WWYD: dirt poor

[Alicewither]

I’m a single parent to DS3, when I got pregnant I was in a very different situation, before anyone judges. I had a car, I worked full time in a clothes shop and was with ex for 2 years, we rented a 2 bed flat together.

Now - I live in a village, no car as the last one broke and can’t afford a new one, Im studying computing with the open university hoping to become a software developer and I have a remote internship this summer, as well as studying outside of this. DS3 is due to start local primary schools pre school 3 afternoons a week in September as that’s all the space they had, this is fully funded.

Ex hasn’t had contact with DS3 for over 2 years, he walked out when he was 3 months old. Child maintenance is set up as collect and pay directly from benefits / wages but haven’t received a payment in 8 months and CMS are slow for everything. I’m assuming he’s working self employed and not declaring it. I have no family help, my mums terminally ill.

I have no savings, and a lot of debt. I had a new partner when DS was 9
months old that I stayed with for nearly 2 years who became abusive so we had to leave our house, I was also financially abused.

INCOME
£404 UC monthly (deductions for loan + rent arrears)
£21.80 a week child benefit
Rent is fully paid

OUTGOINGS
Gas £40
Electric £80
CT £30
Debt £30
Water £47
Internet £28
Food shop toiletries cleaning etc £250
Phone £10
Travel £40
Toys / clothes - there’s a childrens shop in the town closest to me that’s all completely free, run by a charity, I also buy / sell on Vinted

as you can see my outgoings are larger than my income.

What would you do? Try work full time even though after childcare and expenses you’d have nothing left? I don’t understand how I can get out of this situation. If something breaks in my house, I’m in trouble. I have absolutely no spare money. DS3 Bedroom is empty apart from drawers, bed got damaged in the house move and I can’t afford carpet, so he sleeps in my bed.

Can you call UC debt management and see if you can get the deductions reduced? It will take longer to pay off but might give you a little bit extra to play with each month.

@Pinkandpurplehairedlady some of it is rent arrears from a previous house, and it’s set up by my landlord so I can’t change it. The rest is from a UC budgeting loan, and I’ve only got this months payment and next left on it, and it would be really handy to have the option there that I can get another one if needed, which will be possible when it’s all paid off

Would it be worth looking into a water meter if you don't already have one?
Your internet provider may have a social tariff if you're on UC, or it could be worth ypur while switching if they don't?

www.moneysavingexpert.com/compare-broadband-deals/broadband-social-tariffs/?feature=mseheader

Hi lovely. I'm sorry it's difficult for you right now. I would say go to work - it's your only door to improving your circumstances. I've been where you are and it's a slog but it does right itself.

Join Olio and your local Facebook page. People give away stuff including furniture and toys all the time. You can also ask nicely and request bits that you need. I find people are really generous if you're polite. Wishing you luck.

I feel like I would be happier working and getting some much needed time away from my DS. At the moment, I never get a break. I’m going to look into a water meter. My internet is with virgin media, unfortunately it’s the only one available around here, it’s not even fast at all either

Are you claimimg the social tariff for your water bills? www.ccwater.org.uk/households/help-with-my-bills/

Seconding the freecycle/freegle/olio suggestion.

Re the bed, I saw this the other day - I'm not sure if it's just Leeds based, but I'd think they would be able to signpost you if there's anything local to you if you contact them. zarach.org/

Your food shopping is astronomical for 1 person and a preschooler. I'd focus there.

Your internship should be paying you.

Do you not qualify for a student loan due to your course?

Otherwise you've really got no choice other than finding some work.

This.

Also, have a look at TooGoodToGo. You can search for grocery stores in your area and collect a magic bag for a few pounds, which will generally include ingredients worth considerably more.

I'd also second the suggestion of going back to work. Yes, you might not feel any better off in the short term, but it will open up another world of option's going forwards and, as you say, will give you a break from FT care of your DS.

