OP I had that exact question last year from 8 turning 9 DD. This was after a couple of years of deflecting questions, but this time she was persistent and adamant she wanted the truth.

So I told her. It did not go down well. She has now convinced herself Santa is real and I was just trying to upset her by saying he isn’t 😭

I said all the you are part of the magic now stuff… didn’t help!

No advice, just hope your chat goes better than mine!

Nope , you think wrong.

It's so difficult. My ASD son is 11 and still believes in Santa and the tooth fairy. I know I'm going to have to have a conversation with him before he starts secondary in September but I really wish I could hold onto that innocence.