WWYD: dirt poor

[Alicewither]

I’m a single parent to DS3, when I got pregnant I was in a very different situation, before anyone judges. I had a car, I worked full time in a clothes shop and was with ex for 2 years, we rented a 2 bed flat together.

Now - I live in a village, no car as the last one broke and can’t afford a new one, Im studying computing with the open university hoping to become a software developer and I have a remote internship this summer, as well as studying outside of this. DS3 is due to start local primary schools pre school 3 afternoons a week in September as that’s all the space they had, this is fully funded.

Ex hasn’t had contact with DS3 for over 2 years, he walked out when he was 3 months old. Child maintenance is set up as collect and pay directly from benefits / wages but haven’t received a payment in 8 months and CMS are slow for everything. I’m assuming he’s working self employed and not declaring it. I have no family help, my mums terminally ill.

I have no savings, and a lot of debt. I had a new partner when DS was 9
months old that I stayed with for nearly 2 years who became abusive so we had to leave our house, I was also financially abused.

INCOME
£404 UC monthly (deductions for loan + rent arrears)
£21.80 a week child benefit
Rent is fully paid

OUTGOINGS
Gas £40
Electric £80
CT £30
Debt £30
Water £47
Internet £28
Food shop toiletries cleaning etc £250
Phone £10
Travel £40
Toys / clothes - there’s a childrens shop in the town closest to me that’s all completely free, run by a charity, I also buy / sell on Vinted

as you can see my outgoings are larger than my income.

What would you do? Try work full time even though after childcare and expenses you’d have nothing left? I don’t understand how I can get out of this situation. If something breaks in my house, I’m in trouble. I have absolutely no spare money. DS3 Bedroom is empty apart from drawers, bed got damaged in the house move and I can’t afford carpet, so he sleeps in my bed.

Sorry for all the posts, I keep thinking of different things that could help.

The Open University have some kind of hardship fund - check the student website

Check Turn2Us for charity grants you can apply for. You can search by postcode: turn2us.org.uk I think that's the web address but if you google it, it will come up straight away

Make sure you apply for the warm homes discount as soon as the applications open, keep checking your energy supplier's website

Who pays your rent? You have 2 beds but only use 1 bedroom could you downsize and free up the rent?
Cut down on electricity and shopping. No more buying from vented.
Toys from freecycle/salvation army/toy library/banks. Try and find work.

You should be entitled to student funding my friend got all her benefits plus money for herself from uni and also rent paid etc

Talk to step change or Christians against poverty about your debt.

I spend about £110 a week on food for 4 people so trying to cut back there although I appreciate it’s difficult without a car.

Not sure why people are saying to go to work- surely the degree is the option to open doors in tbe future. In the mean time, could you do something that pays a small amount (call centre work from home for a few hours per week, for example). It might be tempting to give up the degree and go back to work but in a few years your job prospects and earning potential will be far greater and will help you break the poverty cycle for good. You've worked so hard with your studies, please don't throw it away.

Also if you do go back to work as a single parent you are entitled to childcare costs Or if your child's 3 you get 30 hours free

Are you not receiving any student income?

What is CT on your budget?

Keep studying for the degree, the subject you are studying is the key to improving your life.
Reduce your food and toiletries by £80 to £100 per month.

OP is an Open University student so she'll get the tuition fee loan and that's it. She won't get the maintenance loan because she's classed as a part time student. This also means she won't get the student exemption from paying council tax (but because she's on benefits she'll get some council tax reduction and single person discount because she's in a single adult household)

There’s a Facebook group called Pass It On Kids! Which is for people to request or offer free things, if you post on there someone local might be able to offer a bed frame for your son?
If you have any local Facebook parent groups I’d also join those, you can do an anonymous post in a lot of groups and people may be able to signpost you to local help like community larders etc.

I don’t receive a maintenance Loan as it’s distance learning with the open university
grocery shop (250/4.5) is £55 a week. £10 ish is toilet roll cleaning products shampoo conditioner etc. that leaves £45 for food, including 21 meals (3 a day) I don’t think that’s astronomical. £45 doesn’t get you far. I’ve used the TOTG app before but there’s nowhere within 10 miles to pick up a bag

CT is council tax, I get single person reduction
downsizing is a silly idea. I don’t pay the rent, it’s paid for me and doesn’t affect my income. For the record, my rent is £480 per month.

I can't see you have any other option but to work. Continue to study p/t, how long until you finish the course?

How long until you qualify?

1 year

It's a distance course, she could work and study. Many do just that especially if they can't afford not to.

Anyone know of any charities that could help OP with a bed for her DS?

You can definitely cut down groceries, you don't need shampoo, conditioner, cleaning products every week, we usually buy those once a month.

As pp said, get in touch with the financial hardship services at the University, they should be able to help you or direct you to someone who can.

Best of luck with your degree ❤️

I'm sure you've looked at it, but is there any other childcare available? Even childminders who take the hours? And could you take in ironing or do cleaning during that time? I realise you need to study- but that's an almost free childcare option that isn't being used yet. And it would give you time to do something...

@OompaLoompaa hinestly it’s not the bed that’s the issue, I could probably get one second hand for £30. Mine (king size) was only £70 off wayfair brand new, very basic, but does the job. It’s the carpet that’s the issue, all the spiky stuff is left round the room and under the door, I only moved in a month ago and this is how it was, his room is the only room without flooring. Even if I put my living room rug down in there, it’s dangerous and I’ve caught my feet on it a few times

Go to the food bank for your basics and just buy anything you can't get from there. They are for people on a low income.

£10 a week is huge for toiletries and cleaning products, unless you are including nappies/pull-ups in that? We don’t even spend that much a month.

UC will pay 85% towards childcare if you're working, so you could afford to get a job which will give you a break too. Get in touch with your MP about the CMS - they might be able to push it along

Im genuinely gobsmacked people think £250 a week for all good/cleaning products/toiletries is a lot. It’s around £8 per day for 3 meals for 2 people! Mumsnet baffles me

Get in touch with your health visitor regarding bed and carpet.
I was in a similar situation years ago and my health visitor put me in touch with a local charity that provided carpets fitted and furniture for free.