You say that, but food has risen in price a huge amount just in the last few months, and it includes all toiletries/cleaning products etc.

OP, this might be a totally ridiculous suggestion, but would you be better off as a full time student so you can get student loans? Forgive me if this a a barmy idea as I've not looked into it!

Have you looked at the earn £10 a day long running thread? Lots of posters make money doing surveys etc. is there a local freecycle group?

There’s a charity in Yorkshire that provides beds for children, can you see if there’s one in your area?

Virgin essential is £15/month, average 15Mb speed (if that's not too clunky?)
www.virginmedia.com/help/register-for-essential-broadband

There isn’t much you can cut back on.

I second the Olio app for free food. I have someone near me who works for Tesco and adds food almost every night. You could also try Too Good to Go if you have any shops near you who offer it. They sell their leftovers very cheaply at the end of the day.

A few ideas to help you get by:
Stop eating meat/cut right down on it
Shop in the reduced yellow sticker section
Bulk out your meals with bread - I usually get a big loaf in the yellow sticker reduced bit for 20p and put it in the fridge so it lasts the week
Definitely use Olio and TooGoodToGo - download the apps
See if you can get a part time working from home job, even just a few hours per week would help
Try the paid surveys, etc that you can find on the £10 a day thread on here

By the time I've typed all this out, I bet someone else has posted something similar!

Sounds like you're doing amazing with the university course and internship. Things are shit now but this is only temporary.

Oh I've just remembered, if you join Monzo using my link, you get a free fiver and so do I. It doesn't cost you anything to join. I joined using someone else's link on the £10 a day thread.

Here is the link in case you want it:

join.monzo.com/c/v155frf

I’d go and see Citizens advice and Stepchange and see if they help you negotiate w UC to reduce or ideally freeze your repayments till you finish college and can start work. Same with your previous landlady, she should priority over CMS but they can help you negotiate to freeze or reduce. If you don’t have it you can’t pay it.

They can also direct you to furniture places.

Ask for a food bank referral. Your food shop is possibly higher than it could be - do you have a community larder or supermarket? Generally look at how you could reduce there.

Look for PT virtual PA work, or anything similar you could do from home - but only if it doesn’t impact on your UC or study time.

The most helpful thing you can do for you, your son and society is to get your qualification and get into well paid work asap. Don’t feel bad about needing help now, you will more than pay it back in your lifetime.

Try and move to a town as soon as that’s feasible. Villages only work if you have money.

A mattress on the floor is fine. Just air under it most days. I’d spend the money on a big cheap rug instead.

I think working more is possibly worth it, even if you only are breaking even, as it puts you in a better position for when DS is at school. More experience etc. How long have you been doing your course? I’d you are getting on ok with it then surely you’ll be getting a better paid job soon, so this situation should be short lived?

The trouble with toogoodtogo is a lot of collections are around 9pm and the ops little boy might be in bed then.

Also, can we go through your shopping list and help get that down a bit?

I feel like mentioning cleaning products means you’re buying them way too often. You don’t need a load of kitchen spray, just a bit of diluted fairy in a spray bottle will do worktops as well. Just an example. I might be guessing wrong.

Also, hats off to you @Alicewither .
You sound like you are really trying hard, im sure you'll end up doing well after you finish studying.

Is there a community fridge in your area? We have one in the cafe where I volunteer, no referral needed just take what you need. It would help reduce your food bill.

Can you get in touch with your health visitor and explain you're struggling? They might give you some food vouchers and help with essential furniture. Do the healthy start vouchers still exist? I remember getting them when my child was a baby, I'm not sure if you get them until the child is 1 or 3 or 5 maybe.

Have you applied for/are you already getting council tax reduction (separate from UC)?

Do UC know the rent arrears deduction is for a former debt? I thought they could only take deductions for current rent as it's a priority debt. You'd still have to pay your former landlord of course but perhaps at a lower rate.